The Retake (Cate & Kian Book 3)

by Louise Hall

  “She calls herself Olivia now,” Cate’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “No, I haven’t talked to any of them.”

  “It upsets you that your sister calls herself Olivia instead of Liv?” India prodded.

  Cate thought about Liv and how easily she’d picked Ruby over her family, over Cate. “She can call herself whatever she wants, I don’t care anymore.”

  “I don’t think that’s true. I think you’re very angry with your sister. Is it because she was the one who found your biological father?”

  “No,” Cate shook her head. “It’s because she found our half-sister too.”

  She slumped forward with her head in her hands. “She looks just like me.”

  “Liv?”

  “Ruby.” Cate found it hard to even say her name. “Ruby Tuesday. Our biological father is a big Rolling Stones fan.”

  Like a magician pulling a trail of brightly-coloured, knotted cloth out of his mouth, Cate somehow found herself telling India everything that had happened in Calder Harbour.

  “How did you feel when you found out that Liv had left the hotel where you were all staying to be with Ruby?”

  Cate felt the start of another panic attack. She didn’t want India to see her like that. “I need to go.”

  “Wait,” India got up and stood in front of the door. “It’s OK.”

  “No, it’s not,” Cate protested.

  “You’re allowed to feel,” India said softly. She put her hands on Cate’s wrists and gently guided her back towards the sofa.

  “I can’t breathe,” Cate choked. She closed her eyes and tried to think about anything apart from the day she’d given birth to Lola.

  “Here,” India handed her a paper bag, “try breathing into this.” Cate took a shallow breath. Ugh, the inside of the paper bag smelled like greasy bacon. Cate had been a vegetarian since she was a teenager. “Keep breathing,” India rubbed her back. “In and out.”

  The smell of bacon distracted her from the thoughts ping-ponging back and forth inside her head.

  Suddenly, she realised that the panic attack had receded. She dropped the bag to her lap and breathed in the fresh, non-bacon air. “What happened?” Cate blinked. That had been the quickest panic attack she’d ever had?

  “You tricked your brain into thinking about something else,” India explained. “You were so focused on the bacon that you forgot you were meant to be having a panic attack.”

  “Can I keep this?” Cate joked, wiping her wet eyes.

  “There are lots of different techniques you can use to control your panic attacks but they won’t actually stop until you start being honest with yourself. You’re not fine. You had a sucker punch to the gut this weekend with seeing your biological father for the first time, finding out that you’ve got a half-sister and then Erin giving birth early.”

  “I don’t understand,” Cate said. “I thought Erin having her baby was good news?”

  “It is,” India checked her watch. “Time’s nearly up. I want to see you again tomorrow.”

  Cate smoothed down her skirt, “I’d better get back to work.”

  India shook her head, “why don’t you take the rest of the day off? Go and buy that gorgeous little boy a present.”

  “I can’t,” Cate stuttered. “You’ve got patients…”

  “I can manage,” India insisted. “Go.”

  CHAPTER 24

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” India called over her shoulder as she and Cate left the clinic the following evening.

  Cate buttoned up her denim jacket, wincing as the fabric pulled tight across her aching breasts. It felt like they’d been filled with rocks.

  After India had let her finish work early the previous day, she’d enticed Kian into the secret playroom she’d found at their apartment in Salford Quays. The first time she’d been to the apartment, after they’d had dinner with Sara and Yoakey at Fiore, she’d noticed the mysterious door leading off the master bedroom but the next morning, Liv had almost burned down St Ignatius and so she’d been too distracted to ask Kian about it.

  A few days ago, she’d found a set of unfamiliar keys in Kian’s underwear drawer and when she went back to the apartment and explored further, she found that behind the door was a flight of stairs leading down to another room, which Kian had already stocked with their favourite adult toys. She’d texted him a photo of the door slightly ajar and he’d met her there after he’d finished training.

  In hindsight, maybe luring him there hadn’t been such a good idea after all. It had definitely taken her mind off the issues with her family but her poor nipples felt like they’d been scratched raw.

