Ring of Madness

by Royden Labrosse

  She'd also ask how many vertebrae the giraffe has! What's going on? I wouldn't know! What am I, a Buffy Vampire Slayer or something?! Or Professor Van Helsing? Woman's reincarnation! Yeah, well, that's... That's not funny! And anyway, this whole story is a clean water marasmus! I don't believe in vampires. I DON'T BELIEVE IN VAMPIRES! That's it.

  - Katya, you sit down and be quiet for a while. And let me take another look at the bite.

  Katya obediently tilted her head. I stared at two scarlet holes. Maybe it'll come to mind... It did. But such that even if you strangle yourself. I didn't choke. Maybe Saneke the Great was like that, too. He was standing there, looking at the Gordian knot, scratching his head, and then he decided: "Let me rub on it the heavier! "Rubanul, and he went to conquer the planet. And that's right! What's there to be small about?

  - Katya, I'm sorry, try not to get hysterical and everything, but can I try... no, not to bite you, but just to figure out what fangs should be? What's the scale? I mean, they're different for every animal! No biting! Just touch your teeth?

  - You can," a friend nodded. And she sighed. Sadly so.

  I gently turned her head and tried to press her fangs against the wounds. It didn't turn out well. Just because the one who bit the distance between the fangs had more teeth than me. And yet, what could it be?! Higher Powers! Okay, I have two hypotheses, like Holmes... Hey, wait a minute! How did I not see that before?

  - Katya, were you wearing a cross yesterday?

  - A cross?

  Katya slammed her eyes perplexingly.

  - Yeah! You almost never take the chain off!

  That's right, that's right. Katina's parents were not religious, but they believed in God. Which is what Katya took from them. She was baptized, and she wore an expensive golden cross all the time. Almost all the time. She didn't only wear it to the beach. I always laughed at that habit of hers. My family and friends were neither religious nor believers. I was raised in a very peculiar way, instilling a desire to think first, and to follow others' thoughts and words second. The same commandments. Do not steal, do not lie, do not kill... They are good, but are they always good? Or were they just invented by people who were afraid to take responsibility?! It's very easy to say: "God has commanded you to forgive and love". Very. It's much harder to make a difficult decision.

  - Gapeka! I remembered!

  - What have you remembered? - Katya took me away from my thoughts, and I was a little angry.

  - That's right! Yesterday I wore my turquoise jacket. Remember that one, shoulderless!

  I remembered the jacket. If you could call her that. Just take a piece of bright blue matter, wrap it in a strip from the waist and a little higher than the nipples, and then hang it on a noose, on the neck - here it comes. Of course, the cross had to be taken off. You don't wear anything around the neck with shirts like that. Although we all wear them now, but Katya is a girl with good taste and knows for sure that with gold, you can only become more vulgar. Natasha can put on three chains, two bracelets and five rings. And Katka can't. What's decent for a bull is vulgar to Jupiter.

  - Did you leave the cross at home?

  - Yeah. I didn't wear it till after the shower! And then... right! That's when I remembered everything! What's happening to me?!

  That's a good question. I wish I could get the same good answer!

  - Katya, don't you remember "Count Dracula" yourself?

  - I've also missed such nonsense remembering!

  Absolutely! It's not Eom's law!

  - You should have! I think you've been under vampire hypnosis.

  - What?!

  Wow! What can I say?! It's as simple as that! If a mentally ill person convinces you that the earth is square, you shouldn't shake pictures from space in front of his nose. He won't believe it anyway, and you might get it. How much easier it is to ask him to fly and check it out in person. And then you'll take his word for it. It's the same here. A vampire? Yeah, sure, all right! Even a vampire, even a werewolf, even Cheburashka in knight's armor! I've already agreed to everything. Just calm down. And don't push my psyche!

  - That's it.

  The words flew out easily and simply. Katka looked at me with square eyes.

