Ready to Fall (A Second Chance Bad Boy Next Door Romance)

by Anne Connor

  “Where the fuck else would I be?”

  He’s right. There is no where else he would be, even if my mom were still here. Alec was here every day after she got sick. He was here when I couldn’t be, when I had to go to the shop to earn my pay to keep the house. He was here when I could be here, not just to look after Mom, but to make sure I was okay, too. If this were an ordinary Saturday night, Alec would be here all the same.

  “I think people are starting to leave. Grandma is still in there, right?” I turn my head around slowly and check out the old house. It was all paid up until the sickness hit her and we had to borrow against it.

  “Why don’t you and I go for a walk? Just get the fuck out of here for a while?” Alec looks up and then down at his shoes, kicking the dirt and mud and ice in front of his feet, digging his heels into the unmowed lawn.

  “I should go check on Grandma and Daisy,” I say, glancing back toward the house. The window in front isn’t shielded with curtains. It’s wide open. But I can’t see my Daisy. There’s too many people in the way.

  “They’re okay,” Alec says, staring off into the distance and pulling another beer out of the deep pocket of his hoodie. “I swear. It’ll be good for your head.”

  “Fine.” I throw my cigarette to the ground and stomp it out. My mom always told me not to smoke, but now that she’s not around I don’t have to feel guilty for it.

  My heart clenches up a little. It hurts, but I’m glad I can feel something. Even if it’s pain.

  I dig my hands into my pockets and follow Alec across the lawn and onto the road. If you didn’t know this town, you wouldn’t know what road you were on. Stretches of road wind between valleys in this part of the state, and the landscape all looks the same. It’s the only thing I can take comfort in right now. Back at the house, everything is different. Daisy doesn’t mind being left there, I know. She’s fine dealing with all the people who came out for mom’s wake today. They didn’t give a shit about her when she was alive, but now that it’s time to put her in the ground, they come out.

  We get to the top of the hill where the body shop I work in stands. There’s nothing but trees on one side of the road, dense woods. I don’t know where it stops and what’s on the other side. On this side of the street, Alec and I stand outside the shop and look up. It’s like a place of worship for us. We were always like ministers of steel and metal. Our congregation came to us to have their rides fixed. We could work miracles.

  “I liked it here. The old man was good.” Alec pulls another cigarette out of his pack and lights up with his chrome lighter. A puff of smoke escapes from his pursed lips as he walks toward the front door of the shop, next to the garage where I spend my days.

  Alec worked here until his wife had the baby. A little girl. His wife went to work as a nurse in a hospital in the nearest city, about forty miles away, and they both decided it would be best for Alec to stay home to care for his daugher. He loves it. And he loved bringing little Becky to my place during the day to hang out with mom while I had to go to the garage to keep the money coming in.

  It wasn’t much, but we needed it.

  “The old man is still good. And I know he’d take you back in a heartbeat if you ever wanted.” My keys are hanging inside my pocket from a long metal chain, and I slip them out, walking over to the front door of the place. “Want to go in? For old time’s sake?”

  The smell of motor oil and leather fills my head as I open the front door and punch in the alarm code. Alec comes in and puts a weathered hand on the counter where we have the cash register set up, making his way through the shop and into the garage in the back.

  “Old time’s sake.” He looks around, regarding his Mustang convertible in the corner.

  High walls hide what’s inside the garage, the only light coming in through dirty windows high up near the ceiling. Night has almost completely fallen. The metal and steel of the bikes along the far east wall of the garage glow with the fire of the last of the orange sun.

  I feel like this is my second home. As fucked up as that is, this is where I feel something. The good and the bad, and everything in-between. Not back where my mom faded. Not between the walls of the rooms my dad left, where mom searched for reasons why it happened. That’s not home to me. There’s too much wrong there.

  If this is my second home, Daisy’s my real home. I feel everything with her.

  Alec goes to the corner where his vintage ride is showing off with its top down, staggering around it, beer-fueled.

