Ring of Madness

by Royden Labrosse

  But if someone thinks not with his head, but with the opposite end, it will be very clear. So to speak - an appeal from the government to the thinking place.

  And if you cheated or stole something - an excursion for fifteen days to the area to the criminals, showing all the delights of life behind bars. Otherwise, they're having a blatant romance...

  Ah, he loved her, ah, he nailed her...

  You guys want to be in this "nailed down" place?

  No? Well, for some reason, I thought so. That's what I'm going to live for...

  But I was the one who got distracted, and my hands were acting. And almost independently stuffed sweater hangers with small metal parts found in the hardware store. If anything, I'd rip it off, clamp it in my hand, and hit it... if you got caught. But that's no reason not to arm yourself. I wanted to stuff them with sand at first, but then I changed my mind. With my natural luck, this sand will sprinkle out of me at the most interesting moment, and the vampire will die laughing. No, I don't want that memory of me to remain...

  I guess that's it. Preparations are complete. Uh, I'd like some Special Forces shoes. They say they put metal inserts in the nose and heel. Once you kick it, the enemy can only reproduce in the next life. Even if it's heavy and insignificant, I'd suffer. But what's not, is not.

  Katya's dressed almost the same. The differences were in colors and shoes - she found boots without heels. Everything else was the same, but the colors were different. Blue and blue. The crosses were in the range. I told you to put one cross in your pants. If it doesn't come to the pants, it's good, and if it does, we'll burn the enemy's avos. By the way, I put it in my pants. Katya thought - and followed my example. But she didn't get the wire. And neither did she get blades. And I didn't say anything about them. I'm the one who can use both of them. And Katya can't. Duška will tell her to lie down and run - she'll do it too. We're not going to talk about resistance here. Then I thought - and took a knife with me. It's very comfortable. I pressed the button, and the blade popped out. But will I be able to use it? And will it help me? It's not like it's silver. It's just steel. It's a cold weapon, by the way. And what do we have in there for carrying it? What the hell do we have in there? What do I care? You could've stayed alive!

  Time to call a taxi.

  We entered the club by 11:00 p.m. I had another look at the wolves. The rink was shaking, and I had to distract her with something.

  - Katya, where's the inscription?

  - Which one?

  - The one, "Come in and enjoy," you said...

  - Ahh... Out, above the door.

  I took a look. The letters of the Gothic script formed an arch. Aesthetically, you can't say anything. Who wrote it? Or did they write it on a compass? That's the same thing.

  - Okay, let's go.

  - Jane, maybe we shouldn't... maybe we should somehow...

  I clung to my friend's sleeve with determination. If she runs away again, you can catch the fool. And you can't explain that running away from danger is the worst option. She's not going anywhere, but she'll catch up with her coccyx. That's easy. But if you go after her, there's a real chance you'll get away with it. If I've given up on the probability theory, knowing the world's doomsday is fifty percent...

  It's a joke. A man is asked, what is the probability of the world ending? He makes a smart face and starts counting. Here, if we have nuclear weapons, if America has nuclear weapons, if China has nuclear weapons. If we clash with America or China, if someone fuses missiles, if the missiles are not Chinese, but at least Japanese-made... In general, taking into account twenty days of all factors, a man gets fifty percent.

  A woman is asked, what is the probability of the world ending? And the woman, not thinking for a minute, answers 50%. Scientists wonder - how do you all know so accurately? The woman is as surprised as they are and explains to the most brilliant: either there will be, with a probability of exactly half - 50%, or will not be - 50%.

  Yeah. There was such a mix of Godzilla and gorilla at the entrance to the club that I realized the dinosaurs were not extinct. Not right away, anyway. They got married on monkeys, and this is their distant offspring. It's a mountain of muscles the size of two terminators and the look of a baboon with a toothache. The forehead is low, you can't see the eyes at once, because it's deeply buried, the jaw is so deep that you can eat at least a wire. It's the perfect bouncer. You don't have to bounce a bouncer like that, just squeeze your fist and show it. Taka melon... I wonder who gave birth to it and from whom? You should look at his family...

