by K E Osborn
As I step into the room, one biker notices me, so I take a breath and flash him my pearly whites. He grins back, then another notices me. He too grins. Then another. Then another, until almost everyone in the room turns to look my way. They’re all beaming so wide, I begin to wonder why they’re all smiling at me.
It’s making me a little uncomfortable as my hands link together, my thumbs tapping against each other nervously as I try to figure out what they’re all staring at. Glancing up, I see Trax striding toward me. He really has gotten better looking these past two years. He was already muscular, but now he seems even more built with those bulging biceps smattered in tattoos. The way his waist tapers down into his jeans is pure perfection. I know he’d have one of those V’s women go gaga over. Thinking about it is almost making me drool on the spot. His handsome face covered in a beard, that’s not too long but enough to be sexy, his nose ring, and his eyes are the most intense blue I’ve ever known. There’s something about his eyes. The way they hold so much emotion, the way they can tell you a thousand stories without saying a single word. His eyes are truly the window to his soul, and looking in them is a dangerous thing for me. I’ve been lost in them many a time. Right now, the way he’s looking at me with that slight gleam in them, I know he’s in a better mood than yesterday.
Seeing him in all his sexy glory should soothe me, but I’m still wondering why everyone’s observing me as I stand here while he looks me up and down. His bright smile calms me as he walks right up to me, a soft chuckle echoing from his lips. “Morning, Mylee, sleep well?” he asks. His hands reaching up either side of my head, and I follow his movements.
I gulp as he struggles with my mess of hair. “I, ahh…” My eyes dart upward to him patting my hair down. “Was my hair everywhere?” I whisper making him chuckle.
“Yeah, you kinda had a nest going on there. But you’re good, I got you,” he consoles leaning in, planting a chaste kiss on my forehead, then wraps his arm around my shoulders pulling me to him.
“Thank you. I was wondering why everyone was smirking at me.” This is a totally different Trax to the one in his room yesterday.
“They couldn’t understand how a beauty like you could have a nest like that,” he teases as I let out a small laugh. As his hands fall, I notice his knuckles are bruised and swollen. I find it odd, I’m sure they weren’t like that yesterday when I arrived, but I ignore it as he leads me over toward the bar. I let out a relieved exhale as the other bikers in the clubroom all smile, some even winking their approval.
I glance to Trax raising my brow. “I don’t want to jinx anything, but you seem to have changed your tune since yesterday?”
He weakly smiles with a nod. “Yeah, I reacted shit when you arrived. Shock can be a bitch… I also had a chat with your dad. Just know you’re going to be in good hands here, Mylee. I’m not going to let you down.”
Sighing, I tilt my head. “That must have been some epic chat?”
He chuckles. “You have no idea what went on. Crest is highly motivational, but you helped the cause, too.” He winks at me as we approach the bar, and we stand there where the club girls are busy doing their morning thing.
“Cindi… Hayley… ladies, can you get us some breakfast?” Trax asks while I assess the two club girls.
“Sure thing, Trax. Full breakfast?” the brunette who I’m sure was in Trax’s room when I arrived asks.
“You want a cooked breakfast?” Trax turns to me.
“If it means bacon, then God, yes.” I groan making them both laugh.
“Coming right up.”
“Thanks, Cindi…” Trax starts to turn to walk away but then stops. “Oh, any news on Ruby?”
I raise my brow.
“She’s doing much better. Should be home today sometime,” Cindi replies, and everyone within earshot lets out a cheer.
“That’s fucking great news. Okay, gotta get Mylee settled,” Trax calls out pulling me with him as we walk off to the table.
I turn to look at him. “What’s wrong with Ruby? She’s a club girl, right?” I ask vaguely remembering the name.
He exhales as we slide in taking a seat next to Dad, Torque, Sensei, Chains, Ace, and Surge. “She was drugged by the Yakuza. The assholes overdosed her, and she was pretty sick, but Kline and Foxy have been helping her recover in the hospital.”
