Upside of Love

by Dominique Thomas

  “Tru look at you coming to service,” Pastor Miles noted walking up.

  Normani couldn’t help but smile at Domani Miles. He was Michigan’s most well-known pastor. He had a few gospel albums he’d released and was also known for his philanthropy work. Normani had seen him and his wife Tegan a few times, and they were always extremely kind to her.

  “I told you I would come. I’m done with running. I need God in my life cuz. I’m chasing after him for that glory and mercy,” Tru said humbly.

  Pastor Miles nodded with a big grin on his face.

  “We all do. Hey Rebecka and what’s happening Normani? It feels good to see my family up in here,” Pastor Miles said and hugged Tru’s mother. He then hugged Normani before rubbing River’s forehead and saying a quick prayer over her chunky face.

  “Tegan and I would love for you and Tru to come over. Can we set that up?” the pastor asked peering down at Normani.

  Normani nodded while smiling. She wanted to say no, but Domani wasn’t the kind of person you said no to. He smiled and dapped up Tru before looking back to Normani.

  “I’ll have Tegan give you a call. It was good seeing y’all and Tru you don’t have to chase God. He never left you. Ask for forgiveness and change. He always had your back,” Pastor Miles said before walking off.

  Tru nodded with solemn eyes as the pastor walked away.

  Two hours later Normani sat inside of the pricey restaurant with Tru, their daughter, and his mother. Rebecka looked her way as she set her fork down.

  “This is long overdue, but I am sorry for how I spoke to you inside of the hospital. My son told me about his actions that took place inside of your home, and he was dead wrong. He was afraid of losing you, but that’s no excuse. He had no right to ever do such a thing, and he is in counseling and as you see back attending service. He shouldn’t have stopped,” she said as Tru continued to feed River.

  Normani nodded with an indifferent look on her face. She didn’t care about Rebecka’s apology. Hell, at that point it didn’t matter whether she had it or not.

  “Its fine, Rebecka. Really,” she said and picked over her seafood dish.

  Tru cleared his throat as he stared over at Normani.

  “I was going out of town to do some shows tonight. Did you wanna come with us?” he asked piercing her with his alluring brown eyes.

  Normani looked at Tru, and her face morphed into a frown. She hated that he’d coerced her into going to church and was now making her sit through lunch. She was so damn tired of him.

  Why couldn’t he just let her go?

  “With you and your mom?”

  Tru chuckled as his mother stared at Normani intently.

  “Nah, me and River. I got Josh to get me a big ass tour bus and shit. I figured we could take her on the road for a few weeks and see how she likes it,” he replied staring into Normani’s eyes.

  Normani quickly shook her head. She had so many things to do and traveling with Tru wasn’t one of them.

  “No. I have a lot going on, and I’m doing some things with River to secure her future. I’m going to need her here with me, but we’ll see you when you get back. Did you sign the papers?”

  Rebecka’s head snapped Normani’s way, and she cocked it to the side.

  “Marriage isn’t easy Normani. He’s trying which is something a lot of men isn’t doing. He messed up but at least give him a damn chance to fix it. Is it that easy for you to walk away from my son? After all, you guys have been through?”

  Normani sat back in her seat with her anger coming to the surface at Rebecka’s words.

  “You have no idea what your son has put me through. I’m tired, Rebecka. As a woman and a mother, you should understand that. I have the right to walk away. A right your son tried to take from me. Neither one of you get to tell me how to feel!” she replied and stood up.

  Normani walked through the restaurant quickly. As she went into the women’s bathroom, Tru came in behind her. He hugged her from the back as his warm breath fanned against her skin.

  “I’m sorry. I swear on my daughter I wasn’t gone shoot you. It wasn’t even bullets in the gun, but that was fucked up of me. You gotta forgive me, ma. I don’t wanna lose you,” he begged quietly while holding her.

