Your Broom or Mine?: Magic and Mayhem Book Eight

by Robyn Peterman

  “Four Musketeers,” Sassy corrected Zorro as she flew past us upside down.

  He shook his head at her. “It will be a gender-bending nightmare that will save the reputation of the Assjacket Community Theatre.”

  “Or kill it dead forever.” I winced. “I don’t think…” I began only to be cut off by Zach.

  “We’re in.” He grabbed my hand and held it tight.

  Trying to pull away was impossible. His grip was as strong as his sister’s. And to be honest, I didn’t want to pull away. I knew it would only prolong my heartache when I left, but it felt so right.

  “Perfect,” Roger the rabbit said, approaching us with a hop in his step. “Do any of you sing?”

  “I do,” Sassy yelled as she narrowly missed strafing the heads of all the Assjackians in the room.

  Roger paled and his nose twitched in horror. “I ask again,” he whispered. “Can any of you sing?”

  “I shouldn’t,” I replied.

  “Not a note,” Zach added.

  “Not well,” Zorro said. “However, I’m excellent at talk-singing and bleating.”

  “Not to worry,” Sassy squealed. “I’ll sing for everyone. I’ll switch languages for the different characters. Roger, just make sure none of the lyrics are Canadian. I don’t speak that language.”

  Roger looked like he wanted to pass out. “Do any of you have a special talent?”

  “Umm… I can lift heavy stuff, heal people and blow shit up,” Zach offered as Roger nodded unenthusiastically.

  “I speak Puntreelish,” I said, watching Roger pale further.

  “I pole dance,” Zorro announced with pride. “And I can do the splits on the left side if that helps.”

  “It doesn’t,” Roger said. “But I will make it work.”

  The rabbit wandered off in a daze.

  “I’m going to speak with DeeDee and Wanda,” Zorro said, giving Zach and me quick hugs. “You’ll love them. DeeDee’s a deer Shifter and Wanda’s a raccoon Shifter. They are costuming the show, and I want to get their approval on my assless chaps!”

  I was frozen in my spot and prayed to the Goddess that I wasn’t going to be wearing assless chaps while playing the sheriff as a man. Today had gone from weird to unbelievable.

  Today couldn’t get any stranger.

  Or could it?

  “Come with me,” Zach said as he took my hand. “We have to talk.”

  Weird to unbelievable to stomach-churning. But I agreed with Zach.

  We definitely needed to talk.

  Chapter Six

  “Umm… Assjacket seems like a nice town,” I said, searching for something to say to break the wildly uncomfortable awkwardness.

  The town of Assjacket, West Virginia was located in the middle of nowhere and consisted of Main Street. The town square was dominated by a statue of a cement bear missing one side of his head. The rest of the block included a barbershop, hardware store, gas station and a mom and pop grocery along with a few other nondescript buildings.

  We’d been walking in silence for fifteen minutes. Zach’s grip had finally relaxed, so I removed my hand from his. Touching him felt lovely, but it was something I didn't want to get used to.

  Zach nodded but said nothing.

  I tried again. “Zelda’s babies are adorable.”

  Again, he nodded. The warlock was so lost in his own thoughts, I didn’t think he'd heard a word I’d said. I was starting to get annoyed. Zach had said he wanted to talk. This was a shitty talk.

  Testing my theory, I tried one last time. “I lost my meat clackers somewhere along the way in life. My new wooden pappy, Sponge Bob, says I should go out into the world and search for my hairy magical beans. I’m going to wear spandex and channel Mick Jagger while I hunt down my nards.”

  “That’s nice,” Zach said with an absent nod of his head.

  “Oh my Goddess! Did you hear a single word that came out of my mouth?” I demanded, squinting at him. He looked dumbstruck. Crap. Maybe he’d suffered brain damage from Henrietta Smith’s attack. Immediately, I felt horrible for yelling at him.

  Zach inhaled shakily. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I need to tell you something, and I’m getting my courage up.”

