by Robin Roseau
And then Vérundia said, "I have a vow. If there are any others, please go first." Still, no one spoke. And so Vérundia continued. "Like many gathered here today, the woman beside me, whose hand I hold, has an affinity. She is of the horse people, and so it is only fitting her affinity is to horses."
I began crying almost immediately after that, but not so hard I couldn't hear her words.
"It is wrong to keep her here, separated from her beloved mounts. It steals from her joy, and it divides her heart. She has not promised to remain, if presented with an opportunity to leave, and her horses represent opportunity. And so, we have details, and I do not know what those details may be. But Yallameenara, I vow, here before you and before everyone gathered, here before the Goddess herself, I will never use your horses against you. You may send for them, knowing they are completely safe."
And then she spoke in the language of the Goddess, although briefly.
"Thank you," I whispered when she was done.
"We have a vow," said the king and queen together. The king then continued. "Yallameenara, Vérundia has made her vow, but her vow is not binding upon us."
"Our vow is simple," said the queen. "We will hold ourselves to the vow she just made. Your horses are safe from us."
"The most we might do," said the king, "is apply certain restrictions, or at the very most, return them to Queen Ralalta."
"You may send for your horses, knowing they are completely safe."
I couldn't speak after that. I only nodded, and Vérundia thanked them for me.
* * * *
There were more songs after that, and then Vérundia led us from the room. The celebration was complete.
Agreements
"Good morning."
I rolled over, coming nose to nose with Larien. We smiled at each other.
"It's about time you invited me to stay," she said.
"You used your magic on me. I know you did."
"So what if I did?" she asked.
"Admit it," I demanded.
"I'm not sure I should."
"Admit it, or I'll decide you drive me wild enough and forbid you from doing it in the future."
She laughed. "I might have used a little magic."
I shook my head. "That's not an admission. That's a suggestion of a possibility. I want a clear answer. Yes, you did, or no you didn't, and you aren't welcome in my bed again until I get an answer, one way or the other."
"Okay, okay. Yes, I did."
"Good," I said, rolling on top of her and kissing her quickly. "Just to be clear, this was not a one-time deal, but it is not an every day deal, either."
"Do I need a petition to court you?" she asked.
"Yes, and I have no intention of settling down any time soon." Then I grew serious. "And while this was very nice, and I think I might like you, if presented with the chance to go home, I am going home."
She sighed. "Maybe you would take me with you."
"Maybe I would consider taking you with me, or maybe I have someone waiting for me."
I rolled away and scrambled from the bed.
"Lady Malta?" she asked.
"I'm not saying."
"Perhaps that boy. Andro. Was that his name?"
I made a face. "With any luck, Andro is making babies with Valara by now."
"Oh, I forgot about Valara."
I turned to her. "It's your fault I don't know how they're doing, so don't you forget it."
"I won't," she said.
"Good. So, we're clear."
"Yes," she said with another sigh. "We're clear. We made amazing love, and now you're ready to leave me for Lady Parneed."
"We didn't have amazing love," I said. "We had sex. Okay, we had really, truly, wonderful, amazing sex. And maybe I like you this bit." I pinched my fingers together.
"You like me a lot more than that," she said. "I'm perfect."
"Maybe this much," I said, pulling my fingers a little apart. "But it was sex, not a commitment."
"Except that there will be more amazing sex."
"Exactly," I agreed. "But not today."
"Because you're going to have sex with someone else."
"No, because you wore me out, and I don't think I'll be ready until at least next week. And everyone wants me, so I have to give them all a chance."
"Even Ullaméistra."
"I just might. The old ladies know things."
She laughed.
* * * *
It was some hours later. Terél and I sat on a blanket in her meadow, speaking quietly in the language of the Goddess. We'd been there for perhaps half our time when she straightened and turned her head.
Vérundia was approaching us. She'd never interrupted us during this time, so I was surprised to see her. We both waved. She drew closer then asked, "May I join you?"
"Of course."
She sat down, and we all adjusted on the blanket a little, making a triangle.
"Do I need to go?" Terél asked.
"No. I'm just going to put Yallameenara on the spot and ask her this in front of you. Yallameenara, if you could turn into a bird right now and fly away home, what would you do?"
I held up my wrist. "This might prevent me from going anywhere."
"It's actually a serious question, Yallameenara."
I lowered my eyes, wondering how to answer her. "Things are better here than they were, but you know I think it's ridiculous. I'm not a high priestess."
"We think you are."
"My hair is barely growing," I said. "It's going to take three years before it's long enough to know, if it has to be as long as everyone else's before the Goddess would talk to me. And how do you even know she's real?"
"There is the magic she gives us. The magic is real, if subtle."
"My mother could have been a false prophet. All the high priestesses could have been false prophets."
"Not a single one of us believes that, Yallameenara, and I don't think you do, either."
I lowered my eyes even further and said very quietly, "It makes more sense than to think I'm someone important."
"Would you fly away?" she asked.
"Yes," I said.
