Going Long (Waiting on the Sidelines)

by Ginger Scott

  “Yeah, I know…just let me do the little things though, okay Pops? Humor me,” Reed said, his bag weighing over his shoulder. His hair was still wet, and his body damp from his shower. He was dressed nicely, like he was getting ready to go out for the night, wearing dark jeans and a fitted black shirt rolled at the sleeves to show off his engraved watch and strong, golden forearms.

  He tilted his head my way for just a brief second or two, making eye contact with me once or twice. He was talking to Dylan now, almost as if he was getting directions. His face was smirking when he turned back at me again, like he wanted to share a secret with me. I was stuck on him, not able to move away, but the burning stare from Jason couldn’t be ignored. His grin was less playful, more cunning and amused. Suddenly uncomfortable, I turned my attention back to my friends, and to Rosie who had pulled up with the truck so Buck wouldn’t have to walk very far.

  “So, what’s the deal? Are we driving back home? You staying at my house?” Sarah asked, nudging me to attention.

  “Oh, uh, I guess so,” I said, half of me still yearning to hear Reed’s conversation. We were starting to get up to walk away, my whole heart slamming into my stomach, overwhelmed with dejection, when I felt a hand on my back, and heard his voice.

  “Hey, wait up,” Reed said. I spun around to face him, stumbling into his chest a little so he had to right me back on my feet. “Whoa, there’s no race,” he joked.

  I just smiled, eagerly, wanting his next words to be, “I forgive you,” and “I love you,” and “forever.” Instead, he looked down, chewing the inside of his cheek a little, and pinching his brow as if he wasn’t sure about what he wanted to say. “Hey, so…I was hoping maybe we could talk sometime…not tonight, I can’t,” he said, shrugging over his shoulder where Dylan, Jenny and Jason were waiting, my heart sinking all over again. “I’ve got a few things to run over with Dylan. And…God, I’d really love to put them off…but I can’t. I tried. There’s a lot in play over the next few weeks…but, I was thinking, maybe Friday? I know you have finals coming up. So, I wanted to talk before I lost you to your books, super nerd?”

  Super nerd. Ha. He had no idea how far from that I’d been. I would be happy, at this point, to escape my psych class with a D. But now wasn’t the time to lie out my pathetic fall from academic greatness to Reed. We didn’t have the time for that. So instead, I just smiled and gestured to his waiting party. “Sure, Friday’s fine. You should go. Your…people are waiting,” I said, unsure of what to call them, Jenny. He just turned to give them the one-minute sign with his hand, causing Jenny to smile and wave. I winced at her happiness, still jealous.

  “Okay,” he said, kicking his hands forward into mine a little, my eyes zeroing in on his small touch. “I’ll be there, at your dorm, at 7. Wear something nice.” He smiled as he turned to jog back to the others.

  He was coming to see me in person? I had expected a phone call. But he…was taking me out? My heart was flipping inside, full of possibility. But as I watched him walk away with Dylan, Jason, and Jenny, I caught myself a little, not wanting to fall too far. And when Jason turned to give me a small wink and a shrug, his head tilting to Jenny, I questioned everything all over again.

  Chapter 12

  Reed

  When I left to join Dylan and Jason at the Hyatt restaurant for our business meeting, every single fiber of my body was fighting against me. But I knew I had to take this meeting. Dylan had arranged for an informal meeting with someone on the Chargers coaching staff. To make it all seem accidental and informal, we had to set it up to be like a real evening out…like a date. And when Dylan suggested that Jason and Jenny join us to just make it work, I didn’t fight her on it much. Dammit, I regretted that now.

  Seeing Nolan’s face in the stands brought me home. I knew I’d owe Sarah hugely for sneaking me a text about where they were sitting before the game started. But damn if I wasn’t relieved to have her on my side this time. People say shit about your life flashing before you in moments of fear and tragedy, but I had my life play before me the moment I locked eyes on Nolan. I remembered every moment I’d done the exact same thing, sought out her face in the crowd, just to know where she was. I’d been doing it since we were kids, really. Before I was hers, and she was mine. I didn’t know what the pull was then, but I understood it now. And I’ll be damned if I was going to let it go without a serious fight.

