What If You & Me

by Roni Loren

  “Come for me, Andi,” he said, the words coming out in panted breath. “Take what you need, baby.”

  He slid his fingers firmly over her and buried himself deep. That was all it took. Andi cried out, her entire body going taut above him and her inner muscles gripping him and sending him over with her. His eyes fell shut, and he fucked her hard and fast, spilling into the condom and crying out so loud he could feel his vocal cords strain.

  Andi kept moving as she rode the wave of aftershocks, sharp, sexy sounds falling from her lips, and then she draped herself over him, sweat-glazed and sapped. After their breathing had returned to some semblance of normal, she pressed her lips to the crook of his neck. “I hope my grumpy neighbor didn’t hear any of that and call the police.”

  Hill laughed and wrapped his arm around her. “Good thing he’s not home. And last I checked, he’s not so grumpy these days.”

  “Wow. Miracles do happen.”

  He closed his eyes and cuddled her closer. Yes, they definitely do.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “We are not watching The Texas Chain Saw Massacre for girls’ night. I’m drawing the line there.” Eliza gave Andi a don’t-try-me look as she placed a bowl of caramel-and-cheese popcorn mix and a bottle of wine on the coffee table. “You are now hooking up with your hot neighbor and getting properly laid. That means you should be open to a romantic movie.” She looked to the other woman in the room. “Don’t let her sway you, Hollyn. Every time she promises a fun movie, she’s lying. It’s just a ploy to scare the bejesus out of me.” She put her fist in the air. “I demand a romantic comedy!”

  Hollyn rolled her lips together—obviously trying not to laugh and probably a little overwhelmed by Eliza. Andi was trying to introduce Hollyn to more people because she hadn’t really met a lot of other women since she’d moved to the city, but Eliza could be a lot for an introvert. Hell, Andi could be a lot for an introvert. Poor Hollyn.

  “Did I say anything about a massacre?” Andi asked, hand to chest as she tried to school her face into an innocent who-me? look. “Give me some credit. I wasn’t going to suggest Texas Chain Saw Massacre.” She pulled one of the beat-up cases from her shelf of DVDs and held it up for her two friends with a toothpaste-commercial smile. “But Let the Right One In is sort of…sweet.”

  Eliza narrowed her eyes at the DVD cover. “Isn’t that the one with the kid vampire?”

  Andi winced. She hadn’t accounted for Eliza’s steel-trap memory. She thought she’d grabbed a movie Eliza hadn’t seen yet.

  “And a love story,” Andi said with a serious nod. “She kills for him. It’s sweet…in a murderous way.” She looked over to Hollyn, who had claimed the corner spot on the couch and appeared to be regretting accepting her invitation to movie night. “Come on, Holls?” She waggled the DVD in her direction and batted her eyelashes. “Teen vampire love story?”

  Hollyn’s nose wrinkled, but Andi couldn’t tell if the look of distaste was one of her friend’s facial tics or if she was giving her opinion on the movie option.

  “Oh, no you don’t,” Eliza said, reaching out and plucking the DVD from Andi’s fingertips. She tossed it onto the coffee table. “You’re not putting Hollyn in the middle of this. She’s too nice to say no to you. And don’t sell it like it’s Twilight.” Eliza looked to Hollyn as she picked up the bottle of wine and started pouring it into stemless wineglasses. “It’s so not. There are zero werewolf abs. Zero. Just creepy pale kids and subtitles.”

  Hollyn smiled at Eliza as she twisted her mane of curly blond hair into a bun and secured it with a ponytail holder she’d been wearing on her wrist. “No abs is a big mark against it,” she said to Andi. “Plus, you have to watch and read horror all the time for your job. Maybe you should take a break from work-related viewing tonight.”

  Andi groaned. Normally she’d be all for watching whatever her friends wanted to, but right now, the last thing she needed was a romantic comedy. She was already feeling too many feels after her afternoon with Hill. She didn’t need anything making her feel more sappy and starry-eyed. He’d straight up told her it couldn’t turn into something more, but all afternoon she’d been imagining what-ifs. Ugh. She needed to keep her head on straight.

  She was not going to be that person. She refused to pine. But she also wasn’t going to force her friends to watch something they weren’t in the mood for.