  - Hey, I was happy to say that.

  - Invitations," the man-like man walked away.

  I looked up to a friend.

  - Katya, is this an invitation only?

  - Friday, Saturday and Sunday are not, but today is Tuesday.

  It's a problem. Although...

  - My dear," I've got the sugariest tone, and you know the type? Tall, blonde, blue-eyed, named Duška... uh, uh... I mean, Mr. André, the boorish thing... He invited us in person. But if you don't know him, then we went...

  - No!

  I studied the gatekeeper with interest. That's right, he had chameleons in his family. Or chameleons. That's how color changes. From brown to green.

  - What, no? You don't know that?

  - I know Mr. André. Come in.

  - Tell me, how long have you known him? - I checked. - And why Andre all of a sudden? You know, combined with the blue flowers in his clothes, it makes you think... Tell me, is he sure he's not? Not passionate, - that's the word I singled out with my voice, - Boris Moses' admirer?

  The security guard's back on. But he held back.

  - Come in, please - he invited even more politely.

  I sighed, and I came in. The rink was nervous and clinging to my hand. I was nervous too, like before my entrance exams. But I didn't even show it at the entrance exams, and then... Ha!

  - Where can I leave my stuff here?

  - That's the locker room over there," Katka said.

  A polite aunt took her fur coats and gave us two elegant glass badges with numbers.

  - Please, she sang.

  - Tell me where the toilet is," I asked. It has nothing to do with my innate harm. I just took a few sips of holy water before leaving home. So it went through my body.

  - There," said the cloakroom girl. - With a pink door - ladies'.

  I nodded and flooded in that direction.

  The toilet was amazing. Our rector would sell the whole dean's office for a toilet like that. It was all soft pink and gold. Pink tiles, pink doors, pink sinks and hand dryers, towels and toilets, soap and toilet paper, all in a tone. Gold were metal parts. The purity was sterile. At least eat off the floor. But how I wanted to write on the wall here "Andre - Masai, Linux - Trout", and the vulgar green paint - can not be conveyed in words.

  Katka was standing in the corner the whole time with Juliette's expression on her face. The part where she stabbed herself willingly. I went up and shook my finger in front of her.

  - Are you ready?

  - – А? What?

  - Then let's go to the gym. Drive on. You know, I don't know how to navigate this nuthouse. WELL!

  The rink nodded and turned right when she came out of the toilet. At the first corner, a large hall with tables and a dance floor in the center opened. A hybrid of disco and restaurant. I looked around, and I pulled my friend to a table in the corner. First, you can sit with your back to the wall, third, you can sit close to the entrance, we'll get away if we can.

  - Menu, wine list, sweetie, - the sangers, a waitress appears next to us. The skating rink met and reached for beautiful leather folders.

  I kicked her foot under the table.

  - Birch juice and raw roasted pistachios," I ordered in the tone of a glamorous lady who visits five such third-rate dinners overnight.

  The waitress is jammed.

  - What is it?! - Arrogantly hysterical, I asked.

  - Sorry, but we don't have any
birch juice.

  - How - no birch juice?! - I was outraged. - What have you got then?

  - The menu is in front of you," the waitress reminded me. I didn't even think to open it.

  - Katrine, they don't even have birch juice," I groaned. - Girl, this is outrageous! Send for him now!

  I salute the heroism of the waitress. She didn't crack me with a heavy menu folder. And she didn't even explain that there's no birch juice in the winter. And she didn't even go through my pedigree, noticing that not all the birch tree, but all the oak that's a customer. Instead, she repeated it with the tone of a robot she had been trained to do:

  - Permission to offer you some other juice, like orange...

  - You must have it from cans and bags," I stuck to it. - Or, even worse, Moroccan oranges! - The scarier it is, I wouldn't have come up with a shot. - Get some mineral water in here! Essentuki number seventeen, from a hot well and without gas! If you bring me something with bubbles, I'll ruin the atmosphere! They're gonna mix it up with a public toilet! How long am I gonna keep saying this?!

  The girl's blown off like the wind. Katya looked at me with sacred terror.

