The Anthologist

by Nicholson Baker

  This, children, is a kind of poetry that makes perfect, thrilling sense in Japanese, and makes no sense whatsoever in English. That’s what she should have told us. This form is completely out of step with the English language. And the person who foisted it on us—that person was a demon. Even at the time I knew that it wasn’t right. Seven syllables, eleven syllables, five syllables? Come on. How does English poetry actually work? It doesn’t work that way. I don’t actually know Japanese, but haiku in Japanese had all kinds of interesting salt-glaze impurities going on that are stripped away in translation.

  And yet Bashō was good—even in translation he is still good. And I’ve read haiku poems in English that have an interesting tripartite squashedness to them. A few years ago Roz and her best friend from college wrote emails back and forth to each other in haiku. They had a fun time doing it. So what am I fussing about?

  AFTER WE ALL LEARNED how to do haiku, the teacher said, And now children, today we’re going to write a poem in something called free verse. It can be a poem about bumblebees, or a poem about shadows. It can be a poem about making muffins. Brownies. An egg hatching. The woodpecker’s eye. In fact, it can be a poem about anything fun and beautiful and deep and sad and wondrous and strange and interesting and true and perfect and maybe even a little bit frightening. And you have to write it. I’m assigning it to you. And here’s the one thing I’m going to tell you.

  One thing. Here’s my so very important piece of wisdom, that I’m going to impart to you now. This is the wisdom. Are you ready, children?

  It—Doesn’t—Have—To—Rhyme. No, it doesn’t have to rhyme! Don’t trammel yourself, don’t crib and confine yourself, by rhyme. It doesn’t have to rhyme. Because you want your poem to burble up. You want it to flow out, as a newborn self. Like a little sprout of a tulip bud, just busting out of the earth.

  Now, of course, I think: tulips rhyme. One tulip leaf goes this way, and the other tulip leaf goes that way. Their forms talk to each other. There’s symmetry. There’s a central stalk, and there’s mirroring. Most definitely the tulip rhymes. Nature is full of rhymes.

  But never mind, this was the axiom that she was passing on to us, because she’d learned it from the culture at large. “It doesn’t have to rhyme.” And in imparting this she was promising us that all the pantries of art, all the breakfast nooks of art, were going to be opened up to us hencefor-ward. She was flinging open the window for us, and those gingham curtains were just billowing and we could smell the pies cooling there on the sunny windowsills of child-hood.

  What did she really mean by “It doesn’t have to rhyme?” Did she mean it could rhyme but it didn’t have to? No. She meant Don’t rhyme. She meant: I am going to manacle your poor pliable brains with freedom. I’m going to insist that you must be free. She wrote “FREE VERSE” on the board.

  And I sat there on my chair with the very smooth casters and I thought, What does she mean it doesn’t have to rhyme? It does have to rhyme! It’s got to rhyme, because rhyme is poetry. Where did Little Miss Muffet sit? Did she sit on a cushion? Did she sit on a love seat? No, she sat on a tuffet. And if it doesn’t rhyme it’s just guano. “Guano” was one of my favorite words back then—I’d learned it from Tintin.

  But I said nothing, like the craven fourth-grader I was. I went ahead and wrote a poem. It was free verse, but it had one rhyme at the end. It was about a droplet of water quivering gracefully at the end of the tap before falling into “the land they call / Disposal.” It was a terrible poem. But my mother liked it, and it was remarkably easy to write. And that was the beginning of my career.

  MY FATHER WORKED in the legal department of a company that made industrial mirrors. He was a good explainer and a soapbox-derby enthusiast. He explained to me how lasers worked, and when I started reading poems in college he often looked over my shoulder and said, “What are you reading—a poem?” He knew John Masefield’s “Cargoes” by heart, and E. E. Cummings’s poem about the watersmooth silver stallion, and he would recite them with his fists clenched if we asked him to. His motto was: “Don’t force it.” He died only a year after my mother did. I miss them both every day.

  Tennyson’s father was a beast. He was a violent alcoholic and an epileptic, and he was horrible to his sons. From the age of twelve on, Alfred Tennyson was home-schooled by his fierce, crazy father. When Tennyson Senior was drunk, he threatened to stab people in the jugular vein with a knife. And to shoot them. And he retreated to his room with a gun. A bad man. And eventually he died. Tennyson was liberated, and he began writing stupendous poems. Were they stupendous? Or were they only good? Or were they in fact not good at all? I’m not sure.