  She was trying to decide whether to stop by the late-night pharmacy for some lotion on her way home when she saw a shadowy figure loitering by the passenger side of her car. She’d had to park in one of the side roads that morning because she’d been late. Lola had been the Little Green Man from Mars in her primary school assembly.

  Cate looked left and right but the road was deserted. She fumbled in her jacket pocket for her cell-phone, keyed in 999 and kept her thumb hovering over the “Call” button.

  “Cate?”

  “Mum?” Cate could still feel her heart beating out of her chest. “What are you doing here?”

  “Crap,” Irene cursed. She’d swapped her contact lenses for glasses, it made her look older. “I didn’t mean to scare you, sweetheart.”

  “Are you OK?” Cate gently asked. She wasn’t used to seeing her mum look so dishevelled. Her glossy, dark-brown hair was tied back in a messy ponytail and she was wearing jeans and a slouchy hoodie instead of one of her sharp, tailored business suits.

  “No,” Irene shook her head. “I’m not. I think you’re keeping something from me.”

  “Me?” Cate panicked. “No, I’ve just been busy, that’s all.”

  “I’m not just talking about you, sweetheart. Your brother and sisters won’t return my calls either. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing,” Cate raised her eyes to the heavens, looking for divine inspiration. She cursed her sisters for living so far away. Why did it fall to her to break the news to their mum that they’d found Dexter Rathburn?

  It wasn’t fair. Given everything that had happened since, Cate would have quite happily turned the clock back to a time when she didn’t know that her biological father was living with his wife and daughter in Calder Harbour. By rights, it should have been Liv… sorry, Olivia, who was standing in front of their mum right now. She was the one who’d wanted to find him so badly, she was the one who was best friends with their half-sister, Ruby freaking Tuesday.

  “Is one of you sick?” Irene pressed her hand to her chest. “I’m your mum. I don’t need you to protect me. Whatever it is, please just tell me.”

  They’d been so gung-ho about confronting their biological father, they hadn’t stopped to think about the consequences. Dexter Rathburn was like an empty balloon which they’d blithely re-inserted into the centre of their family, not realising that as it got bigger, it would splinter them far apart. She hadn’t spoken to either of her sisters since that weekend.

  Cate didn’t know if she could do it, if she could say the words which would hurt her mum so badly. Dexter Rathburn hadn’t just walked out on his children; he’d walked out on her too. She deserved better than the four of them sneaking around behind her back like this.

  “It’s not that, I promise.” Cate felt so guilty when she saw the huge relief on her mum’s face.

  “We’ve found our…” She struggled with what to call him; he’d never been her dad. “We found Dexter Rathburn.”

  “What?” Irene looked as if she’d been struck. She was deathly pale.

  “Mum?” Cate couldn’t bear to see her mum looking so distraught. “I’m sorry.”

  “You’re sorry?” Irene slapped Cate hard across the face.

  Cate didn’t feel anything for a couple of seconds. She was in shock. Irene had never, not once, hit any of her children.
r />   Irene’s words echoed in the quiet street, bouncing off the empty pavements and weaving through the leafy trees.

  “Cate?” After the initial shock had worn off, Irene looked horrified by what she’d done. She moved forward, wanting to comfort her daughter.

  Cate kept her hand over her stinging cheek. “I’m going to go.”

  “Wait,” Irene called. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

  She got into her car, locked the doors and left her mum standing by the side of the road.

  When she got home, Kian was lying on the sofa watching a Champions League match on TV. She quickly undid her ponytail so her long hair covered her bruised cheek. “How was training?”

  “Knackering,” Kian replied, keeping his eyes on the TV. “Nice save.”

  “I’m going to go upstairs and have a bath,” Cate didn’t want him to see her like this. She could feel tears pooling just behind her eyes.

  She walked into one of the guest bathrooms and ran the bath. As it filled up, Cate looked at her face in the mirror. Her cheek was bruised. There was a scratch underneath her cheekbone; her mum must have been wearing a ring.