  That didn’t sound good. My stomach cramped, and I wanted to be anywhere else. He couldn’t have missed that I’d been wildly in love with him for ten years. It had been embarrassingly obvious. Zach didn’t feel the same way I did. That had been obvious, as well. I was fairly sure that he was about to let me down gently. Why hadn't I stayed in Sponge Bob’s trunk? The real world was filled with heartbreak and humiliation.

  Fine. This would definitely give me the closure I needed. It was time to roll and find my stones. Plastering a smile on my lips that I prayed didn’t look as fake as it felt, I patted his back. “We’re friends,” I said. “You can tell me anything. That’s what friends are for.”

  “But I don't want to be friends,” Zach blurted out as I gasped in complete shock and tripped over absolutely nothing. Before the pain of his words could overwhelm me, he added, “I mean, of course, I want to be your friend. Shit, I'm getting this all wrong.”

  “Just say it. It's better if you make it quick.” I braced my heart. “Like ripping off a bandaid.” Although, I feared it would be more like ripping duct tape off a hairy leg. I was sure what he had to say to me was going to hurt like hell and would most certainly leave a mark.

  “You're right,” Zach said, as he came to a jarring halt. “I’m in love with you, Willow.”

  My knees buckled and I landed in a heap on the sidewalk. I stared at the ground and tried to figure out how to respond. How could Zach be so mean? If he was making fun of me and my feelings for him, it would be devastating. My emotions ran amuck inside me, and I was at a loss for words, unsure if I was about to laugh, scream or cry. I looked around to see if we had witnesses. I sighed in relief that Main Street was empty.

  Zelda had already explained that the town had been glamoured to look like a total dump on the outside so humans wouldn’t want to stop. But inside the ramshackle structures, everything was pure enchantment. Shifters, witches and other magical beings lived very public but secret lives. A place like Assjacket was a perfect way to exist while hiding in plain sight.

  Although, right now, I just wanted to hide out of plain sight.

  “Wasn’t exactly the reaction I was hoping for,” Zach said as he gently helped me to my feet and made sure I was fine.

  Narrowing my eyes, I punched him in the stomach. Hard. Just like his abs. “That was mean and uncalled for,” I shouted.

  Zach was wildly confused and completely unfazed by the punch. “It was?”

  “Yes,” I said, stomping away and sitting down on a cement bench beneath the half-headed bear. “It wasn’t funny. I think you should apologize right now. Playing with other people is beneath you.”

  Zach followed me over to the bench and squatted down until he was eye level with me. Having him so close was killing me. My insides roiled with so many emotions I had no clue what to feel.

  “I’m not playing with you, Willow,” he said, staring so intensely into my eyes, I had to remind myself to breathe. “Until now, I had nothing to offer you. Nothing. The curse and the woman whose name I refuse to speak, tied me to a hell that I believed was permanent. I still don’t have much to offer, but I can’t hold back my feelings anymore. I don’t want to. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way anymore. I’ve probably killed anything you may have felt for me in the past. But I wanted you to know that I love you. I always have and always will.”

  His words were what I’d longed to hear for a decade, but…

  “I loved you for so long,” I whispered.

  “Loved?” he questioned. “Past tense?”

  “No. Yes. I don’t know,” I said. Zelda’s words rang in my head. You can’t love someone until you love yourself. Could Zach truly love me if he still hated himself? Would my heart end up broken beyond repair?

  Zach sat
down next to me and offered his hand. He held his breath and waited. His pain was so evident, and so was his intent. He'd made his confession, and now the choice was mine.

  I made it with my heart not my head. Slowly, I placed my hand in his. Our connection sent a tingle up my arm, and my head wreath twinkled and glowed. Zach’s beautiful features relaxed as he closed his eyes for a moment.

  “I despised myself,” he said softly. “Bringing you into my hell by telling you how I truly felt was something I could never do. It would have been a fate worse than death for you. The fact that you stayed humbled me and consumed me with guilt.”

  “You knew I loved you?” I asked.

  He nodded slowly. “It was the only thing that kept the agony at bay. It was incredibly selfish of me not to make both you and Zorro leave, but you and he were the only pure and beautiful things in my wretched existence.”

