Between Love and Lies

by Jacqui Nelson

  She couldn’t let him.

  For months— No, for an entire year, she’d pretended to be a woman of experience. She’d done what the men of Dodge, and women like Gertie and Cora, had expected. She’d said what they wanted to hear, shown them what they wanted to see. The willingness to act on what she’d learned while playing her role had seen her through every challenge.

  She’d done it all alone. By her own hand. Wasn’t that the definition of strength?

  Or was it another lie? She’d never been alone. Nor did she want to be, she realized. Not when the world held someone like Noah.

  Using every technique he’d taught her, she kissed him. Then she improvised several new ways. Instinct filled in the blanks.

  His breathing, racing along with hers, gave her courage.

  She made her mouth as persuasive as she could. He did the same. Her lips, her skin, the ache building inside her, craved his touch. She could almost forget this was another act of insane desperation. With so many lies between them, she couldn’t hold him forever. But she could have this one moment.

  His hands traveled up to grasp her waist. The stroke of his work-roughened palms over her skin left her shaking. She grabbed one of his wrists to steady herself.

  With his mouth hovering over hers, he froze again. Did he believe she meant to push him away?

  She lifted his palm to her breast.

  He groaned his pleasure against her cheek, down her neck and lower. How could such a simple sound enthrall her so completely? And his kisses as well? They fell like summer rain, soft and sweet on her skin. Then his tongue joined the dance.

  A spark of sinful yearning made her arch toward him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let her head fall back. Sure in the belief he held her safe, she gave herself up to him, to the fire he so deftly coaxed to life inside her.

  His fingers skimmed down to where the heat flamed the hottest. He lifted his head and watched her with an intensity that made her heart race. His eyes never left hers as he stoked her desire until she blazed with need.

  “Noah.” His name slipped from her lips in a ragged voice she didn’t recognize as her own.

  “Are you asking me to stop?” His question shot out with the force of a growl, but his touch remained gentle.

  “I need—” she struggled for air, for words, “—to be closer to you.”

  Despite her reply, he drew back. She gasped with disappointment, then surprise when he flipped her sideways to lie on the bed. A second later, he’d shucked his trousers and hovered over her on his elbows.

  With patience at odds with his labored breathing, he pressed the hard length of his desire against her. “In a second, we’ll be as close as a man and woman can get. Is that what you want?”

  “Yes.” She wrapped her arms and legs around him. “No more questions. No holding back.”

  He complied. The resulting pleasure was intoxicating.

  A rumble of satisfaction escaped his lips...until an unbearable tightness halted his advance. His gaze widened and his palm rose to her cheek. He stopped short of touching her, as if he were afraid.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  He shook his head. “This can’t be your first time.”

  “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

  “It isn’t. Just unexpected.” He swore, fast and low. “Utterly unexpected. I thought you and Edward—”

  “I know. It’s what I wanted you to think. I needed you to keep your distance.”

  “And now you don’t?” The weight of body against her, and inside her, was nothing compared to that of his scrutiny.

  She tried not to squirm. She couldn’t stop her huff of frustration. “Now I can’t seem bring you close enough.” She stared at his hand that remained out of reach.

  Finally he cupped her cheek with a strength and tenderness that was uniquely Noah. With a sigh, she leaned into his touch.

  “Sadie, why are you doing this with…me?”

  Hadn’t she done this to escape his questions? And now she lay under him with her body and her soul open to him. She searched for a lie, and ended up with only the truth. Because I want a lifetime with you, but I might only have this moment.

  “You’re hiding from me again. Why?”

  “Because you ask too many questions. When all I want is—” she tried to move beneath him and couldn’t, “—something I cannot reach.”

  Noah’s released a low groan. “I’m going to hurt you.”

  “You won’t. You’ve had a hundred chances to harm me since you returned to Dodge. You never have.”

  “This is different. Out of my control.” He thrust into her with a need that wouldn’t be denied.

  She stiffened as pain intermingled with pleasure.

