by Robin Roseau
"They do not expect promises. Well, except you promised us all you would be a source of joy, and I believe they wish to receive a portion of that joy, offering their own back in exchange."
"You're on their side!"
"There are no sides, Yallameenara."
"Why are they even here?" I asked. "I don't need maids. I wear simple clothes. It's not like the palace where I needed help dressing. And no one else has maids."
"Oh, well, they're spies for the queen, of course."
I laughed until I realized she was serious. "You weren't joking."
"They're quite good at it, actually. Rather industrious."
"They're here to spy on me? To make sure I'm doing what I'm supposed to?"
"Of course not. They're here to spy on me."
"And you don't mind?"
She laughed again. "There is nothing happening here I wouldn't tell the queen myself, if she only would ask. But she is so accustomed to the intrigue of the palace that she believes she needs to engage in intrigue everywhere. I know her little games, and I even let them snoop through my things, to give them something to report."
"So, they want to sleep with me to spy on, whom? You? Me?"
"Oh, no. They want to sleep with you because you are lovely, and they haven't caught you yet."
"I'm fairly certain if I let them catch me once, they'll double their efforts."
"Well, you are developing a reputation of being a generous lover."
"That's not what I meant!" I said, blushing. "I only meant-"
She smiled and patted my hand. "You come to us with your views colored by the standards of the outside world. You have let others catch you. Larien and Terélmarestra, of course, share you. And then there was Reshlórtain, I believe, but only twice, and, somewhat surprising, Thuralayteen." My eyes grew wide. "And one of the guards. Moranesch, I believe it was."
"No. Parsanesch." They were sisters.
"Was it? I was quite sure."
"Moranesch and I talked well into the night, but it was never more than that."
"Well, that is the list I know. I wouldn't be too surprised if there are one or two others." I didn't say a word, and if I gave any indication, she didn't comment. "If you do not fancy Féla and Naddí, why have you not been firmer with them? If you offered the sort of 'no' I have seen you deliver, they wouldn't continue to pester you. But now they have made a game of it, and I do not believe they will be conceding defeat."
I didn't answer that, either, and she smiled.
"They are rather comely," she said. "And exceedingly pleasant, for a pair of clever little spies. I believe I have detected a personality quirk you fear is a fault."
I hung my head. "I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I'll tell them to stop in a way they'll listen."
"Ah, but you don't want to, do you? You feel guilty for some reason, but you enjoy the attention. And what is wrong with that?"
"It's vain."
"Vanity to excess is a flaw. A little goes a long way. Being made to feel desired is good for you, Yallameenara. There are a few things that you could do I might consider wrong. You could offer someone false encouragement, but I could never envision you doing so."
"No," I agreed.
"You could offer promises you wouldn't keep. That is even less likely."
"You're right."
"You could deny yourself things you want, which costs you joy, and perhaps costs others joy. Now this is something I think you do, and perhaps do often."
I didn't have words for that.
"If you do not care for Féla and Naddí because they are your maids, or because you knew them when they were legal adults in Alteara, but not in Framara, I understand. If you do not care for their attention because you intend to settle down to only Larien and Terélmarestra, I understand. I believe you love both of them, but not to exclusion. If you did, you would have made more vows to us."
I didn't look up. She was right about that.
"I have a book for you to read." She gestured to an end table. "It was written by Pelálaréstra, the fourth high priestess prior to your mother. It is in the language of the Goddess, and the woman didn't have as careful of a hand as I might have preferred. And it is written somewhat poetically. It will be difficult for you. Unfortunately, I believe that while Terélmarestra would help you work through it, you may be too embarrassed to seek her assistance. I imagine she would enjoy helping you, actually."
I leaned over and picked up the book, carefully opened it, and tried reading it. She was right. It was going to be hard. Just on the first page, there were words I didn't know.
"I wouldn't normally suggest this book to you for some time, because it will be difficult. But each chapter was written following a lengthy conversation with the Goddess. The wisdom contained is not the wisdom of a high priestess, but the wisdom of the Goddess herself. Oh, as filtered by the woman, but the touch of the Goddess is clear, when you can puzzle your way through."
"Why this book?" I asked, closing it.
"It touches on the issues we have been discussing," she replied. "Perhaps it will help give you perspective." She smiled again. "I imagine you will blush if you allow Terélmarestra to assist you."
"I'll return it when I am done."
"Simply return it to the library," she said. "If you struggle and choose to set it aside, return it for others. It has become a popular book. Lovers frequently read it together. I really should consider making copies, but it seems wrong to rewrite this particular book."
"If others are going to miss it-"
"They would be pleased to know you are reading it," she said. She laughed. "You may receive offers to help."
I nodded. "Can I ask you about something else?"
"Always."
"Vérundia, when first I arrived, I would have called you quite dour. You aren't at all."
"That was guilt, Yallameenara. I am as much at fault for how you arrived here as anyone. Surely you know that. What has puzzled me is how you have assigned blame unevenly."
