by Amanda Heath
I jump in my old white Ford and back out of the driveway. I try not to think about what just happened, but my brain has other ideas. I don’t want to remember that she tastes like the sweetest chocolate or that she smells like pomegranates. I don’t want to remember the way she feels soft in all the right places and she fits perfectly under me, like she was made to be there. I admit that I am freaking out. I’ve never wanted to devour anyone like that before. It doesn’t help she wasn’t wearing those awful glasses so I could read her eyes perfectly. Or that she was actually nice to me, well somewhat.
Before I know it I’m pulled up into Creed’s driveway. He has a party going on, as usual. His house is pretty much the only one we can party at. His dad died when he was eight and his mom is doped up on pills most of the time. Hell she even parties with us sometimes. I used to think it was cool when I was 16. Now I think she is just a neglectful mother with serious issues.
I find Creed in his bedroom staring at the ceiling. He doesn’t party as much anymore. It’s all about the show with him. It’s almost like he can’t stand for anyone to see he doesn’t like this shit. I don’t most of the time. I got into a huge fight with my dad yesterday and needed something to make this pain go away.
“Contemplating why the sheet rock is smooth?” I ask him seriously.
“Wondering why my mom needs to fuck herself up so much. I spent all night with her in the bathroom.” He sighs and rubs a hand down his face. “She’s down there tonight drinking vodka like it’s water after taking 2 oxycodone. Life is not that bad.”
“I can’t even begin to explain the actions of your mother. Can you explain my dad? They are the way they are. There’s nothing we can do about it.” I move away from the door and sit on his bed. This is the Creed no one knows. The serious guy who doesn’t find humor in the actions of others. The one I see down there with those people is fake. This is the Creed I like, the real Creed.
“We go off to college in a few months. What the hell am I going to do? I’ll be worried about her overdosing the whole time I’m away.” He sits up beside me and hangs his head.
“I know you care about her, she’s your mom. You have to understand though she doesn’t care about anything. Only the next high. If she wants to kill herself, let her. You’ve taken her to rehab, she just won’t get better. Her intervention was a joke. I know this is harsh but I don’t want you to fuck up your future because you’re worried about your mom.” I say this to the back of his head, since he won’t look up at me when I talk.
“I know,” comes his muffled reply. I know he’s hurting but I don’t want him to get lost here. I don’t want him to fall into the same route his mother is on. He deserves better than this place.
“I made out with Norma Jean Davis.” I blurt out after a really long silence. I cringe at the words. She is this tiny little thing with crazy ass hair, black clothing, and the temper of a wild animal. Her name seriously needs to be on some country fried girl in daisy dukes and pigtails.
He slowly brings his head up and his brown eyes are huge. “Umm…what?”
I flush because I’m embarrassed about how this all came around. “Apparently while I was beyond drunk last night I kind of kissed her. Which lead to making out. Then I threw up. Which she cleaned up. Then I held her hostage all night long.”
I open my mouth to go on but he jumps in, “Wait, you held her hostage? Why the hell would you do that?”
“I was drunk. I don’t remember any of it. She pretty much said she came to check on me and I pulled her in bed with me. Anytime she went to leave I wouldn’t let her.” It sounds so bad like that.
“Well if you don’t remember it, then it didn’t happen. You know how much she hates you. She would never tell anyone.” He has a point but I don’t really want to hide it. This makes me a sick bastard. What am I doing?
“Well, that would be true if we hadn’t made out again tonight.” Creed shakes his dark blonde head and holds back laughter.
“You never surprise me. You live on autopilot.” He is full blown laughing at me now. “You have knocked my fucking socks off. What possessed you to make out with Norma? I mean really, Norma?”
The same thing has been going through my head since I left the house. “I can’t tell you what was going through my head last night, but tonight she was being all sultry and sexy. I let my dick lead me. I would have lost my virginity on my mom’s couch if Macy hadn’t woke up. I haven’t been this freaked out about anything in years. I can’t focus my thoughts. I keep seeing her in my head. I feel her under my palms. I think I’m losing my mind.”
