Big Hard Girls

by Nikki Crescent

  Boone’s stomach turned. He hated the idea of counselling. He always thought that counselling was just a scam—everyone who goes into it is already doomed for divorce. But what else could he do? What other option did he have? “Fine, sounds good. Just send me the information and I’ll sign us up as soon as possible. Are you going to come home tonight?”

  “I have to go. It’s time for Danny’s supper,” she said.

  “Okay, sure. But are you going to be home tonight?”

  She hung up without answering, which was an answer in itself. He put his phone back into his pocket and then he went back into his boss’ office to have another glass of whiskey.

  CHAPTER III

  The next morning, Boone called the phone number his wife sent him. As the line rang, his head throbbed. He had a bad hangover—one too many whiskeys with his boss. He couldn’t quite remember the tail end of the night: the part between leaving his boss’ office and arriving home. There was a two-hour gap in his memory. It wasn’t until he looked at his credit card history that he learned he’d gone to a hotel bar, and apparently he’d even booked a hotel room. His heart stuttered. He had no memory of any hotel bar or hotel room. Did he meet with an escort? Or had Lacy used his card at a hotel? And if so, then why?

  “Hello, this is The Last Resort. How can I help you?” said the woman on the other end of the line.

  Boone tried not to laugh. What a stupid name for couples counselling. “Um, yeah. I need to book some counselling.”

  “Is this for you and your wife?” asked the woman.

  “Um, yeah, it is,” Boone said, feeling strangely defeated. He was hoping the act of booking the counselling would be enough to win his wife back. He didn’t actually think that the counselling would help at all—especially not from a place called ‘The Last Resort’. “When do you have a few free hours—I’ll book the soonest you’ve got.”

  “We have an opening next week,” the woman said.

  “Sure. Put us down for that. Which day?”

  There was a moment of silence. “It’s the whole week, sir,” the woman said.

  “What do you mean, the whole week? Like once a day for five days, kind of thing?”

  “No, we’re a resort. Once you check in, you’re here for seven days.”

  “I can’t take the time off of work.”

  “So when would work best for you then?” the woman asked.

  “Never—I can’t take a week off of work ever. Even at Christmas, I only take three days off maximum.” The line went silence. “Hello?”

  “Sorry, sir. But it’s a seven day package, and once you check in, you can’t check out until the end of the program.”

  Boone was about to hang up the phone, and then he saw the photo on his wall: the first picture he ever took with Lacy. They were so young, and so happy. He could remember holding the camera out to take that photo—Lacy couldn’t stop laughing. She was so shy, constantly trying to cover her mouth because she still had her adult braces on. They had sex for the first time that night. Boone didn’t last long, but it didn’t matter. They spent the whole night awake, cuddling, talking about all of the things they wanted in life. Did Lacy mention money? Did Boone mention work?

  “Are you still there, sir?” the woman asked.

  “Sign us up,” Boone said with a heart-pounding reluctance. The week wasn’t cheap: ten thousand dollars, which included everything from lodging to food and liquor.

  “Just so you know, you can’t cancel a week before, and your stay is only two nights away,” the woman said. “So this is all non-refundable. Are you sure you want me to charge your card?”

  “Do it,” Boone said, biting the edge of his tongue. He could only hope that his wife would live up to her word and show up.

  It wasn’t until he was off the phone that he looked up the counselling resort where he was about to spend an entire week. It was in California, near the northern tip, just south of a town called Crescent City. It was on a two hundred acre plot of land and it was fully fenced off. Google had no pictures of the inside of the resort—just of the gate. The resort didn’t have a proper website, just a landing page with a phone number. How had Lacy heard about the place? It seemed so obscure and so secretive. There weren’t even any reviews.

  He called Lacy to let her know the resort had been booked. He asked if he could book her a flight. “I’ll book it myself,” she said. So Boone went ahead and booked his own plane ticket. He couldn’t figure out why she didn’t want to sit on a plane with him for two hours before spending an entire week with him, but he didn’t fight it. He was letting her call the shots, hoping it would make her realize that things weren’t quite as bad as she thought they were.