  “Neither of us would have ever left you,” I said as my heart hurt for him… and Zorro and me.

  It had been a decade of sadness and tremendous pain. However, I wouldn’t have traded it for the world. There had been beautiful times too. Leaving Zach completely alone with that horrible murderous woman would have been unacceptable. Zorro had felt the same.

  “I know you wouldn’t have left,” he said tightly. “It's one of the many reasons I wouldn’t leave you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You almost died, Willow. If Zelda hadn't gotten you to Sponge Bob in time, I think I would have died with you.” He shook his head and pressed his temples. “Zorro held me together. I spent every day and all night in the grove under the mighty oaks, sometimes to the point where I'd forget to eat, to sleep. Zorro made sure I did both with very colorful and persuasive language… and one sound kick to my ass.”

  I smiled. “He is a bit bossy.” How many times had Zorro been there for Zach and me over the past decade? Goddess, he must have been as scared as Zach, but he kept his focus on hope and not despair. Zorro embodied hope.

  “I can't imagine my life without you in it even though you deserve more.” I could see the struggle within him as he clenched his jaw. “Sometimes, it makes me detest myself even more.”

  I sighed and longed to lean into Zach, but didn’t. Self-preservation instincts weren’t my forte, but I was developing them. My hairy magical beans were finally emerging.

  “This is a lot to take in,” I whispered, unsure how to proceed.

  “I know,” he replied, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “It’s probably as selfish as anything I’ve ever done. If I wasn’t a self-serving bastard, I would have kept my mouth shut.”

  “No,” I said, wanting him to understand. “No, to hear you say the words is what I've dreamed of for years, but … but I don’t know how to believe you even though I want to. I’m terrified.”

  The conversation wasn’t even close to what I’d dreamt this moment might be, but reali-tree was stranger than fiction by a long shot.

  Zach took in what I said and was silent for a few moments. His handsome face darkened with sadness then a very small smile began to tug at his lips. His green eyes sparkled and my heart skipped a beat. “Will you let me prove it, Willow? Give me a chance? I’m still not sure I’m worth the risk, but I…”

  Placing my finger over the lips I wanted to kiss, I shushed him. His feelings of worthlessness were going to be a problem.

  What I really wanted to do was throw myself into his arms, ignore all the uncertainties of our past that we should discuss, and live happily ever after. However, that was a recipe for disaster. Our reality had been a disaster for so long, I wasn’t sure how to handle the possibility of a new one. But…

  “I have a thought,” I told him, thinking I might be insane. “It's a little crazy.”

  “Like Sassy crazy?”

  “Yep,” I said. “Although, it's more a suggestion than a thought.”

  “Will you be speaking Canadian?” he inquired with a charming lopsided grin that made me giggle.

  There were so many reasons I’d fallen in love with the broken man sitting next to me. His goodness through his despicable situation was always there. He’d rescued Zorro when his pack had left him for dead. He’d welcomed me, an orphaned, lonely dryad without question. We became a pack of misfits. No matter how weak or drained of blood and magic he was, he’d sheltered both Zorro and I. And in turn, we’d sheltered him as much as we could.

  His compassion had almost killed him, but his sense of humor had remained intact. His outer beauty didn’t compare to his inner beauty, but he had no clue. That was part of the issue.

  “Yes, I will be speaking purely in Canadian. Do you understand it?” I asked.

  “Actually, I do,” he replied. “I even understand and speak a little Puntreelish, dryad.”

  “Interesting, warlock,” I said, raising a brow. “Shall we test that claim out?”

  “Absolu-tree,” Zach said, mirroring my raised brow.

  “What did the mighty oak wear to the pool party?” I asked.

  “Swimming trunks,” he replied with a chuckle.

  “Okay, you got one,” I conceded with a smile, loving the carefree lightness in his voice. “Could have been a lucky guess. What did Luke Skywalker say to the tree?”

  Without missing a beat, Zach answered. “May the forest be with you.”

  I laughed and was delighted. Hmm… I wanted to stump him. “What did the single tree say to the bush?”

