Truly Madly Deeply: Volumes 1-4

by Brenda Pandos

  Once we arrive at Mulberry, she gives me a withering smile. “Be good.”

  I chuckle. “After last night, I’m swearing off booze for a good long time.” And I mean it.

  Logan’s quiet next to me, and I dread what’s coming once we’re alone.

  Syd gives me a worried look. “See you two at dinner.”

  “Yeah.” I sling my bag over my shoulder and walk quickly toward Aspen, as if that’ll avoid the inevitable. The silence presses into me each step we take. I know I should confess, or at least ask about his weekend, but I can’t bring it up, especially if he’s heard what I called his girlfriend.

  “Hard to believe this place will be overrun with kids soon,” I say to alleviate the tension. “And I’ll be adding to their hyperactivity.”

  He takes ahold of my arm and stops me before we cross the road. My throat parches, staring into his angry eyes.

  “I know, Maddy, so stop pretending.”

  My cheeks burn. “Know what?”

  “Don’t play tough girl with me.”

  I pull away. “It was an accident. I’m sorry.”

  “Accident?”

  “What I said. I was drunk, and it slipped out.”

  His eyes narrow. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

  I swallow to loosen my vocal cords. “I didn’t know how. I swear, I had no clue that Kat would be so sweet. I should have never called her that.”

  His head turns to the side. “What are you talking about?”

  I furrow my eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”

  “Dirk mentioned something about Gage. He was worried about you.”

  My eyes widen. “Oh, that!” Holy crap! My mind races. I need to recover, but I don’t know how at this point. “It’s nothing.”

  “What did you say about Kat?”

  My eyes drift downward. Everything inside me screams to retreat, to lie again and stay in his good graces. Another part, though, begs to get my feelings out in the open, to ask for forgiveness and deal with the consequences. The problem is I care what he thinks of me. “Um… I just wanted everyone to know that we’re just friends, and I don’t really remember the rest.”

  His teeth clench, working his muscles in his jaw. Icy tension slides between us, and I can already feel him pulling away.

  “Okay, that’s a lie. It’s just really embarrassing, and I’d rather you didn’t know.”

  “You’re not who I thought you were, Madison.”

  The words hit me hard, and tears pinprick my eyes. I can’t bare his disappointment. “You know, you’re right.” I sniffle. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me. My life isn’t as beautiful and normal as yours is. Gage treats me like dirt, and is jealous of you because you’re nice to me—actually, to be honest, you’re one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. So, I was rude and said things about Kat because I’m jealous of that. So, that’s why I said it, and you have no idea how sorry I am that I did.”

  I storm up the steps, batting off the tears the entire way. I yank on the door, but it’s locked.

  Fishing in my pocket, I just want Logan to leave and not see me fall apart.

  “Maddy,” he says softly behind me.

  “No, Logan. You’re right. Just leave me alone.”

  “Maddy.” He puts his hand on my shoulder and turns me to face him. “I’m not mad at you. Please.”

  “Well, you should be. I’m not good for you. Just do us a favor and… forget about me.” The tears fall in full force.

  He pulls me into a hug. “Shhh. It’s okay. You’re tired and hung over.”

  “No, please.”

  It’s not okay, but I let him hug me anyway. It all keeps rolling over me. I’m falling for a guy I can’t have, and I can’t stop myself from wishing he was mine.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Once I recover, Logan helps me bring my things inside and upstairs.

  He smiles at the mismatching décor, as I lead him to my room, to which we can both barely stand without touching. “Wow.”

  My glance swings to his. “I hope you’re being sarcastic. My closet is bigger than this.”

  “No. Uh…” He gestures to my bed. “You’ve got the same bedspread as Kat.”

  I blink at him, then turn to the offending bedspread. Now that is weird. “Really?”

  “Yeah.” He shakes his head, as if in disbelief, and sets down my sleeping bag. “Who sleeps there?” He points to the empty bed next to mine.

  “No one that I know of. Everyone else snagged the rooms with one bed, so I guess it’ll be for whoever is floating.”