  That night, he told his boss about the trip. “I’ll be gone for a week,” he said.

  “Just like that? You’re going on a weeklong vacation without even a week’s notice?” His boss looked angry. Boone tried to remember the last time his boss was angry with him. He squirmed and then tried to force a smile. He’d put so much work into getting into his boss’ good books, and now all of that work was being hurled down the toilet, wasted because Lacy insisted on committing to her dramatics.

  “I’m sorry, sir. But it’s already been paid for. Trust me—I don’t want to go, but my wife is making me. I’ll make up for it. I’ll even bring my laptop and I’ll do as much work as possible from the resort. You won’t even notice me gone.”

  His boss wasn’t impressed, but he wasn’t stopping Boone from leaving. And a part of Boone was hoping that he would stop him—then Boone could get his boss to phone Lacy and tell her that it just wasn’t in the cards. So what if the ten thousand dollars was wasted—at least it proved that he was willing to put in the work, and isn’t that what this was all about?

  Boone came into work the next day, even though it was Saturday. He worked fifteen hours and then he went home to sleep. Then he came in Sunday, staying until the janitorial team came in to clean up for the new week. He went home that Sunday night, packed, got three hours of sleep, and then he took off for the airport for his early flight. “California here we come,” he muttered under his breath as he parked his car in the economy lot. He looked around for his wife’s car. A part of him was hoping that his wife would end up on the same flight. If he could get her alone for a few hours, then maybe he could talk her out of this stupid counselling idea. Maybe then they could just go and book a nice suite in a nice hotel and have a real vacation, and not some annoying counselling retreat for bickering couples.

  But her car wasn’t in the lot and she wasn’t on his flight. As he got seated on his plane, he found himself worried that Lacy had just duped him into wasting ten grand and flying halfway across the country as some form of twisted revenge for missing her birthday and their anniversary. He tried to push that thought out from his mind. She wasn’t vindictive like that. He knew her well enough to know that she wouldn’t hurt him like that. Then again, he thought he knew her well enough to know that she wouldn’t leave him the way that she did.

  CHAPTER IV

  Boone was nodding off as he stood outside of the resort’s large gate. The air was warm, and much more humid than he was used to. He’d never been a big fan of coastal weather. He didn’t like feeling wet under his clothes, and he especially didn’t like feeling wet as he got into bed. But it was a small price to pay for saving his marriage.

  He rang the doorbell a second time. He was only thirty minutes late for his rendezvous, but after he paid ten thousand dollars, he figured he should be allowed to be as late as he wanted.

  The gate finally opened and a short blonde woman emerged. “You must be Boone Parker,” she said with a warm smile. But the smile was too warm, as if she was part of some sort of cult. Boone forced a smile back. He was already counting down the days until this retreat was over. He knew it wasn’t going to be fun. He knew they would be doing silly exercises every day, like catching each other while falling backwards, and using teamwork to untie knots in a rope—th
e same shit they made employees do at those teambuilding work retreats.

  “That’s me. Is my wife here?” he asked.

  “She’s already inside.” The woman turned around and started walking down a long path. Boone figured he was supposed to follow, so that’s what he did. He slipped his phone out from his pocket to see if he got reception inside of the gate, but his phone was still in a dead zone. The blonde woman looked back and confirmed this. “You won’t get reception here. There aren’t any cell towers for many miles.”

  “What’s the name of the resort’s Wi-Fi?” he asked.

  She laughed. “There’s no Wi-Fi here. Just beautiful scenery, great food, and the love of your relationship.”

  Boone’s gut turned and his heart fluttered. So this really was going to be a massive bummer of a week. At least it was already underway. At least he could start counting down the seconds until the torture was over. “Well at some point I’ve got to do some work. Surely you’ve got Internet here somewhere. Or maybe I can run into town for a few hours every morning. Is there a shuttle?”

  “No shuttle—no Internet. As a matter of fact, once we’re inside, we’ll be taking your phone and your computer so that you can focus on what’s really important.”

