Between Love and Lies

by Jacqui Nelson

  The sweet sound tempted him beyond endurance.

  Once again, his fingers stole into her hair, so he could tilt her face up to his. “When you lived on your farm, did you ever long for a husband by your side?”

  Her wide eyes suggested his question had astonished her as much as him. What the hell was he doing? The answer came to him in a heartbeat. He was trying to propose to the woman he’d traveled thousands of miles to see again. A woman he now couldn’t leave.

  He may have held her face in his hands, but she held his heart in hers.

  A fierce desire to know everything about her gripped him. He slid his thumb down the side of her nose and along her cheek, removing the dust so he could reveal the extent of her imperfect but utterly compelling beauty. He pressed a kiss to the last freckle hiding below the corner of her eye. Eyes once again concealed by the fall of her lashes.

  “A husband can be gentle with his wife.” He concentrated on keeping his voice low and soothing. “Trust me on that account, Sadie.”

  Every sinew and muscle under his hands and lips went rigid. He stiffened as well, waiting for her to tell him to go to hell.

  “A husband, I suspect, isn’t so different from a madam.” Her breath warmed his cheek in soft breathless puffs while her words sent an icy shiver down his spine. “He owns his wife. He’d be loath to damage his property. But he would if she didn’t…tell him exactly what he wanted.”

  The chill settled into his bones. Who knew hell could be so cold?

  “You’re no one’s property.” Despite his words his grip on her tightened. He was no better than every other man in Dodge, certainly no better than Madam Garrett. He released Sadie and took a step back. “I can wait for what I want…and for you to want the same.” Or at least he hoped he could.

  “You can’t want me,” she said in a strained voice. “You don’t want to contract syphilis.”

  “You’re not contagious. The doctor told me.”

  “He told you—” She gaped at him as if she confronted the devil. “Does Gertie know?”

  “Of course not. Your secret’s safe with us.”

  “Us?”

  “Me and the doctor.”

  “He’s lying. Whatever he said about Edward—” She sealed her lips and wrapped her arms around her waist.

  “You don’t have to carry this burden alone. If Edward hurt you, forced you to—” He struggled to draw breath, dreading what he might hear but knowing one certainty. “It won’t change how I feel about you. Trust me.”

  She shook her head so vigorously her hair escaped its last pin and covered her shoulders. “I can’t trust anyone. And I can no longer stay in Dodge.” She spun toward her bedroom door.

  With his palms raised, he moved to block her. “I’m all for leaving, but where will you go? You haven’t thought this through.” Why hadn’t he thought this through?

  “I planned for this eventuality, but not for you. How fitting that you, the one who forced me from my farm, would force me from Dodge and my debt.”

  “You mean your father’s debt. It’s not yours.”

  She raised a shaking hand to her pale brow.

  Every muscle in his body tightened with concern. “You might not be contagious, but you’re still sick. You don’t want to run off and be alone if your condition progresses to the next stage.”

  Her hand fell to her side. “My condition? I thought the doctor told you—”

  This time he scooped her up into his arms before she even came close to hitting the floor. “Your secret’s safe with me,” he repeated as he cradled her against his racing heart. “So are you. I promise.”

  “Promises….they can so easily turn into lies when we cannot kept them. Sooner or later, you’ll have to—” She hid her face against his chest. The tension in her slender frame felt like iron. “Go back to Texas.” Her voice may’ve been muffled but it held conviction.

  She finally believed in something. His departure. Even worse, she sounded like she wanted him gone. But what if that was now the answer to getting her out of Dodge?

  “I’ll leave town the minute you do.” He couldn’t agree that he’d head home. Not without her. He couldn’t lie about that…but was a lie of omission any better?

  She went motionless in his arms as if she sensed the turmoil in him, as if she suspected he wasn’t being completely honest.

  His footsteps dragged as he crossed to her bed. His arms were also sluggish to obey as he told himself to place her on the mattress and release her. He spun to face the door. He wouldn’t burden her with his weakness, the fierce longing that must burn in his eyes.

  “Don’t go.” Her softly spoken words made hope leap in his chest. “You promised.”