  “Let’s take it out for a spin,” he says. It’s his pride. Besides his wife and his daughter, it’s what he loves. He protects it. It’s just in for a routine tune-up, and of course he wanted me to do the job. Someone he could trust with something so precious.

  “You can’t, pal. You’re not up for it right now.” I know the cabinet where we hold all the keys is locked up, and I’m not letting him in. He’s in no shape to drive. Not tonight.

  “Fuck, man.” He pulls a set of keys out of his pocket. Of course he has an extra set on him. He clumsily opens the door and gets into the driver’s seat.

  He has enough sense to roll up the top of the car and pull down the mirror visor. He grimaces at his own reflection, his lip curling into a snarl and his eyes averting his own gaze.

  Alec starts up the car and revs the engine. It purrs like a pussycat. I’ve done a good job with it. For an older car, it’s still a beauty.

  “Get in,” Alec says, stepping out of the car and walking over to the metal pulley to open the garage door so we can drive out.

  I don’t want any trouble. Alec can’t drive. I should take the car out on my own. I crave a ride through town, not knowing where I’m going. Cutting off the headlights and letting the moon guide me. Getting the fuck out and not knowing if I’ll come back. Only coming back for Daisy.

  Having her live with me always. Someplace else. Not here.

  Alec opens the garage door and I slip into the driver’s seat. He jogs back over to the car and gets in, guiding himself in with a hand on the frame of the car and slamming the door shut. He hits the radio button and a song I recognize but don’t know the words to comes on. Crunching guitars hit my eardrums and we race out onto the road. Alec hops out to close the garage, coming back out through the customer exit. I hear the alarm activate behind him when he leaves. He comes back and gets in again. I can feel my insides churn with regret for leaving Daisy. But I feel the road calling to me.

  I don’t know where we’re going. I just drive. Drive toward the outskirts of town. Away from here.

  There’s an unspoken bond between me and Alec and I can feel it in the air between us. He’s more than a friend. He’s like a brother. My blood. And my mom was like a mom to him. Alec treated her like his own mother, all those days he came to the house with Becky. Going to the store to pick up her prescriptions. Driving her to doctor appointments. All the times I couldn’t be there, he was.

  The windows are up but I can feel the wind whipping against the car. I shift gears to keep from sliding off the road as we take a curve I’ve taken a million times before.

  “Where are we going?” I breathe heavily, blood coursing through me and heating my veins.

  “I thought you were driving this thing,” he replies. “Take a right up here.”

  We’re in a neighborhood I don’t recognize. I’ve done what I wanted. I’ve arrived someplace else. The houses on this street are big, and closer together, and they all look the same. Two stories, a pair of columns, and new, shiny cars next to green lawns splattered with the same snow we have back home, one town over. Bold brick, red and uniform, and not a stray cat in sight.

  “Here.” Alec points to the left side of the road, next to a clearing of several acres. It’s hard to see, but it looks like a golf course. The side of the road is lit up at intervals with tall street lamps. I slowly roll between two of them, hiding the car where the lights don’t hit the street.

  “You know this part of town?” I ask, tur
ning the radio down. It’s too loud. This street is quiet. Families are inside the houses, tucked into their chairs at dining tables, having conversations about homework and sitcoms.

  Alec looks out his window at a house across the street as a scowl creeps slowly across his face. His blue eyes burn with anger and he puts two fists down on the dashboard. “That’s my old boss’s house.”

  My friend still carries resentment with him wherever he goes. A light turns on inside a window of the house he’s looking at, and his fists clench with anger. The light goes out, and a man in a suit comes out of the house.

  “You have something better now,” I say. “Forget it. You didn’t want that path. Don’t lose sleep over something you lost if you didn’t even want it in the first place.

  “It’s not right. Are you and I seeing the same thing? Look at this fucking place. Look at that car. The house. His fucking suit. Smug bastard.”

