Caim

by T. S. Simons

  'And no one said goodbye?'

  'I tried to reach out to her, once, a few years after the initial falling out. It was Christmas, I felt guilty, and I sent her an email saying that fighting was silly, we were sisters, and perhaps we could get over it. But in reply, she sent me a list of demands. Things I needed to do to remain in her life. I'm no psychologist, but even I recognised it wasn't reasonable. Relationships are based on trust, not rules. You need to operate under the assumption that others will treat you with the same respect that you give them. You can't dictate what other people do. I was sad, but I let it go. At least I had tried.'

  'Did anyone speak to her?'

  'One of my cousins. He and his wife stayed in touch. Acted as the go-between, so big family news got passed on. Births, deaths, and marriages. But I rarely thought about her, even when I was back home. After all the nastiness, Mum removed all her photos from display, cut her out of their will, and no one spoke about her. Life was busy, and, well…. she just wasn't part of it. Occasionally I would get updates from my cousin. Nothing good, of course. She continued badmouthing my parents and me, which continued for over ten years after we stopped speaking. Judging my sexual preferences. Telling lies about things I supposedly did. I mean, it was all second hand by the time I heard it, but it still hurt. The stupid thing is, if I did something wrong, all those years ago, I would happily apologise. I was young and likely made mistakes. I was no angel. But I have absolutely no recollection of the things she told my cousin and his wife that I did.'

  'She told them things you did ten years ago?'

  'Apparently. More than ten years. Only I don't recall any of it. She always had a relaxed relationship with the truth, but defaming someone after so long? What does she hope to achieve?'

  'Kat and I fought. We weren't always friends, but we were there for each other. I knew I could count on her if things were bad.' Except for that last time, I thought, remembering the spiral of events that had seen me accept the place to August.

  'Farah and I were never close. We were very different people, even as children. She was a party girl at uni. Scraped through on average grades and was only there for the social life. I was far more academic and not at all social. But when she met her husband, she changed completely.'

  Illy had been listening intently, leaning back on the cart, stroking her enormous stomach. Finally, she spoke. 'You know, that speaks volumes — about her. It is always sad when any relationship doesn't work out. Especially a blood one. Those hurt the most. But you did your best, and you moved on. I have never heard you speak of her, and certainly not in a nasty way. Lying or even saying negative things about anyone ten years later is a massive grudge to bear. She must be a very unhappy, angry person. If someone killed my child, I could understand holding on to the anger for so long. But from what you have said, it was a simple disagreement. No one cheated or died. No one inflicted a serious wound on another. We all fall out with people. But we make up, or we let it go, and move on. It isn't healthy to hold on to resentment and anger.'

  'Was she always like that?' I asked.

  'No, not really. When Farah met her husband, that was the beginning. He became the centre of her universe. We used to joke that she wouldn't survive if something happened to him or their marriage.'

  'Why do people change when they meet someone?' I asked Illy.

  Illy smiled. 'There is a fabulous psychological theory about that. Female archetypes aligned to Greek goddesses. I wrote my PhD thesis about it. Archetypes and women in the military. It is a fascinating concept.'

  'Archetypes? Do I want to know?'

  'Your sister sounds like a classic Hera. You are likely an Artemis, and Freyja here is Athena.'

  I raised my eyebrows at her, indicating that she may as well continue.

  Illy settled in on the rock wall, resting her hands on her belly, Jorja and I flanking her.

  'It is a Jungian theory, so very old, but well documented. Hera was the wife of Zeus and quite beautiful. Zeus was the chief of all Gods of Olympus, and she held a prominent position of status and power. Zeus cheated terribly, but like most scorned wives, Hera refused to see it as his mistake, and more often sought revenge on his mistresses, not him. Desperately unhappy, but so caught up in the idea of her own marriage that she put on a brave public face and continued the pretence. In your sister's case, I assume her husband was quite successful?'

  'He was. She never stopped boasting about his achievements either. She spoke about him like he was a god.'