  “And I’ll keep my promise. I’ll keep you safe.”

  “You promised to kiss me when we were alone.”

  Sweet Jesus. How was he supposed to be gentle when she fired his desire using only a handful of words? “Sadie, you just collapsed. You need to rest. I’d be taking advantage of you if I—”

  “I know it’s a lie, but I want you to kiss me as if we were married, as if we were in love.”

  Love was damned complicated.

  She released a resigned sigh. “I knew your promises held no more weight than a feather in the wind.”

  He’d be damned if he’d walk out of this room with those words reverberating in both their heads.

  Kneeling beside her bed, he gathered her in his arms and kissed her. With his lust pounding through his veins, he wasn’t surprised when her body remained rigid, and her lips sealed. He’d broken his promise to show her tenderness.

  Cursing himself for a ham-fisted lout, he drew back only to have her lips part with a gasp.

  The disappointment in the sound made his heart ache. He apologized with a kiss so soft it might have been the feather in the wind she’d mentioned. Her arms wound around his neck as easily as her hair had curled around his finger earlier, and her lips opened like the petals of a spring flower.

  He drank her in one sip at a time, deepening the kiss gradually, pausing often to receive her response. Every time she replied with a kiss to match the one he’d given. She was a damned quick study. He went from a beggar lost in the badlands to a man receiving a king’s feast. He couldn’t get enough of her.

  He pulled back, shaking as much as the woman in his arms. His body demanded one thing, but his thoughts were chaotic. Sadie’s kisses were like fire, but they were also innocent.

  No denying the truth. He’d never be her first bed partner, but he was her first kiss.

  Did he have the patience to entice her kiss by kiss, instead of dollar by dollar, to stay in his arms, to forget all of the men in her past and wish for a future with only him?

  CHAPTER 9

  Noah stared over his coffee mug at the lawman sitting on the other side of the jailhouse desk. For the last hour, Bat had been sneaking surreptitious glances at him. It wouldn’t be long before the marshal’s curious nature got the best of him. Then he’d start asking questions.

  Questions for which Noah had no solid answers.

  He’d endured a long and sleepless night since he’d paid Cora to leave him and Sadie alone, since he’d forced himself to leave Sadie alone to recuperate from her collapse. He wasn’t sure he could endure Bat’s questioning without confessing he might not have the strength to win both Sadie’s trust and her love.

  He shouldn’t have kissed her, because he now craved a helluva lot more. But Sadie had asked. She wanted to be in love. Gertie hadn’t destroyed that longing.

  He had a chance. But he was now a man whose patience had worn thin, his frustration ready to be unleashed on the first unlucky soul who rubbed him the wrong way. Not a good state for a deputy, charged with being fair and orderly…or for someone with a notoriously inquisitive boss.

  He needed to regain control, to breathe. He couldn’t do that under Dodge’s oppressiveness.

  Bat regarded him openly now, not bothering to hide his interest. T
he look brought Noah out of his chair.

  “Thanks for the coffee and the day off work.” He set his mug on the desk and headed for the door. “Need to take care of a few things, so I’ll see you tomorrow.” Despite warning himself not to look back, he glanced over his shoulder to gauge the marshal’s reaction.

  Bat’s face crinkled with laugh lines. “Goin’ anywhere special, Deputy?”

  Noah retrieved his hat from a peg by the door. “Thought I’d get out of town for a while.” He had a task in mind that would keep him occupied and hopefully take his mind off Sadie.

  “Is that so?” When Noah made no reply, Bat rose and joined him by the door. “Well, I’ll ride with you for a bit. Could do with some fresh air.”

  Noah bit back a curse. “Don’t want to trouble you. Plus I have to make a stop before I head out.”

  Bat raised an eyebrow. “At the Star?”

  “At Zimmerman’s.”

  Bat’s eyebrow rose even further. “Zimmerman’s Hardware Store?”

  Noah nodded reluctantly.

  “You picking up tools or lumber?”

  “Both.”

  “Well, I’d better come with you.”

  Noah gave him his best look of disapproval. “That’s not necessary.”