  - If it was a vampire, he just hypnotized you. Until you were wearing a cross, you were still hypnotized. And then when you wore it, you remembered everything and decided to come to me for help.

  - You think?

  I shrugged my shoulders. Lying was easy and elegant.

  - What else can I think of? I don't know much about vampires. I just have a good memory for all kinds of unscientific literature.

  - So what are we gonna do now?

  "we" already? Oh, that's so sweet! But not sending her? Friend after all! Hmm, girlfriend. Okay, I'm not sending her anywhere for our friendship. So what? So I'm going with her? Martyrs for company? They were friends in life, they stayed friends after death. Vampires. Vampires? Bloodsuckers? Hey, am I seriously thinking this whole thing?!

  And she immediately answered herself.

  Absolutely serious! But only for lack of other information. Something to think about. Although...

  What do you think of this version, huh, Julia? Katya just got slipped a drug. Or somehow they slipped it. I think you can give a person a drug even with a kiss. You should have read more on the Internet about it, but I didn't bother. But you can't do anything wrong with drugs, either. What about the bite? What about the bite? It's not zoophilia, is it? Who's got the tastes in bed. Somebody remembers the Marquis da Sada, someone else is a masochist and reads Lenka von Zaher-Masoch. (Last name - chic, right? You'll throw yourself at people with such a name...) And - what is it - my practical knowledge in this delicate matter is zero at all, so I may not know all kinds of perversions. Maybe we have a new fashion in sadists - fangs? Oh, I was thinking again.

  - We won't do anything.

  Katya looked at me with the eyes of a battered dog, and I scolded myself. Don't snort, but she's my friend. And I have to help her. Although I'm not sure that she would help me.

  - You go to bed now, and I'll sit and think and decide what we'll do next.

  - You don't understand! What if he comes for me? At night?

  - Hmmm...

  I wonder how this mysterious HE would get here? How will he even know that Katya's at the cottage, and find this cottage? And that we weren't followed - that's for sure. What am I, not seeing simple things? There are no traces around here for three kilometers, except mine and Katya's. But it's more expensive to argue with hysterical girls.

  - Okay, you lie down right here. So will I. These chairs are unfolding out, so we won't have any problems. I'm gonna look for some bed linens. Maybe two blankets and pillows are better, though. We'll still have to sleep without taking off our clothes. It's a big house, I can't sink it properly alone, so if we get undressed, we'll freeze in the morning.

  - Sleeping with your clothes on?! I imagine you'll be with us by morning.

  - Imagine that. We can go home on foot. Of course it's dark, but I know the way.

  - Come on! If it's a... vampire... I'll never dare to go outside after sunset!

  I didn't argue with that statement. Tomorrow I'll call Katka's parents and suggest we send her somewhere in Haiti. Or Tahiti. It doesn't matter. Have her rest somewhere far away from her hometown. Radical psychotherapy.

  - Then sit down for a while. I'll get the blankets now.

  - I'm with you!

  I wince, but I didn't say anything. Katya is afraid. And my irony won't do anything now. I should have started with this before. And now it's impossible. Whether her fears are real or not - but she's here in my house. She came to ask for help, and I will try to help her. At least that's the way it is. If for her mental health, you have to tail me, let her tail me!

  Katya just glued herself to me while I was pulling out pillows with blankets, bringing more firewood, cooking dinner and calling Grandpa. My grandfather is something. I admire him. And I'm not ashamed to
talk about it loudly to the world. Konstantin Savelievich Leoverensky - please love and pay. When the Great Patriotic War began, he was only twelve years old. He was just a boy. But he still had the same character then. Throw him into the river, and the river will evaporate...

  He called back after the third call.

  - Leoverensky here.

  - Leoverenskaya listens," I teased him. My grandfather's voice immediately warmed up.

  - Jane? What's wrong?

  - It's no big deal! - I calmed my grandfather down. - Katya called me and asked me to let her sleep at the cottage. Here we are, in close company. So I'm not coming to the dacha tonight. We're going to sleep here tonight, okay?

