A Bride for Donnigan

by Janette Oke

  Seeing the pain in his eyes, Kathleen wished she hadn’t asked.

  A rider pounded into the farmyard, a young boy from town. Kathleen and Donnigan were both surprised. Rarely did they have company and never anyone who came so obviously on a mission. Donnigan met him at the door.

  “Is Mrs. Harrison in?” he asked, sounding out of breath.

  Kathleen moved to the door, her eyes wide with concern. The young lad reached up to remove his cap.

  “I’ve a note for you, ma’am—from Mr. Stein,” the boy said, and handed Kathleen an envelope.

  Kathleen’s hand began to tremble. Whatever would Lucas have to say to her that would require courier service—and at such speed, she wondered.

  By the time she had crossed to a kitchen chair and torn open the envelope, Donnigan was shutting the door. The boy was gone.

  Donnigan came to stand beside her and she held the note so he could read over her shoulder.

  “Dear Mrs. Harrison,” the note began.

  “Please excuse my liberty in calling on you, but Erma is asking for you to come. She fears she is losing the baby.

  “Lucas Stein.”

  “Oh no,” sobbed Kathleen, her eyes wide with the tragedy of it.

  “I’ll get the team.”

  “Wouldn’t it be faster to ride?” asked Kathleen, already going toward the bedroom to change into warmer clothing.

  He hesitated for only a moment, then nodded. “I’ll get the horses,” he said and reached for his Stetson.

  Kathleen quickly changed her dress for one more appropriate for riding. She pinned her hair tightly and secured her bonnet. Then she reached for a warm sweater. A shawl simply would not do for riding Shee at a gallop.

  Even as she hurried, her mind was in a spin. Erma might lose her baby. She would be crushed. But what could she, Kathleen, do about it? She was not a doctor. Kathleen inwardly pleaded with a God she hoped might listen that the baby and Erma would be okay.

  By the time Kathleen closed the door behind her, Donnigan was bringing the horses toward the house. He helped Kathleen up into her saddle and then mounted Black. Both horses had been lacking in exercise and wanted to run.

  “Hold her in check,” Donnigan couldn’t help but caution. “She hasn’t been ridden for a while.”

  Kathleen nodded. But it was hard. Not only did the mare wish to run, but Kathleen wished that she could let her. It was Donnigan who kept them under control.

  By the time they reached the hotel it was all over. Erma had lost the baby. Kathleen found her sobbing uncontrollably. Lucas paced the floor beside the bed. Truly this was one event totally out of his control.

  A doctor had been called from Raeford, but he had not arrived until it was too late. He did give Erma something to make her sleep and gently eased Kathleen from the room as soon as Erma’s eyes became heavy.

  “She needs her rest,” he whispered. “That is all that we can do for her now.”

  Kathleen felt sick inside. It was so hard for Erma to lose the child—to pack away all her hopes and dreams along with the little garments in the chest at the end of the bed.

  Kathleen longed to reach out with help for her friend. What could she say? What could she do? The ride back home was a silent one.

  Kathleen went to see Erma often over the next weeks. Donnigan felt more and more confident with her handling of the mare and even got so he let her go alone. He may not have been quite so at ease had he known that once out of sight of the house, Kathleen often gave the mare her head. She loved the feel of the wind as it tugged at her bonnet and whipped her skirts.

  Nor would he have felt at ease had Kathleen confessed that she thought—she just thought there might be a chance that she too was expecting a child.

  But Donnigan knew nothing about either, and so Kathleen rode to town alone and rode at her own pace.

  Each time she entered the suite of hotel rooms, she hoped with all her heart that she would find some improvement in Erma’s state of mind. But always she was disappointed.

  “I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t know,” Erma wailed again and again.

  “Sure now, and you didn’t do anything wrong,” Kathleen tried to comfort her. “Sometimes those things just happen.”

  “But Lucas read all the books. We did all the things they said.”

