Ring of Madness

by Royden Labrosse

  I safely plunged all over the fridge and thought. And really, what should I do? You want me to go to the beach? Well, why not? It's about time! I put a towel and a slap in my bag. Then I put on a swimsuit and walked out the door just as decisively. I'll buy some sunscreen on the way.

  Yes, I did. And I even came to the beach. But then! Higher Powers! I felt like a real freak! I mean ugly! Why do we have such ugly people?! Why?! Why was everyone staring at me like a monster with three heads?! Yeah, the scars! And the most visible of them is under my collarbone. And on your wrists, you can see everything very well! Well, so what?! Doesn't anyone have enough injuries! You don't have to look like that! Just put their eyes on my scars and they're happy!

  And then it got even worse. To save myself from those looks, I went back in the water. I swam for half an hour, then I was tired and I went ashore. And during that time, a bunch of teenagers fell through the cracks. Well, I mean, not exactly teenagers anymore, more like students, but freshmen, not older. At first they fooled around and squealed all over the beach. I was deeply indifferent, the noise did not touch me, "witty" comments guys and girls about my appearance - too, they did not see a scar, I tanned, lying on his stomach. But then, when I turned over on my back! Higher powers! For a few minutes they were just watching, and then one of the girls let go of a couple of comments that seemed awfully scathing to her.

  In what battle did I get my scars?

  Hmm, if she'd survived what I did, then she'd scream at night! If she'd survived at all! One look at Daniel, as I saw him the first time, would have been enough for that snot to faint deeply. And if she'd come out of him as a vampire, that's for sure.

  And respond to that? Fi! Anyway, I wasn't even looking at them.

  And then one of those freaks got hooked on me. - Hey," he tried to meet me.

  - Bye," I said politely.

  He didn't get the hint.

  - What's your name?

  - None of your business.

  - What, that's your name?

  - Yes. It's short for you. Get off!

  I wasn't even afraid. After the vampires, these puppies seemed funny to me.

  - And I'm Seryoga. Do you want a beer?

  I've decided not to say anything. Why don't you let it go? I'm not. On the contrary. - Where did you get those scars? No, really, what's your name? You're beautiful!

  That's why I broke down on "pretty". I turned around and stared at the guy with a cold look. Actually, he was pretty. Tall, dark hair, with bright brown eyes. Except I didn't need anyone. Just peace. Silence and peace.

  - Fuck you! Leave me alone!

  The guy didn't get it. He used to think he was irresistible or something, but he dared to put a sweaty paw on my shoulder. The palm was hot and greasy from some cream. And I involuntarily remembered the thin, cool fingers on my skin.

  Danielle... The only one who had the right to touch my body. And every touch he ever touched was special. The vampire treated me the way I would treat a work of art. And this macho... it's CHMO!!! I was disgusted.

  - Really, what's your name?!

  I couldn't hold back anymore. Just a little longer, and I'm gonna hit him with my teeth down his throat like a vampire.

  - Look, you're an alternatively gifted lover hero! Get your paw off before you rip it off!

  This guy is crazy. I didn't wait for him to follow orders, shook off his limb and started stuffing things in my bag. Then I quickly put a short skirt right on my swimsuit and left the beach. It wasn't enough to get into a fight with these fools. And to be honest, I wasn't afraid of them. Я

  was afraid. Afraid of what I might do to them.

  In February - four, almost five months ago - I killed a vampire. I chewed his throat out, and then I just...

  let go of

  to the other world. She also tortured a man. I mean, a werewolf. But then he was in human form. And I even enjoyed the torture. And then I drank his blood. And it gave me so much...

  strengths

  that I was able to go into a trance. And in a trance, I controlled animals. And I killed them, too.

  Yes, yes, I did. It doesn't really matter if you kill them yourself or with a knife, gun, rope... Or rat teeth.

  I was a monster - and I enjoyed it. If a man has an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other, then in February my personal devil went outside, broke off the chain and took possession of every cell of my body. And also the mind and soul.