  She grabbed two glasses of wine and then collapsed next to Hollyn on the couch, handing her one of the drinks and sending a playful look her way. “Traitor.”

  Hollyn laughed and readily accepted the drink. “I should also admit I’m terrified of creepy kids, so you had no shot.”

  “Creepy kids are why I have an IUD,” Eliza declared. “So, it’s settled. My dating life is in the shitter, and I have to live vicariously through fictional characters, which means tonight is for sappy love stories. No monsters or murderers allowed. Bonus points for a hot guy taking his shirt and/or pants off.”

  Andi blew out a breath, ceding defeat. “Those are super-restrictive rules.”

  “You’ve got us covered on Halloween, though,” Hollyn said, lifting her glass to Andi’s to toast her.

  Andi clinked her glass and settled in. “Fine, fine. I am at your sappy mercy.”

  Eliza tucked herself into the cozy chair Andi thought of as her reading spot and grabbed the remote. She signed in to one of the streaming services with her own credentials and pulled up her playlist of romantic movies. “I say we pick one of these. I’m in the mood for a rewatch of a classic.”

  Andi eyed the screen. Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve Got Mail, Clueless, Overboard, Grease. She laughed. “So we are watching horror.”

  Eliza pointed the remote at her in warning. “Don’t go there, Lockley.”

  Andi bit her lip, smiling, and lifted her palm in acquiescence. “I’m just saying. Each of those is horror in its own way.”

  Hollyn shifted on the couch to look at her. “What—”

  “Don’t ask. Don’t ask,” Eliza chanted from above the rim of her glass. “Don’t encourage her.”

  Hollyn smirked and her nose scrunched again. “Sorry. I can’t resist. Tell me. How are those horror movies?”

  Andi tucked her legs beneath her, bouncing the couch a little, and grinned at her friends. She took a long sip of her wine, preparing her arguments. “Let’s go down the list, shall we? Sleepless in Seattle—Lady hears a dude on the radio talking about his dead wife and then totally stalks him and his kid while she’s engaged to someone else. Creepy. Reverse the genders on that one, and it would’ve been a horror movie for sure.”

  Eliza rolled her eyes.

  Andi flicked her wrist dismissively. “Next, You’ve Got Mail—Tom Hanks catfishes Meg Ryan and destroys her business. Total dick move. Then he basically gaslights her into thinking that was a good thing.”

  Hollyn frowned. “Damn, I hadn’t thought about it that way. Her store was supercute.”

  Andi nodded. “Clueless—Eww, she falls for her stepbrother and she is underage.”

  “But young Paul Rudd!” Eliza protested. “I’d totally step-incest for young Paul Rudd. He was so…earnest-eyed and adorable.”

  Andi snorted but wasn’t going to let a Paul Rudd—hot or not—discussion derail the master thesis she was laying out. “Moving on from Eliza’s step-incest… Overboard—He gaslights the shit out of her and makes her think she’s his wife and mom to his horrible kids. Huge nightmare scenario. And Grease? She literally has to give up who she is to win the guy. That’s messed up.” She shrugged and sipped her wine. “The movie I suggested has a much more solid love story.”

  Hollyn blinked a few times. “Wow.”

  “Aaaand she ruins all romantic movies for us,” Eliza said with a sigh. “Your mind is a scary place.”

  “Truth,” Andi agreed. “But I can’t believe more people don’t see it.
Horror stories and love stories are two sides of the same coin. Both can involve obsession. Being overtaken by feelings you can’t control. Being driven to doing crazy, out-of-character stuff. Being at someone else’s mercy. Both involve death.”

  Hollyn’s eyebrows went up. “Death.”

  “Sure. Horror involves actual death, but love stories threaten emotional death if the person doesn’t end up with the one they love. Or that’s the theory they’re selling us.” Andi lifted her glass toward the TV. “Take any one of those movies on the screen and change one little thing, one motivation, and you have a horror movie. Meg Ryan creepily spying on Tom Hanks and his kid, trying to figure out a way to capitalize on his grief and worm her way into his family. Then it goes from lighthearted rom-com to Fatal Attraction. The line between the two is very thin.” She reached toward the coffee table and grabbed a handful of popcorn. “In real life too. There’s a reason why people refer to dating as a nightmare.”