  Kathleen felt impatient with Lucas and his books. It was all she could do to keep from telling Erma so.

  “Lucas is so upset with me,” went on Erma. “He thinks I must have done something—something to hurt the baby.”

  “Such nonsense!” Kathleen fairly exploded.

  “Oh—I wanted that baby so much,” moaned Erma. “So much.”

  Kathleen longed to tell her, “There will be other babies,” but she didn’t dare speak the words.

  “How is she?” Donnigan asked, meeting Kathleen in the farmyard after a visit to Erma.

  “Not good,” she replied, frustration in her voice. “She just continues to grieve and grieve.”

  “I guess that’s understandable,” said Donnigan, taking the mare’s rein and helping Kathleen dismount. “She was so looking forward to having the child.”

  “But she must stop her moaning,” said Kathleen. “After all, she can have another child. There is nothing physically wrong with her, Dr. Heggith says. She just has to get ahold of herself.”

  Donnigan looked a bit surprised at Kathleen’s outburst. He turned the mare toward the barn. “Maybe she will—soon,” he said.

  They walked a few paces before Donnigan broke the silence.

  “Do you think it’s that easy?” he asked.

  “Of course I don’t think it’s easy,” responded Kathleen in a quieter tone. “Of course not—easy—but necessary. One has to go on with life no matter how one feels. I know how she must be feeling. If I lost my baby—”

  Donnigan stopped short.

  “If you what?” he asked abruptly.

  Kathleen flushed. She still hadn’t told him, but she was quite sure now. She had been waiting for just the right time. She took a deep breath, then another step toward the barn.

  But Donnigan’s hand on her shoulder stopped her.

  “What are you saying?” he asked her bluntly.

  Kathleen stopped, looked at him with a flushed face, and lowered her head.

  “I thought we made a promise—that we would talk to each other—tell each other everything,” Donnigan said, hurt and distance in his voice.

  “I was going to tell you,” defended Kathleen.

  “Then it’s true?”

  Kathleen nodded her head.

  She hated the pained look in Donnigan’s eyes. He looked directly at her for what seemed a terrible length of time; then he moved away to lead the mare into the barn.

  Kathleen watched him go, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other, then turned and went to the house.

  “Donnigan—I’m sorry,” Kathleen whispered into the darkness after they had retired.

  He had brushed a kiss against her cheek, said good-night in a strained manner, then turned on his side, his back to her.

  Kathleen feared he might be angry that they were going to have a child. If that was so—she would also be angry right back at him. Didn’t children go with marriage?

  She gathered her courage and decided to try again. As Donnigan had reminded her, they had promised to talk things out.

  “Don’t you want to be a father?” she asked his back.

  “Of course I do,” he responded immediately.

  “Then why—”

  “I think I had a right to know—without it being a—a blunder,” he said.

  She knew then that she had hurt him deeply.

  “I was going to tell you—soon,” she defended. “It’s just—just I’ve been so worried about Erma.”

  “What about my worry?” asked Donnigan, still not turning to her.

  “Your worry?” she said, puzzled.

  He half-turned. “About you—about our baby,�
� he answered with a trembling voice.

  “What do you mean? I’m fine. The baby is—is just beginning.”

  “I’m worried about you, Kathleen. You said I saw you as a child. Well, I’ve changed that. I’m—I’m trying hard to change that. But even if you are a—a woman, you are still—still small. Maybe too small to—to have a child.”

  Kathleen lay beside him, listening to his words. She began to understand his fears.

  “I’m the same size as my mother was—and she had me,” she informed him gently. “And her mother was even smaller, so she told me, and she had seven babies, and that’s the pure truth of it.”

  “Oh, Kathleen,” moaned Donnigan, and he turned over to gather her close. “If anything should happen—”

  “It won’t,” she tried to assure him. “It won’t.”