  I did what I am still suffering from at night nightmares - all those I killed come one by one in my dreams. But the scariest thing is different. They don't blame me. They don't blame me for my death. They ask: "Did you like it, Julia? Would you like some more?"

  And this black side of my soul, the side we try not to let out, which licks at the sight of others' suffering and yells in ecstasy when it sees someone die, joyfully agrees with them.

  "Yes! I want to! More!"

  Danielle was devilishly right to draw half of me as a monster with human eyes. That's how it looked at me. It understood, it rocks its teeth, and it laughed. "Do you want more, baby?"

  And when I turned to my other half, there were beast eyes shining on a human face. The face was calm and clean, I-man loved life and was kind to it, and it was to me, but once we were angry - and shone yellow with greenery around the pupil animal eyes.

  "Who dared?!"

  That's why I stopped sleeping at night. I didn't know how to explain to my friend that I'm not afraid of vampires or dead people, but myself! My own darkness.

  And now that that punk had put his hand on my shoulder, I felt a terrible urge to tear myself up and cling to it with my fangs. To feel the sweet metallic taste of blood on my tongue! To feel the crunching of the thin bones under my teeth.

  Look into his eyes, feel in them the mortal pain and the ancient, dark terror - and slowly, but so that he could see everything, soak into his throat, fully enjoying his fear, his blood, his hopeless escape from death.

  That's what frightened me. And I tried to prevent it, no,

  keep it up

  I'm the goddamn thing! I was afraid of what I could turn into. It's easy to take the first step. It's even easier the second one. It's like with drugs. A marijuana cigarette? Easy! Cocaine in gold powder?! It's even easier! And then you see, for you, it's a killer dose of heroin - one tooth! And you don't even know when it happened. When you crossed the line between a man and a drug addict.

  And what can I become? I don't know. But I'm scared. I can't become an addict. I can't become an alcoholic. I love life too much to kill myself, even in this nice way. And I love my family too much to hurt them like that. But what happens if I break the chain I put my dark half on? Something tells me that then all vampires and werewolves will drown in jealousy with saliva and blood, picking up scraps from my feast table.

  And the beast is looking more and more from the inside. And when I look out the window glass at night, I feel more and more like its eyes are looking out of my face. Slanted, yellow and light green around the pupil. Predatory, yet understanding. Brutal and gentle. But in any case ruthless. And above all, to myself.

  I took off my wet beach pants, but I didn't even think to wear dry ones. Oh, shit! Don't look under my skirt! There's no one to look up my skirt. Should I get dressed or what? I don't want to! It's better to do something else. I'm wearing wide beaded bracelets on my hands and the same collar on my neck. I did the beading myself, by the way. A very useful activity, especially at night, when everything around is dark and nasty, when the TV is faded, books seem fresh and dreary, and an attempt to take the brushes and paints makes me squirm with sadness and loneliness.

  Now all my scars are closed. Flowers would still be on my chest, and there would be a Hawaiian girl. It amused me a little, and the surprised looks of the military cadets who met on the way made me feel like a woman. And even beautiful. And this, you have to admit, is always a pleasure for everyone. In such a cheerful mood I reached home. It's a good thing I lived near the b
each, you can walk around town.

  But in the parade, all my good mood went away. Why is that? Well, it's because!

  Right on the floor, leaning against that vase with the vampires, sat very well familiar to me and not changed at all in the last nine years. I recognized him at first sight. I'd recognize him from a thousand thousand blue-eyed blondes! But on the street, I would have walked past without turning my head. I don't want anything to do with those who betray and throw! None and never! I hate traitors!

  Stanislav Evgenievich Leoverensky was sitting on the platform, to which I was going up, leaving traces of sand. My brother! You prodigal bastard! Bitch! Cattle! I wonder why he showed up. Haven't you heard the truth about yourself in a long time? Well, he'll hear it now! And I will speak long and loudly. First with words. And then...

  "Feed the paddle to the vampires,

  - softly whispered the voice of the beast from the mirror. –

  And before that, kicking with your feet. For a week, and with a special cynicism. There's no way Machislav couldn't have a single good executioner".