“Foxy?”
We all chuckle. “You have so much to catch up on,” Trax murmurs.
I glance across to Dad, his kind eyes warm my soul. “I’m glad you didn’t leave, Dad,” I call out, and he smiles.
“Leave without saying goodbye to my baby girl? I wouldn’t do that to you, Mylee.”
Happiness ignites inside of me. “Thanks, Dad, I appreciate it.”
“But I am leaving this morning. I have to get back to the club, they need me. But, if at any time you need me, just call. If at any time Trax thinks you need extra help, he’s going to call me. Okay?” he states.
I glance to Trax who’s watching me closely. “I should be fine. I have Trax, and I have Neala. If all else fails, I have my pills. If all that fails, they’ll call you. But Dad, I’ve been fine for six months—”
“Fine until yesterday. Mylee—”
“Yes, but yesterday I saw Trax for the first time in two years. It was…” I hesitate as I glance at him, he exhales then I look back to Dad. “Trax and I know how to handle this. We spent a lot of time together, and now we have the bonus of having medication to help with anything that comes our way. We can do this… right?” I look at Trax on the last word.
He grins that lopsided smirk and tightens his grip around my shoulders. “Right.”
Dad bows his head with a sigh. “I know you can. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have brought you here. But you know no matter what, I will always worry about you, Mylee.”
“I know, Dad… I know.”
He shakes his head, standing from the table. “I should go. I’ve got a four-hour ride back to the club. I have to get back in time for a shipment. Trax, if you need anything…”
“I’ll call,” Trax replies.
I stand from the table, Trax’s arm dropping from my shoulders as I walk around to my dad. He wastes no time taking me into a giant embrace, the tightest I’ve felt from him in a long time as he holds me to him.
I don’t know how long I’m going to be staying at Defiance, but I know it’s going to be a while—until they can figure out a way to deal with Everett. With him being a senator’s son, they need something that’s going to work without simply taking him out. So for now, Chicago Defiance is my home. But that doesn’t scare me. If anything, it brings with it new excitement, a new chapter in my life. Something challenging to look forward to and maybe something old to rekindle.
I’m not sure.
Only time will tell.
***
After Dad left, we all ate breakfast sitting around and chatting like old times. It’s amazing how easily I fit back into the groove of this club. When I was here last time, I sank into the background. Sure, I knew everyone, and they all knew me, but I didn’t take the time to get to know everyone properly. I was way too wrapped up in Trax and needed to be away from people. This time, though, I want to make sure I get to know everyone, after all, I have no idea how long I’m going to be here. So I may as well make some friends along the way. If Trax and I are going to just be friends, then there’s no point being all about him while I’m here. I need to broaden my horizon, get to know everyone. But for right now, I’m going to spend a little time with him to catch up and see how things are going in his life.
As we walk around the outside of the giant clubhouse, the stale smell of the South Branch Chicago River hits my senses, and I chuckle remembering this was always the one thing that reminded me I was here. We head down the back to where there are a set of swings for the children that sometimes come to the compound for family days. My lips twist up a little as I take a seat. Trax sits on the other one as I glance at the big burly biker seated on a child’s swing besi
de me. I let out a small giggle as he rolls his eyes.
“Shut up, I’m a child at heart, you know this,” he grunts making me burst out laughing as my lips break from a small twist into a full glowing smile.
“I do know this…” I look at him as I push off with my legs to swing slowly, but only a little as he stays stationary. “You still have the face of a kid to—”
“Shut up, woman!”
I let out a laugh as I rock back and forth. Gnawing on my bottom lip, I glance at him. “Do you think… I mean, if I had stayed—”
“Mylee!” he warns.
My muscles are tense as a lump gets caught in my throat. “So we’re not going to talk about it, at all? We’re just going to say we’re better off as friends, and that’s it?”