  His muscles bunched whipcord tight in response. “You’ve every right to tell me to go to hell, but will you give me one chance to show you what you desired a second ago?”

  Whatever she’d craved, it still coiled deep inside her. Before she could speak, he drew back.

  She caught him before he left her fully. “Show me.”

  His hand moved between them, stroking her, distracting her, until he once again rested deep inside her without any pain at all, with a pleasure that curled her toes and her lips.

  “When I found you in the Star, I feared I’d wounded you so gravely, I’d never see you smile.” He scanned her face as he moved inside her with a rhythm she instinctively matched. His lips parted on a gasp that intermingled with hers. The grin he gave her made hers grow. “I love making you smile.”

  Love. The word, sudden and unexpected, made her flinch. His happiness vanished in a blink, replaced by his familiar look of concern.

  “Keep making love to me,” she urged. “Keep making me smile.”

  He obeyed, moving faster and faster until her desire and her happiness became one.

  She’d wanted to be closer to him, but nothing could have prepared her for the intimacy of him inside her, making her part of him. She rose to meet him, chasing waves of desire, until they formed a single crest that propelled her over the edge into bliss.

  He came into her one last time. Hard and fast. Then he collapsed, whispering her name. The only sound that followed was their ragged breathing. Entwined. Like their bodies. She didn’t move. She wanted to stay like this forever.

  But with every heartbeat, the world beyond Noah’s embrace, and the walls of her temporary sanctuary, wormed its way back into her thoughts.

  She couldn’t stay with him. Not with John coming for her. Not with Gertie and Cora willing to commit murder. One could only lie to one’s self for so long. Clinging to Noah’s strength and goodness, even for a minute longer, was selfish.

  She surveyed the chaos around them, seeking the least cluttered path for her departure. A fine mess she’d created. At least she hadn’t opened every trunk.

  Disbelief settled like a stone on her chest. She’d gotten it wrong. All wrong. She couldn’t leave the jail. She had to make Noah leave. Again. This time far enough for her to search—she counted the closed lids—four trunks.

  The weight on her chest centered on her heart. Relentless. Her stolen moment of happiness with Noah was over.

  He must’ve felt the change in her, because he rolled them both so they lay on their sides, facing each other. He gave her a lopsided grin. “Sorry. I must’ve been heavy.”

  “You weren’t, at least not in an uncomfortable way. What I’m trying to say is I’m—” She clenched her teeth as a shiver of regret rocked her.

  His smile vanished. “You’re cold? Next time tell me sooner. You can’t afford to become ill again.” He retrieved the fallen sheet and tucked it around her with hands so gentle it made what she must do next all the more difficult.

  It was time to lie again. “I’m never going to be able to tell you what you want to hear.” Her fingers knotted in the sheet. “So you might as well let me go.”

  His eyelids shuttered, hiding his expression as he bowed his head u
ntil his forehead touched hers. “Without a word you’ve told me far more than I could’ve ever hoped for. Your body can’t lie. Not when we’re this close.”

  The certainty, and reverence, in his voice made her stiffen. What more had he guessed? That she loved him to the point of distraction, to the edge of madness?

  Above the sheet, his fingers traced her collarbone. “Every inch of your skin continues speaking to me, whispering secrets. I’m sorry for assuming—” his voice lowered, rumbling deep inside him with restrained emotion, “—the worst. And grateful to be proven wrong. And humbled that you gifted me with this particular truth.”

  She shoved away from him, breaking the fragile bond he’d spun between them. She would not tie his life to hers, and destroy him in the process.

  The loss his touch, and soon his affection, made her throat tight with unshed tears. “I can’t stay here.” Despite her words, she remained sitting beside him on the bed. Her departure hinged on him leaving first, but she had no idea how to make him go. She hugged her knees to her chest. “John will arrive soon.”

  In one swift movement, Noah sat up to form a formidable wall between her and the door. “I won’t let him take you back to the Star.”

  She couldn’t allow herself to be deterred by his strength or his determination. “What if John hurts you and takes me back anyway?”