  And for the first time, I thought that my beast was right.

  My brother gave me a surprised look. At first he did not even recognize me - it was reflected in his eyes, face, smile. That's not how they look at my sister, but just at a beautiful and accessible girl. But then something flashed in his blue (just like Mom's) eyes. The shadow of recognition? The shadow of memory? He went up on his elbow and quietly asked:

  - Julia?

  I stopped in front of him.

  - Julia Yevgenyevna Leoverenskaya, with your permission. Are you coming to see me? To what do I owe the pleasure?

  There you go! And no snot! I wonder what you were counting on?! That when I recognized you, I'd immediately run to slaughter a fat calf? By the way, I hate fatty meat. And the concepts of "forgive" and "love" were safely removed from my vocabulary back in February. So please, sir, explain yourself fucking well!

  I don't think my brother expected such a cold reception. Or did he think I didn't recognize him? That's funny! Anyway, he got up on his feet and opened his arms to me.

  - Julia, don't you recognize me? It's me, Slava! I looked at him with a frank ridicule.

  - Yes, you are Stanislav Evgenievich Leoverensky. And then what?

  A year ago I would have thrown myself at his neck, and I was damned glad that he finally found it. A year ago, I wouldn't have let him say a word! I'd have dragged him straight to Grandpa and Mum! But that was a year ago. And then I was just Julia. A regular biofaculty student. I'd still be her, but it didn't work out.

  So a year ago, I would squirm with tenderness, and now I would watch my brother's exertions to portray his kin love in cold blood and imagine how much trouble I could get into because of his arrival and what made him do it. Nine years is not nine days. And not even two years, for which anyone will be chewed up by longing for their loved ones. So what happened when my brother decided to come and see me? And how is that "something" gonna affect me? And even scarier, my mom and grandpa. I won't let anyone hurt them now. I'll tear my mouth off, at best. At worst, there won't even be any teeth or bones left to identify them.

  I haven't tried to control rats since, but something told me it might work. In case of urgent need. What's sharper than that?

  My brother was confused on the court. He doesn't know what to do or how to react? Fine! I added a little fuel to his uncertainty.

  - You never told me what I owe you your visit.

  My brother finally got his bearings, dropped his brother's love mask and squinted.

  - – А

  you

  have changed a lot,

  Yulia Yevgenyevna

  .

  - In nine years, any man will change," I parried. - Or has it been ten years? I don't think you expected to find a nine-year-old sister the way you left her.

  - Yulia Yevgenyevna, can I address you just by name? - Slavka was very interested.

  I shrugged my shoulders.

  - You do not deserve it, but I do not want to argue with you now. What do you want?

  - Julia, we need to have a serious talk.

  –

  You .

  you need to seriously talk to me? - I intentionally emphasized it to "you." His problems don't concern me. You should deal with yours. And my brother's not gonna be with my grandfather. Grandpa's a lot worse than I am in this respect. And he'll give his brother not only moral but also quite physical whipping in front of the whole nation. And there's a reason for that! If you haven't even called in nine years, what do you expect in the end?! You have to hang upside down over the anthill for your mother's night sobs! And forget about it forever. You bastard!

  - Yes, I do! - My brother started to get annoyed.

  I didn't want to have a verbal altercation in front of all the people. I mean, at first I wanted to, but then I quickly changed my mind. I still have to live here and live, do not shock the neighbors with your knowledge of Russian non-literary and bastard character. And God forbid my grandfather would come to me. It's just a house. You can argue in the apartment, too. Especially since it's completely soundproofed. Valentine set up a couple of werewolves, and they did it. Oh, by the way...

  If my dor-r-r-r-r-r-horny prodigal brother really gets to me, I'm just gonna call the same Valentine. I bet he'll be happy to take Slava down the stairs. And drop it a couple of times on the way. A werewolf doesn't like traitors any more than I do. And he treats me very well. And anyway, what's the score between friends?