  Alec took it hard, and I couldn’t blame him. This is an industrial town, and it seems more and more that the industries it used to thrive on are fading away. He’s right. It’s not fair that his former boss still has the house and the job. Especially because he had to lay off a hundred workers to do it.

  But then, life’s not fair.

  “You can’t dwell on the past.” I suck in a sharp breath and shift into drive. That’s a lesson I’ve tried to learn, but it’s not sticking. All I can think about is the past. All I can think about is the look on Mom’s face when Dad walked out on us.

  I should have done more to stop him. I should have done more for Mom. And now I can’t do anything for her.

  “Fuck this guy,” Alec says, pinching a stump of a cigarette between his thumb and forefinger. “Let’s go home.”

  Daisy

  I don’t belong here without Travis. This is his home, not mine. And now I’m surrounded by strangers who only care about what’s going to happen to the assets: the property, the house. If it were up to them, it’d get divided up and parceled out to the brothers who keep swearing they’ll miss Travis’ mom. I’ve never met any of them before, and I’ve lived next door my whole life.

  I certainly haven’t seen any of them in the past six months since Mrs. Bloom’s been sick. A few phone calls, maybe. But no visitors. No one wanted to see her in her condition.

  Hearing the front door open, I look over my shoulder where I’m washing dishes in the kitchen and spot Travis and Alec come in. Travis looks all alone, even with everyone around. The talking and chatter of these long-lost relatives doesn’t match the day. Seeing Travis suddenly makes me feel sick. For him, for his mom who we watched wither away.

  My heart sinks when I see Travis’ face. He’s avoiding eye contact with me, and I don’t know why. Instead, he’s shaking hands with his mom’s siblings, making small talk and standing out in the crowd like some kind of deal maker. It doesn’t seem like him.

  He’s doing what he’s supposed to. I wish I could be there for him, but he’s giving me nothing. He weaves his way through the living room and dining room, filled with his mother’s old things: a dining set inherited through two generations of Blooms, a china set, a Tiffany lamp.

  His face is painted with grief, even though I know he’s trying to hide it. But inside, it’s much worse than that. Inside, I know he feels more than grief.

  I don’t know what he’s going to do with the house. But all of these relatives are gunning for it. I know it. And I can see the mistrust in his eyes.

  I want him to give me something. Anything.

  He isn’t the guy I used to know.

  All of the hours he’s put in at the shop have changed his body.

  His mom would be proud to see her son like this, though. It almost seems like he’s grown up overnight.

  But I just want him to look at me. I need him to look at me. I need to see the distance in his eyes, if even for a moment. Even if he isn’t really here, I need to see him to anchor me. Because right now, I feel like I’m adrift at sea. I need him to grab me and settle me. And I want to do the same for him.

  I turn back to the sink and wipe my hands on a towel beside it. We’ve known this day was coming, but I don’t know if that’s lessened his pain or magnified it, blown it up so he can see and feel every little detail of the heartache I know he must be feeling right now.

  “Baby, come here.” I feel Travis’ arms wrap around my waist and he whispers into my ear. “Everything okay?”

  I close my eyes and pretend everything is okay. And with me in his arms, wrapped up tight, it’s almost true. His lips come down on the top of my head and he gives me a sweet peck.

  “Yeah,” I struggle, pushing away a lump in my throat. “It will be. It has to be.”

  I need to be strong for him.

  He presses his body to mine, us alone with the strong smell of day-old roses filling the room among all the people whose names I don’t know and who Travis has only just met. His family, he said to me a month ago. He’d said it with a forced smile, because he didn’t mean it. These people don’t know what family means.

  “I’m gonna get everyone to leave. You don’t need to be cleaning up the place.” I know he’s saying it because it’s not my house. That it’s his responsibility.

  He always hated accepting help from people. I’m just happy he’s allowed Alec to be there for him, at least a little.

  “How are you going to make them leave?” I ask, turning my head to look up at him, trying to smile a little.