  Kathleen still went to see Erma as often as she could, but Donnigan now insisted upon driving her to town—slowly. The trips wasted a whole day and Kathleen chaffed with each step that the plodding team made. But she dared not argue. She could still read concern in Donnigan’s eyes each time they talked of the baby. She wanted to give him all the reason for assurance that she could.

  Erma did not show any sign of improving. She was out of bed now, but she still spent her days grieving and sorrowing over what should have been the happiest summer of her life. Kathleen sensed that the loss of the baby was putting a terrible strain on Erma’s marriage. She fervently wished she could do something for her friend.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Sean

  When spring finally came, Donnigan was so busy in the fields that Kathleen felt she hardly saw him. She missed him around the kitchen. But she understood about the planting of the crops.

  Often on warm days she packed a lunch, filled a pail with cool well water, and walked to the fields to picnic with him while the horses munched on nearby grasses. Those were good times for Kathleen and she felt that Donnigan looked forward to her noon visits.

  He had built the chicken pen as promised, and it was now filled with half a dozen hens and a cocky rooster. Kathleen hoped to increase the flock, so she set aside eggs while she waited for some of the hens to decide to brood.

  She had also coaxed Donnigan for a garden and he had humored her. But he made her promise that she would allow him to do the hoeing. He was still worried about her and the baby.

  Kathleen did not tell Erma about the coming child until midsummer when it was no longer possible to hide her secret. Erma was still grieving over the loss of her own baby. Kathleen believed that her friend should have put aside her grief and her chest of tiny garments before now, but Erma clung to both.

  When the truth was finally out, Kathleen saw the hurt look in Erma’s eyes. She had so longed to share her joy with her friend but realized that the joy was hers alone. The baby was only a sharp and painful reminder to Erma.

  “It seems that I’ve truly messed up this one,” Kathleen scolded herself. “I didn’t really get to tell anyone. First I missed sharing it with Donnigan—and that didn’t turn out well. Then I couldn’t tell Erma until she guessed it herself. I sure do wish there was someone I could tell.”

  Kathleen thought of Risa, but she had never seemed to be able to form a friendship with the new Mrs. Tremont. Donnigan had even lost touch with Wallis, and Kathleen knew that troubled him. The crusty old bachelor had been good company at one time.

  Kathleen longed to be able to share her good news with her own kin. She had tried three times to send a letter to Bridget, but each time it came back to her unopened. It seemed that the country address Kathleen had been given and the school where Bridget was to have attended had never heard of the girl. It worried Kathleen more than she wanted to let show.

  The late summer, a warm one, had Donnigan often scolding Kathleen about getting too much sun. She no longer minded his fussing. She realized that it was not because he was viewing her as a child but that he was filled with concern for her and for their coming baby.

  So she accepted the good-humored “chastisement” and tried her best to fulfill his wishes.

  Harvest time meant that again Donnigan was busy in the fields. But he would no longer allow her the trips with the picnic lunches and water pails. He took his lunch with him, and whenever he was thirsty he stopped at the small creek that ran through the property.

  “It’s too long a walk. And what if you twisted an ankle on the uneven ground and went down,” he worried.

  Kathleen only smiled, but she did feel he was unreasonable. Surely she wasn’t that clumsy.

  He did let her harvest her garden, along with cautions about “overdoing it.” Kathleen glowed with pleasure as she took in the vegetables, thinking how much they would improve their diet in the winter months. Some of the produce she canned. Kathleen was sure Donnigan didn’t realize what a demanding job it was to spend hours cleaning and preparing the vegetables and then standing over the hot stove processing the canned goods. If he had, he never would have allowed it.

  Donnigan had also prepared a root cellar in between his haying and harvesting time. Kathleen was glad to have it ready to accept her garden store.

  Eventually the garden and the crops were all properly harvested and stored. Donnigan shared with neighbors in the butchering of hogs and the curing of hams. They were all ready for another winter.

