Designed by Desire

by Pamela Yaye

  “Brianna, I had an incredible time this weekend. I hope we can do it again soon.”

  “Just say the word and I’m there.”

  “Great, I’ll start planning our trip to the Maldives tomorrow!”

  Feeling blissfully happy and content for the first time in months, Brianna snuggled against Collin’s shoulder. “I don’t care where we go, as long as we’re together.”

  Collin stopped walking and clasped his hands possessively around her waist. His gaze was filled with warmth and sincerity, and when he spoke his voice was as soft as the finger he brushed tenderly against her cheek. “Meeting you in Paris was the best thing to ever happen to me,” he confessed, staring deep into her eyes. “You fell into my life like an angel from above, and I’m a stronger, happier man because of you.”

  Her insides turned to mush, and her heart soared with happiness. “I feel the same way, baby. You mean the world to me, and I love you with all my heart.”

  When Brianna felt his body stiffen, she knew she’d revealed too much, but she didn’t regret telling Collin the truth. She felt relieved, as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and she couldn’t contain her smile. “I want a future with you, Collin.”

  His jaw dropped as if unable to believe what he was hearing.

  Hoping to lighten the mood, Brianna spoke in a sultry, haughty tone, one she knew drove Collin wild in and out of the bedroom. “I don’t want to share you with anyone else, Mr. Childs. I want you to be mine, all mine, forever.”

  To her disappointment, Collin didn’t laugh. Instead, he sighed deeply and raked a hand over his hair. “I don’t know what to say.”

  Say you feel the same way. Say you love me. Say you want a future with me, too.

  “You don’t have to say anything,” she lied, forcing a smile. Her doubts and insecurities returned with a vengeance, but Brianna pushed them aside and stared up at the man she loved. “I just wanted you to know how I feel about you.”

  He opened and closed his mouth, then slowly nodded his head.

  They stood in complete silence, not saying a word. After what felt like an eternity, Collin cleared his throat and gestured to the resort. “We should head back. It’s getting late, and tomorrow’s going to be a long day for us.”

  “Are we having dessert in your suite or mine?” Brianna asked, resting her hands on his chest. It was their last night in St. Thomas and the only place she wanted to be was in his bed, cradled in his strong arms. After making love, they’d laugh and talk and all would be right in the world again. She was sure of it. Collin loved her—she could see it in his smile, hear it in his voice and feel it passionately in his kiss—and she refused to let anything come between them. Not even her fears and insecurities.

  “I’ll drop you off back at your suite.”

  “Drop me off?” she repeated, puzzled by his words. “You’re not coming in?”

  Collin kissed her forehead. “I have a lot of work to do, and I’ll probably be up late into the night. I’d hate to disturb you—”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “It’s been a crazy-busy weekend. You need a good night’s sleep.”

  No, I need to be with you.

  Brianna leveled her gaze at him, but Collin averted his eyes. He stared up at the horizon, as if deep in thought.

  And that’s when Brianna knew. Knew that he was lying.

  He didn’t have work to do, or any pressing business to attend to, either. He didn’t want to be with her tonight, and the realization was a painful blow.

  “Our flight isn’t until tomorrow evening, and I know how much you want to spend time with your sister, so I’ll just meet you in the lobby at four o’clock....”

  His voice sounded hollow, and he wouldn’t look at her.

  Sneaking a glance at him, Brianna tried desperately to read the expression on Collin’s face. They were no longer touching, no longer strolling hand in hand, and as they walked through the resort’s sliding-glass doors, Brianna couldn’t help but wonder if this was the end of the road for them.

  Did I blow it? Did my confession freak him out? Is he mad at me?

  Brianna struck down the thought. We’ll be fine, she told herself. I love, Collin, and he loves me, and I’m not going to lose him. But try as she might, she couldn’t shake her feelings of despair or the overwhelming sense of sadness that consumed her at the thought of being without the man she now loved more than life itself.