“Whoa…just whoa.” We both sit there in silence for a minute. I have shocked Creed Donovan, the ever talker, into silence. “Okay so you are telling me you have the hots for Norma? I mean zitface freak Norma? I can’t even comprehend that. She will eat you alive.”
“Don’t call her that. You know there isn’t a zit on her face anymore. She’s actually really pretty now.” I pause and scrunch up my face. “Okay that sounded lame. You know what I mean.”
“Oh I know she is pretty now. I’m just surprised you noticed. I mean come on, you’re the one who came up with those names.” I flinch. I know it’s true but that doesn’t mean I want to hear it.
“I know. I’ve been watching her lately. She makes me feel things I haven’t ever felt before. She makes my body crazy. Which is weird considering I hooked up with Devon Bridges.” Devon is the head cheerleader and the finest piece of ass in our school. Creed’s words not mine.
Before Creed can say anything his bedroom door bursts open. I suck in a breath when Marley Chambers walks into the room. Norma’s cousin. Let me tell you about Marley. 6’4 about 230 pounds, black hair he spikes up in the front and the same violet eyes as Norma. The boy is stacked and can kick the shit out of me. Which he has a few times because of shit I said to his cousin. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he asks me in a voice filled with rage.
I can feel my eyes bugging out of my head and my jaw touching the ground. Why would she tell him? “She told you?” is the only thing I can get out of my mouth. I feel hurt that she would, considering she knows he would come after me.
“Don’t look hurt pretty boy. I went to take her a pack of smokes and asked her why she looked like she went rolling around in the hay. The girl can’t lie to me. I was a little shocked mind you. When she threatened to cut off my balls if I came after you, I just had to know what the fuck you are doing to her now.” He is standing just inside the room and I kind of want to flee. His arms are crossed over his chest and I know he is going to punch me very soon.
“Nothing.” What is she doing to me?
Chapter 3
Norma
I’m lying on the bed in the guest room of Stacy’s house. The ceiling is white with painted swirls all throughout. I used to think it was interesting but now I can’t stop thinking about the past. It makes me want to take him down. I want Chance to hurt as much as I did. This path I have chosen to go down might be hard but he deserves what I’m going to do to him.
I remember the first time he ever said anything to break my heart…
The wind blows through my hair slapping me in the face. Maybe it will slap all these hideous things off. Mom says it’s normal to have acne, but I really don’t think it’s normal to have your entire face covered in them. I feel disgusting and ugly. Mom dropped me off at the front of the school about 10 minutes ago and I haven’t even tried to walk in the front door. I’m scared. They will make fun of me. They are cruel.
I finally pull in a deep breath and forge ahead. When I see Chance Duncan standing by the front doors by himself, I cringe. I have the hugest crush ever on the guy. I mean who wouldn’t with all that beautiful hair and those amazing hazel eyes. The way he smiles with those full lips showing off his perfect white teeth. He is way out of my league.
I try and walk past him without bringing notice to myself, but he sees me anyway. I almost make it to the school doors before he ruins me.
Maybe for life.
“Hey zitface, why you going in there? No one wants your ugly mug around here.” he says in his cruel voice. I used to think his voice flowed like melted chocolate but now it’s like getting stuck in a barbed wire fence.
I look up at him with my shoulders tense and tears shining in my eyes. A look of regret passes over his face and I think he might apologize but the hard look returns before he speaks again. “What are you looking at? No one gave you permission to turn your ugly mug this way. Go on before I catch your ugly.”
I can’t even stop the tears now. The salty wetness falls down my cheeks and I wonder if I can run from this place. Where would I go? My mom works graveyard so she will be home. So I turn back towards the door and walk inside with my head lowered. I don’t want them to see me. I don’t want to hear their jokes and the names they will call me. If one of the nicest guys ever thinks I’m so ugly, the rest of them will nearly kill me.