  An ivory-hued woman with bright blue eyes and long blonde hair exited the first stall. She smiled at Tru and Normani before washing her hands. As she exited the bathroom Normani’s eyes watered. She knew what she wanted, and she was angry that Tru was placing doubt in her head. She wanted to be free of his love. She didn’t want that shit any longer.

  “Tru, please. Just let me go. I can’t do it anymore,” she said weakly.

  Tru shook his head. He took Normani over to the mirror and looked at her through the glass. Her tears trailed down her cheeks as she looked at the man, she once felt she couldn’t live without. His hair was freshly cut making the style only add to his masculine beauty. The face tattoo’s, thick eyebrows and full lips aided in making him nearly irresistible but that spark she usually felt wasn’t there. It had fizzled out, and Normani wasn’t sure if it would return.

  “I like your glasses. I love your style. I love how you can put on anything you fucking want and still body that shit. I simply love you ma, and I see now how I was trying to change you. Make you be some shit that you not and I’m sorry. I can’t say it enough baby. I’m sorry, and I’m trying to change. All I’m asking for is one last chance.”

  Normani swallowed hard.

  “Chance to do what?”

  Tru dropped his head, and the man that she’d only ever known to be prideful was looking shameful as ever inside of the bathroom. He eventually looked up into the mirror then into her eyes with a sullen gaze.

  “A chance to love you how you should be loved,” he said, and Normani closed her eyes.

  Tru cleared his throat and let her go. He left her standing inside of the bathroom as her emotions boiled over and more tears erupted from her lenses.

  “Girl I don’t see how you do it,” Haven said fanning herself.

  Normani smiled. Haven was her friend that she’d met through Tru. Tru worked with Haven’s rapper boyfriend Draye on numerous songs, and from there they had all become close. Haven was kind-spirited with looks out of this world, and Normani adored her.

  “I just do it. What's crazy is I can’t imagine life without River. She’s such a big part of me. Do you ever think about popping one out?”

  Haven gasped. She pushed her reddish-orange hair away from her face and smiled.

  “Hell no! Between being in school and interning at the law firm, I’m super busy then I still have to make time for Draye. He acts like a big baby when I don’t show his ass any attention. A baby would only slow me down, but it works for you. You did the DVD’s, and now River is getting this clothing line. I’m in awe of you, but I’ve always admired your intellect. I’m happy to see you're using it,” Haven replied with a wide smile.

  Normani sighed. She unboxed the onesies with small quotes on them for River’s clothing line. It was an idea that she’d been brewing on for months but had acted on at the last minute and was happy she did. She’d already sold out her pre-orders and was getting ready to launch her DVD soon that she was sure would also be a hit.

  Normani was now pulling in her own money and damn the feeling was indescribable. She didn’t need Tru for shit, not even his shady ass love he was hell bent on giving her.

  “I’m trying. Bad husband and all I’m maintaining,” she replied blandly.

  Haven rubbed Normani’s back before grabbing another colorful onesie to fold and place on the shelf. Inside of Normani’s basement was her own warehouse. She’d added shelving, a computer desk and everything else that she would need to get River’s clothing line off the ground.

  “Relationships are hard, so I can only imagine how hard marriage is. It’s about compromise, love, and forgiveness. I saw the papers and Draye gave me a few details, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is if he’s
really changed and if you can move on from it. Draye had people accusing him of things as well, and they weren’t true Normani.”

  Normani shook her head. Her situation was completely different from Havens. In the past Haven’s man had been accused of rape. It was false, and the truth quickly came out. While Tru wasn’t a certified pimp, he did have a hand in helping the women sell themselves, and he was very much having an affair with Reba. In Normani’s eyes, he was wrong as fuck on both levels.

  “But Tru did cheat on me. For two years and probably longer than that. I gave up everything for him. Made him my world and he gave me his ass to kiss. It's not something I can easily move past,” Normani admitted feeling defeated with her marriage.

  Haven’s green eyes peered at Normani intently.

  “So, you really want the divorce?”