  Cate stripped off her clothes and climbed into the steaming hot bath. She rested her head on the lip and closed her eyes; she was exhausted. The hot water was so tempting, she slid down until just her nose and mouth were above the water; her black hair floated weightless beneath her. Cate took a deep breath and dropped lower, until everything above her was blurry. She stopped fighting the tears, letting them mingle with the bath water.

  “Cate?” Kian sounded so far away. “What the fuck…?”

  He grabbed her upper arms, pulling her out of the water.

  Kian lifted her up, cradling her to his chest as he carried her down the hallway to their bedroom. “What the fuck happened?” he asked as he gently laid her down on the mattress. “Angel, please talk to me.”

  Cate burrowed into the pillow, desperately wanting to disappear again. Kian brushed her wet hair away from her cheek, studying the palm-shaped bruising on her cheek. “Who did this to you?”

  Cate couldn’t tell him that it was her mum.

  With her skin still wet from the bath, in the cool of their bedroom, Cate couldn’t stop shivering. Kian stripped down to just his boxer shorts and lay down beside her, pulling the duvet up over them. He gathered Cate up in his arms and kissed the top of her head, which still smelled like blackberries. Pressed up against her husband’s warm, half-naked body, Cate felt the same peace she’d found briefly lying on the bottom of the bath. She clung to him, filling her lungs with his delicious scent.

  “You scared the crap out of me tonight,” Kian murmured. “If I hadn’t found you…”

  Cate looked up at him, “It wasn’t like that. I just… I just wanted to escape for a minute.”

  “Escape from what, angel?”

  Cate ducked her head under the warmth of the duvet and kissed the flat disc of his nipple. She couldn’t talk about it.

  She trailed her hand down his well-defined abdominal muscles until she reached the waistband of his boxer shorts.

  “Cate…” Kian gritted his teeth. She slid her hand inside his shorts, cupping him.

  “No,” Kian shook his head. “We can’t solve this with sex.”

  “Why not?” Cate asked, looking up at him through those long, black eyelashes.

  Her nipples tightened against his bare skin as she rubbed her thumb over the head of his cock. “Don’t,” he grunted.

  She used her free hand to tug his shorts down to mid-thigh and then wriggled down the bed until she was straddling his knees, her bump rubbed against the front of his thighs. Her lips hovered just above his jutting cock. He was so fucking hard. He could feel her breath whispering through his pubic hair, tickling his bollocks. “Mm,” Cate licked her lips.

  Kian was barely holding on.

  He knew if she took him inside her mouth, he wouldn’t be able to stop. “We can’t do this, not tonight,” Kian grimaced. Those were the very last words he wanted to be saying right now. He forced himself to look at the emerging bruise on her cheek, something had happened to her tonight and he couldn’t just ignore it and let her suck him off. He gripped her shoulders, holding her far enough away from his cock.

  “You’re turning me down?” He could see the hurt shimmering in her big, black eyes.

  Cate climbed out of bed and quickly grabbed an oversized t-shirt and a pair of flannel pyjama pants from the chest of drawers. She didn’t feel quite so vulnerable when she wasn’t naked.

  She got back into bed and curled up on her side, facing away from her husband.

  “Cate…?” Kian said softly.

  “I’m tired,” she scooted across the bed until she was almost hugging the edge of the mattress.

  CHAPTER 25

  While Matteo had been staying with them, Cate had mentioned that she was thinking of hiring somebody to paint a mural in the new baby’s nursery. He’d immediately recommended his cousin, Domenico, who was now living with him in Manchester.

  “What do you think?” Domenico asked. They were sat at the dining table and Cate had just finished looking through his portfolio.

  She was blown away by his talent, “your work is incredible. You should be doing more than painting nurseries.”

  Domenico shrugged, “it’s a start. If it’s good, perhaps you’ll recommend me to your friends?”

  “Absolutely,” Cate smiled. “Would you like to see the space?”