  Last night I watched two episodes of Dirty Jobs and then went upstairs to bed after thinking that my poetry was not for shit, frankly. If I may be pardoned the expression. I got in bed, and I realized that what I wanted was to have some Mary Oliver next to me. If I had some Mary Oliver I would be saved. I didn’t want to read any more of the Cambridge Book of Lesser Poets edited by Squire, and I didn’t want another chapter of my friend Tim’s book on Queen Victoria, I wanted Mary Oliver, so I went downstairs and got my new paperback copy of her New and Selected Poems, Volume 1 and went back upstairs again. And I immediately felt more sure of what I was doing because I was reading Mary’s poems. They’re very simple. And yet each has something. I like almost every one of her poems. That’s not even true of Howard Moss or of Louise Bogan. It’s certainly not true of somebody like Tennyson or Swinburne.

  At some point you have to set aside snobbery and what you think is culture and recognize that any random episode of Friends is probably better, more uplifting for the human spirit, than ninety-nine percent of the poetry or drama or fiction or history ever published. Think of that. Of course yes, Tolstoy and of course yes Keats and blah blah and yes indeed of course yes. But we’re living in an age that has a tremendous richness of invention. And some of the most inventive people get no recognition at all. They get tons of money but no recognition as artists. Which is probably much healthier for them and better for their art.

  I LOOKED INTO THE FRIDGE dipping my knees to ZZ Top while my dog Smacko slept on the floor. He’s used to the TV, and he’s used to loud music. It bothered him when he was a puppy, but he’s smart and he knows somehow that the sounds aren’t real. What bothers him now are ear mites and fleas.

  Roz was very good at combing his undercarriage for fleas. He was my dog before she moved in, but even so she loved him to distraction. I would sit in a chair and she would sit on the floor with Smacko on his back next to her, and we would talk as she went hunting through his fur with her fingers. She’d find the fleas even when they were hiding in the fur just around his tiny turret. When she got one she would drop it in a glass of soapy water. Smack would narrow his eyes in sleepy pleasure at being groomed. I don’t groom Smack nearly as much as Roz did, and I should. Everyone says this summer is a very bad one for fleas.

  Louise Bogan said that Theodore Roethke made her “bloom like a Persian rosebush” during their long happy sex weekend together.

  If I had a ponytail, which I don’t, I’d cut it off with four slow scissorcuts and bury it in the garden with the rubber band still around it.

  6

  I WOKE UP THINKING a very pleasant thought. There is lots left in the world to read.

  For days I had a dissatisfied feeling. I couldn’t focus. I was nervous about Switzerland. I’m going to be in a panel discussion there on “The Meters of Love,” with Renee Parker Task, who’s a hotshot among young formalists. Just the kind of thing I’m bad at. Being empaneled. All yesterday afternoon I thought about timed backups, and search results, and mermaids, and women wearing clothes, and women not wearing clothes, and I felt unlyrical. And then I got in bed and I read a short biography of Nathalia Crane in an old textbook, and I read a poem by Sara Teasdale, and I thought about turtles. And then, in the back of Mary Oliver’s New and Selected Poems, Volume 1, I wrote, “Suddenly there is lots to read.” I a
lso wrote: “Mary Oliver is saving my life.”

  One thing I really like about books of poems is that you can open them anywhere and you’re at a beginning. If I open a biography, or a memoir, or a novel, when I open it in the middle, which is what I usually do, I’m really in the middle. What I want is to be as much as possible at the beginning. And that’s what poetry gives me. Many many beginnings. That feeling of setting forth.

  Now. I want to make something clear. You may think we’re in a new age, a modern or postmodern age, and yes, in a certain way we are. But as far as rhyme and anti-rhyme go, this is the third time around, or maybe the fourth. Thomas Campion, in 1602 or so, came out with an attack on the uncouthness of rhyme, which was very strange for him to do because he was one of the great lute-song writers of the day. He’d published two, maybe three books of airs. But no, suddenly rhyme and the normal meters were no good. They were vulgar, he said, they were unclassical, they forced a poet to go in directions he shouldn’t go.