  Normani nodded while staring down at her nails.

  “I do. I mean I should want it right?”

  Haven shrugged while staring at Normani.

  “I can’t tell you how to feel, and I won't judge you for feeling any kind of way. This is your life, not mine. I lived my life for years trying to please other people. I know you don’t know my story but let me tell you that shit isn’t peaches and cream. My sisters and I was being controlled by this man that you could call a pimp for years, and I lived to please him Normani. I slept with him and fell in love with him knowing he was screwing my big sister,” Haven admitted quietly.

  Normani’s eyes widened. She had no clue Haven had gone through such things.

  “Why?” she asked Haven shocked by her admission.

  Haven’s eyes watered, and she shrugged.

  “Because I was lost. A lonely heart will feed off of anything. Even something that it doesn’t need. Hendrix was there, and I was willing to accept his fake love because I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know who Haven was as a woman. Hell, I’m still learning myself but what I do know is that it took me to reach rock bottom to look in the mirror and know I needed to change. I was shot and could have gotten Draye killed all because of Hendrix,” Haven revealed wiping her face.

  Normani’s jaw fell slack. She was truly at a loss for words. In her eyes, Haven was this beauty that lived a nice ass life with her famous rapper man. It was clear that you couldn’t judge a book by its cover and Normani was learning that everyone had a story to tell. She shook her head and cleared her throat.

  “I’m so sorry to hear that. How did you turn everything around for you?” she asked wanting to honestly know.

  Haven looked at Normani and smiled.

  “I began to live for me, and I did it unapologetically. I also prayed. I accepted guidance from my sisters because I knew they loved me and I chose to go down better paths. The route I was headed down was only leading to destruction. The death of me, you know? Ask God to help you then lean on the people that mean you good. It's okay to ask for help. Nobody has all the right answers,” Haven replied.

  Normani nodded. She leaned over and pulled Haven into a hug.

  “Thank you,” she whispered before smiling.

  They began to unbox some more onesies, and Normani’s phone vibrated on her desk. She picked it up smiling and as she peered down at the screen her heartbeat increased.

  Azariah: where you at? I need to see you beautiful.

  Her mind was telling her no but her heart. The bruised muscle that seemed to be unstoppable was screaming yes. She typed away while nibbling on her bottom lip.

  Unpacking River’s onesies. What’s up?

  Azariah: You, us. Let’s hit up the movies and grab some food. Bring some onesies too ma.

  Normani sighed.

  How many?

  Azariah replied seconds later.

  Azariah: As many as you can carry by yourself. I’m heading home now.

  Before Normani could sit her phone down, another text came through only this time it was Tru. She swallowed hard as she opened his message.

  HoeAssNigga: Jersey cool but I wish you were here with me. I need you to at least see if you can forgive me. And by the way, I’m real fucking proud of you and everything you doing. There’s nothing you can’t do, Normani. You the shit. I love you, ma…

  Normani’s eyes watered as she erased his message. She set her phone down and grabbed another box to unpack. She wasn’t Joseph, she couldn’t forgive so easily, and she wasn’t sure if she would ever be able to let him back into her heart. Especially in the way he wanted to be.

  5

  #nowimmadmad

  I got a reason to smile

  I got a reason to raise my hands

  I got a reason to Live

  I got a reason to do my dance

  I like to do it like this

  (Like this, like this)

  Her body moved playfully to the gospel track. She loved Koryn Hawthorne and played her music daily to lift her spirits. Like today as she cleaned her home with Reese and Kawan she needed to be uplifted. She needed the spirit to calm her nerves and keep her away from the bottle.

  Liquor would be a quick escape and a huge mistake. She knew the difference and was trying to stay on the right track.

  Say, whatcha know about this? Boy I would die for this

  I ain't playin' 'bout my time with the Homie

  Other dudes ain't doin' nuthin' for me (no no)

  “Dad-dy, do-or!” Kawan yelled excitedly rushing into her bedroom.