  I noticed the hurt on her face when she saw me leave with Jenny. I’d have to explain what really happened, where we went, and what she was doing there. I knew I would. But I had a lot of work to do before then. I had to make my girl whole again. And if there was anything that had broken on my watch, well, I was going to try my damnedest to fix it.

  That’s what I was doing at my mother’s on Thursday, and why I had to put off my first step with rebuilding my life with Nolan until Friday. I had offered to take my mom out for dinner, hoping a public venue might soften her up a little, but she was excited to see me, and always hated to share our time together. She had a special dinner prepared, and we ate at her house with Sam. I liked Sam. I did. He was nice to my mom, and incredibly tolerant of her need to be in a spotlight. But he wasn’t a fighter, like my dad. He was the kind to roll over and let her get her way. And I didn’t need any extra players working against me tonight, so I waited to talk to my mother in private after dinner was done.

  Sam had retired to his office to “Take care of some phone calls,” he said, but I had grown to know that was when my stepfather snuck in his cigars and brandy. When he left, I joined mom out on her patio for coffee. I didn’t really like coffee, but I’d drink it. I’d drink anything to make time for this conversation tonight. I was nervous, like a child asking their parent for something really huge, something that meant something to them, and required trust and faith. I think what scared me most was that my mom wouldn’t have either in me, not about this. But I also knew that if I didn’t try, I’d regret it for the rest of my life.

  “Hey, Mom? I need to ask a favor of you,” I started as we slid into the comfortable recliners that overlooked the sprawling pool and water features near her patio.

  “Of course, Reed sweetheart. Anything, you know that, right?” she said, and I hoped like hell she meant it…because the alternative would be ugly.

  I sat up and turned sideways to face her, my elbows resting on my knees, so I could stare into the steam coming from my cup, almost hoping it would reveal some crystal-ball message that would guide me through this. Taking a deep breath, I looked up at my mom, the woman who raised me, and had always told me she would do anything it took to make me happy. “I need you to help Nolan,” I said, my stomach falling out of me, and my head getting light from the nerves that were now filling my body.

  My mom’s lips formed a straight line, not a smile…but not a frown. Her eyebrows were low, considering perhaps? She set her cup down on a table and sat up to face me, but kept her gaze down. Afraid? “Reed…what kind of trouble is Nolan in?” my mom asked, her body visibly shuddering.

  “She’s had some bad things happen this semester…sort of a really shitty run of luck,” I started, my mom smacking my knee at my curse word. “Sorry, I just meant it for emphasis,” I kept going, taking in another deep breath before getting to the meat of my request. “Anyhow, she’s been distracted—like, really distracted, Mom. And her scholarships are in jeopardy. And you and I both know how much those mean to her, how important they are to her…”

  I waited, watching my mom’s face react to what I had said. She wasn’t following where I was going, I could tell. I was going to have to come flat out and ask.

  “Mom, I was wondering if there was any way you would consider reviewing her scholarship packet for your foundation award?” I pulled the packet from the bag I’d kept with me most of the night. I’d spent three nights working on it, pulling everything Nolan had saved on my computer over the last two years when she filed for scholarship after scholarship, and emailing Sarah to sneak me the pieces I w
as missing. My mom took the packet from my hands, her lips curled into a bit of a smile, stifling a laugh. Finally, she broke out in a giggle, and held her hand over her lips a little to feign hiding it.

  “Whaaaat’s funny?” I asked, my brow heavy with confusion now.

  My mom laughed a little harder now, sliding the packet to the side of her and covering her face with her hands while she bent forward and then sat up, blotting the laughter tears from the corners of her eyes. “Oh, Reed honey…wow, you really had me going for a minute there,” my mom said, fanning herself now, trying to recover from her strange giggling fit.

  “I’m sorry?” I asked, not understanding.