  'That makes sense. A Hera archetype is a woman who is desperate to be a wife. Her lifelong goal is to be married, part of a powerful partnership. The day she changes her name is the most important one in her life. She genuinely means it when she commits, for better or worse. She derives her success from that of her husband, and to a lesser extent, her children. Their successes are her successes. But he always comes first. It is what motivates her. A Hera woman makes her husband the centre of her life, the bond to her husband is her major source of meaning. Everyone around her knows her husband comes first. Being associated with success and power but not achieving it for herself. A trophy wife if you like. One that wants the luxurious life, the status, but doesn't want to earn it for herself. She stands by her man and plays the dutiful wife. It doesn't mean that she doesn't work, but his career, his prominence will always take precedence over hers.'

  'I knew so many of those back home!' I groaned. 'Half the girls I went to school with had mothers like that. Fathers who earned millions and mothers who spent their day with their personal trainer and beautician. Turned up to events dressed to the nines with a full face of perfect makeup so he wouldn't get a roving eye and cheat with the secretary or leave her for a younger woman. Even those men who we all knew to be cheating, the wife would stand by in her designer dress and smile sweetly as he accepted another award. Even if she had her own career, she always put his first.'

  'That's it. The risk with a Hera archetype is when they marry a Zeus. A Zeus husband uses marriage as a pretence. He marries a woman of his social class, or higher if he is lucky, and expects her to be at his side, publicly supporting him whenever it is required. He is often off pursuing other interests, usually involving power, leaving her to manage the home and raise the children. She, on the other hand, initiates a flurry of social activity intended to present a public image of the perfect couple. Many Hera women marry Zeus men in the military, so I saw this dynamic quite a lot. Following them around on postings, waiting at home with the children when they were deployed.'

  This had been my friend Danica's life, back in Melbourne. Getting entangled in her mess had led me here.

  Illy glanced at my face and continued, 'I need to point out that there is nothing wrong with any individual archetype. No one is better than another, and rarely is a woman purely one archetype; she has elements of others. One will be dominant, though, and she will make her life decisions to support that primary archetype. It is important to identify which archetypes you are, as well as those around you, so you can see where their intrinsic motivation differs from yours. It is often what is at the root of the conflict between women, and particularly women within the same family.'

  'You said I was an Athena?'

  'In Jung's theory, the seven goddess archetypes are in three groups. The vulnerable ones, or those defined by their relationships with others. Hera, Demeter and Persephone fall into this category, although they have some key differences. Hestia, Athena, and Artemis are those goddesses not defined by their relationships. That leaves Aphrodite. She has relationships but isn't hurt by them in the way that the vulnerable goddesses are.'

  'Go on.' I had read many Greek myths and even read the simplified versions to my children, but I didn't recall enough to identify each goddess by personality traits.

  'Artemis and Athena are both achievement-oriented archetypes, whereas Hestia is inwardly focused. Artemis, goddess of the hunt, was competitive, but left civilisation behind and acti
vely avoided contact with men. She separated herself from men and their influences.

  Athena, the goddess of wisdom, is above all, logical. Ruled by her head rather than her heart, she joined men as an equal in anything they did. She was the coolest head in battle and the best strategist. Intelligent, quick-witted, and focused, her adaptation was to become like men. Freyja, you are the strongest Athena archetype I have ever met. You are rational, competent, and self-assured. You run missions, save people, and success for you is defined by your own actions. You don't need external validation. You don't measure your success by your husband's achievements, but your own. Sorcha is another excellent example of an Athena. She has taken on a traditionally male role and excelled. Imagine her in the corporate world back home? She would have worked harder to attain her success but judged herself by her achievements, not by her association with others. An Athena woman is organised, structured, and plans ahead. She is practical, uncomplicated, and confident. Someone who gets things done without fuss.'

  'That is so you!' Jorja grinned at me.

  I blushed. I couldn't disagree.