  Kathleen had been spending her evenings sewing her own tiny baby garments. Never had she enjoyed an activity so much. With each stitch she made she had to push away thoughts of Erma. She was coming to a new understanding of the woman’s devastation over her loss. Kathleen found herself counting the days until her own special event.

  Even Donnigan seemed to put his fears and concerns a little further from him with each passing month. He dared to hope that things would be fine. While Kathleen sewed, he whittled rungs for a cradle.

  “When it is time, I think we should take the stage to Raeford and stay there until the baby comes,” Donnigan had informed Kathleen. “That way we will be sure to have a doctor on hand.”

  Kathleen had not argued. A little trip to the city might be a nice diversion for both of them.

  “What about the farm chores?” she asked instead.

  “I’m sure Wallis will watch things for me for a few days,” Donnigan responded and it seemed to be settled. Both of the occupants of the household looked forward to what November would bring.

  “What do you wish to name the baby if it’s a girl?” Kathleen asked Donnigan as they breakfasted together one morning.

  He hesitated for a moment, then responded with, “What would you suggest?”

  “I rather like Meara,” said Kathleen.

  “Sounds just fine,” agreed Donnigan with a nod.

  Again silence closed in around them.

  “ ’Course if it’s a boy he’ll be named for his father,” Kathleen remarked.

  His head came up quickly. “You mean Donnigan?”

  Kathleen began to chuckle softly. “Of course Donnigan,” she said, laying a hand on his arm. “You are his father.”

  He shook his head as he lifted his coffee cup. “No siree,” he said emphatically. “No son of mine is gonna carry that handle around for the rest of his life.”

  Kathleen looked surprised.

  “I told you I had to fight my way all through my school days,” went on Donnigan. “My boy might have him a fight or two—but it won’t be over his name if I can help it.”

  “What then?” asked Kathleen.

  “Something plain and sensible—like Frank or George,” he answered.

  “I don’t like either of those,” said Kathleen with a lift of her chin. She decided that she would give the matter of a boy’s name some careful thought.

  Donnigan went alone to town for supplies. The wind was chilly and the sky threatening. Kathleen looked at the gray sky and agreed with her husband that she should stay home. It made her shiver just to look outside.

  “When it storms this time of year it could last awhile,” Do
nnigan said with another glance at the sky. “I’d best go on in while I have the chance.”

  Kathleen nodded and made out her list while Donnigan went for the team.

  It was early in the afternoon when Kathleen felt the first uncomfortable twinge. It only lasted for a few minutes and then it was gone. She dismissed it as some strange muscle spasm and went on with her baking.

  When it was repeated a few minutes later, she felt some alarm.

  “It can’t be the baby,” she told herself. “He isn’t due for three weeks yet.”

  But in another fifteen minutes, Kathleen had another sharp pain. She looked at the clock, willing Donnigan home.

  By the time he did arrive, Kathleen had been forced to take to her bed. Donnigan panicked.

  “But you said it wasn’t to be until the end of November,” he reminded Kathleen.

  Kathleen nodded mutely.

  “It’s only the first part of November,” Donnigan said, staring at the calendar on the wall to confirm the fact.

  Kathleen nodded again.

  “Well—it can’t be time—now,” Donnigan concluded unreasonably.

  “Babies sometimes do things their own way,” replied Kathleen, tears in her eyes. She had not planned to be on her own for this delivery, and the very thought of it was frightening.

  “What can we do?” he asked her. “The storm has moved in and the doctor is miles away.”

  “It’s too early,” moaned Kathleen again. She did wish that her baby would decide to wait until the proper time.

  “I’ll go for help.”

  “Go where?” cried Kathleen as another contraction seized her.

  “I don’t know—but we need someone.”

  Kathleen clung to his arm until the pain subsided.

  “Don’t go,” she pleaded. “I don’t want to be alone.”

  “But we need—” he began.

  “Donnigan,” she said as calmly as she could manage. “You have helped the stock—many times.”