  “Well…when you started this conversation, I was so certain you were going to tell me she was pregnant. Honey, I almost stopped breathing at the thought of that. I mean, can you imagine? You having a baby…with that girl?” She was laughing again at her words. Her eyes were closed with laughter, in fact. A blessing, because never in my life had I been more ashamed, and angry, with the woman who raised me. I hated her words, and they were making me hate her. Of all things she could say, of all possible reactions, this one was not something I had prepared for, and it had me reeling.

  I got to my feet suddenly and pulled out my keys to start walking for the door. I had to leave before I said something awful. But I was naive thinking my mother would make this easy.

  “Reed, sweetie? Oh, come on honey…you can’t blame me for laughing. I mean it’s really quite a ridiculous thought. I was just so surprised.” My mother was walking after me now, the tip tap of her heels on the patio stones grating on every last one of my nerves. I just turned and stared into her eyes, stone-faced, wanting her to see how I felt about the words she spoke.

  “Reed…you know I can’t give any special treatment for our scholarships, honey. My hands are tied,” my mother said, just holding her hands up in a tying gesture, as if I didn’t get it.

  Pursing my lips, I just nodded and turned back to leave.

  “Reed, sweetheart? Stay, finish your coffee with me,” my mom was sounding more desperate now. I stopped at the doorway, my feet urging me to leave, but my heart telling my brain that now was the time to fight. I’d made a renewed vow that I would—against anyone and anything—no matter what when it came to Nolan. And deep down, I knew that I’d have to have this moment with my mother.

  “I’m not staying for coffee…” I started, her face falling flat. “And Mom? I’m not coming back to see you. Frankly, I can’t stand the sight of your face right now.”

  My mother physically stumbled backward at my words, her hand flying to her heart like she’d been wounded. But I also knew she was playing me, making this about her. But this was about Nolan, and how absolutely cruel and hateful Millie Johnson-Snyder could be.

  “Don’t do that,” I demanded, my voice growing louder and more confident. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about, or where any of this is coming from. You know exactly where this is coming from, Mom. You have never been kind to Nolan. You judge her, disrespect her, and discount her as your equal, as someone worthy of even being a woman in your fucked-up society world. And I’m sick of it. And I’m ashamed of you. I’ve tried to defend you because—goddammit Mom? What son wants to admit that his mother is so heartless, cold and prejudiced? But you are!”

  “You’ve always said you would do anything…anything, Mom! Anything to make me happy—well, Nolan makes me happy! Fuck. Mom? She’s my entire damned world! And if there is ever a day in the future, where I’m lucky enough to have a child with her—to make something so amazing…with that girl—well…you can bet your ass that my son or daughter won’t ever set foot in a household full of so much hatefulness as this one!”

  “So you know what? Just forget everything I asked for tonight. I don’t need anything from you. I’ll find a way to help the woman I love on my own. I’m sorry that I ever thought I could count on you,” I spat out everything in a matter of seconds, my body shaking, and my eyes seeing actual red as I turned and stormed from my mother’s house.

  I had done the impossible. I had left my mother speechless. And it hurt my heart, but I also knew it was the right thing to do, and that I was right about everything. And I’d find a way to help Nolan without her. I peeled out of the driveway as I sped onto the main road, heading back to Tucson. I replayed my conversation over in my head the entire way back to my dorm, and every single time, I was satisfied, happy I’d finally said what needed to be said.

  I’d had disagreements with my mother before, but never over anything truly important. This one was going to last, and I could just tell. I thought about talking it over with Pops, but I knew he agreed with me. There was no need to bring him into it. This was my disappointment to bear, and I was finally ready.

  To clear my head, I spent the rest of Thursday night preparing. I’d brainstormed just about every single overly romantic gesture known to man, and I was half tempted to pull them all out for this one date. But I also knew I had to take things slow. I was pretty satisfied with what I finally settled on, and when I called Sarah to run it by her, she agreed. If you would have asked me in high school if Sarah and I would be as close as we’d become, I would have laughed, a gut-busting kind of laugh in disbelief. But now was a different story. We were close, and Sarah was no longer just Nolan’s friend—she was mine, too.