"You didn't betray me. I don't judge you as having betrayed anyone. Queen Ralalta did a great deal for Muranna. She shared countless meals with the queen and princess. She was a guest in the palace more nights than not. Once I arrived, she was invited to every event I attended. She helped to plan some of them, right alongside me. And she continued to accept these things even while planning her betrayal."
"You appear to have forgiven Larien."
"Larien lied to me. She lied to all of us. But in a way, she was truthful as well. She said she never lied with her body or her affection, and I believe her. And, of course, she didn't have the sort of relationship with me, with Ralalta, or with the princess that Muranna had."
"I am going to offer a small piece of advice. It may be far too soon. In your heart, you should forgive your old friend. What she did was against your will, but she didn't do it to hurt you. She did it to return you to the Goddess."
My tone turned flat. "She did it for my own good."
"Just like when we make our children eat their peas."
I hesitated only slightly, and then when I spoke, I was firm. "Maybe someday I will forgive her, but I do not believe so. Maybe if the Goddess really does talk to me, and it isn't to simply berate my poor accent, I might forgive Muranna in whole or in part. But I intend no effort to do so. I no longer dwell on what she did, but I certainly do not want to see her. I do not believe I would hold back my reaction, and I would be far more actively looking to escape if she were here."
"You have had no opportunity, Yallameenara, and I will not offer any."
"Ah, but I do not know if I could keep some of the vows I have made, if she were here. I really hope you will not invite her."
"I will say nothing more of it. You know my thoughts."
I inclined my head.
"Well then. Good evening, Yallameenara."
"Good evening, Vérundia."
* * * *
Time passed. Vérundia and I hosted the summer solstice ser
vice, and I was able to sing more of the songs. I carefully delivered the closing benediction in the language of the Goddess.
I'd been here for over two years.
I received a letter from Ralalta, written in Arrlottan. I knew that had to be difficult for her. While it would not have been impossible to find someone from the horse people to help draft a forgery, it was one extra difficulty, and perhaps a significant difficulty, and so she and I corresponded in the language of my birth.
She gave little news, perhaps not wishing to add to any feelings of homesickness I might have. She only said she was well, and Juleena also. Near the end she asked, "Are you happy? Would you choose to remain, now that you have Zana and Hamper, or would you come home to us if you could."
I asked Vérundia if I would be permitted a reply and what I could say. "You may say anything you wish as long as you offer not a single clue where we are. Mention nothing of mountains or distance from the capital." In other words, the same rules as before.
And so I had written my reply in careful Arrlottan, choosing words Ralalta would know. I told her about my hair, and that I had made friends, even of Larien. I didn't offer too many details about that. I told her I assisted with the ceremonies and was expected to one day lead them. I told her we spoke Altearan day to day, and I had become quite comfortable, but that I still struggled with the language of the Goddess. For that word, I had to rely on Framaran, as there was no such word in Arrlottan. But at the end, I told her that I had vowed to seek a way home. As of yet, I had no opportunity, and great care was given to prevent leaving an opening to me. I told her I gave only limited promises of good behavior.
I told her I wanted to come home, but I didn't think I would ever be allowed.
But I also told her she should not punish Framarans for this, and if the steps she had taken to punish Alteara were harmful to my fellow countrymen, perhaps she should relent. She must do what was best for the people she governed. I was not abused or kept in a prison cell, and she need not worry for my good care.
I brought the letter to Vérundia. I read that part to her and asked if that was too large a hint. She said "no", but made me vow there was nothing in the letter that would help the queen find me. I gave my vow, for there was not.
I had no hope of ever going home.
* * * *
Time passed. The peak of summer arrived and departed, and autumn loomed before us.
Dragons
The first I knew there were troubles was when Vérundia ushered the maids, Larien, and Terél into my quarters. She said hurriedly, "You must remain in here and quiet." And then she invited two of the guards into my room. Vérundia spoke quietly to them and then slipped from the room, closing the door quietly behind her. The guards set their backs to the door, folding their arms.
"What's going on?" I asked. "I didn't do anything wrong."
"We know," said Terél. "Perhaps we should play a nice game of cards."
"We should be helping," said Naddí.
"You are," Larien said. "You are protecting the high priestess."
"What?" I said. "I don't need protection."
Larien turned to me. "Keep your voice down."
I stared at her. "The walls are a hundred feet of rock. I could scream at the top of my lungs and no one would hear."
"The door is not a hundred feet of rock," she replied. "You will keep your voice down, or..." She looked around. "Or we can all move into the closet. Those walls are a hundred feet of rock."
I folded my arms. "You know what is happening. You will tell me."
"No. But you will behave. Won't you?"
I raised an eyebrow to go with the folded arms. "I am the high priestess here, not you. Or at least that is what you all keep saying. And so as high priestess, I order you to tell me what is going on."
"All right," she said. "We are here and staying quiet. That is what is going on."
"Tell me or I'll start screaming."
"And we'll stuff you into the closet and sit on you. I mean it, Yallameenara. One tiny scream, and you'll be in there so fast it will take five minutes for your boots to catch up."
