Caim

by T. S. Simons

  'Who carried the child? The surrogate. Who was it?'

  'She was.'

  'Who… is… she?'

  'Why, your sister, of course. It was the closest I could get to you. Goodness, you look alike. It took some convincing to get permission to use her. She was their best egg producer, and pregnancy took her off the market for a few months. I used to visit her, stroke her belly while she was growing our daughter. She reminded me so much of you.'

  Illy's arms barely restrained me as I punched, kicked, and fought. Knocking his chair over, I kicked him squarely in the balls. He had done this to her because of me. Rage consumed me. I would kill him. Weapon not required. Even doubled over in pain, I saw his smirking grin as Illy turned his chair upright. She checked the restraints and escorted me from the room.

  'Be with the children,' she spoke soothingly in my ear. 'They need you. I can deal with this.'

  I started to argue but realised she was right. In my current state of fury, I was of no use. Illy would be better to interrogate Angus, learn what she could. Still seething, I slunk outside and slammed the door behind me. Sitting on the doorstep, I forced myself to breathe, let the cool air calm the heat consuming me. Louis came and sat across my lap, leaning against me. I stroked his hair and murmured endearments to him, apologies it took so long to find him.

  'Who are you?' the little girl whispered. She stood a few metres from me, perplexed, watching Louis interacting with a stranger.

  Louis looked up.

  'This is my Mumma. I told you that my mum would come. She would rescue me.'

  Shuffling over slightly, I made room for Ceridwen to sit alongside me. But she lingered, standing before us, studying us.

  'Hi, Ceridwen. Do you like to be called Ceri?'

  'I do not know,' the little girl looked confused. 'No one has asked me before.'

  'Well, I shall call you Ceri,' I announced kindly. 'What do you like to do, Ceri?'

  'Do?' She blinked at me like an owl.

  'What games do you like to play?'

  'I never played before Louis came. I was not allowed to waste time. There is too much to learn. When I came to this place, I needed to read quietly, so I did not disturb Father.'

  'Was he… kind… to you?' I whispered, choked.

  She looked at me, perplexed.

  'He fed us, mum. He didn't hurt us. But he doesn't care for us,' Louis answered. 'Not like you.' His arms came around my neck, and I held him against me, feeling his chest rise and fall. Ceri watched, a look of bewilderment on her face.

  'Would you like a hug too?'

  She shrank from my outstretched arms like I had burned her, and I lowered them quickly.

  'What do you read?'

  'I can read most of Father's books,' she announced proudly.

  'Academic books, you mean?'

  'She can, mum,' Louis piped up. 'She reads better than me. But there are only grown-up books here, like the ones in the library. He chooses what we need to read. We have to read all day before we are allowed to go outside. Sometimes he reads with us, makes sure we understand the tricky words. But we have to be quiet. We read from after breakfast to lunch when we are allowed a short break. Then we have to help in the gardens and do the cleaning. If we are good, we can finish in the afternoon just before the sun goes down and play a little. But only if we have finished our work.'

  Not wanting to dwell on Angus' use of the children as servants, I asked kindly, 'What books did you read?'

  'Lots of different things. Sometimes the books are hard to understand. There are no stories. I tried to remember all the stories you had read me so that I could tell Ceri. She has never heard stories.'

  'Louis says they are not true. Are there books with words that are not true?'

  'Of course. People like to make up stories that are fun. Don't you?'

  Ceri wrinkled her nose. 'No. Father says that is lying. I am punished when I tell lies.'

  I exhaled audibly but didn't respond.

  'Would you tell us a story, Mum?' Louis asked, looking up at me with his big brown eyes. Laetitia's eyes.

  'Of course. Which one would you like?'

  Ceri circled me for a while as I regaled them with my favourite stories from my childhood. Pippi Longstocking, Enid Blyton, Brothers Grimm. Highly edited, as I told them from memory, but Ceri was enthralled with the concept of pixies, fairies and gnomes.

  After a while, she sat on the edge of the step and progressively slithered closer. My heart lurched as she listened intently, leaning against me. This was Kat's child. My child. I needed to take her, keep her safe. But what if she didn't want to come? I needed to talk to Illy.