"You've been happy these last several months."
"I don't do anything," I complained. "I learn. I read. I eat and sleep."
"And make love with Larien," Terél inserted.
I flashed eyes at her. "You have no evidence of that."
"I get you next," she said. "There's a sign up sheet and everything."
"There is not!" I said. "Stop teasing."
"I'm just saying. Larien and I agreed to share. You can include the maids, too, if you want. They've practically been begging."
"Knock it off." I said that in Arrlottan, but she'd heard it enough times to know what it meant.
"And Ullaméistra too, if you want, but that'll just be the two of you. No group things. Although maybe your maids won't mind."
"Terél," I muttered.
"Hey," she said. "I hear old ladies know things."
"Oh, neither of you is touching me for a month!" I said. "She shouldn't repeat things I tell her!"
"Who? Ullaméistra?"
"No. Larien."
Terél giggled.
"Yallameenara," said Vérundia.
I turned to her. "Right. Bird. Home. I'm sorry. I know it's not the answer you want."
She sighed. "So you'd go, and not come back? Would you cut your hair?"
"I don't know."
"Promise me something. If you do manage to leave us, don't cut your hair."
"What's the point? If I am the high priestess, you said she couldn't talk to me all the way in Framara, anyway."
"Maybe you'd come back. You might miss us. Would you want to start over?"
I thought about it.
"Besides," she added. "It's distinctive, and it looks really good." She reached a hand out and ran it through my hair, now far longer than it had ever been. "Have you noticed it's growing straight?"
&nb
sp; "So?"
"Most people have to cut their hair periodically, just a little, to keep it even. Yours is straight. Like ours. Mine has never been cut. None of us cut our hair, not even a little trim to keep it neat."
I looked at Terél, and she nodded. "Magic."
"I don't have any magic."
"And yet, your hair is neat. It only requires washing and a brush. I wonder why that is."
"So," said Vérundia. "Promise me. If you leave, you'll never cut your hair again. Let it grow. Maybe someday you'll return. Maybe you won't. Promise me."
"If it begins to grow poorly, or far, far too long," I said, "I'll do what is necessary. Otherwise I'll let it grow."
"Thank you. I have something I wish to show you. Walk with me. You two may continue the lesson while we walk."
So we all stood. Terél and I folded the blanket together, and then we followed Vérundia. She led us down from the meadow and to the trail that ran between the Heart of the Goddess and the village. I'd never been to the village, so I was surprised when we turned right instead of left, and a few minutes later, the trail widened into a shallow valley, and the village was within the valley.
It was, of course, beautiful. We stopped and looked for a minute, then started down the gentle slope, the mountainsides rising high above us to both sides.
I thought she was taking me into the village, and technically she did. We entered one side and walked right out the other, taking a trail that followed beside a small river.
It was another ten or fifteen minutes when we entered a canyon, the pathway blocked by a high, stone wall, a heavy gate in the middle. Two guards stepped out of a gatehouse and watched us approach.
Vérundia came to a stop before the gate and turned to me.
"I know this is a long walk. Until you are able to give far better promises than you have, this is the best we can do. We cannot allow you to leave."
"I don't understand."
"I wish a promise, just for today. If we untie your hand and allow you to step through that gate, when you are done on the other side, you will return to us and allow us to rebind your wrist as if it had never been untied. If you cannot make this promise, we can turn around, and you'll just not get to see why I brought you here."
I didn't understand what was going on, but I said, "All right. I promise."
"Thank you. You may untie her, Terélmarestra."
My companion released my wrists. We both rubbed. And then Vérundia said, "The things you need are here, but go see why you need them and then come back."
She gestured, and, puzzled, I walked to the gate. The guardsmen opened the gate and let me pass, and I heard Vérundia and Terél follow me. The gate closed behind us. I turned around, but Vérundia gestured I should keep walking. "We'll wait here."
I began walking. To either side, the gorge walls were high and shear. I knew nothing about climbing in the mountains, but I was pretty sure I could never climb these mountains. And the further I went, the higher they grew.
But then it opened up into a grassy valley surrounded by high walls, the river running through the middle. And grazing in the middle of the field...
"Zana!" I screamed. "Hamper!"
They both lifted their heads. I whistled loudly, and immediately they spun, thundering towards me. Zana quickly took the lead, running straight for me. I held my arms wide, and she came to a skidding stop, just bumping me with her chest and whickering loudly. And then Hamper was there, too, and I had an arm around each neck, sobbing.
We stood there like that a long time. I finally stopped crying and switched to speaking Arrlottan to the horses, telling them over and over how happy I was to see them. And in their own way, they told me the same.
And then I released them both and moved to Zana's side. Embarrassingly, it took three tries to climb aboard, and I wasn't sure if it was because I was out of practice or I wasn't fully recovered from last winter. But then we spun and took off, down the valley, my hands in her mane, my head near her neck.
"Hai! Zana! Hai!"