  “Andrea Lockley, true romantic,” Eliza said with a tilted smile. “Does the neighbor know about your dark view of love? That you’re going to break his heart after you use him for his hot bod?”

  The popcorn Andi had put in her mouth stuck in her throat, and she coughed. After another sip of wine, she sent Eliza a look. “I’m not going to break his. He’ll break mine.”

  Eliza frowned.

  “What do you mean?” Hollyn asked. “Are things getting more serious with him?”

  Andi eyed her two friends, wondering how much she should share. Embarrassment made her want to wave off their concerns, not reveal what she’d gotten herself into. But Eliza knew her secrets, and Hollyn would never shame her for anything, so she took a breath and let the truth come out. “Things aren’t more serious—at least not on his end. But I may have let my guard down and developed some feelings.”

  Eliza smiled like this was the best news she’d ever heard. “Really? That’s great! Opening yourself up to that is like a whoa big deal for you.”

  “Yeah,” Hollyn said, reaching out and giving Andi’s arm a little squeeze. “He seems like a good guy. I’m happy for you.”

  Andi shook her head. “Y’all might want to hold off on the congratulations. I slipped up and talked about feelings with him today. We’re not on the same page. He reiterated that this is strictly a friends thing and he isn’t interested in dating in any real way.”

  Eliza cringed. “Eww. So, like, I’m cool having sex with you but don’t want to have to actually buy you dinner in public?”

  Andi frowned and shook her head. “No, not like that. He wasn’t a dick about it. He just thinks that since I don’t have a lot of dating experience, I’m only getting the feels because it’s new. He called himself the practice guy.”

  Hollyn sipped her wine, her gaze concerned.

  But Eliza looked pensive. “Practice, huh? I don’t know the guy, but therapist me thinks that may be more about him than you. Maybe he’s trying to protect himself. Sounds like he expects you to move on before long.”

  Andi tapped her fingernails against her glass, considering that angle. “Maybe. He is going through his own stuff, too.”

  Eliza’s expression turned empathetic. “Girl, aren’t we all? But regardless of how it turns out, I’m proud of you for putting yourself out there. Even if it turns out to be practice, it’s been good for you. You’ve gotten something positive out of it. That’s more than I can say about most of my relationships.”

  Andi sighed. “I know. This experience has been worth it. And I have gained a new friend, which can’t be discounted.”

  Hollyn shifted to fully face Andi. “Also, I’m definitely not experienced enough in relationships to give advice. Jasper and I are figuring it out as we go along. But”—her tics pulled at her face—“nothing is written in stone. Neither of you really know how this is going to turn out. Jasper and I weren’t planning for things between us to turn into a serious relationship, but it happened. Despite our best efforts to screw it up.” She gave a chagrined smile. “So, as clichéd as this is going to sound, I’m a believer in if something’s meant to be, it will happen. If it’s not, then he was meant to serve some other role in your life and that’s okay, too.”

  Andi reached out and patted Hollyn’s knee. “Thanks, lady.”

  “And if nothing else,” Eliza said with a sly grin, “you’re having some fantastic sex.”

  “How would you know?” Andi said, throwing popcorn at her friend. “I have given you no details on the sex.”

  “Oh,” Eliza said with a smug look. “You don’t need to tell me. I watched that cooking video. Girl.”

  Hollyn laughed and gave Andi a look. “The chemistry was pretty obvious.”

  Andi’s face heated. “Fine. The sex is spectacular.”

  Eliza sighed and leaned back in the chair with a dramatic slump. “I’m so jealous. Happy for you, but a jealous bitch. I swear, this online dating world is going to kill me. The last guy I swiped right on met me for a drink and admitted that he’d only agreed to meet me because he needed free therapy.”

  “Ugh,” Andi said. “He better take a seat. I’m the only one who gets free therapy from you.”

  Eliza laughed. “Damn straight.”