  'Are there really fairies?' she whispered during a lull.

  'Some people say so,' I replied with a smile. 'I have never been so lucky to see them, though. Maybe only special people can see them. They are magic, so perhaps they choose who they let see them.'

  Her eyes opened wide as she looked around the yard, taking in the stone buildings around us. It was dead in places, green in others. A small patch of pumpkins, ready for harvest. A greenhouse was visible, the door facing me. Plants covered the shelves along both walls, several rows of trees along the middle. Angus had been re-greening this place for a while. This had been his plan for some time. To bring this little girl here. To take Louis. Not wanting to scare her, but I wanted to know.

  'Did you always live here?'

  'No. I lived in a place with lots of people. I went to school there. Then one day, a man came and said he was my Father. Then he and another man took me on a boat, out there.' She waved her arm beyond the dome. 'I was scared. It is not safe out there. I could not sleep, and I felt very sick. Then one day, he left me here, all alone. When he came back, he had Louis with him. He told us we are a family now.'

  'How long have you been here?' I asked curiously.

  She looked sad. 'I do not know. A long time.'

  'What was your home like before here?'

  'There were lots of people and many buildings. But I was only allowed in some of them.'

  'So what did they tell you? About why you were leaving?'

  'Father came one day when I was in the dormitory. They woke me up and made me get dressed. Then he took me away.'

  I froze. There was so much I wanted to know but didn't know where to start.

  'Dormitory?' I questioned gently. 'Didn't you have a family?'

  'Family?' She blinked. 'No. None of us had a family.'

  'Who looked after you?'

  'The people who worked there. They made sure we ate and brushed our teeth and taught us to read and write.'

  'Didn't they love you?'

  'Love?' she questioned, staring at me.

  My eyes filled with tears.

  'How many children were there? In your dormitory?'

  This was a question she could answer and did so readily. 'There were twelve, including me.'

  'How old are you?' I asked softly.

  'I am six years old,' she announced proudly.

  Six. The same as Ruby and Scarlett. Smaller, but so much more mature, self-possessed, and she spoke so intelligently. Her vocabulary was impressive, and she spoke formally, with no colloquialisms. She didn't sound like a child. But at what cost?

  'Did you say that Angus left you here when he went to get Louis?'

  'Yes. I was all alone. He told me he was going to get me a friend. He left me food, and I could read anything I wanted.'

  'Weren't you lonely?' I asked softly.

  She considered that. 'I guess….' but it was clear that she had no concept of being alone or lonely.

  I so badly wanted to hug her, hold her tight, but was fearful of scaring her. She had clearly never known affection. I remembered vividly when Cam had been so physically affectionate when we met, and it had freaked me out.

  'Louis,' I turned to look at him, pulling myself back from my melancholic thoughts. 'I have some news. Dadda is okay. The
last I heard, he is still in hospital, and he is very sick, but he is alive.'

  Louis' mouth and eyes popped wide. 'Alive?' he whispered, unable to believe it.

  'Yes, my darling, he is alive.'

  'But that man, he used a gun. Guns kill people.'

  'No, people kill people,' I corrected him. 'A gun is just a weapon. But yes, Angus tried to kill your daddy. Your daddy is strong, and he will live. But he killed Luca, I am very sad to say. Poor Ally and Summer have no daddy now because of him.'

  Louis was such a sensitive boy, and the conflicted emotions of joy and sorrow intermingled on his face. 'That man told me to call him father, but I can't. He isn't my father. I didn't want to. But he said my dad was gone, so he was my father now.'

  'That is not true,' I soothed, praying it was still the case.

  'Poor Ally and Summer,' he whimpered. 'Can I be their big brother too?'

  'They would love that. When we get home, you can tell them that yourself.'

  'Can Ceridwen come with us?' Louis looked up at me with big hopeful eyes.

  As the subject of our conversation was sitting on my other side, this was a little difficult to answer. I also didn't want to flag with children that Angus wouldn't make nightfall.