  Boone forced his best smile when the blonde looked back. “Good,” he said, nodding his head. His gut turned again. The seconds weren’t ticking by quickly enough.

  As they came around a corner, a large structure appeared. It looked like it belonged in Rome, with tall white pillars and lots of carved designs all over. The building had two large red doors, which were open. Through the doors, Boone could see the blue ocean, as the building had no wall on the other side. “This is the lobby,” the blonde said. “Your wife is waiting for you inside.”

  Boone looked around as soon as he was inside. The space was mostly empty, save for a cluster of couches on the far end, facing the water. He could see the back of Lacy’s head as she looked out at the ocean. She already had a drink in her hand. At least the resort had liquor.

  He left his suitcase in the middle of the large space and then he went over to see his wife. “Hey babe,” he said. She turned around and smiled.

  “You showed up,” she said. “I wasn’t sure you were going to make it.”

  “I had to make a stop at an Internet café for an hour after I landed. There was a bit of an emergency at work. They’re still trying to figure out how to run things without me there.” He laughed, but she didn’t laugh with him.

  “Mr and Mrs Parker—if you would come with me. It’s time for your first session with Counsellor Andrews. This way, please.” The little blonde was standing behind them.

  “Um, where did she get her drink? Can I get one too? That’s included in the ten grand, right? This place is all-inclusive?” Boone looked around.

  The little blonde remained silent. She stared into Boone’s eyes, as if she was judging him, and then she just turned and starting walking towards a closed door. Lacy followed, so Boone did the same.

  On the other side of the door was another open room. This room had a sofa chair facing a couch. The whole set was black leather, which contrasted the white marble floors. The air in the room was just as humid as the air outside. Boone already felt like he was breaking a sweat. He watched as Lacy took a seat on the edge of the couch. Boone took a seat next to her. He could feel her tensing up, as if he was sitting too close, as if he was a complete stranger. He wanted to say something, but instead he just nudged himself away, giving her some space. She relaxed a little bit.

  Boone couldn’t help but think that her sister filled her head with a bunch of nonsense. Her sister was divorced, and she’d always hated Boone. She probably hated all men. Lacy was probably well on her way to becoming a feminist.

  Now, Boone tried to think of something to say, to break the silence while they waited for the counsellor to show up. He hated that silence. Surely after almost a week apart, they should have something to talk about. But he could only think of work: things that happened at work, things people said at work, gossip that was going around the workplace. He knew that any mention of work would make her cringe and retreat even further—but what else could he talk about? The weather? Shows he watched on TV while she was at her sister’s house, being filled with propaganda?

  She wasn’t saying anything either, giving him the silent treatment, which he was used to. She wasn’t even looking at him, as if she couldn’t stand the sight of him. Normally Boone would have assumed she was just on her period, but it had been a week now and she was still giving him the same dreadful treatment. So he just looked forward and kept his mouth shut.

  Finally, the counsellor showed up. He was wearing a Hawaiian T-shirt and white cargo shorts. He had blonde hair, which he wore slicked back as if he gelled his hair before hopping on a motorcycle. Boone tried not to roll his eyes. The man looked just like the losers who worked in sales: guys who thought they were so charming and cool, but really they just creeped everyone out. “Mr and Mrs Parker. Nice to meet you. I’m Counsellor Andrews,” he said, extending his hand first to Lacy, then to Boone.

  Boone took his hand reluctantly. He hated that he called himself ‘Counsellor Andrews’, as if he wanted to call himself ‘Doctor Andrews’ but he wasn’t a doctor. He didn’t go to medical school; he just went to a year of community college, if that. “Nice to meet you,” Boone said, forcing a smile while trying not to groan.

  “So we’re going through a rough patch. Mrs. Parker—or can I call you Lacy?”

  “Sure,” Lacy said. “Lacy is fine.”

  “Lacy—why don’t you start by telling me about your feelings. What brings you to our little resort?”