  Chapter 18

  “Ring, dammit, ring,” Brianna grumbled under her breath, her lips pursed and her eyes glued to her cell phone. The Martini Lounge could have been on fire, with flames shooting out of the rustic-beamed ceilings, and Brianna wouldn’t have noticed, wouldn’t have blinked an eye. The music was loud, the crowd was hip and the atmosphere was lively, but Brianna couldn’t stop thinking about Collin. During the flight back to New York, he’d been quiet and distant, and spent much of his time working in the office at the rear of the plane. Why hasn’t he called? Why is he shutting me out?

  Images of Collin overpowered her mind and she couldn’t escape her thoughts no matter how hard she tried. Sitting with Zoe and Azure in their large corner booth beside the window, Brianna realized she’d rather be at home in bed then at the acclaimed martini bar. She adored her cousin Nelson and was thrilled about his new gig, but she didn’t feel like celebrating the success of his show. Not tonight. Not when she was struggling to keep her emotions together.

  Staring down at her BlackBerry, she willed the stupid thing to ring. Why hasn’t Collin called? Brianna wondered for the hundredth time that day. Doesn’t he know how much I miss him? Doesn’t he know how much he means to me? She longed to hear his voice and his deep, booming chuckle, but Brianna couldn’t bring herself to call him again. Not after their last conversation. Not when Collin acted like he didn’t want her.

  Sighing deeply, Brianna mentally chastised herself for the shocking, heartfelt declaration she’d made on Sunday night as they’d strolled leisurely along the beach. Since returning to New York three days earlier, she’d only heard from him once, and their conversation had been so awkward and tense, every time she thought about it tears sprung to her eyes. How could I have screwed things up this badly? How could I have driven him away? Why didn’t I keep my feelings to himself?

  “Brianna, are you okay? You seem upset.”

  Zoe’s voice was so soft and soothing, Brianna wanted to confide in her about what happened in St. Thomas but doing so was sure to open the floodgates. And her brothers would be there any minute, with Nelson and Harper in tow, and she didn’t want anyone to witness her breakdown.

  “Girl, what’s wrong? You’ve been in a funk all week.” Azure dropped her cell phone inside her snakeskin purse and propped her elbows up on the table. Her eyes were filled with sympathy. “Is everything okay with Collin?”

  Brianna shook her head, deciding to share her feelings. “He’s been distant and withdrawn ever since we returned from St. Thomas, and I don’t know what to do to fix things between us.”

  “Did you guys have an argument or something?” Zoe asked.

  “Not exactly.”

  Azure wore a quizzical look. “Not exactly? What does that mean?”

  “I kinda-sorta told Collin that I loved him.”

  Throwing their arms around her, Azure and Zoe whooped and hollered like a pair of cheerleaders. “That’s awesome!” they praised. “Good for you! Way to go!”

  “Way to go?” Brianna snorted and made a face. “I feel like such a fool. I bared my heart to Collin but he didn’t say a word. He just stood there, staring at me as if I’d grown a third eye in the middle of my forehead.”

  Azure giggled. “That’s a pretty typical response, Brianna.”

  “It is?”

  “Yup. Your cousin did the same thing to me the fir
st time I dropped the L word.”

  Zoe rubbed a hand gently across Brianna’s back. “Is that why you’re sad? Because you think you blew it with Collin?”

  Nodding, Brianna stared down at her long, manicured nails.

  “Is he coming tonight?” Zoe asked.

  “No. I invited him, but he said he has to work.”

  “You think he’s blowing you off, don’t you?”

  “Azure, I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m so confused.”

  “Your confession probably just threw him for a loop. Give it a couple of days, and then try talking to him again.”

  “I don’t think I can.” Hearing the quaver in her voice, Brianna paused to gather her thoughts. “I’m so embarrassed. I wish I’d never told Collin that I love him.”

  “You guys will work things out,” Azure said. “Collin’s a smart guy, and only a fool would ever let a hot tamale like you go.”

  Despite her crummy mood, Brianna laughed. Tired of discussing her troubled relationship, she steered the conversation to a lighter, happier topic. “How are the wedding plans coming along?”