  I classically took a pause during which my brother's ears started to blush and nodded.

  - I'll talk to you.

  Slava's jammed.

  - Julia, it just so happens, I'm not alone.

  - Oh, really?

  - She doesn't feel well. She is sick.

  - Is she ill?

  I didn't understand anything, but I felt something bad.

  My brother got up and removed someone's body from a dumpster that wasn't working. No! Not somebody's body. Girls. Girls in simple blue shorts and a shirt. She was definitely unconscious. Her head leaned back, black hair with a thick carpet scattered all over the floor. What do I seem to care about this fool? Ah, no. And all of Nadia with her first aid class. Yeah, I've done that in the last six months, too. I have to do something with my fun life, or I won't even bandage my knee. The courses were comfortable, they were held at the hospital: at eight in the evening - lectures, at eight in the morning - practice, and I had excellent time.

  I got used to it. I stepped forward and put my hand around her neck trying to get a pulse.

  Oh, your zebra on the fence!

  I screamed and pulled my fingers off. I only felt that way once - when Danielle asked me

  sight

  a werewolf behind a human mask. And I saw a fox. Now, so have I.

  viewed .

  . And I could tell for sure that there was a werewolf girl lying in front of me. And I think it was a fox, too. It was like the hand was getting goosebumps. I was covered in goose skin and could barely resist wiping my hand against my skirt. I didn't. And I looked at my brother with interest.

  - Hold still. I want to touch you.

  - Is there something wrong?

  You want me to explain? Or shouldn't I? It's definitely better to be quiet for now.

  - It's not like that. Stay still, or go to hell!

  My brother obeyed. I touched his wrist slowly. I expected anything. But it didn't feel like it anymore. Not because I'm sick or tired, no. Even when I was lying in the hospital, Nadia or Valentine was standing there touching me and I felt this strange feeling. It wasn't unpleasant. But it wasn't. It's not right. Not the usual five feelings, but something sixth. I was beginning to see their beasts, and it made me nervous. But I never saw my brother's beast. He was gone. So your brother doesn't know anything? Or is he drawn by the very edge? We have to find out.

  I crawled grimly up the stairs, smashing my keys in my pocket.

  My
brother picked up his girlfriend in his arms and followed me. I gave him a grim look. The last thing I needed was werewolf squabbles. They were the ones waiting for me. Does my brother have any idea what a bunch of paranormal ceremonies they have to arrange their existence so they don't have to be interrupted by the fucking IPF's good legs? And how difficult is it for them to move from one city to another? And how many permits do you have to get for that?

  At least four: the leader of the leaving pack, the leader of the pack you want to move into, the Prince of the leaving town and the Prince of this town. And that's at least. Usually it is necessary to have a principled consent of the leaders of other flocks of this city to increase the potential opponents by one combat unit. And that's not bureaucratic. It's the reasonable care of creatures who are always being pursued. The IPF, you know, isn't dozing off.

  I kicked the door, threw my bag in the closet and spanked it in the living room. My brother was hesitating on the doorstep, but I waved to him.

  - Get your girlfriend over here. And don't forget to lock the door!

  Slava obeyed. I plunged into the computer chair and gladly turned around a couple of times. There must be something good in life. My brother loaded his jewelry onto the chair and sat down on the sofa. I took a good look at it.

  I guess I was a little feverish to say that he hadn't changed in a while. At the time, nine years ago, I remembered him as a young man - tall, blonde, a little fragile and graceful. He didn't even have a mustache, and he was very shy about it. Now I had a man in front of me for twenty-eight years. His youthful grace left a patchwork of memories, strong shoulders, but his brother did not put on any fat. The shirt of cheerful mourning colors with skeletons embossed the pumped muscles. Friend with the glands and go swinging? Imitating old Schwartz? The jeans were in tuxedo, too. That's cute. I would have loved it. The face... The face hasn't changed much. It just got stricter, more complete, with tiny wrinkles in the corners of the mouth and bristle blanket cheeks. He became much prettier. And I'm sure he's a great success with women.