Chance really used to be one of the nicest guys ever. I saw him open doors for people with too much stuff in their hands. Someone spilled something in the lunch room, he was over there helping them clean it up. He says “yes ma’am” and “no sir” and not a lot of boys around here do. He was charitable, compassionate, and mannerly.
That’s what lead to my huge crush on him. One day I ripped my pants when I fell in the hallway. A rather embarrassing incident but before I could freak that everyone could see my underwear, Chance tied his sweater around my waist and took me to the office so I could call my mom. This was of course before I became the hideous monster of our school.
I do realize that he was going through a lot at the time. I had insider information from my mom, but it doesn’t condone all the things he said and did. It won’t change the self-esteem and social issues I now have. I think I will always have them, you just can’t erase that kind of pain. That’s why I want revenge. I want him to suffer just as much if not more than I do. I don’t really care if it’s wrong, what he did was wrong.
No one will ever fuck with me again and get away with it.
It’s two o’clock in the morning when I hear a knock on the door. Since Stacy didn’t call to let me know she was coming home early I assume its Chance. Great just what I need. It even hurts that he left after that intense kiss. Which just gives me more incentive to fuck him over.
“Come in.” I call out softly.
I try to hold in my breath so I don’t gasp at his face. The once flawless pale skin is black and blue around his left eye. His lip is busted but he looks even better than before. It throws off his good boy vibe and leaves an “I’m a bad mother fucker” look to him. It’s only egged on by the glare in his eyes, which is directed right at me. Shit.
“What happened to your face?” I question.
“Marley.” he rasps out. Which is what I thought. Marley wasn’t too happy with hearing Chance kissed me…twice.
“Oh.” is all I have to say to him. I’m not going to apologize for it. I can’t really lie to my cousin, and I really needed cigarettes.
He looks at me sharply and I cringe deeper into the bed. He stalks his body over to the bed and sits down. He doesn’t touch me but I can feel his heat on my legs where his back almost touches them.
“Why?” he asks very softly that I almost don’t catch it.
I pretend I don’t know what he is talking about. “He asked me why I had sex hair and swollen lips. I can’t lie to him. I didn’t think he would beat you up.”
He rests his head in his hands with his arms resting on this thighs. He lets out a whoosh and shakes his head slowly. I feel like complete shit about it to be honest. I knew Marley would beat him up. I’m pretty sure when we were younger he threatened Chance within an inch of his life if he ever talked to me again.
“Why?” he asks again, this time with anger in his voice. Which I’ll admit makes me shiver.
I ponder on this question for a few tense silent minutes before I give him what he wants. “I don’t know why you’re asking me. You’re the one who kissed me last night. For some reason I won’t even begin to wonder about, I liked it. I wanted more. It’s the most fucked up thing that has ever happened, but there you go.”
He turns those hazel eyes my way and something stirs in my belly. Something I don’t want to feel, yet I never want it to go away. A smile plays about his lips and I involuntary bite my lip. Then he speaks, and I wished he hadn’t. “It’s like opening my eyes for the first time ever. I’ve never wanted someone as much as I want you. I can’t figure it out. You’re the only person I should stay away from. Everything I ever said to you before this weekend was wrong. I could see what it was doing to you, but I couldn’t stop myself. Maybe I just want to make up for all that. I want you to be happy.”
At this point I’m very pissed off. If he wanted me to be happy and normal then he shouldn’t have been the reason I’m not. “You can take that shit and get out. I don’t need you to make me happy. You’ve done enough in my life.” I’m breathing heavy and I really want to punch him in the other eye. I truly think I might cry and I promised myself this asshole would never make me cry again.
“I’m not going to leave, Norma. I want to make all that stuff up to you. You deserve to be treated with respect, like a human being. I have to do that.” His big warm hand smooths over mine and tingles shoot up my arm. I clinch my eyes shut to beat back those tears that want to spill.