  Having known Zoe for years, it was still hard for Brianna to believe she was engaged to her brother, but Brianna knew if anyone could keep Kyle in check, it would be his fierce rival from back in the day. “Have you guys decided on a venue yet?”

  A smile brightened Zoe’s face. “We’ve narrowed it down to two hotels, and we’re planning to make our final decision by the end of the week.”

  The appetizers arrived, and her girlfriends dug right in as Brianna gazed out of the picture window. The breeze whipped leaves in the air, and traffic crawled around Columbus Circle at a snail’s pace. A man in a black wool coat stood at the curb, talking on his cell phone, and when he glanced up the block, Brianna felt adrenaline rush through her. She chucked her napkin on the table and slid out of the corner booth.

  “Collin’s here,” she said to her friends. “I’ll be right back!”

  Brianna hustled through the dining room and into the lounge. She glanced around the waiting area, anxious to find Collin, but she didn’t see him anywhere. Walking briskly through the restaurant doors and out into the crisp, autumn night, she quickly spotted him at the end of the block. A smile took over Brianna’s face. Unable to contain her happiness, she rushed down the street, calling out his name.

  “Collin, I’m so glad you came!” Brianna threw her hands around his neck and melted when he held her tightly in his arms. It was the only place she wanted to be, and when he brushed his lips against her mouth, she moaned. “Baby, it’s so good to see you.”

  “Not as good as it is to see you.” He spoke with a grin that lit his eyes and warmed his face. “Damn, baby, you look amazing. I love your dress.”

  “Thanks. I bought it with you in mind.” Snuggling up against him, Brianna found herself wishing they were back at her place instead of out in the cold, but as long as she was in Collin’s arms, she was happy. “Let’s go inside. The appetizers just arrived and I’m starving!”

  “Inside?” He frowned. “Inside where?”

  “The party is at the Martini Lounge.” Confused, Brianna gestured to the ritzy cocktail bar with a flick of her hand. “Isn’t that why you’re here?”

  “No, babe, sorry, it’s not. I’m meeting a client at Masa.”

  Brianna masked her disappointment with a smile. “Maybe you can swing by after your meeting. The party hasn’t started yet, and I’d love if you could join us for drinks.”

  “You can bet on it.” He gave her a kiss on the lips and playfully swatted her on the behind. “Now run inside. It’s freezing out here, and I don’t want you to catch a cold.”

  Thrilled that she’d be seeing him again later, Brianna turned toward the Martini Lounge just as a white limousine cruised around Columbus Circle. When it stopped at the curb, directly in front of Collin, Brianna shot a curious glance over her shoulder. The back door flew open and out popped Evangeline, looking every bit a pop star in her fake eyelashes, leopard-print bodysuit and platform heels. Smashing her boobs against Collin’s chest, she kissed him on both cheeks. “I’m sorry I’m late,” she cooed through a provocative pout of her scarlet-red lips. “I couldn’t decide what to wear for our date. You like?”

  Brianna’s eyebrows shot up in her surprise. “Your date?”

  “Yes, our date,” Evangeline snapped. Her neck was draped in diamonds, and when she flung her long dark hair over her shoulders, her jewels made a loud clinking sound. “Why is it that every time I turn around you’re throwing yourself at my man?”

  “Your man!”

  “Yes, my man,” she repeated, curling a hand possessively around Collin’s forearm. “Stay away from him. He belongs to me.”

  “Knock it off, Evangeline.” Collin peeled her fingers off of his arm and adjusted his coat. “We talked about this, remember? We’re friends and nothing more—”

  “That’s not the tune you were singing in Punta de Mita,” she quipped, licking her lips suggestively. “We had such a good time on my birthday, I orgasm just thinking about it.”

  Brianna felt the color drain from her face and her body go numb. A throbbing ache burned inside her chest. Stumbling back on her heels as if she’d been kicked in the stomach, she choked down the sob trapped in her throat.