  - Are you sure it's nothing serious? - Fooling grandpa even on the phone wasn't a task for the weak. But I have no reason to deceive him!

  - For me, nothing. It's purely Katina's problems and secrets," I answered. - I'm just warning you and asking you not to call home.

  It was more than relevant. Mom always tried to talk to me before bed. She took care of me and worried. Anyway, I'm not three years old, but to Mom, I'm still a child. And I have to warn her about the change of plans. Or she'll call home and worry. It's a waste of time, too. And time for international conversations is expensive.

  - All right, then. I'll call you again, then. Don't turn off your cell phone.

  - I won't. Bye, Grandpa.

  - Bye.

  I pulled the plug and put the phone on the table.

  - There you go. Now they won't worry about me. So, how about some sandwiches?!

  Katya looked at me with holy terror. Have I told you yet that she's a vegetarian? It's a tough case in medical practice! She also has a passion for sports and ballroom dancing.

  - How can you eat that?

  You'd think I ate live fish, not sprats from a can. At least I figured I'd buy some bread at the bus stop, or I'd just eat them. Well, that's not very nice.

  - That's how I can do it. And I would advise you very much. You can't restore the blood on your carrots.

  - Well, no! They're living creatures!

  - Were. And anyway, Katya, if you've decided to be a vegetarian, you're a bit inconsistent. Then we should go to the dentist and ask him to replace your canines with your primary teeth.

  - What's this for?

  Katya felt the trick, but she wasn't a biologist. And I strongly suspected that the school course had already weathered out of her mind.

  - And then! - I gladly explained by swallowing a piece of sandwich. - No matter how you spin it, Katyusha, we're made by predators. And we have such teeth to rip the meat and rip the bones better. What canines, what chisels. That cow eats weed, she has a different structure of teeth. Her teeth aren't for chewing, they're for rubbing grass. And we are carnivores. And it's all in our teeth. What's the point in giving up on yourself?

  Katya was wrinkling her nose anyway. Finally she took a piece of bread, sprinkled it with salt, and began to chew it with a view of the Great Martyr Catherine. I, as a truly insensitive person, only shrugged my shoulders in response to all her grimaces.

  - Well, if you say so. It would be an honor to be offered, and God spared the loss. I'm gonna get more. And you wait for the potatoes.

  The potatoes had to wait quite a long time. During this time I managed to quench the first hunger and called Natasha. She called me back after the third call.

  - Yeah?

  - Hello, is Natasha there?

  - Yes, you can. Who's asking me?

  - Gapeka. Leoverenskaya.

  I deliberately introduced myself by my last name, knowing that this was another reason for Natasha to be angry. She was on Repkin's passport. Anyway, Leoverenskaya sounds much more elegant.

  - Hey, her voice is noticeably bored.

  - It's good to hear from you too. Natasha, did Katya not go out with you yesterday?

  - With us. Why?

  - It's almost nothing. It's just that she has my book, and I need it right away, and I can't find Katyuha anywhere. It was flushed down the toilet!

  Katya made me scary eyes, but I just swung away.

  - And you won't find it," Natasha giggled.

  - Did you feed her to the crocodiles? Natasha, why?! - I did.

  - What are you, Leoverenskaya, really stupid?

  I had an opinion about it, but I didn't say anything. Otherwise, we're about to go personal. I'll win the bet clean, but I won't know anything useful for me either. So we'll grab our teeth and be patient.

  - The skating rink got away from us last night with that frame! Blonde, packed, figurine - like the Terminator! Just a sweetie!

  So far, Katkina's information has been confirmed.

  - Poisonous, I guess, candy turned out.

  - I don't think so. I think she'll stay with him all day! She's the Katya! If you get a hold of her, you can't separate her!

  I snorted.

  - Look, did you try to educate her about profiling and safe sex? Or is it always like this: two hours of getting to know her - and into bed?