  'Well, that is up to Ceri. She can choose,' I said carefully.

  She turned an intelligent pair of brown eyes on me, nothing at all like Kat's. Angus's eyes. I tried not to let the disgust show in my face.

  'Louis tells me that the children are permitted to… play… where you are from,' she whispered, almost too scared to speak the word aloud.

  I nodded. 'They do. Every day.'

  'And ride bicycles?'

  I nodded again, seeing her brain whirring with possibilities.

  'I have never seen a bicycle,' she said, awed. 'Or a horse. Only pictures.'

  'We have both,' Louis said kindly. 'And a cat. We can share them all if you like.'

  The look of sheer wonder on her face made me want to hug her, but I froze, not wanting to scare her.

  'But what about Father?' she asked suddenly.

  'He is not your father,' Louis told her firmly before I could respond. 'He took you like he took me. A father doesn't do that. A father protects you. A mother too.' He glanced up at me, then back at Ceri. 'I am lucky. I have two mothers. My first mother loved me very much, but she died. Wicked men took her and killed her. Evil men like him.' He gestured inside the house with his chin. 'But then I got a new mummy.' He dropped his head onto my chest. 'I knew when that man hurt my daddy that my mummy would come after me. She would save me. And she did,' he said, sticking his chin out confidently.

  'I would move heaven and earth to find you, my darling.'

  Louis looked back at Ceri. 'That is what a parent is. Someone who loves you. My mummy helps people. Lots of people told me so.'

  'I do not have a mother,' she said, her face crestfallen.

  'You did. My sister was your mother. I am your aunt. That is why you look like me. But your mother is dead now. But… if you want….' I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence.

  Fortunately, Louis knew what I was asking.

  'Will you be my sister?' he asked Ceri earnestly. 'I have two others, as I told you. And a brother. But I would like it if you would be my sister too.'

  Ceri looked at Louis, then up at me for confirmation. Then she dropped into my arms.

  It was like hugging a rock, I thought, as the orange glow of sunset reflected off her golden hair. A solid mass that didn't know how to be affectionate. Sitting on the step, holding them both, it felt natural that my heart would expand to include another child. Katrin's child. I just prayed I could see her in Ceri and not him. Realising Illy was alone with Angus, I sat up straight.

  'I need to speak to Angus about you coming with us. Ceri, do you have anything to pack? Clothes, books, toys?'

  As soon as the words were out of my mouth and I saw the bewilderment on her face, I realised I had made a mistake.

  'Actually, you know what?' I said breezily, 'how about a completely fresh start? New wardrobe, and we already have lots of books and toys, don't we, Louis?'

  'We do. Whenever mum or dad go anywhere, they bring us back lots of things.'

  'All for yourself?' Disbelief crept into her voice.

  'Of course. I have lots of toys and books. Some I share with my sisters and brother, but some are just for me.'

  'Aunt Illy and I ended up in Edinburgh looking for you. Even in the rush we were in, we still found more books and clothes for you all,' I said.

  'More books?'

  'Lots more,' I assured him. 'You are all becoming such excellent readers, so we got lots of new books to learn from.'

  Louis cocked an eyebrow at Ceridwen. 'Do you want to be my sister?'

  Her face betrayed the turmoil lurking underneath, but she nodded hesitantly.

  'I will go with you.'

  'How about you two have a drink and wait for us over there?' I pointed to the far field, speaking as lightly as I could. 'Take your jackets and anything out here you want to bring. I won't be long. I promise. Louis, can you tell Ceri the story of when you and your sisters learned to ride a horse and Lolly ran away with Katrin?'

  Louis nodded, standing, and took Ceri's hand, leading her over towards where I had gestured. She scooped up their books, four large hard-covered volumes that looked much like encyclopaedia.

  I returned to the house, closing the door firmly behind me and drawing the thick velvet drapes.

  Illy caught my eye as I entered. I selected a knife from the knife rack in the kitchen and tested it on my finger. Sharp. Good.

  Angus sneered at me. 'Oh, come on, Freyja. You might throw something, but you aren't a murderer. We are friends. I know you.'