  The marshal grinned. “Believe me, it is. I know ol’ Zimmerman. He’ll swindle you if I’m not there.” Folding his arms, the marshal showed no sign of going back to his chair. “Zimmerman owes me. With me along, we can borrow his tools for no charge. How can you refuse such an opportunity?”

  “It seems I can’t.” Slamming his hat on his head, he stepped outside and down onto Front Street.

  Bat followed him. “So, why do you need lumber?”

  Noah stopped to let a wagon roll by. When his gaze jumped to the Star with the hope of seeing Sadie, he realized it wasn’t the wagon that had brought him to a halt. He turned in the opposite direction and continued toward the hardware store.

  Bat didn’t comment on his odd behavior but instead said in a casual tone, “Heard you bought some property.”

  Surprise loosened his tongue. “Where’d you hear that?”

  “At the bank.”

  He grunted in exasperation. “Is there anything in this town you don’t know?”

  “Didn’t know you’d planned on staying in Kansas.”

  “I’m not.”

  “So, why you buying lumber?”

  “To build a house,” Noah mumbled, quickening his pace.

  “And where you figuring on building this house?”

  “On the land I bought, which, if you’ve been to the bank, you know is the old Sullivan farm.”

  Bat released a low whistle. “Let me get this right. You bought land. Yer building a house. But you still ain’t planning on staying in Kansas?”

  “That’s right.”

  “Who’s the house for then?”

  Noah bounded up the steps of the hardware store and went inside. The soothing scent of fresh cut wood infused the small space, while the rasp of a handsaw drifted through the back door. The store was empty except for its owner, who stood behind a polished hickory counter. Zimmerman was a stumpy man with slicked-down hair. His welcoming smile displayed a surprisingly fine set of teeth.

  “Morning, Marshal Masterson. Morning, Deputy Ballantyne,” Zimmerman said, dipping his head toward each of them in turn. “To what do I owe this honor?”

  “The deputy wants to purchase some lumber.” Bat propped an elbow on the counter and regarded Noah. “You know, building a house for a lady could be considered courting behavior.”

  Noah gritted his teeth and said nothing. Zimmerman’s smile faded as his gaze darted between him and Bat. Noah bit back his groan. This was exactly the type of situation he’d hoped to avoid by getting out of town.

  He turned to Bat. “You know if this town didn’t desperately need you, I’d—”

  “Mr. Zimmerman,” Bat interrupted. “How much lumber do you have?”

  Zimmerman pulled a pencil from behind his ear and a notepad from his apron pocket. “How much do you need?”

  “That’s a good question. How many people will be living in this house, Deputy?”

  Noah glared at him.

  “You should add a fence.” The marshal looped his thumbs in his belt and rocked on his heels. “I can see it now—a white picket fence around a flower garden ’n a farmhouse with a porch holding two rocking chairs.”

  Noah drummed his fingers on the counter and counted to ten.

  With every second that past, Zimmerman’s eyebrows rose higher with anticipation. “Is that right? You need lumber for a house and a fence?”

  He wanted to give Sadie a home to replace the one his herd had destroyed. A sturdy one that would make her feel warm and safe, and entice her away from the Star. A fence might help.

  “Yes,” he replied, resigned that Bat would be privy to more details about his plan. “Give me sufficient to build a strong enclosure, one that’ll keep out the cattle drovers and their herds.”

  “Sounds practical,” Bat commented.

  Noah ignored him and addressed Zimmerman. “Can you arrange all this?”

  The shop owner scribbled a few notes. “Of course. Only hitch is the delivery. I’m short-handed right now. Got no one to load the wood. So I can’t get your order to you until the end of the week.”

  “If you’ve got a wagon, I’ll load and deliver the lumber myself,” Noah said, impatient to embark on the physical labor and rein in his yearning for Sadie. “I can bring the wagon back tonight,” he added.

  Zimmerman looked aggrieved. “I’m sorry, but I need the wagon this afternoon.”

  “What if I assist the deputy ’n return the wagon before noon?” Bat asked.

  “That would work perfectly!”