  - No," Nathan's voice clearly sounded confused, "no one even thought about it.

  - And even you? Natasha, you're friends! How could you!

  It had a good effect on her.

  - And what could I do! I tried to hit them in the dance, but where is it going? Imagine, they weren't even dazzling each other in fast rhythms.

  - What, both the slow and the rhythmic hugging stood still?

  - Yes! I wanted to drag her back to the set, you know, so he wouldn't think Katya was alone or something bad...

  - I know. So what?

  - Nothing! This guy gawked at me with his eyes, and I went all the way out.

  - Such fiery eyes?

  - Oh, no. The blue ones, now there was such a jealous dreaminess in the voice.

  I played a dummy.

  - Is she really that cute? I think I've lost a lot by not going to the club with you yesterday!

  - Yeah. And the muzzle is so... - Judging by the blissful and jealous notes in Natashkin's voice, the frame was another one. - It was just Leonardo di Caprio! Only he'd give a shit about you!

  - I, of course, am not Katya, - I answered with a harmful voice, - but men of the inferiority complex do not profit near me!

  - Yeah, they're profiting from a super-power complex.

  Well, I know the smart words too. I just subtracted one!

  - That's right! You guessed it! They instantly become creepy existentialists!

  And as soon as I broke my tongue! But Natasha didn't know that word for sure. She shut up, and I took advantage of the moment.

  - Natalie, where did you even hang out?

  - Ew!

  Yeah, well, we don't use those words. Just for lunch, with sour cabbage! It's such a horrible (quietly horrified) original diet to lose weight. The diet includes: salted cabbage, sauerkraut, stewed, fresh... And nothing but cabbage! Three days later, you feel like a rabbit. Natasha used it for the third month, but without any visible success.

  - What if without the foo? Where did you graze?

  - In "The Wolf Fight."

  Earlier information received from a friend was confirmed. I can't say I was happy about it. Then it's worse than that. And Katya was shorted somewhere in the night.

  - Thank you for the information.

  - Bye?

  - Bye.

  I turned off the tube and started looking at the ceiling. There was a club, a blond one, blue eyes available... All I have to do is find out if it was a vampire or just a pervert? I wonder how I'm gonna do that? Running around the club and begging all the blondes to show their teeth? As part of the "pale cop warns" campaign? I'll be warned, too. But I'm already in an asylum. Yes, you are. It's about vampires and werewolves and even Pekinese breeding. I wonder, what about a quick dance? I tried to talk to Katya, but my girlfriend kept saying they only did slow dances. I believed more in Natasha, because of her jealousy. She wouldn't miss anything when it comes to the girlfriend's gentleman! But why did Kat
ya get so crossed over in music? She insisted on slow dancing. And I didn't feel lying. What a question! And what's going on here?

  Chapter 2

  The higher the moon rose, the more nervous my friend was. First she looked out the window, then at me as if I were a rescue anchor or a brave vampire fighter, and then she asked some stupid question. Is there life on Mars? Yeah, if the astronauts haven't gotten there yet! What's palm vodka being driven out of? Judging by the name, it's from cactuses! I answered patiently, and it started over. Silence. Look. Question. The answer. Silence...

  I didn't know what to do or what to think. I just didn't have the information I needed. There were several books at the dacha, but all from Soviet times. And some old stuff, my school notebooks, my textbooks... Nothing about vampires. And if you don't know anything, you can't say anything. I haven't even read Dracula for so long, I forgot half the content. Although I do remember the plot. Speaking of the story... Remembering something, I brought a jar of pickled garlic from the cellar. Just in case. I wonder if vampires really don't like it or if it's just a pseudo? Grandpa says, "Delusion is what everyone knows." Then overall, I have the advantage. I don't know anything about vampires, so I can't be deluded. Although I don't like the trial and error method either. That's not how I was raised.