  Lacy hesitated at first. She looked over at Boone for a moment, as if she needed to see him to remember why she hated him suddenly. Then she looked back at the wannabe-doctor and started talking about how he missed her birthday and their anniversary. “And he’s always at work—sometimes for fifteen hours a day. When he’s at home, he’s just working on his computer, in his office. I never get to see him.”

  Boone wanted to interject many times, to defend himself. But he knew the counsellor would just cut him off and tell him to wait his turn. He wanted that session to be done with as soon as possible, so he just forced a smile and counted down the seconds in his head. And then the counsellor turned to him. “Now tell me what brings you here,” he said.

  “My wife wants to leave me, and I don’t want her to go. She wanted to give this a try, so I’m giving it a try.” And he left it at that: short and to the point.

  Andrews nodded his head slowly. “So you’ve got no issues with your wife?” he said.

  “Issues? No, I have no issues. I love my wife and I love the life we’ve made together. I only hate the fact that she doesn’t love it as much as I do.”

  Andrews nodded his head slowly again. “So you can’t understand how your wife feels? You don’t think it’s fair that she’s upset with the way things are?”

  Boone took a deep breath. “She can feel however she wants to feel. But—I mean—the reality is, she has everything, and it’s because I work as hard as I do. She has the house she always wanted, the shoes, the diamonds, the cars, and so on. She gets to go on vacations like this whenever she wants—all she has to do is ask. She doesn’t have to work. I make enough money to support her staying at home. Her life is—no offence—pretty easy, and most women would kill to live like that.”

  Andrews, once again, nodded his head slowly. “So you think she’s not appreciative.”

  “I didn’t say that. Don’t put words in my mouth, shrink.” Boone had to take a breath to gather himself. He was already thinking about storming out of that room and out of that resort. He knew it was a waste of time before he even showed up. But he had to stay, just to prove a point to his wife. He was willing to put in the effort if that’s really what she wanted. And maybe all of this nonsense would make Lacy realize that things really weren’t so bad.

  “
Okay. Well, I think I’ve got everything I need to know. So, I’m sure you’ve read a little bit about how this resort works. So Lacy, you’ll go with James and Philip to undergo your transformation. And Mr. Parker, you’ll go with Tania and Kate. You won’t see one another until tonight for dinner. Your helpers will go over all of the rules with you, and then I’ll talk to you again at the end of your stay.”

  Boone looked back and saw two men and two women standing by the door. He was surprised to hear that he was going to be separated from his wife for the day, but he assumed there was some method to the nonsense. He looked over at his wife, who still wasn’t looking at him. “I love you,” he said.

  She looked over at him and forced a pained smile. Then she stood up and walked over to join the two men standing at the door. Her lack of response made his heart hurt. Did she not love him? Was she already over him, just because of a few bad months?

  He got up and walked over to the two women standing by the door. They were both blonde, both with the same haircut—hard to distinguish, even after one of them said, “Hi, I’m Kate,” and the other said, “Hi, I’m Tania!” Both girls were young and pretty. They both had large breasts, which were being held up only by skimpy bikini tops. Boone couldn’t help but wonder if the girls were supposed to be a sort of test—if he would lose points every time his gaze drifted down to their chests. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Parker,” said one of the girls. Boone had already forgotten their names.

  “The pleasure is mine,” he said, and then he followed them into the resort, heading into the opposite direction of his wife. He watched as she disappeared into the treeline with the two burly men. And was she being tested too? Would the men offer themselves to her? Was she pissed enough at Boone to actually fool around with them? Boone tried not to think about it. There was no way he paid ten thousand dollars just so some strangers could fuck his wife.

  The blonde girls brought Boone to a nice little house overlooking the ocean. The house had great big windows looking at the water. Adjacent from the windows was a big fireplace, though Boone couldn’t imagine that it ever got cold enough to need a fireplace. There was a big kitchenette and lots of chairs and couches throughout the space. It would have been a nice place to vacation if not for all of the cult-like counselling. “Okay, now what?” Boone said. “What’s this transformation all about?”