  - Are you crazy?!

  - Shut up, miserable," I whispered back. - And don't stop me from saving our fillet!

  The waitress brought two bottles of mineral - really Essentuki number 17 and two tall glasses. She cleverly opened the bottles right in front of us and poured out the contents. She put in a vase of pistachios. I took the glass, chatted to the light and curled.

  - Crap. I'm sure the 15th hole must have been targeted. But okay, since I was invited here, I'm gonna have to put up with... Dismissed, girl!

  The waitress has been blown off again. Apparently, she was afraid I was about to order some pickled cockroaches for snacks. Well, that's what I needed.

  The contents of the glass immediately went under the table. Katka did not even ask questions. And in the glass I stuffed holy water from a flask. Then I repeated the same thing with Katya dishes.

  - And don't drink or eat here. If I see you, it's the harvest. They're gonna spike some more LSD, drag you around like Kat's radio girl...

  - Okay," Katka nodded kindly. - If that's what you're afraid of...

  It's not that I was seriously afraid of drugs, but what the hell isn't... I'd just bang us with LSD or nosepam if I were Andre - and use warm ones.

  So I just sat there, chatting the holy water in the glass, bringing it to my lips from time to time - like drinking, and looking around the hall. And I was slowly losing all sense of time and reality. Not out of stupidity or carelessness. It's just that I was too stunned. From what? You have no idea how it was! If there was an eve of Dante's hell, it was! The big hall was not fully lit and lost its corners in the darkness, giving the impression of space. The stage - the dance floor - was brightly lit, and on the walls one could see paintings. But nothing like modern graffiti. No modernity or cubism. No avant-garde. They were people. In front of us was the history of humanity. Here are two Neanderthals nailing each other on the head with clubs. Blood flows from the wounds, incredibly scarlet against the green grass. These two young men next to two altars - definitely Cain and Abel. Abel lies dead, and a puddle of blood flows from under his head. Here is the arena of the Roman circus - and two gladiators have joined together in it. One of them with a short sword, the other with a net. Knights in heavy armor, archers, Vikings, musketeers and guards pass by, heretics burn on fire, and a fat monk smugly strokes a huge belly. There is pleasure on his face. On the face of the crowd that looks at the fire is the thirst for death. Here are Cossacks and Turks, Spaniards and Englishmen, Indians and colonists, Pharaoh and slaves at the construction of pyramids. And only the ceiling space above the stage remained tender blue. Like the sky. And on a heavenly background two wolves - black and white - came together in a mad battle. Even from my place in the corner I could see a heavy, hot madness in the eyes of animals. They wanted to kill, and reached out to each other's throats in an eternal battle. I looked around with interest.

  - Katya, why didn't you tell me how beautiful it is here?!

  Girlfriend pulled her shoulders out.

  - Jane, how can you think of some stupid murals? At a moment like this?

  - About the murals?

  I took a closer look. The Pharaoh and the Jews were right next to us at the pyramid construction. Then I held out my hand and touched the wall. That's right. It was the frescoes! And then they were covered with some kind of varnish to keep them safe. It's so beautiful! And what a brilliant artist!

  - I wish I knew who did it!

  - Jane!

  Katya looked at me with reproach. And I didn't care! Even at a moment when our life seemed to hang in the balance, I could not help but admire the beautiful creations of human hands.

  Time went by as slowly as if his legs had been ripped off and his tail held. Katka was all nervous. I looked at the paintings and another, two thousand and eight times, surprised them not only the beauty, but vitality! They were not beautiful, most of their heroes were frankly ugly, and the rest had the characteristic faces of their peoples and times, but what they were alive! Every posture, every gesture was checked to the last second. And it seemed to me that now they would come down from the paintings and continue to move.

  When the bell rang, Katya jumped up and squeaked. I, frankly, hardly noticed it. Inexcusable weakness! We could have been bitten six times while I was staring at the drawings. If not sixty six. And in reality, I came back because of Katya. And I looked at her with a crooked look. Well, yes, I'm nervous too, I'm all over the needles too, but hardly anyone can expect from me a confession in my fears! The scene quickly cleared of the squeezing couples, and a loud voice came out:

  - And now, ladies and gentlemen...