  He gives me a half smile. “Does that mean me?”

  “Now, Logan.” I smirk. I would love nothing more than for him to sleep next to me, but after my confession on the steps, he knows he has to stop the games.

  “Actually, I should shower,” I finally mumble. “I have sand everywhere.”

  “I guess I can’t help you with that, so I’ll see you at dinner.” He winks, then walks out while I try to recover from his statement.

  Once the front door closes, I crumble onto the comforter that matches his girlfriend’s and sigh. How am I going to survive the summer? Somehow, I managed to tell the truth, and luckily it didn’t backfire on me, though he didn’t know what I’d called Kat exactly.

  I need a new game plan, and quick. Something to protect my fragile heart.

  After a shower, a decent dinner, and an entertaining game of biscuit football in the kitchen, my hangover begins to lessen.

  “I told you a Drumstick would cure a hangover,” Logan says as we sit behind the snack shack counter and watch the kids play a night game on the rec field. Every so often a kid tries the knob and finds it locked. I can’t help but feel we are doing something wrong.

  “All my summer tips are going to end up on my hips.”

  Logan laughs and slides off his stool, pulling me into a hug. He rests his arm over my collarbone, then slides up to my shoulders, kneading them. “So, did you like the beach?” he whispers in my hair.

  My eyes roll backward as his heat radiates against my skin, making other places hot, too. I need to say something to ground myself, and quickly, or I might just turn around and kiss him. “Yes, actually. It was pretty amazing, once we found it. How was your weekend with Kat?” Though I force out the words, I hope he’ll say he had a miserable time.

  “It was pretty amazing, too.”

  His words stab me, and I pull away from his massage to wipe off the counter. Coming here together was a bad idea.

  Logan frowns. “What’s wrong?”

  I crumple the wrapper into a ball and toss it into the trash. “I don’t know about this.”

  “About what?”

  I press my lips together. “About this.” I wave my hand between the two of us. “Our friendship.”

  He stares at me. “I thought we worked this out this afternoon?”

  “Yes, but,” I swallow hard. “You’re just… like… touching me, and saying things.”

  “And?”

  “It’s confusing, Logan.”

  His eyes crinkle. “Confusing how? You know I have a girlfriend, and I know you have a boyfriend.”

  “I know you do, but does she know how we act when we’re together?”

  “Sure. She’s got guy friends she works with, too. I’m not the jealous type.”

  I swallow again, my stomach bunching in knots. “Well, I am.”

  Logan dips his head. “What are you saying, Maddy?”

  I grip the counter and pinch my eyes shut, my heart pounds so hard my chest shakes. I have to say it before I chicken out. “I don’t know your definition of friendship, but I can’t be friends with you, not like this. It hurts too much.”

  Logan’s feet hit the floor.

  “Madison,” he breathes.

  I open my eyes, but he isn’t looking at me the way I want him to. He is staring out the window with sadness on his face.

  “I’m sorry,” I choke out.

  He shakes
his head and runs his hand through his hair. “You ruined it.”

  “Ruined what?”

  He turns and his brows are pressed together. “Our friendship.”

  My mouth opens and closes as I grapple with something to say. His expression makes everything inside me hurt. “Never mind. I’m… I’m kidding.”

  “No, Maddy. You crossed the line.”

  I crossed the line? My jaw falls open. What about all the times he’s touched me, held me, or suggested sexual things?

  He shakes his head and opens the door. It swooshes softly as it shuts behind him, the click breaks my heart in two. My legs buckle, and I lower myself to the ground. Tears pour from my eyes. I knew this couldn’t go on, and that I’d need to create space, but to lose him now? So soon? Actually, I never had him to begin with. We were going to endure the entire summer together, and now I’d have to do it alone.