  “You’re braver than I am,” Hollyn said to Eliza. “Those dating apps and the whole scene would’ve sent me straight into social-anxiety meltdown mode. Like would I have had to put ‘has Tourette’s’ in my profile or something? God.” She shuddered. “Jasper almost had to literally fall into my lap for what happened to have happened with us. And it still almost didn’t work out.”

  Andi smiled, remembering how adorable Hollyn and Jasper had been around each other in the beginning. They had both been clueless, but Andi had seen the sparks early. The memories gave her a little flutter of wistfulness.

  “Sometimes I think I should take a break from the apps altogether,” Eliza said. “Go old school. But I work so much, and I don’t live in a romantic comedy. Mr. Wonderful is not going to randomly show up on my doorstep.” She grabbed more popcorn. “I don’t even need someone to love. Just someone to make out with would be nice.” She got a dreamy look on her face. “I wonder what Paul Rudd is doing these days…”

  Andi snorted. “Mrs. Rudd, I imagine.”

  “So does this mean we’re watching Clueless?” Hollyn asked.

  Andi flicked her hand toward the TV. “Eliza’s choice.”

  “Yassss.” Eliza pumped her fist in victory. “It really should be a rule that the lady not getting exceptionally laid gets to pick the movie. I need all the fantasy fodder I can get.”

  Andi frowned Eliza’s way, even though her friend’s tone had been joking. She’d been around Eliza long enough to hear the glimmer of sadness behind the words. Eliza was lonelier than she was letting on.

  All this time Andi had thought she was the one who was most screwed up about relationships, but avoiding them was one thing. Wanting one and not being able to get one was another. Both had their own kind of pain attached.

  “Hey,” she said before Eliza could hit Play.

  Eliza turned her head. “Yeah?”

  “Next Saturday, Hill’s old fire station is having a charity event. A bachelor auction.”

  Eliza’s dark eyebrows arched. “Like with firefighters?”

  Andi smiled. “Yep. I’m going so that I can bid on Hill, but why don’t you come with us? Maybe you’ll see someone who will inspire a charitable donation.”

  She laughed. “So paying for a date? Is that what it’s come to?”

  “For a good cause. And you get a firefighter to hang out with. Plus, there will be karaoke. And free drinks.”

  Eliza’s eyes lit with interest. “This is sounding better and better. I’m in.” She put her hand over her heart. “Because I’m a super-charitable person.”

  Andi nodded emphatically. “Of course. It’s for the children.
” She bumped her shoulder into Hollyn’s. “You and Jasper should come, too. No bidding on single firefighters, but I bet Jasper would have fun with karaoke.”

  Hollyn smiled. “Sure. Sounds fun. I’ll ask him.”

  “Sweet.” Andi settled back against the couch. “Now, bring on the completely inappropriate love story with the awesome clothes.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Hill contemplated the emergency exit with a yearning akin to a kid watching the ice cream truck roll past. He wanted so badly to be out of this room, but there was no way he could sneak out. Still, he found himself glancing at the door more often than not.

  The staging room of the venue that Ramsey had shuffled all the “bachelors” into was loud with conversation and laughter, firefighters from two different stations already drinking beer and getting ready for the big show. Some of the female firefighters were hanging out, too. The ladies were auctioning off spots in a fitness boot camp, clearly smart enough to not have agreed to Ramsey’s ridiculous buy-a-karaoke-date idea. Next year, Hill needed to catch Ramsey early in the planning process and float new ideas to replace this awkward and outdated tradition.

  Hill knew some of the people milling around, though a number of the bachelors were rookies who’d joined after he’d retired, and he’d chatted with a few old friends, but being there just felt…like he was looking in at a life he was no longer a part of. A family he was no longer a part of. The only thing keeping him from walking right out the emergency door was the fact that Andi and her friends were in the ballroom, waiting for the event to start.

  Hill pulled out his phone and leaned back against the wall, scrolling through recipes he wanted to try. After watching the video he and Andi had made, he’d started pondering the idea of a cooking blog. He didn’t think video was the right fit for him. He liked what he and Andi had put together, but the magic of the video was their interaction. If he had to talk straight to camera the whole time on his own, he didn’t think he’d enjoy that as much. But a blog where he could put up new recipes, maybe learn how to take good photos, and break down the process of cooking to people in print—that sounded intriguing.