  “Easy,” Zach replied, looking cocky and pleased. “I don’t want no shrub. A shrub is a guy who can’t get no love from me.”

  I grinned so wide, it hurt my cheeks.

  Zach went for it. “Willow, I don’t deserve you. I’m very aware of that, but I would do anything for a chance. We could date. We could start at the beginning. We could get to know each other.”

  He was so wrong about not deserving me, but I knew he wouldn't believe me if I told him.

  “Anything?” I asked, forming a plan in my head. “You would do anything?”

  “Yes,” Zach said without hesitation. “Anything.”

  “Would you do couples therapy with me?” I questioned.

  Zach looked surprised, but quickly nodded. “Yes. Is there a therapist in Assjacket?”

  I nodded. “Roger is a therapist. As a matter of fact, he’s Zelda’s therapist.”

  “The rabbit who was making up songs about graphically getting eaten by sharks?” Zach asked, worried.

  “Yep,” I replied with a laugh. “And he apparently enjoys porn.”

  “You think that’s a good idea?” he asked, skeptically. “Zelda’s not exactly a stable individual as far as therapy success stories go.”

  “Your sister is wonderful,” I insisted. “You know it as well as I do.”

  Zach looked down and grinned. “Yes, my sister is wonderful,” he admitted. “I’m still getting used to the word sister.”

  “And I’m getting used to the words you started this conversation with,” I said, feeling lighter than I had in a very long time.

  He gazed at me. The sincerity in his gorgeous green eyes was unmistakable. “Will it take you long to believe me?” he asked.

  “That depends on you… and me,” I answered truthfully. Although, if it was up to my girlie parts, the process wouldn't take long at all.

  Zach laced his fingers in mine. Our connection made my wreath glow and sparkle. He touched one of the flowers with reverence and smiled.

  “I’ll do whatever it takes,” he promised.

  My heart pounded a wild happy beat in my chest. Pure and simple. And it was all I could do not to climb up Zach's trunk and shake his leaves until we were one. But I knew that sex would complicate everything. While my body disagreed vehemently, I let my brain take the wheel. I wanted Zach forever, not just right now. But first... “Can you learn to love yourself?”

  His fingers tightened on mine. “Shit,” he muttered, looking bewildered. “Is that a requirement?”

  “It is,” I said s
oftly.

  Zach’s expression turned wary and pained. His fingers slid out of mine. “It’s something I’ve never done,” he admitted.

  I wanted to hold Zach tight and tell him it would be all right, but his healing process was up to him. “I think there are a few people here who would be happy to help.”

  Zach sighed and ran his hands through his hair. It stuck straight up on his head. He looked so much like Fabio it was striking. His lips compressed and his jaw worked a mile a minute. I could almost hear the chaotic shouting match in his mind. I was asking him to undo a lifetime of hurt and self-hatred.

  It was not a small request, but it was the only way to make it work. And even if we didn’t work, I would be happy if he could love himself and find real happiness.

  “I can try,” Zach said, slowly. “I can’t guarantee success, but if it means I’ll be worthy of you, I promise to try.”

  He needed to do it for himself, but we’d get to that—one magical baby step at a time.

  Chapter Seven

  “I will break you down to nothing and remold you in my image, you lowly pieces of talentless crap,” Mae Blockinschlokinberg screamed in an octave that should have attracted stray dogs from hundreds of miles away.

  She clearly hadn’t looked in a mirror during the break. The bushy beige unibrow was still front and center on her forehead. Her buddies sucked in the friend department. Friends told friends if they were sporting a unibrow.

  Rehearsal wasn’t going well. The icky little block of a woman paced the back of the hall and barked orders at Bob while slinging profanities and insults at everyone. Her ghastly dressed minions sat in the back row and said nothing. Although, they clapped wildly and took pictures each time she pointed at them. Honestly, I was only half paying attention. Every time I glanced over at Zach, he was staring right back at me with a huge grin on his face. His words from earlier still danced in my brain.

  The situation we were currently in was hellish, but the company—excluding Mae Blockinschlokinberg and her sandal-wearing posse—was divine.