  Billie turned down her music to peer down at her son. Because it was there chill day, everyone was in character pajamas even Reese who had become an unofficial member of the household. She’d been there for a week now and hadn’t spoke of going back to her dorms yet. Billie knew something was up but was giving her time to talk about it instead of pressing the issue.

  “Okay, let me see what he wants,” Billie said hoping Malachi was coming by to show his son some love finally.

  He’d been distant with Kawan since court and Billie didn’t appreciate that.

  Billie headed down the steps with Kawan and Reese on her heels. She opened her front door, and to her surprise, Malachi stood on her steps with a made-up Kylie and the child that she assumed was Kylie’s daughter. Billie clenched the door handle as she pressed her lips together.

  Malachi was back to his nicely groomed self, rocking a new outfit with a fresh fade, diamond chain, and Giuseppe sneakers. Kylie looked attractive as well in her dark hip-hugging jeans and cropped leather coat. Her face was beaten to perfection while her hair hung down her back in exaggerated curls. And even with all that Billie felt nothing while staring at the woman besides anger. Billie looked from Kylie to Malachi and rolled her eyes. Clearly, they was with the shits early in the morning.

  “What is this? Round two?” she asked frowning.

  Malachi smirked at her cockily.

  “Shit some like that,” he chuckled and licked his lips.

  Billie watched his beady eyes roam over her body, and she took a step back.

  “Should I call the cops to get you all escorted off my property?”

  Kylie’s face tightened at Billie’s question.

  “Dad-dy!” Kawan yelled excitedly.

  Kawan ran past Billie and over to Malachi. Malachi stopped gawking at Billie to peer down at his son. A frown crossed his face as he patted his arm instead of hugging him.

  “I’m good lil man. Go in the house while I talk to your moms real quick.”

  Billie watched her son’s disposition change in an instant as he walked back to her with slumped shoulders and hugged her leg.

  “What the hell are y’all doing here? Especially since you not here to see our son,” she snapped.

  Malachi chuckled. He looked Billie over again before looking past her at Reese.

  “I see you got everybody up in my brothers’ shit. He know bout this?”

  Billie rolled her eyes and Kylie took a step forward.

  “I asked him to bring me here. I couldn’t get in touch with Dreux, and I got worried. I wasn’t trying to crash his party. I want what
’s due to my daughter,” Kylie said in a soft voice.

  Billie sighed with her heart thundering in her chest.

  “And what might that be?”

  “Money! Fuck you think? She not like you, Billie. She takes care of her kid. What the fuck,” Malachi griped before walking off.

  Billie watched him head back to his car, and she looked down at Kawan.

  “I want you to go into the house with Reese. Okay?”

  Kawan nodded. He stared out at Malachi for a few seconds before slowly turning around. Reese took him into the home and Billie glared at the pathetic woman standing before her. Because of Dreux and the kind of man he was Billie had never had any dealings with Kylie. It wasn’t until the night of his party that she’d ever seen her in person. To know that Kylie once had something sexual going on with Dreux stung, but it honestly wasn’t anything for her to cry over. As long as Kylie’s daughter wasn’t Dreux’s, Billie wouldn’t lose any sleep over the chick.

  “At the moment I don’t even know where Dreux is but what I do know is that you have no right to be here. Don’t ever come to my home like this again. When Dreux’s ready to find you, he will. Okay?”

  Kylie took a step back. She licked her glossy pink lips as she peered over at Billie and Dreux’s large home.

  “He might have never loved me as he loves you but some kind of love was there, and this child came from that. This is his daughter, and that’s something he nor you can run from. My child deserves a father,” Kylie stated with narrowed eyes.

  Billie nodded as her eyes stung with tears that she refused to let fall in front of Dreux’s old bitch.

  “And I pray she finds one. I just don’t think it’s my man. Like I said don’t come back here. Please don’t let my looks fool you. I will fuck some shit up if I have to,” Billie said and with one last parting glance went into her home.