  This can’t be happening. Collin promised he wouldn’t hurt me. He promised I’d be safe with him, that he’d never betray my trust....

  “Don’t listen to her, Brianna. It’s not what you think.” Collin stepped forward, his hands outstretched, his tone a desperate plea. His body language reeked of deceit, but his expression was contrite, filled with regret and sorrow. “Let’s go somewhere quiet and talk about this....”

  The air was thick, charged with tension and anger, and for a moment all Brianna could do was stare wordlessly at him. She felt a breakdown coming on, as if sadness and grief were about to engulf her, but when Collin reached for her, she pushed him away.

  “Don’t touch me,” she snapped, blinded by the scalding tears that burned her eyes. “Leave me alone!”

  “Baby, please, don’t do this.” He fixed his gaze on her, staring intently as if he was trying to communicate his feelings through his eyes. “At least give me a chance to explain.”

  “To explain what? How you’ve been playing me?” Brianna’s voice cracked. Her body was shaking, and her tears threatened to break free, but she wouldn’t let them. Not in front of Collin and his lover. “You’re a liar and a cheat, and I wish we’d never met.”

  Behind her someone gasped, and that’s when Brianna saw the crowd of wide-eyed spectators gathered around them on the sidewalk. The harsh, frigid wind bit her cheeks and sliced through the flimsy material of her marine-blue dress, but Brianna was so angry that Collin had lied to her, she was sweating.

  “We’re done.” The voice that came out of Brianna’s mouth shocked her. It was cold and menacing, but it conveyed exactly what she was feeling inside—hurt, disappointment and a simmering rage she’d never felt before.

  “Brianna, you don’t mean that.”

  “Yes, I do,” she shot back. “I don’t love you, and I don’t want anything to do with—”

  Feeling a hand on her back, Brianna glanced over her shoulder. Her brothers and cousins stood on either side of her like a human fortress, and when Daniel offered his hand, she collapsed into his open arms.

  “Sis, forget him. He’s not worth it.”

  Sniffling, Brianna nodded and said the only thing she could. “You’re right. He’s not.”

  Lights flashed, blinding her. Spotting Josepha and her crew standing among the crowd, Brianna shielded her face with her hands, dashed inside the taxicab at the curb and dissolved into tears.

  Chapter 19

  Collin sat behind his executive desk in his bri
ght, airy office overlooking Fifth Avenue and stared at his computer screen, mentally berating himself for screwing things up with Brianna. Dropping his head in his hands, he wondered what more he could do to prove to her that he was sorry. Over the past week, he’d sent Brianna cards, flowers, gift baskets and bottles of her favorite wine, but every day passed without a response. Since their blowup in Columbus Circle, he’d called and emailed her dozens of time, but she didn’t return any of his messages. It was as if she’d dropped off the face of the earth. Collin was exhausted, out of ideas and unsure of what to do next.

  Sitting here brooding isn’t helping any, his conscience said. If you want Brianna back, you’re going to have to do something grand, something completely over the top to prove your love.

  Collin released a deep sigh. That morning on his way to work, he’d stopped at Cartier and purchased a chain-link platinum necklace. Shaped like the Eiffel Tower and speckled with diamonds, Collin knew the moment he saw the pendant that Brianna was going to love it. But an hour after the necklace had been delivered to her office by courier, it was sent back to the boutique.

  No, jewelry definitely wasn’t the way to go.

  Desperate, Collin considered calling Bailey in St. Thomas and pleading his case. He gave it serious consideration, and even picked up his phone, but he quickly changed his mind. Brianna wouldn’t like it. Not one bit.

  But he didn’t hang up the phone. If he was going to make things right with the woman he loved, he needed help from her family, and Collin knew just who to call.

  Drumming his fingers anxiously on his desk, he waited impatiently for the receptionist at RHD to connect his call. And when he heard the deep, curt voice on the other end of the line, he sat up straighter in his chair, as if the world-renowned fashion designer could see him.

  “Good morning, Mr. Hamilton. This is Collin Childs of Childs International. How are you?”