  The bed shifted, and the comforting heat of Noah’s body moved closer. “I’d come after you. There’d be hell to pay.”

  He’d be the one to pay. Weighted with defeat, her chin dropped to rest on her knees. “I refuse to gamble with your life.”

  “But you’ll wager yours? Repeatedly?”

  She shrugged. “Right now, it’s the only card I’m willing to play.”

  A long silence elapsed before Noah asked, “What about Marshal Masterson?”

  “What about him?”

  “He’ll help.” Conviction rang in his voice.

  She snorted. “Deger, the lawman in charge while Masterson was occupied elsewhere, didn’t help.”

  “Bat’s different. If he’d been in town when you went from frying pan to fire, things would’ve been different.”

  Masterson also wasn’t here in this jailhouse. Recent talk said if he couldn’t be found at the jail, the next place to go was the Dodge House Hotel…across the street. She swung her legs over the side of the bed. The cold floor on the soles of her feet stopped her from moving any further.

  You can’t leave, she reminded herself. Not yet.

  But if Noah departed to fetch Masterson, she might have time to finish her search. With four trunks remaining, she didn’t need long. She stole a peek at him from the corner of her eye.

  Once again his scrutiny had shifted from her to the room. “Bat could prove helpful in many ways. He might shed light on what you’re trying to find. This is his jail after all.”

  Her stomach knotted. Masterson would’ve heard about Edward’s missing possessions, but he’d also protect his deputy. Securing Noah’s safety was what mattered most.

  Trying not to sound too eager, she chose her next words carefully. “Are you expecting him soon?”

  His jaw went rigid as he shook his head.

  “Then odds are John will arrive before the marshal does.”

  “Not if we move fast.” He did just that. He dressed in a flurry, but when he knelt beside her with her shift and her dress in his hands, his movements slowed. “I need to know you’ll be here when I return.” He released a sigh of resignation. “I’m sorry.”

  Alarm skittered up her spine. “For what?”

  His grip on her clothing tightened as if he doubted the wisdom of returning them to her and for what came afterward. “As soon as you’re dressed, I’m going to have to lock you in a cell.”

  * * *

  Coldhearted bastard. That’s what Sadie’s wide-eyed expression told him. It’s what his conscience said as well. Loudly. Only the cruelest of men incarcerated a woman minutes after bedding her. Once again, he scoured his brain for an alternative. And found none.

  He dropped her clothing on her lap and stood. “I can’t take you with me. Not when you’re already in the safest place in town. A locked jailhouse will keep John and Madam Garrett out, but it won’t keep you in. Only a cell will.”

  One of her hands rose to fidget with her hair. Her unfettered red mane, without a single pin to tame it, made his fingers itch to caress the silky locks as well.

  Under his continued scrutiny, her eyes flared even wider. Then her hand fell to her lap where it joined the other one clutching her dress and shift. Her gaze dropped as well. Then promptly shot up again to clash with his.

  No wonder. He was hovering over her like a wolf ready to pounce. He fought the urge to lay his hands on her. Not to drag her into a cell but to entice her to lie down on his bed again. With him. For a second round of lovemaking.

  Only her second time ever. That truth kept him reeling. His farm girl turned strumpet had been a virgin until she’d kissed him with an ardor that had finally brought them together, body and soul.

  He couldn’t imagine his life without her. He wasn’t letting her go.

  But he shouldn’t be thinking about bedding her again so soon. Not when she must be tender from their first encounter. And not with so many lies still between them. Beneath her guarded expression, he saw her usual determination…and a flash of impatience. She was chomping at the bit to head down a new path while he mooned over her without a plan in sight.

  “Could I have some privacy to dress?” Her chin rose to an obstinate angle, warning him she’d begun her campaign.

  Flummoxed as to what it might be, he’d nevertheless honor her request, to a degree. He moved to stand in the doorway with his back to her.