  Travis looks down at me, and his blue eyes flash with a sign of life, something I haven’t seen in so long. Since before his mom got sick. But the brightness in him is quickly extinguished, and I don’t know why. I don’t know what made him light up in the first place, but I felt it.

  “Maybe I can tell them whoever sticks around the longest gets to help me clean out the basement.” He forces a little gruff laugh and keeps his hand around my waist as he grabs a beer from the fridge next to the sink.

  “You think that’ll work?” I ask, turning and nuzzling up against him.

  “Probably not. They probably think there’s something of value down there, the way they’re all sniffing around. Or maybe it’s just the house itself.” He pops the metal cap off the bottle and takes a sip thoughtfully, looking past the kitchen island and out into the living room. “Fucking vultures.”

  I exhale shakily and turn my attention back to the sink. I need something to busy my hands. I can’t do anything to take my mind off what’s happening, so I need to do something physical. Maybe next I’ll take a jog around the neighborhood. Or maybe I’ll just go to bed.

  “Mind if I crash here tonight?” I ask. My parents are out of town at some police benefit in the city, and they’re staying in a hotel down there tonight. They told me to send my condolences to Travis and his family. I guess they assumed this morning when they saw the cars starting to file into the driveway that those were his real family. They didn’t know any better.

  “Go upstairs,” he says, reaching past me to turn off the sink. It sputters a little and the flow stops, and he turns me around by the hips. “Get into bed. Turn the lights off. Wait for me to come to you.”

  His words send a chill into my spine and I nod in agreement, but my head is still spinning from the day.

  I make my way through groups of people, in-laws and cousins. I don’t know these people. I give Alec a quick hug, but he can’t say anything to me. All he does is squeeze me in a tight embrace and nod before heading out the door as I go upstairs.

  We knew this day would come, but no matter how many times I went over it in my mind, I couldn’t have prepared myself for this. At least we got to say goodbye, and his mom knew he was loved. I just pray my parents will be around for me to say goodbye to them, too.

  Travis never got to say goodbye to his dad, but maybe he’ll get to see him again. Though I don’t know if he’d want to, and I don’t know what he’d say to him if he got that chance. Maybe all he’d say is goodbye. Make up for what he couldn’t say to him
before, because there was no way to know he’d do what he did.

  Travis

  My phone vibrates inside the pocket of my hoodie, flashing my body awake. I guess I fell asleep with my clothes on. Digging into my pocket, I fish out my phone and see that it’s Alec texting me. For a moment, I think it’s any other late-night text from him. Then I remember that my mom isn’t in the next room anymore, and a feeling of sickness washes over me.

  The bright light from the screen of my phone is harsh on my eyes, and I don’t want to wake Daisy, so I cover my phone between my hands and go out into the hallway.

  Get out here, Alec’s text says. Again, the text makes the night seem mundane. Something I could have received any other night. Maybe he wanted to go cruising around town or get a fast drink at the bar when he was able to slip out, or maybe his girl gave him her blessing to go out and blow off some steam with his best friend for a few hours.

  The house is still a fucking mess. I know Daisy wanted to clean up, but I didn’t want her to. I thought it’d give me something to do today when I woke up. Not that it would take my mind off things, off Mom. That wouldn’t be possible. But my mom told me, years ago when I was a kid, that the hardest part of losing someone came when the shock wore off and you were left alone with your thoughts and with idle time on your hands.

  So I have to keep moving. Nothing idle.

  I get outside and Alec’s there in his Mustang.

  “How’d you get the car out?” I ask. There’s venom in my friend’s eyes.

  “It was easy,” he says, his hands tightening his grip on the steering wheel. “Get in.”

  I slip into the car and Alec races off as I see the light on my front porch go on in my rearview. I should have told Daisy where I was going, but it’s too late for that.

  The bass of the radio thrums inside my chest as we take a familiar path, Alec fueled by forty-eight hours of grief and pain. I can see it when I look over to him. And maybe it’s not just the pain of the past few days. It’s the pain of the past few years.