  I manage to make it back to my room. For some reason, I hope I’ll find Logan waiting for me in the bed next to mine, but it is vacant. Though it is early still, I shut off my light and crawl into bed, wishing I could start over. The tears fall down my cheeks and soak into my pillow. I take out my phone and punch in a text to Gage, staring at it before I hit send. If things were bad before, watching Logan ignore me everyday is going to make this summer the longest of my life. Maybe Gage has reformed. I hit send.

  Me: Come visit.

  My eyes slide shut, until the light from the hall makes me open them. I sit up and suck in a startled breath.

  “Maddy?”

  I rub my eyes and wipe away the dried salt.

  “Logan?”

  He sits on the edge of my bed. “You okay?”

  My brows knit together. Is this the same Logan who’d stormed out of the snack shack a few moments ago? “I’m fine.”

  “You slept through dinner.”

  Slept through dinner? I look at the clock next to me. It reads 7PM. Disillusioned, I try to figure what has happened. “What day is it?”

  “It’s Sunday, but don’t worry. I told Joe what happened and he is cool with it.”

  “Told him what?”

  “That you are sick.”

  I let out a sigh of relief. Had it all been a dream? “Are the kids here?”

  “Yeah.” He gestured out of my second-story bedroom window. A huge spotlight pans across the field, illuminating kids frozen in its light. “They’re playing jail break.”

  “Oh.”

  He rubs my shoulder. “You know, Drumsticks have been known to cure a hangover.”

  I look at him. My subconscious and I need to have a stern talking to. Realistic dreams were going to be the death of me. “So I’ve heard.”

  “I happen to know where we might find some.”

  “Oh, do you?” I can’t stop the grin from forming. “Just let me freshen up first.”

  After a quick rinse of my face, and a swish of the toothbrush in my mouth, I accompany Logan to the snack shack, and this time he is far less amorous.

  Even still, I’ve made up my mind. If I want to have a decent summer, I have to keep my feelings under wraps. Friends is all we can ever be, and somehow I have to be okay with that. Somehow, I need to stop myself from falling.

  To be continued in volume 2 …

  VOLUME TWO

  CHAPTER ONE

  They’re everywhere. Tall ones, short ones, pimpled ones, baby faced ones, beards, shaved heads, piercings, tattoos, colored hair: it’s a sea of puberty and the air is charged with hormones.

  “We’re in trouble,” I whisper.

  “And you’re not even a counselor.”

  I slug Logan in the arm as we gawk out the service window. Sofie and Jordan, the two girl counselors who were also on rotation this week, watch with us. Since this week is heavy in the boy department, instead of staying in Aspen, they decided to bunk together in Elder, the vacant cabin.

  “That was me.” He points to a short gangly kid with a sad case of acne.

  “You?” I turn to him in shock, trying to imagine him like that. “I saw your school photos and you didn’t look anything like that.”

  “That’s because we don’t display the ugly years.”

  I wrinkle my nose. “I saw a graduation photo.”

  “It was touched up.”

  “More bacon!” Joe yells.

  Logan jumps to it first, and grabs a rectangular pan out of the warmer, and hoists it to the buffet. “Got it.”

  “Pancakes!”

  I grab the next pan with Sophie’s help, and follow behind Logan. We’d been up at the crack of dawn to help prepare this calorie-laden feast and once the kids devour every last morsel and clean up after themselves, we are free until lunch.

  A yawn slips from my lips as I pass Syd and her gaggle of freshmen girls that cling to her like an oversized hoop skirt, swishing and swaying as she walks. We exchange knowing looks, and I remember back at how we adored our counselor.

  Logan swaps the pans, then comes and helps me with the pancakes. I barely leave the table, and the grabby hands swarm, taking half of the doughy circles before I can blink.

  “We’re going to need more Drumsticks,” I say under my breath.

  “We’re going to need beer.”

  I make a face. Liquor and I weren’t on speaking terms. Not after I shot my mouth off about Logan’s girlfriend at the campfire. Somehow, and don’t ask me how, I’d managed to sweet talk my way back into Logan’s good graces even though I’m pretty sure he knows what I’d said by now.