He looks to the ground letting out a huff. “I think while you’re here and we’re trying to figure out a way to get this Everett guy off your case, the best thing for us is to keep ourselves grounded. If we get lost in each other…” His eyes narrow as his forehead creases. “I just think, you’re better off without me.”
I scoff. “Why would you ever think that?”
He looks up at me with tension in his brows. “Mylee, honestly, when you came back to the club was it to be with me?”
I stop swinging and look at him slowly, a knot forming in my stomach. “No.”
“Exactly. You didn’t come here looking to start things up with me again. Just because when you saw me, it made you think we should, doesn’t mean that… we should. It’s just falling into old patterns. I don’t want to get hurt, and I don’t want to hurt you. It’s too dangerous.”
“You think you’ll hurt me?”
“No, but—”
“You think I’ll hurt you.”
He exhales looking into my eyes as I chew on my bottom lip.
“I get it. I know I hurt you. I can never apologize enough for that. I suppose all I can do now is be your friend. If something more comes of it, then that’s amazing. If not, then I will love being your friend. Because having you in my life, Trax…” I shake my head letting out a long breath, “… means more to me than anything else.”
He smiles, finally kicking on the ground, so his swing moves through the air. Not a lot, just a little, so he’s swinging back and forth making the mood a little lighter.
I move to swing too as we rock back and forth on the children’s play set.
“Did you think two years ago we would be here today?” I ask.
He lets out a snort. “No. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
I glance at him. “Well, I’m glad I’m here.”
His eyes soften. “Me, too, Mylee. Me, too.”
I sigh. “I’m glad we’re able to talk, though, open and honestly. It would suck if you ignored me.”
He chuckles. “I’m not a fifteen-year-old schoolgirl. I’m not going to fucking ignore you. We can work at this. I may not think we should pursue this romantically, but friends… friends we can definitely do.”
Disappointment flows through me like a Mack truck, but I try to play it off. “So muscles, what are we gonna do today?”
He chuckles rolling his eyes. “Muscles?”
I waggle my brows looking at his biceps. They’re practically bulging out of his shirt as he grips onto the chains of the swing. “Yeah, I see you’re still working out.”
He shrugs. “Guns get the girls,” he mocks, but I inwardly cringe. Thinking of him with other women makes my skin crawl. His cocky smirk falls. “Sorry, bad joke… do you think… I mean, I think I’m ready to hear what happened the two years you were gone.”
I glance at him, my eyes softening as my lips turn slightly in surprise. “Are you sure. I don’t want you to think I’m forcing my story on you. I don’t want you to get angry at me.”
He shakes his head. “I should have let you tell me what happened. I was angry. Hurt you didn’t come back for me. I don’t handle anger well, Mylee.”
Knowing he has anger issues because of me breaks my heart, but maybe if I tell him my truth, it might ease it for him. So I stop the swing and look right at him. “I feel like saying sorry won’t cut it… leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But after I left, I went straight into the hospital. My medication regime was started immediately, and it took a long time to get the dosages right.”
His head jolts back, his tired eyes gazing over my features. “What do you mean?” he asks. The anger that’s been weighing him down seems to shift, and a calmer tone settles in.
Swallowing hard at the memory, I gnaw on my bottom lip watching him take in my every word. “I started on a couple of medications. It worked… for a while. It stabilized my moods, but it had serious side effects.”
He tenses. “What the hell? What kind of side effects?”
His chest raises and falls like he’s panting for breath as my body begins to remember the feelings. The emotions. The never ending cycle of uncertainty that went with trying to find the right dosages and medication. It was a nightmare. Sometimes it felt like the remedy is worse than the disease. “The first tablets made me into a zombie. While it stabilized me, I was completely zoned out most of the time, but they wanted to keep me on the tablets to see if my moods would level out over a prolonged period. So, I kept trying. Then…” my eyes narrow, “… worse side effects came.”
He shifts on the swing turning to face me even more, like he wants to move closer but is afraid to. “Go on.”
My lips gingerly turn up, and I can’t help but notice him focus in on my mouth.