  Everyone at court was buzzing about this strange tract of Campion’s. And when Samuel Daniel read it it was as if his whole world was under siege, and he was deeply distressed. He said he felt that he must either “stand out to defend, or else be forced to forsake myself, and give over all.” So he stood out to defend. Now remember this is more than four hundred years ago. All those years ago Samuel Daniel, writing in English, in words that you can easily read now—although some of them are spelled differently, and the sentences flow on in a way that our sentences don’t—but Daniel says that for a poet who knows what he’s up to, rhyme is no impediment. In fact, it helps him soar higher, he says. It “carries him, not out of his course, but as it were beyond his power to a farre happier flight.” That’s what rhyme does, if you’re properly fitted for it.

  Samuel Daniel was a court poet. He published a book of poems with a lovely, modest title. I think it’s my favorite title of a book of poetry ever. The title is Certaine Small Poems Lately Printed. He was a man of some humility and grace. And he won his duel with Campion. Campion changed his mind and went back to rhyming. His neoclassical hexameters were pretty in a way, but people wanted to hear him sing.

  And that’s the single point I want to make today. People have been struggling over this idea that rhyme is artificial and unnatural for hundreds and hundreds of years. And meanwhile poem after poem gets written that people really want to listen to. And a lot of these poems rhyme. Imagine what would have happened if Campion had succeeded in his effort to fuss and scold rhyme out of existence and banish it from English poetry. Four hundred years of pretend Greek and Latin meters is what we would have had, instead of Marvell, and Dryden, and Cole Porter, and Christina Rossetti, and Gilbert and Sullivan, and Rogers and Hart, and Wendy Cope, and Auden, and John Lennon, and John Hiatt, and Irving Berlin, and Dr. Seuss, and Shel Silverstein, and Charles Causley, and Keats, and Paul Simon, and et cetera, and so on. Whole floors of libraries could be filled with the poems that we would not have had. Marilyn Monroe wouldn’t have been able to sing

  I’ve locked my heart

  I’ll keep my feelings there

  I’ve stocked my heart

  With icy frigid air

  And think of it: you can put on the coolest, most spaced-out house trance music today—and it rhymes. “Got nervous when you looked my way, / But you knew all the words to say.” That’s a couplet from a trance tune by a group called iiO, in a remix by Armin Van Buuren, and nobody thinks tiptoe through the tulips when they’re dancing to this, they just think, Yeah, the words work, they fit, they have that forward push of power. And they have that push because they rhyme. So it just continues. And nobody really stops to examine the need, the powerful endlessness and hunger of the need. Why? Why do we need things to rhyme so much?

  WHY DO I, who can’t make a couplet worth a roasted peanut these days, want poetry to do what I can’t make it do? Mary Oliver is my favorite poet at the moment, and she almost never rhymes. W. S. Merwin’s The Vixen is one of my favorite books of poems, and it doesn’t rhyme. Not only does The Vixen not rhyme, not only does it not scan, it doesn’t even capitalize or punctuate. And it’s good. But I want these books to be in the minority. Why?

  Well, of course, rhyme helps memory. But you can’t allow yourself to get excited by that argument. Samuel Daniel used it, and Dryden used it, but it’s not convincing. When I listen to something that rhymes well, I just like it. My memory for song lyrics isn’t that strong, so the fact that the rhyme might help me remember the words is neither here nor there. First in importance is that the lines sound good. The sounding good comes before the utilitarian help of memorizability.

  “Sugar, you make my soul complete. Rapture tastes so sweet.” That’s from the same trance tune I mentioned. It’s sung by Nadia Ali, from Pakistan.

  I CALLED ROZ and left a message asking if she’d like to come by and help me shampoo the dog. The flea shampoo is turquoise with sparkles and very thick. It’s really a two-person job to put it on—one person to work in the suds and one person to hold Smacko’s back and aim the shower sprayer. He keeps wanting to shake, spraying turquoise froth everywhere, and he will shake, unless one person keeps a steady, firm hand on the middle of his back.