“You want to be able to live with yourself, is what you really want. It’s actually really selfish if you ask me.” He squeezes my hand and I pretend I don’t like the way it feels. I pretend I don’t like the way he touches me.
“Look at me.” he softly commands. I keep my eyes shut. I will not look at him. We sit in silence again before I feel him shift around on the bed. I was hoping he was getting up to leave but I feel his heat above me. My body shivers of its own accord. “Look at me.” he whispers in my ear.
My eyes pop open and he is hovering above me. I think I start panting at this point. His face is in shadows, making his eyes black. It’s actually pretty freaky. “What?” I squeak out.
“I remember the natural color of your hair. I liked it but I love this black. It makes those violet eyes of yours pop and your skin a beautiful peach color. You freaking glow for crying out loud. It makes me follow you with my eyes where ever you go.” He says all this while staring into my eyes. It’s intense and mind blowing. “This face,” he says while his hand comes up to cup my cheek and rub his thumb along the bone. “May have once been something you weren’t proud of, but now, now it’s so beautiful. These red lips I go crazy for. This perfect little nose. Big ole eyes you can get lost in.” He trails kisses along each places he describes and I feel my hands bunch into his t-shirt, unconsciously trying to pull him closer. “I don’t want to make you happy for me, no Smalls, I want to make you happy for you. You deserve all the happiness I have taken away from you. It was wrong and I’m trying to make it right.”
I think that is the most I have ever heard him speak. It’s usually one word answers and questions. Grunted statements. Those softly spoken words flow through me and my brain doesn’t seem to work anymore. “Okay.” That tiny smile at the edge of his lips is back. I know what he is asking, in that unspoken way of his. Saying something without really saying it.
He kisses my cheek gently and my lashes flutter. My breathing is still labored and I start to wonder who is playing who in this situation. I start running ideas around in my head, something that will get him made fun of. Something he will never live down. I need to add a show of affection for me in there. Make him declare it in front of the whole school. It has to be epic.
He climbed off the bed while I was lost in my thoughts. He is just standing there looking down at me funny. “What?” I know I don’t have anything in my teeth or on my face. He was just up close and personal with it.
“I’m afraid of what’s in there.” He points at my head. That makes me chuckle. He really should be scared.
“So you li
ke want to date me or something?” I ask with a cocky edge to my voice. I think I found the perfect thing for him to do. Now I’m just plain giddy.
“Umm…yeah.” And I pretend that just didn’t make my stomach flip. Yeah I’m in so over my head.
“Then I want you to go to school in a dress on Monday.” The look on his face is priceless. “And ask me out in front of everyone.”
Chance
The look on Creeds face says it all. I look completely ridiculous. Before mom got home this morning, I found one of her old dresses from when she was pregnant with me. The shoulders fit very tight but at least the rest is free flowing. It’s dark blue and looks even worse with my orange tennis shoes.
“That color really brings out the color of your hair,” he says before he burst out laughing. I don’t blame him. This was the stupidest thing I ever got myself into.
“Shut up.” I say menacingly. He shuts up though. “Norma.”
The new looks also says it all. “She asked you to wear a dress?” I nod slowly. “That’s fucked up dude. I knew she was crazy.”
“She’s not. I just want her to be happy.” And I really do. I want to see her smile every day. I want to see that smile shine out through those eyes. Their violet color haunt me in my dreams. The loneliness and hurt project on every section of my brain. It’s all my fault.
“Dude, quit beating yourself up about that. It was years ago. She’s over that shit.” I wonder sometimes if he ever uses the eyes in his head. That girl is not okay. I notice the way she looks at everyone with anger. Everything out of her mouth is either rude or sarcastic. She pushes everyone away, and she is left unhappy, pissed off, and hurt. “Besides, you shouldn’t have to go through all this for some girl. I don’t care how hot she is. You wouldn’t have to chase any of these other girls.”