I wonder what he’s thinking.
Fuck, he’s gorgeous.
I continue to tell him my story. “Well, I’m sure you’ve noticed my extra love handles.” I grab hold of my belly. His lips match the motion of mine turning up at me clutching my small love handles. Compared to the skeletal frame I was before, I’ve definitely put on weight. “I put on eighty pounds in the first six months. Obviously, I’ve managed to lose most of it, but some of it has remained, and I think it will probably be part of me now.”
His eyes widen. “Holy shit,” he blurts out.
I grimace with a sad look on my face. “It’s not even the half of it. My hair started to fall out… big lumps of it, too. Then the doctors decided the side effects were too bad, and it was time to pull me off that medication. Thank God.”
He shakes his head looking me up and down suggestively. “Thank fuck for that. I mean I wouldn’t care if you were the size of a house and you had no hair, but surely that couldn’t have been good for your self-esteem?”
My smile is weaker, the sadness glimmering in my eyes as my thumbs rub over links in the chains of the swing. “Yeah, well… then they had to admit me to the hospital to wean me off the medication, so I could start a new regime of pills. The next lot still made me into a zombie, but over time the side effects diminished, and I cope a lot better now…” I pause with a sigh. “I still have days, but I’m hardly manic at all. Depression only sets in when something really bad happens, and the episodes don’t last anywhere near as long, which is good.”
He shakes his head looking impressed. “Mylee, you’re brave. I know you watched your mother go through this, and when you found out you had it, too, I know it scared the shit out of you. But honestly, you can do this. You can live with it. Loads of people do.”
My eyes glisten as they look up at him. “When Mom took her own life because of her bipolar disorder, I never thought my life would be the same. Finding her on the bathroom floor…” I close my eyes, a tear sliding down my face gently, my chest aching at the memory, “… it triggered my condition. My world went into meltdown. I… I don’t know how you can be so tolerant, so understanding.”
Trax steps off the swing, walks over, and kneels in front of me. He brings his hand up, cupping my face, my blonde hair threading through his fingers as he caresses my cheek and looks into my eyes. “Mylee, from the moment I met you, I knew you were special. Not different, special. To me, you’re p
erfect as you are. I wouldn’t change you. Not a thing. You hear me?”
My eyes glisten, my bottom lip trembles as I take a deep breath. “I want to be normal for you, Konnor.”
He visibly shudders. “You’re the right kind of normal I need, Mylee.”
Elation rolls through me as I gnaw down on my bottom lip. He looks into my eyes. Something passes between us. I told him. Everything. Why I was gone for so long, and he didn’t get angry. In fact, he’s been great about it. “So what now?”
Trax exhales, dropping his hand from my face, stands up and walks to his swing taking another seat. My heart sinks a little. I thought we were making a little progress, but he’s backed away.
“Thank you for telling me all of that. It can’t have been easy.”
I shrug. “It’s been my life for two years. I’ve lived it. It’s a part of me, so I’m okay telling the story.”
He looks to the ground. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help.”
I shake my head. “There was no way you could have been, Trax, but you’re here now,” I offer hoping it will lift his spirits.
He nods. “Yeah… so you made it through, your medication is on track… so tell me, what else have you been doing with yourself?”
I smile a genuine smile.
He’s not running away.
He’s not giving up.
He’s still engaging in conversation.
He’s still in this with me.
“Mainly just working for myself. It’s easiest when you don’t know how your moods are going to be. Plus, I can work my own hours and when I want, basically.”
“Still doing the websites?”
“Yeah, designing and testing. It pays the bills. It’s easy to do on the road. I take my laptop loaded with all my software, and I can do it anywhere. Which is good for when the club’s traveling around.”
He raises his brow. “So you were still living at the Knights’ clubhouse?”
“Yeah, Dad wanted to keep an eye on me. I came out of the psych ward then went straight into the clubhouse. I felt safe there. I know everyone, they all know me. It worked… until it didn’t with the whole Everett thing.”