  Roz called and said she’d be by at about six-thirty. I knew she would—she misses the dog like crazy, and who can blame her? I got out some chips and salsa and was sitting in the white plastic chair by the barn door when she drove up. I watched her walk up the driveway, looking very calm and elegant in her dog-washing outfit of jeans and a loose blue shirt with a paint splash on the sleeve. She stopped and said hello to Smacko and picked up something in the sand. I heard her bracelets jingle, a sound I hadn’t heard in a while. “Here’s a present from the driveway,” she said, and she handed it to me. It was a fragment of old china with very fine rule-lines in blue against white. Bits of old china sometimes appear in the driveway as rains wash more of its sand away. I took off my glasses to look at it and thanked her. Then I offered her a chip.

  We washed the dog and didn’t get too wet, and then she said she had to go. I asked her if maybe she’d like to stay and watch Bull Durham with me. She likes Bull Durham.

  “Is it done?” she asked, meaning the introduction.

  “It is not done. Nor will it ever be done, for I am not the one to do it.”

  “Oh, poof,” she said. “You just need to apply yourself.”

  She didn’t leave right away, at least. She smiled at the tablecloth. On it was my paperback of Mary Oliver’s New and Selected Poems, Volume 1—I seem to be carrying it around the house with me. “So that’s what she looks like,” Roz said, tilting her head to see the picture on the cover better. It’s the blue-tinted photograph in which Mary is wearing some kind of wonderful ulster with a zippered hood, and she’s looking off, and she looks heartstoppingly French. “She’s beautiful,” Roz said. “Is that a recent picture?”

  She’s about seventy now, I said, and living in Province-town.

  “Is she lesbian?”

  I said I believed she was, yes.

  “It’s odd that the woman I most want to look like is a lesbian,” she said. Then she said a long goodbye to Smacko and we hugged ceremonially and she drove away.

  I didn’t want to watch Bull Durham, so I watched three episodes of The Dick Van Dyke Show. Three’s about my limit for one night.

  GENE’S NEW EMAIL says that they’re becoming “really concerned.” I feel horrible about it. I don’t want to disappoint him. Gene, I’m sorry. I apologize for this inexcusable slowness.

  If I could just die and rot in the ground it would be okay. I wouldn’t have to write anything more. Die and rot and be completely dead. No worries. Everything’s good. “Paul Chowder was at work on an anthology of rhyming poetry when he died.” “Ah, too bad.”

  The best use of the word “rot” that I can think of is from a poem by Coventry Patmore. He’s sitting in a bay. He’s just had some reversal, we’re not sure what. The ocean and its waves are out ther
e. He looks at them. What kind of ocean is it? It’s a “purposeless, glad ocean.” That’s what first caught me, those two words, “purposeless” and “glad,” placed together. But then comes the next stanza, which is a killer. Suddenly he raises his voice and he says, “The lie shall rot.”

  When all its work is done, the lie shall rot;

  The truth is great, and shall prevail,

  When none cares whether it prevail or not.

  I know I’ll never write anything anywhere near as good as that eight-line poem by Coventry Patmore. Which is in many, many anthologies. I’ve sailed past fifty and I’ve had my chances and it hasn’t happened.

  But there’s still the hope that leaps. There’s still the tiny possibility. You think: One more poem. You think: There will be some as yet ungathered anthology of American poetry. It will be the anthology that people will tote around with them on subways thirty-five, forty years from now. There will be many new names in its table of contents—poets who are only children now, or aren’t known. And you think: Maybe this very poem I write today will somehow pry open a space in that future anthology and maybe it will drop into position and root itself there.

  I guess that probably explains why I used to collect anthologies. I was hoping to find a crack in the pavement where my ailanthus of a poem could take root.

  IT WAS ABOUT MIDNIGHT and misty after another brief rain. I wanted to sit in the white plastic chair by the driveway and admire the overboiled potato of the moon, but I knew that the basin of the chair would be filled with water. So I tipped the chair forward, in the dark, with the crickets going, and I could hear a splash as the water poured into the grass. I hesitated for an instant, wondering whether it was worth my while to sit myself down in the wet chair and get my pants wet. And my answer was immediately yes. Of course I wanted to sit in the wet chair. No sacrifice is too great. And meanwhile the mist came up the hill and a wild turkey was peeling out a great crazy screeching cry down by the creek. He’s lost, or he’s lost someone, or he’s having an argument or an orgasm. I’m breathing the same mist that the turkey screeched into—the same mist that has boiled away the moon.