"Tell me why and I'll consider behaving."
"Misbehave, and it's the closet for you. And we won't be gentle about it. There are six of us. We can manage one bratty high priestess."
"I am not bratty. I am simply determined. Tell me why you won't tell me."
"That wasn't even at all a subtle attempt, Yallameenara. Now, are you going to behave, or is it the closet for you?"
"I'm not promising anything."
"Promise you'll give me fifteen seconds warning before you begin to misbehave."
"I don't think so."
"Grab her."
Everyone lunged for me, and I didn't get so much as a squeak out before they had me pinned to the floor and a hand over my mouth.
"Okay," I said into the hand. "Okay!"
Larien leaned close beside my ear. "If I remove my hand, are you going to keep your voice down?"
I thought, then nodded.
She removed her hand slowly.
"I'll behave," I said. "And give you fifteen seconds warning if I change my mind."
"No. You had that chance. Now I want a minute."
"And you're not going to explain."
"No."
"You know none of you is invited to my bed for the next month. You know that, right?"
"I can live with it," she said. "You have five seconds to promise. One minute warning, or it's the closet for you."
"I'll behave," I said. "Or give you a minute's warning that I won't."
"Thank you." And they all released me, although they left me on the floor to sit myself up, dust off, and climb back into a chair.
I folded my arms again. "You didn't have to do that."
"Are you taking us seriously now?"
I sighed. "Yes."
"Good. We may be in here for some time. We may not. Someone may come to retrieve us and take us somewhere else. Will you cooperate then?"
I studied her, and I realized something.
We'd been invaded.
"I believe, Larien, you would have told me less if you'd come in and asked us for a quiet game of cards. I wouldn't suppose you'll tell us who we're hiding from."
"It's an emergency drill."
"Nice try."
"We should make her ready now," Naddí said. "In case we need to move quickly and quietly later."
"We might be in here for days," Terél said. "Weeks. If we have to move, it won't take long to prepare, and even less time to disappear below."
"Emergency drill," I said. "Right. Fine. Don't tell me what everyone else knows. But don't blame me when the Goddess finally talks to me, and I refuse to tell any of you what she says." Then I got up, grabbed a book, and headed for my bed. I flopped down, and I made a point of hogging all the pillows besides.
And then I realized I had grabbed the wrong book. I'd finished this one. But it would destroy my entire exit if I had to go back and get the other book, so I huffed to myself and rolled over, pretending to read.
Larien left me alone for about fifteen minutes before she stepped over, sat on the edge of the bed, and gave me the proper book. "If you're going to pretend to read, you should turn pages now and then. You finished that one yesterday, didn't you?"
"You're not welcome in my bed for a month."
"I'm not in your bed. I'm on your bed."
"You are welcome neither in nor on my bed for a month."
She didn't argue. She slipped off and sat on the floor, facing me.
I huffed. "You are not welcome within..." I sat up and looked around. "Two paces of my bed for a month."
Larien flashed a brief smile, quickly suppressed, and then slid backwards, just outside the stated distance. She smiled again.
"Are we in danger?"
"No."
"Are people going to be hurt?"
"It's a drill."
"Is this a drill for the sort of event where people c
ould get hurt?"
She paused and then said, "If we tell you we're leaving, please do not fight us, Yalla. I'm begging you. You're too important."
"We have enemies?"
"The king and queen do."
"A coup?"
"It's a drill."
"It's a drill for a coup?"
"Or invaders from over the mountains. Or dragons."
"Dragons."
"Right."
"I'm fairly sure a dragon would be too big to make it down here."
"Which is why we're most likely safe. If this is a drill for a dragon invasion. But I hear some dragons are long and sinuous rather than big and wide. A long sinuous dragon could make his way down here."
"What would a dragon want?" I asked.
"Treasure and virgins."
"I have no treasure, and there isn't a virgin in the room."
"You haven't slept with these guards,” Larien observed.
"Okay, I'm making an assumption about them, but they have that look."
"What look?"
"The look that suggests Féla and Naddí have slept with them."
"I couldn't say."
"We could ask. You know, in case we should be doing a virgin check. It would be nice to tell any dragons who knock at the door, 'No virgins', and not have to lie."
"There's still treasure. And I understand dragons adore books."
I widened my eyes and clutched the book to my chest. "Shouldn't we be guarding the library?" Then I smiled. "I thought it was unicorns that wanted virgins."
"Face it, Yalla. Everyone wants virgins. Dragons. Unicorns. Féla and Naddí."
I laughed, but then smothered it. Then I said, "You still aren't welcome on my bed."
"Or within two paces."
"I might relax and make it one."
"I shall hold hope close to my heart," she replied.
"Do you really think we'll be in here for weeks? I don't know about you, but I'll get awfully ripe by then."
"As it's a drill, no," she said. "I imagine that the simulated invaders will be lured into the twistiest of the remote passages, where they will grow firmly lost."
"And then what happens?"
"And they we turn out the lights."
"If they're dragons, won't they just breathe fire?"