  “You’ve got to the count of thirty. When I turn around, your dress had better be on and you’d better be ready to go in a cell, or—” He bit back his groan. Or what? He doubted he had the willpower to drag her anywhere. Or carry her wrapped only in a sheet for that matter. But if he didn’t—

  The whisper of the sheet falling made him tense with longing. She was naked, barely two strides away. He gritted his teeth and started counting. He dreaded reaching thirty and having to lock her up. The possibility of John arriving before he could retrieve Bat, drove him to finish.

  “Ready?” he called over his shoulder.

  “As I’ll ever be. You can turn around.”

  When he did, she stood fully clothed, trying to smooth her hair into some semblance of order. She swiped her palms down her skirt, attacking the wrinkles next. “Shouldn’t you be fetching the key to my prison? Or have you changed your mind?”

  With a heavy heart, he headed for the brass key ring hanging on a nail in the other room. Her footsteps followed him, neither rushed nor hesitant. Had she come to the same inevitable conclusion as him?

  The sooner he put her in a cell; the sooner he could take her out.

  Now he was lying to himself. Despite her acceptance of the current situation, he knew he was in for a fight. Sooner rather than later.

  On the other side of the door leading onto Front Street, muffled footsteps approached. Growing louder. Faster. They pounded up the jailhouse steps. Was it John?

  His heart missed a beat, failing him for an instant. His gun hand didn’t.

  Sadie latched onto the back of his shirt at the same time as he leveled his revolver at the door. Neither of them moved after that. The tension on his shirt told him she wasn’t going to let him rush whoever was outside.

  In the following silence, the doorknob rattled. It didn’t open. Their visitor wasn’t getting in without a— Something scraped the lock. Hellfire and brimstone. He cocked his revolver and prepared to press the trigger.

  Bat burst in. He skidded to a halt with his hands raised. One of them held a ring of keys similar to the one hanging on the wall. Noah’s own hands shook with relief as he lowered his weapon.

  The marshal’s gaze followed his gun down and then lower, to the
swathe of blue gingham that’d be plainly visible behind Noah. Despite laboring to catch his breath, Bat’s curse rivaled anything he’d heard.

  He holstered his weapon. “I was coming to find you. We need your help.”

  “Miss Sullivan shouldn’t be here.”

  Sadie stepped around Noah, angling for the door. “I’d be happy to leave.”

  “No.” Bat barked the word at the same time as Noah.

  The marshal slammed shut the door and moved to look out the window. “You’re a bigger pair of fools that I could’ve imagined. Why is she here?”

  “She came looking for something she promised Edward she’d find. Do you know what that might be?”

  Bat continued staring out the window. “I ain’t inclined to hazard a guess right now.”

  “What the hell does that mean?” He rubbed the back of his neck, struggling to ease the frustration building inside him again. “Are you saying you don’t know?”

  “I’m saying you need time to cool off. Remember where you went last time to do that?”

  Bat wanted him to go to Sadie’s farm, to leave— “I’m not abandoning her.”

  “Well you can’t take her with you, or stay with her in this jail. Not without making things worse.” Bat spun to face them again. “If you had a secure place for her to hole up in, then things might be different.”

  Damn. Bat was right. If he’d finished the roof on Sadie’s house, he could’ve hidden her there.

  Sadie hadn’t lifted a foot or a finger since they’d both rejected her offer to leave. But her gaze jumped between them, following their conversation, watching them like a rabbit waiting for something, or someone, to swoop down and swallow her whole.

  He wanted to assure her she was safe. Even if he stayed by her side, that’d be a lie. They needed Bat’s assistance, but his entire body rebelled against Bat’s suggestion for helping her. “You go, and I’ll stay and—”

  “Shoot someone?” Bat hissed. “Or get yourself shot? Right now, you can help the most by being elsewhere. I’ll keep her safe. You have my word.”

  Sadie’s gaze swung back to his, and held. The truth he saw in her eyes deprived him of speech. She wasn’t afraid. She was confused and very determined to change that. Maybe he needed to change as well.