  'From what I know, and remember, I never met her, Laetitia was likely a Hestia. Hestia, the goddess of hearth and home, was an introvert, contemplative. She withdrew inward, tried to be anonymous in appearance, and wanted to be left alone. A Hestia daughter is likely to withdraw emotionally, retreating inward to avoid a painful family life, which we know Lae had. She often feels alienated or isolated. When a woman has a predominant Hestia archetype, she often downplays her femininity to not attract unwanted male interest. She lives quietly, as she values the daily tasks that give her life meaning. From what I know, Laetitia didn't define herself by her relationships. But her home, family, her partner, her children made her happy.'

  I nodded. This aligned with what I knew of Lae. Intelligent but introverted. So very different to me.

  'What about me?' Jorja asked.

  'Artemis, as a goddess archetype, represents a sense of independence, but an attitude of I can take care of myself, rather than, I need to compete. I see you in this way, Jorja. You are independent, intelligent, successful, and self-confident, but you don't need the approval of others to recognise your own success. The Artemis woman typically is a natural competitor, with perseverance, courage, and the will to win.'

  'I can see that,' she admitted.

  'Well, it takes one to know one,' Illy grinned back, 'although I have a good smattering of Athena in me too. Back to your sister, what is fascinating is when the women in a single family have different archetypes, it is often these that drive conflict. Strangely, you can have three daughters, and they will all be different. It doesn't appear to be inherited or learned. It is important to acknowledge that other women's motivation comes from different sources, but the key is recognising that each archetype is valid. Your sister, Jorja, likely saw her wedding day as the most important day of her life. Her dreams had been fulfilled. I am assuming she changed her name?'

  'Oh, goodness yes. I caught her practising her new signature even before the wedding.'

  I smirked, recognising the type. Cam had never asked, and I had never offered to take his name. I saw changing my name as a sign of possession, and I belonged to no man. Although he had my heart, but that was mine to give.

  'Even as a child, my sister dressed up with pillowcases on her head, pretending to be a bride, marrying a teddy bear. Waltzing around her bedroom.'

  'Where were you?'

  'Usually with dad, my head under the bonnet or out playing with the dogs.'

  'I don't recognise my sister in any of those,' I said as Jorja looked at me. 'Tell me about the others. The other archetypes.'

  'Of the three vulnerable goddesses, Demeter is the maternal archetype, goddess of grain and the harvest. Demeter is the nurturing type and has a strong desire to be a mother, but this can also manifest in caring professions, therapists, nursing, teaching, counselling. Demeter women are not competitive with other women for either men or achievements. The only jealousy she likely experiences is when she doesn't have children of her own. Di and Jacinda are both likely Demeter archetypes. Xanthe too.'

  'No, that wasn't Kat. She wasn't maternal.'

  'I must admit, I have never fully understood the Persephone archetype. This is a split one. A child-woman, beautiful but unaware of her beauty, kidnapped by Hades into the underworld. She later becomes queen of the underworld, guiding all that go there. As an archetype, Persephone represents the young girl who doesn't know who she is. She is uncommitted to a relationship, to work, or to an educational goal. Their attitude is that of the eternal adolescent, indecisive about who or what they want to be when they grow up, waiting for something or someone to transform their lives. They are youthful, compliant, and want to make people happy.'

  'That is Kat to a tee. She never really grew up, though she never had the chance either. Never saw her beauty, her value. She looked for validation from others, but she had no goals of her own. She would do anything for my parents' approval or that of her teachers. She played the piano, spent hours practising. All because she wanted their attention. To make them proud of her.'

  'Drug and alcohol use is more common in Persephone and Aphrodite archetypes,' Illy advised. 'Although a lot of Hera types in unhappy marriages self-medicate as well. They can't deal with the idea of failure, of being alone. So they drink, or use drugs to numb the pain.'