  Before I would be able to focus on the evening, I knew there was some shit I just had to get out of the way. I knew when Noles would be at her writing workshop. It was the only damn thing she still went to religiously, so I counted on her being gone for at least two hours. It gave me enough time to show up early and pay a little visit to Gavin.

  I could hear his pussy-ass music playing on the other side of the door when I got to his room. I smirked a little to myself, thinking about how surprised he was about to be before I knocked softly on his door. I heard the music turn down and saw the shadows of his footsteps under the doorway before he opened. When he made eye contact with me, his face fell instantly. It may have been disappointment that I was not Nolan, but I also think there was a little fear in the mix, too. And I fucking LOVED that!

  “Reed, uh…what’s up, man?” he said, leaning into his door a little, trying to look relaxed. I could tell from the rapid movement in his eyes that he was anything but.

  “Not much, Gav. Hey, you gotta sec? I think you and I need to talk,” I said, just pushing my way into his room. His walls were an interesting mixture of posters, with deep quotes, poetry and music. I saw his guitar propped up in the corner, and my stomach turned just thinking about how he probably tried to use his talent to woo my girl. This prick needed to pay.

  “Yeah, uh… come in, I guess,” he said, shutting his door and shrugging at me. I was leaning on his desk now, my legs crossed, and my hands in my pockets. He pulled out one of his chairs and turned it around to sit backward. I chuckled a little at him when he did this.

  “So, Gavin…remember that night I saw you coming out of Nolan’s room?” I said, just diving right in. I’d played this scene over in my head enough times. I was ready.

  Gavin just nodded a little, looking down and laughing to himself. “Yeah, I know that night,” he looked up, smiling. “Look, what the fuck do you want, Reed? Let’s not beat around the bush.”

  “Sounds good to me,” I said. “I think you owe me an apology. And, frankly, I think you owe Nolan one, too…but you can just give me hers, because there’s no fucking way I’m letting you anywhere near her.” I had pulled my hands from my pockets at this point and crossed my arms at my chest to flex my forearms, just for effect.

  Gavin just tapped on the back of the chair a bit, looking at his hands and nodding. Finally, he took a deep breath. “Reed, you don’t own her. You don’t get to make decisions for her or control her life. And if she wants to spend time with me, well…I’m sorry, but that’s not my fault, and you don’t get a say in it,” he said. Cocky motherfucker.

  I chuckled to myself a
gain, looking down and shaking my head. “Yeah, you’re right,” I said, looking back at him, locking my gaze to his. “I don’t own her. But neither do you. And when you spun that little tale the other night, you weren’t thinking of Nolan. You were thinking of yourself, and how you could get me out of the way so you could make your play. Genius, really. I mean, damn, I can’t believe I fell for it! But shit didn’t really work out like you wanted. Did it, Gavin?”

  We stared at each other for seconds after I spoke. He was thinking of his next move, what to say. But I knew he was out of the picture. Fuck, he was never in the damn picture in the first place. He was a blip in my girl’s emotional meltdown. And he’d taken advantage of her, and I wanted to knock his goddamn teeth out.

  “I told Nolan I’d wait. She’s just getting over you, but she and I make sense, and you know it,” he said, his words flaming the fire in my chest, forcing me to my feet. He stood when I did this, moving around his chair so we were now standing face to face. My mouth went flat, a straight and angry line. I was going to put this asshole in his place.

  “Here’s what I see, Gavin. When Nolan needed a friend, she leaned on you. And then your warped fucking mind took that shit and ran with it. You took more from her than she wanted to give, more than she wanted you to have. You wormed your way in when she was at her lowest. And that’s not making sense together, dude…that’s fucked up mind games and selfishness,” I said, putting a finger in his chest to knock him off balance.

  He stared at me blankly, breathing slowly. I was satisfied, and I was ready to leave. I walked to his door and put my hand on the handle, turning to give him one last warning. “Gavin, it’s time for you to end this shit. You don’t get to be Nolan’s friend now; you’ve lost the privilege, understood?” I asked, waiting for his nod. I didn’t expect the asshole to put up a fight, nor did I expect the words he said next.