  My education is a separate story. And it should start with my grandfather. I told you, he was twelve years old when he was 41. Like all boys, he wanted to fight the enemy, but he didn't have to go to war. The war itself came to him. And I knocked on the door. With bombs. Grandpa wasn't home then. He went to the river to catch crayfish. And he survived - the only one in the whole village. He was hiding for a long time, and in late autumn he got into the guerrillas. They wanted to send him to the rear - he didn't agree. He said he'd run away anyway. And they believed him. They left him in the squad. A 12-year-old boy became a scout. He was one of the best. He learned German. One of the soldiers taught him. Before the war, he was a German teacher at an institute. And he taught. And grandfather was very eager to learn. In the forty-second, he already spoke German as Russian. It's like he was born in Berlin. He wanted to avenge his family. Hundreds of times he walked to death under a scythe. He was wounded many times, but he went back to the heat. One day he was taken prisoner. He was tortured. Grandfather managed to escape. They wanted him dead and tied him up in an ice-hole. He chewed up the rope, swam under the ice, then walked in the woods for a long time. In winter, naked. He was lucky. He found his own. He was sick for a long time, froze two toes on his left foot, but since then he started to harden. And he's still freezing in winter. He comes to the cottage and dives into the ice-hole. In the yard, he wipes himself with snow. After the war, when he was twenty years old, he got married. I don't remember my grandmother very well. She died of lung cancer when I was five years old. Grandpa wasn't very sad. Or grieved so much that I didn't notice it. Or he didn't have time for grief. The era of privatization began, and Grandpa wasn't confused. He sold some of Grandma's gold, bought a bus, got his license and started driving people. Six months later, he had five buses. Now they're thirty-eight, plus the company to transport anything that comes in handy. He's eighty years old, but nobody gives him more than fifty five. He wouldn't even let it happen. Great genes I got from him. I look a lot like him on the outside. Not even like my father, but like my grandfather. I have the same eyes as him, and almost the same face - only a little softer: grandfather's face in the female version. And the character in him. Or does this upbringing have an effect? I don't know. But I was mainly raised by my grandfather. My father was shot in '92, and I don't remember him well either. Dad is more of a picture to me than a living person. The killer was never found. Mom decided not to get married a second time. She had two children left - me and my big brother. Leoverenskie Julia, that is me, and Stanislav Evgenievich, that is him. Older than me by nine years, which does not promote mutual understanding. But I know almost nothing about my brother now. It just so happened. Not a very appetizing detail, but a fact. I don't know when my mother and my grandfather started sleeping together. I didn't care much about it. I mean, I didn't care at all. Big deal! It's not like they're related to each other on any side! And my grandfather can still give a lot of young people a head start. For that matter, I'd fall in love with him myself if he wasn't my grandfather. We found out about their relationship with my mother by accident. My brother's lectures were canceled, and I've got classes. My brother thought and dragged me to the cottage, where we caught Mom and Grandpa in an intimate setting. We had different reactions. My brother was crazy at first, then decided to wait for my grandfather and get an explanation. Grandfather came out of the bedroom, buttoned up. That must have made him feel better. The brother tried to make a scandal and then hit grandfather, but grandfather quickly put an end to the hysterics by hitting him in the jaw... I don't know. Maybe Grandpa shouldn't have hit him. Brother freaked out again and left the house. The night we got home, I found out he was still out of the institute and out of our lives. He requisitioned all the money and gold that was at home, packed his bags, took the documents from the institute and left. Where? Why? What about him? Is he alive? I still don't know if he's alive. Grandpa probably knows, but he never told me. I didn't insist. This story is the kind of story you'd rather not dig into than be in agonizing pain. Who was right, who was guilty... And that's it, and nobody. That's why I didn't judge, I just took these two things for myself. Even stealing didn't affect us much. We had the money, and the gold... I never loved him. I prefer silver. And better yet, with stones. Then when my brother flew out of the cottage like a scalded one, my grandfather turned to me. Probably the only time he was afraid I'd misunderstand them. I remember the conversation to this day.