  'I often wondered why Kat experimented with alcohol and drugs. But now that you describe it like that, I can see she felt lost. Slowly, she withdrew. We attended an elite school of nearly a thousand girls. Girls from rich and powerful families. She didn't excel in sports, arts or academia. She was bright, but not a brilliant student. She was never the girl on the stage at the end of the year receiving the prize. How did she differentiate herself from all those other girls in an environment that prized excellence above everything else?'

  We sat in silence for a long time before Illy asked, 'Did your parents allow you to drink at home?'

  'They did, in small amounts. From the age of fifteen, we were allowed a small glass of wine with our meal if we all ate together. My parents believed in teaching us to try everything in moderation. They openly discussed it with us. They believed that if we had access to alcohol and could learn to respect it, drink small amounts, then we wouldn't go off and get shit-faced at the first party we attended. Mum was fearful of the risks associated with girls and alcohol. Too often, she had seen girls drugged and violated because they drank too much or accepted a drink from a stranger. Plus, alcohol was always around. The liquor cabinet was always full and never locked. Socially we were exposed to it too. Guests drinking wine at our home. Events most weekends that always involved drinking.'

  'Did it work?' Jorja asked. 'My parents were fairly relaxed Muslims, but they didn't allow us to drink. I did go and get obliterated the first few times I drank at parties. Fortunately, nothing happened, but I had no idea of the effects of a comparatively small amount.'

  'Aside from once or twice, it did for me. I could go to a party and recognise my limits. It also helped that I didn't like to feel out of control.'

  'And your sister?'

  'Kat was wilder than me. She hid her drinking. Once I caught her sneaking a bottle of vodka from the back of the cabinet, or she drank a small amount from each bottle. That kind of thing. Besides, accessing anything isn't hard if you have the money. By the time she was sixteen, she drank heavily but managed to hide it. I was at uni by then and could drive, so I regularly picked her up, steaming drunk. Even when she was younger, every weekend we attended a social event. After an hour or two, the adults had drunk a few glasses, so they stopped paying attention to where we were and what we were doing. We were safe enough. It was always at a friend's house or the yacht club. The adults would stand around talking and drinking, and the kids would sneak off, often taking a bottle with us. Finding a quiet spot by the pool or on the beach away from their sight. Experimenting. Alcohol,
drugs, sex. But she always took it a little further. I thought it was a phase and would wear off, but it didn't. Then she started smoking. I smelled it on her a few times. I just never realised that she moved onto stronger things until I found her with the syringe in her arm. I wonder now how her life could have been different. If only I had said something, got her some help.'

  'It was unlikely to have changed much,' Illy's calm tone interrupted my thoughts. 'There is no point berating yourself. She couldn't find her place. Drinking numbed the pain, and when that didn't, drugs did. There were many people like that. Some find a hobby or sport they are obsessed with. Often risky ones like skydiving or abseiling. There are also male archetypes, but that was Luca before he came here. Always pushing himself. Feeling inadequate, that he wasn't enough.'

  'He hit the jackpot when he met you,' I smiled, knowing the pain was all too close to the surface. 'You made him whole.'

  'Well, I had better get off to my little goddesses,' Jorja said, standing and brushing off her pants. 'Though I will assess them through a slightly different prism now. I'll see you later, Frey, with Ceri. Bring a bag. She can stay as long as you like. Who knows? She might even want to spend Christmas with us.'

  'Do you assess everyone you meet?' I asked Illy cheekily as we resumed our rounds. I needed to drive, Illy unable to wedge her belly behind the wheel.

  'I do it all the time with my girls,' Illy admitted, as she leaned back, caressing her heaving stomach. 'Both are headstrong and wilful. They are both Artemis, I think, with a touch of Athena too.'

  'Like their mother?' I teased.

  'Exactly. I think that is why they drive me bananas.'

  'What archetype do you think Ceridwen is?' I asked Illy after a long period of silence.

  'I have been thinking about her. It is probably why the archetypes were on my mind. Thinking about Ceri and how to help her. If I understand her motivations, I can support her better.'