Hamper raced along with us, his own joy clear. We ran two big circles, the pounding sound of their hooves striking the ground music to my ears. It was a good, hard run, enough to take the edge off both horses, and so on the third time back I turned Zana towards the gate, still running hard.
We came around a corner, and ahead was the gate. Terél and Vérundia were both waiting, but several other of the priestesses had come as well. Larien was there, and my maids. I brought the horses to a stop well in front of everyone and then trotted closer, Zana and Hamper both prancing in their joy.
Everyone was smiling at me.
I leapt from Zana's back and practically threw myself on a surprised Vérundia. But she hugged me tightly and said, "You're welcome, you're welcome," as I thanked her, over and over.
Zana stepped up behind me and nudged my back, so I released Vérundia and said, "Everyone, I'd like to introduce Zana." I gave her a pat. "And Hamper. They did not start as my horses, but they became mine during my trip from The Hippa, and they have since been true and loyal friends."
The horses got pats -- and I saw a few sugar cubes quickly nuzzled out of open hands.
"There are rules," Vérundia said. "You will obey them."
"Of course."
"You may not come here alone. I have assigned a list of who may bring you. You will have your wrist bound until you are inside the gate, and bound again when you leave. Your promise to offer no violence to your teachers is extended to anyone who brings you here."
"Yes," I said.
"Zana and Hamper may not leave this valley without my permission, and I do not know under what terms I would offer such permission. I am convinced even your horses cannot climb the walls of these mountains."
I had looked. "No, they could not."
"You will also vow no violence upon anyone guarding these gates. If I put one of the maids here, you will not attempt to push her aside."
"I promise."
"I will not ask you to promise no escape. I do not believe I have opened opportunity for you, and I may have tied you even more closely, as I do not believe you would willingly leave these two as easily as you would the rest of us."
I said nothing to that.
"I am sorry I cannot allow you to roam the entire mountains. Maybe someday, when you have spoken to the Goddess and realize your place is here. The valley is small, but it is the only place I could secure."
"You built this wall for me, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"So much, just to keep me here."
"So much to bring you here. This was small in comparison, perhaps. We will build shelter here before winter fully arrives, so they may seek protection. There is a vent from the heat of the mountains, and so the building may not be as warm as we enjoy deep inside, but it will be more than warm enough."
"Thank you."
"Their tack is there." She pointed to a shed. "It will be inspected often, as well as this gate and lock. Evidence of tampering will not please me." I didn't say anything to that. "There is one blanket, one saddle, one bridle. If something becomes worn, it can be repaired in the village."
"Thank you, Vérundia."
"Now, do you think I could pet one? And maybe you would let me ride with you, but only once there is a saddle, and perhaps not so briskly."
I laughed. "Of course."
From then on, weather permitting, Terél and I held our lessons here, with the horses. It took longer to reach than her meadow, but there just wasn't a question. Some days we sat, the horses nearby or possibly even sitting with us, which they liked to do sometimes. Those days, some of the creatures of the mountains came as well, the small creatures seeking Terél's company. Other days I saddled one horse and Terél either rode with me, or she rode the one I saddled, and I rode the other. We rode small circles, which weren't exciting, but it was better than nothing.
At the end of each day, I would ride one alone for a good run, two or three times around the val
ley.
The horses didn't think this was enough, and neither did I. But they were gentle with Terél and always pleased to see me, and I them.
But winter arrived, and it became much harder to visit them every day. I quickly looked forward to spring again.
Time
Time passed. I wouldn't say I became fluent in the language of the Goddess, but I could carry on a conversation. My accent remained thick, and even I could tell, but I just couldn't make the sounds quite the way everyone wanted. But I began working my way through the books from the library, the ones written in the language of the Goddess. I couldn't read them all in a lifetime, and so I took recommendations, and I read slowly.
My hair grew, now a wide band of white, and on one side, it was just beginning to show black again.
I didn't understand. I knew hair didn't grow from the ends. Anyone who has seen someone with a three-week dye job knows that. But the black remained black, and then the band of white, and then more black. But I knew I had at least another two years before I would see the next bit of white.
I continued to study. Vérundia asked me to help host all the celebrations, and so I studied hard, hoping to be able to hold up my end.
The maids spent the autumn and winter trying to seduce me, and they were relentless. But they were so sweet about it that I only chased them from my bed while laughing. Or from the bathing tubs, or the sofa, or any of a number of places.
They were quite undeterred by my rejection, but I knew if I let them have me once, they would double their efforts for the future. As much fun as that might be, I just couldn't relax enough to accept it.
Vérundia actually talked to me about it, inviting me to her chambers one night late in the winter. She closed the door behind me, offered me a seat and a glass of wine, and then we sat quietly for a minute.
"Well," I said finally. "This is to be one of those conversations."
"I do not normally get involved in these issues."
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No. Naddí and Féla have been persistent."
"Ah."
"Do they offend you?"
"What? No."
"Do I need to have a talk with them?"
I thought about it. "It's wrong."
"What is?"
"To take advantage of the staff. I cannot make promises to them."