  I didn't listen anymore because there was a third person at our table. I mean, a vampire. As charming as he was last night. Blonde hair spilling freely over the shoulders, covered in shiny blue jacket fabric. Something like snake skin. Shiny and flaky. And a shirt of a lighter shade. It made the vampire's eyes look much brighter. This time, the fangs didn't protrude from under the lips. He looked like an ordinary man. But something like that was around him... I don't know how to define it, but I would never take him for a human. I wonder if I can tell the difference between other vampires. Okay, that's later. If I know Andre even a little bit, I'll have a hell of a breakthrough to talk to the other fangers.

  - Hello, Jane, Katya.

  - I can't wish you the same," I said instantly. - Health is kind of for the living. Or do you want it too? - And immediately I scolded myself. Shit! I should have gone to the doctor when I was a kid and asked him to shorten my tongue by three feet. The other six was more than enough.

  - I can see you're still cheeky," said Mr André.

  - Oh, come on, we'd see each other at the opening, I sang.

  Yeah, well, then I got off the chain. Oh, what was I carrying then...

  - Jane, look at me," said the fang.

  I relaxed internally. And I obeyed. In a strange way, all the sounds from the hall disappeared. All I heard was a vampire. And I was drowning in his eyes. So blue and blue. Like Persian turquoise. What if I obeyed him? The government's still, uh, using us. It'll just be another master...

  - What?! - I've got a stupid headache. - Which HOUSE?! Who the hell are you?! Leoverin - or a stray creature?! Your grandfather went to Berlin, your great grandfather of the Japanese on Sakhalin crushed the salad, and you?! Get ready, get up, get up, send!

  And the next thing I knew, I let go. Without any pain. No needles, like last night. Without everything. It's just that I suddenly realized I could be free no matter what our fang hypnotist wanted. And I looked at Katya. My friend was ready. The dilated blue eyes were looking at the vampire. And there wasn't a single spark of thought in them.

  - What, just like that, without hypnosis, nobody gives anymore?! - Bell, I asked the whole room.

  Duke's jaw was so steep that the tips of his fang
s became visible. And I took advantage of it immediately.

  - So, the incisors are in place, the lower fangs are enlarged, but not much, but the bite is wrong. And the root teeth are weirdly shaped. Sick, are you aware that you have oblique root teeth? Hey, you, keep your mouth shut, I haven't examined my upper jaw yet!

  Andre slammed his mouth so sharply that he almost bit himself and looked at me.

  - Can you not obey my will?

  - Yes, I can. I can do anything, I just don't want to do it yet. And let Katka go.

  - It's weird. It's very strange. - Duchka didn't even think to listen, and I decided not to repeat it. At least I have some information about this vampire!

  - Why is this the first time?

  - In my whole life," the vampire distractedly confirmed.

  - Oh, come on! How old are you?

  Dyushka has already come to his senses and sprayed in a pussy smile.

  - As long as I feel like it.

  - And how many years does a walking corpse feel - I was not behind.

  - Would you say...

  - Seven hundred! - I fell out. - Give or take 40 years!

  Why would I say that? Hell knows me. It's just a flashlight. Just like always. Sometimes I'd say things that I was ashamed of myself, but it turned out to be pure truth. I think the vampire was surprised, too.

  - Seven hundred and thirty-two years," he confessed.

  - Almost," I was glad to know what. - Tell me, did you not know Ivan the Terrible? And Peter the Great? Louis the Fourteenth?

  The smile is even wider. Fangs sparkled in the shade.

  - Are you so interested in historical figures?

  - I like interesting stories.

  - Doesn't our story interest you? Or do you live past days?

  - For want of better," I shrugged my shoulders.

  - I assure you, soon you will have something to do without history.

  - What is this, a hit-and-run? - I sprayed myself.

  - Even if it is! And what will you do to me?

  Duke fell apart in a chair, brazenly and in a Hama way, looking at my face. And I suddenly realized that the world couldn't agree. And if so...