  “After you,” Domenico insisted when they reached the staircase. He placed a hand lightly on the small of Cate’s back. She felt a frisson of excitement. Although she would never, ever be unfaithful to her husband, she had to admit that Domenico was a beautiful man. He had impossibly long eyelashes which brushed against his olive skin and his lips were pink and plump, perfect for kissing.

  “Stop it,” Cate admonished, rubbing at the goose bumps which had broken out on her arms.

  As she climbed the stairs, knowing that he was following close behind, she added a little sway to her hips. Even though he was just being a gentleman, his attention was the perfect ointment for the humiliation she’d felt after Kian had turned her down the night before.

  She led Domenico into the empty room and he immediately set to work, taking photos and writing down measurements.

  Cate leaned against the doorframe and watched him, blaming her wanton behaviour on her rampant pregnancy hormones. Domenico’s arse wasn’t as sexy as Kian’s but he still filled out a pair of Levi’s very nicely.

  He turned around, brushing an errant strand of black hair off his forehead. Cate blushed, feeling his intense gaze rake up and down her body. “Can I, um… get you anything,” she stumbled over her words.

  “Water would be great,” he replied. Cate thanked the Gods that she had an excuse to leave the room.

  Delaying going back upstairs in case she did something even more embarrassing, she decided to empty the kitchen bin. As she lifted the bag out of the bin, the bottom split open and the contents spilled out across the floor. “No,” Cate yelped as cold tomato sauce splattered her jeans and t-shirt; she looked like an extra in a horror movie.

  “Cate, are you OK?” Domenico appeared at the door, looking concerned.

  She wanted to laugh at how unsexy she must have looked, no wonder her husband wouldn’t make love to her.

  “It’s just tomato sauce,” she chuckled.

  “Here, let me help,” Domenico carefully took the torn bin bag outside and then helped Cate clean the kitchen floor.

  “Ugh, I need a shower,” she said, peeling a cold tea bag from her knee. “Have you got everything you need?”

  “I just need a couple more measurements,” Domenico said. “You have a shower. I can let myself out.”

  “Thank you,” Cate said gratefully. “I’m really excited about this.”

  When Kian got home that afternoon, there was a car he didn’t recognise parked at the side of the house.

  “Cate?�
� he called as he walked upstairs.

  “She’s in the shower,” Matteo’s cousin, Domenico came out of the room which was going to be the baby’s nursery.

  He must have seen the murderous look in Kian’s eyes because he quickly backed away, “I’m going to go.”

  “You do that,” Kian growled as the front door slammed shut.

  He stalked towards the bathroom. The door was closed but he could hear the shower running. Cate was scaring the crap out of him. Last night he’d walked in on her lying motionless on the bottom of the bath, she had a strange bruise on her cheek and today she’d invited Matteo’s cousin over when Kian wasn’t home?

  He pushed open the bathroom door. The bathroom was foggy with steam but he could still see the outline of his wife’s body through the glass door. He looked at her bump, inside which she was carrying Kian’s baby. “Fuck.” He quickly stripped off his clothes and dumped them on top of the laundry basket.

  He slid back the door and stepped inside. Cate turned to face him. “What are you doing here?”

  He was so fucking angry, “who were you expecting?”

  “Don’t be a jerk,” Cate shoved him.

  “Turn around,” Kian grunted. “Now.”

  “Why?” Cate wiped the water out of her eyes.

  Kian took a step closer, his cock brushing against her thigh. “You’re my wife and I want to fuck you.”

  “Is that right?” Cate folded her arms across her chest. “You didn’t want me last night.”

  “Forgive me for not getting turned on by watching you almost drown.”

  “I didn’t almost drown,” Cate tried to push past him. “Let me go.”

  Kian gripped her upper arms, “Domenico’s gone.”

  “You think I’m going after him?”

  “Are you going to tell me that you’re not?”

  “You’re jealous?” Cate asked incredulously.

  “Of course I’m fucking jealous,” Kian fumed. “You’re my wife, Cate. Mine.”