  Noah was sure it was far from perfect, but he kept his opinion to himself.

  “If you’ll come this way, gentlemen.” Zimmerman gestured toward the back door. “I’ll show you where the wagon is kept.”

  Noah and Bat made swift work of loading the supplies. Then Noah collected Pepper and tethered his faithful gray to the tailgate, so he didn’t have to walk back into town.

  “Beautiful mornin’ for an outing, ain’t it, Deputy?” Bat drawled as they cleared the last row of buildings marking the southern perimeter of town.

  Noah grunted and flicked the reins over the backs of Zimmerman’s horses. The pair of matching sorrels ignored him, plodding along at their own pace.

  Bat stretched out his legs until his heels rested on the footboard. Then he leaned back, looking like he didn’t have a care in the world. “Told you it’d be wise for me to come along.”

  Noah snorted. “Funny how Zimmerman didn’t try to ‘swindle’ me.”

  “That’s ’cause I was standing right next to you.”

  Noah debated spooking the horses into a gallop and accidentally shoving Bat out of his seat. But when a rabbit darted across their path, the team didn’t even raise their heads. The nag on the left hadn’t twitched an ear since they’d set out.

  “You ever gonna share the truth of why yer in such a hurry to start a-cuttin’ ’n a-sawin’ on yer mysterious project?”

  “I’m in a hurry to get away from Dodge for a while.”

  “I’m sure you are. Dodge, and the folks in it, can be mighty vexing at times.”

  “So can you.”

  The marshal laughed. “Well, I hope you know what yer doing.”

  “I know how to build a house,” Noah replied, exasperated.

  “I’ve no doubt you can handle the house.” Bat’s expression turned serious, and more than a little troubled. “Miss Sullivan’s a whole different matter.”

  * * *

  The creak of the Star’s swinging half-doors combined with the tread of booted feet and the jingle of spurs brought Sadie’s head around like a compass needle seeking north. Her spine sagged, along with her spirits, when a freshly shaven cowboy dressed in starched clothes strutted across the threshold.
He surveyed the saloon with the curious eyes of a newcomer. An eager grin parted his lips and he headed for the bar, where Cora and several other girls stood smiling coyly at him.

  Another cattle drive had arrived in Dodge, bringing enthusiastic guests and their money to the Star.

  Sadie turned back to her cards. She was not looking for him—that amber-eyed, mahogany-haired Texan with his earnest promises and decadent kisses. His interest and affection had vanished, along with him.

  She should be thankful. He was a distraction she could ill afford. His disappearance was a blessing.

  Straightening her spine, she fought the heaviness that kept descending on her shoulders. One night and two whole days had gone by without a glimpse of him. Every shadow in the Star grew increasingly ominous without his presence or the prospect of his return.

  Unable to stop herself, she sought him again. She sucked in a ragged breath when she found Wardell sitting across the saloon, observing her. Though his jawline lacked strength, his gaze did not. He smiled and tilted his head in acknowledgment. His attention always caused her stomach to clench with unease. Tonight was no different.

  She tried to conceal her reaction by once again staring at the deck of cards in her hands.

  Despite their many differences, Wardell and Noah had one thing in common. They could derail her plans and hopes. She’d be damned if she gained her freedom from Gertie, only to lose it to Noah or Wardell or any man.

  “Concentrate,” she muttered under her breath. Concentrate… Find Edward’s watch and jewelry box. Use them to get far away from Gertie. Go to…

  After Chicago, where should she go?

  Back to Virginia and a string of towns she didn’t care to remember? Or to the endless unknown on the edge of the country in a metropolis like New York where she’d be hemmed in by thousands? The idea of living in either location was disheartening. She’d grown used to the West’s wide-open spaces, to the idea of independence, if not yet its reality.

  Where then?

  Think—there has to be someplace. Go to…to…Texas.

  Texas? Why had that destination come into her mind? She’d never been to Texas. She knew nothing about the place. Her only experience with Texas was the drovers who came north with the cattle drives. Surrounded by laughing men and chattering women, she struggled to stop the avalanche of longing that ripped through her.