  'You knew me,' I corrected coolly. 'But that was a long time ago, and I was a very different person then Angus.'

  'Motherhood has changed you that much, has it? Being a gardener's wife?'

  'No, not motherhood,' I ignored the barb. 'Learning the truth. So here is how I hear it. You let your older sister be raped and banished, pregnant no less, but we will let that one slide. You were only a child yourself. Although you never went looking for her either. Then when the pandemic struck, you not only let the local residents die, children and babies, you let your own family perish too.'

  Angus started to speak. I pointed the knife at his cheek, gesturing for him to be quiet.

  'No, still my turn. Then when I arrived on Lewis, dazed and confused, you lied to me. You feigned no knowledge of the antipodes, but that was a lie. Pretended you didn't know who I was, but that was a lie too. You accompanied me back to August, but you knew that Cam was already on Lewis. You were in radio contact all along, so you could have turned around and saved me that pain, but you chose not to. You then encouraged Heidi to lie to Cam about me being pregnant. He left me, which is what you wanted all along. You lied to Luca and Jakob all those years about your true mission. You were always part of it. The Collective. The Nexus. You engineered it.'

  Drawing the knife gently across his cheek, I continued as the blood slowly pooled.

  'Then you killed my friend and tried to murder my husband. That should be enough. But to top it off, you allowed those psychopaths to use my brain-damaged sister as a surrogate to breed children for your own nefarious purposes. You kidnapped my son, and yes, he is my son, to breed him with Ceridwen when he is old enough. He is ten years old, you sick, vile monster. So tell me, my friend, what part of this deserves leniency?'

  'It wasn't for me! Everything I did was for the good of humanity!' he said incredulously.

  'No, it wasn't.' Illy whispered in his ear. He jumped. He hadn't heard her approach, as mesmerised as he was by my speech.

  'You did much of it for your own selfish purposes. Not saving those people from the pandemic? Causing Freyja years of pain when she could have been reconciled with her love? Killing Luca? All of those things were selfish, Angus
, and you have no possibility of redemption. Your life has been built on a bed of lies and deception. But for Luca, for his children, I avenge his death.'

  The flash of silver moved so quickly across his throat that I didn't even register what had happened immediately. Angus' eyes popped wide as he felt the sting and the blood poured down his neck. A trickle at first, then a torrent. His hands flew up, and he looked at them, flabbergasted, coated in his own blood. Then his eyes rolled back in his head as he passed out.

  'Let's go,' said Illy, dropping the knife I hadn't realised she held.

  'I would have done it,' I said. 'I could have spared you that pain.'

  'No. I was always going to do it. As soon as I saw that footage, I promised myself that I would avenge Luca, and that I have done. You were his friend once. I knew you would be conflicted in the end. It is easier this way. I have no such loyalty. I feel nothing for the man, before or now. Let's go. It is time to go home.'

  'You might want to your hands first,' I suggested, noting the spatter of blood. 'We don't want to scare Ceri.'

  'She is coming with us?' Illy asked calmly as she washed her hands at the sink.

  'Of course. She is my sister's child. Now she is mine. Besides, I can't exactly leave her here. Not alone.'

  'I saw you through the window, sitting on the step with her snuggled up beside you. She looks so much like your girls.'

  'She does,' I admitted. 'But Kat and Xan have my eyes. Ceridwen has brown eyes. She is the spitting image of Ruby and Scarlett. Do you know that girl has never been allowed to play in her life? Didn't have a family before Angus took her. She has never heard a bedtime story.'

  'She might need some help. You can't just pluck a child from one life and transplant her into another.'

  'You can help me. I trust you implicitly, Illy.'

  'Even now?'

  'Especially now.'

  Our arms around each other, we set off to find the children and begin the journey home.

  Exhausted, I lowered myself onto the bed beside his sleeping body, desperately wanting to wake him, tell him we were home safely. I was exhilarated just to be near him after so many weeks, but I knew he was still recovering, and rest was a critical component of that process. Ceridwen had asked to stay with Louis in his room. Louis had insisted on giving up his bed and had taken the trundle instead.