  My hip vibrates with another text, but I don’t dare look. Not with Joe in eyeshot, and most definitely not in front of Logan. Somehow, I’d sleep texted Gage for real, and in his excitement, he hasn’t stopped hounding me for a day when he can visit.

  “Oh, before I forget.” Logan hands me my car keys. “Thanks. What happened to your bumper, anyway?”

  “Don’t tell me you opened the hatch.”

  He lifts his hands. “I didn’t touch it.”

  I sigh. “I had a fight with a pole and lost, once again proving two things cannot occupy the same space at the same time.”

  “Unless you’re…” Logan whistles two short staccato notes.

  “Shhhh.” I push him into the wall and look around, like the sex police, AKA Dirk, might arrest us. “There might be kids around.”

  He cocks his head. “I just do it to see you blush.”

  “I don’t blush.”

  “Yeah,” he nods, “you do. And it’s so worth it.”

  “You’re all free to go,” Joe hollers to us. Sophie and Jordan dart to clock out first.

  I pull off my apron first and throw it at Logan. He scoops it out of the air and tosses it into the dirty clothes basket along with his.

  “What are you doing today?” he asks after we clock out and walk outside in the crisp morning air. I suck in a breath to clean my lungs of the kitchen smells, tasting the pine in the back of my throat.

  “Nothing much. Laundry, I hope.” Every time I’d visited the machines in the counselor area, they were being used. “I’m on my last pair of undies, and it looks like I’ll need to visit Soap and Suds down the hill.”

  “Mind if I come along?”

  My eyes swing to his. “Sure.”

  Within the hour, we meet at the car with our dirty clothes in hand, but I notice Logan’s duffle bag isn’t even half the size of mine.

  “You don’t really have to do laundry, do you?”

  A wry smile crosses his lips. “My mom did it for me this weekend, but actually, I was hoping to stop by the store.”

  “Why didn’t you go this morning?”

  “Yeah, well…” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t have enough time.”

  I open the driver side door, expecting to find sand on the mats. Everything is exceptionally clean.

  “Hop in.”

  “Can I drive?” he asks.

  “Sure.” I throw him the keys.

  Once we exit the parking lot, I feel like we’ve esc
aped the chaos and jumped into another world, but now I’ll be in for it at 1pm when I open the snack shack for the first time.

  “I think they’re going to eat me alive.”

  Logan laughs. “I’ll help you out if you want.”

  “Will you?” I sigh in relief.

  “Of course. The more favors you owe me, the better.”

  I roll my eyes. “Don’t remind me.”

  Once we head into town, my phone begins to chime, once, twice, three times.

  I pull it out. There were ten missed calls and three messages, all from Gage.

  “You’re popular.”

  His eyes flick over to see the screen.

  “Uh… not really.” I quickly shut off the phone. “I get horrible service on the grounds. Only texts come through, if that. What about your service?”

  “I have an old school phone.” He pulls out a flip phone with actual buttons. “I don’t even get text messages.”

  “What?” I chuckle.

  “I live simply. No bills. No fuss.”

  I clutch tight onto my smart phone. Yeah, it’s not top of the line or name brand, but it’s my only connection to the world. “How do you keep up with everything?”

  “If it’s bad enough, someone will tell me. Other than that, I don’t have time for it. I like face-to-face contact.”

  I frown. If he likes face-to-face so much, then why work here, and not be at home for the summer so he can see Kat everyday? After seeing his parents’ house, I didn’t buy the “I need money,” line.

  “So something’s been bothering me,” he starts. “And I don’t quite know how to ask you about it.”

  I cringe at what that could be. Is he going to confront me about the biotch incident? “Okay?” I say slowly.

  “You’d said Gage treats you like dirt.”

  Crap.

  I run my hands through my hair, pulling it up into a ponytail and securing it with a tie I have on my wrist.

  “Not exactly like dirt,” worse actually. “We’ve been together for so long, everything’s routine. I was hoping the summer apart would rekindle things.”

  He nods, but I know he’s not buying it.