TrustintheLawe_w4282

by Stacey Joy Netzel

  She leaned closer for a critical evaluation. How could she look so normal with her life in such turmoil? And every time one thing finally seemed to go her way, something else happened to turn her upside down again. Would anything ever be normal again?

  The mirror gave her no answers, so she finished dressing in a burgundy cashmere sweater and one of her three pairs of designer jeans. Her favorite pair of boots added a boost of confidence—the extra three inches were just what she needed to face Colton again.

  That brought her up short. To face Joel and Britt again. Forget Colton.

  After laying Noah’s clean clothes across the bed in the room closest to the second bathroom, Kendra stepped outside. Her eyes strayed in the direction of the barn, and the first thing she noticed was the car she’d tried to steal that morning was no longer there.

  Darn, she’d wanted him to see her when she looked…better. To show him she was more than just a greasy-haired thief off the street, that’s all, not so he’d look at her as a woman. The rush of disappointment over his departure dismayed her, until Noah’s voice from inside the barn reminded her there were more important things than Colton Lawe looking at her without disdain.

  She sent Noah inside for a shower. He complied with minimum grumbling, leaving her with Cody Morgan.

  “You’re my aunt, then, right?” the boy asked.

  “Yes,” Kendra replied with a hesitant smile. Aunt Kendra. Even though she’d known her brother had kids, she hadn’t really thought about being an aunt.

  Cody regarded her with interest. “You’ve got the same color hair as Dad.”

  “A lot of brothers and sisters do.”

  He shook his blond head. “Me and Dustin don’t.”

  “Dustin’s your brother, right?” Her other nephew. “Is he younger than you or older?”

  “I’m seven and a half, Dustin’s six. He’s over at Ayden and Amber’s house. They’re twins.”

  “And what color is Dustin’s hair?”

  “Dark, like you and Dad…and Noah.” He kicked the dust with his foot and looked around as if he’d run out of things to say. “Ya wanna see the barns?”

  “Sure.” She followed him inside. “Why aren’t you and your brother at school?”

  “Teacher in-service day,” he said over his shoulder. “I don’t know what it means ‘cept there’s no school. I like that.”

  “I remember those days,” she agreed. Though she’d made it through college, she’d never enjoyed school.

  His head tilted. “How old are you?”

  “Twenty-four.”

  “Hey, you’re almost as old as Colton, he just had a birthday, ya know.”

  And he was twenty-six. Another bit of information from his driver’s license. Before she could dwell on the fact that she’d remembered, Cody drew her attention with an impromptu tour. The first barn was for his mother’s Arabians, the second barn for his father’s Quarter Horses.

  By the time Noah found them after his shower, they were on their way into the last barn by way of a big, sandy enclosed area that Cody explained was a riding arena. Kendra commented on the cleanliness of all the barns, and Cody grumbled about that being one of Colton’s rules. Then he went on to brag that the last barn was for horses that people brought to the ranch for his mom and dad to train. Some of them came from as far away as California and Florida.

  Joel and Britt joined them at that point, having finished their training session with their clients.

  “You look refreshed,” Britt said.

  Kendra smiled. “It was wonderful to wash away the grime. Thank you so much for the use of the house.”

  “Stay as long as you want,” Joel offered. “After a little time to get used to the idea, I’m looking forward to getting to know both you and Noah.”

  Another wave of relief lifted Kendra up at Joel’s kind offer. Whatever his reasoning, Colton had kept his word about keeping her secret.

  “Cody’s going to love having someone his own age around,” Britt said as the boys left. The two talked animatedly, like best friends who’d known each other for years instead of a couple of hours. “Our friends have younger kids,” she added. “It’s great for Dustin, our five year old, but Cody gets bored.”

  “Cody seems like a great kid—and he’s a very knowledgeable tour guide.”

  Britt grinned, clearly proud of her son. “He loves the horses.”

  “He’s a natural rider,” Joel boasted. “We’re helping him train a yearling that he chose from last year’s foals.”

  “An Arabian, much to his father’s annoyance,” Britt informed Kendra with a smile toward Joel. “He’d rather see him with the Quarter Horses.”

  “Do you have a favorite breed?” Joel asked.

  “Um…” Which to pick? The ones in the first barn had been more delicate looking, prettier. Not that the others weren’t pretty, but they seemed to have big, square butts. If she had to pick, which, judging by the look on Joel’s face she did, she’d pick the first ones. “Arabian.”

  “Ha,” Britt teased Joel. “You’re still outnumbered.”

  He shrugged with a good-natured grin, and Kendra took the opportunity to ask what she’d be expected to do around the ranch. Joel’s explanation that she’d help Colton with an assortment of duties sent her heart plummeting.

  “Colton?” she echoed faintly. That’s it, she decided. She was completely done thinking positive thoughts.

  “As manager, he sees to the daily operations so Britt and I can concentrate on training. We’re busier than ever this year.”

  “I don’t know what we’d do without Colton,” Britt added. “You’ll enjoy working with him, he’s a great guy.”

  Yeah, Kendra thought, but looks aren’t everything. She could hardly tell them that, so instead she said, “I was just a bit surprised, that’s all.”

  “He’s fair,” Joel assured her, before turning to walk down the barn aisle. Britt and Kendra followed as he continued. “He’s usually here by seven a.m., so you’ll want to be out to the barn by then.”

  “Today was crazy,” Britt said. “I don’t know how much you heard earlier, but his wallet was stolen from his car this morning—in broad daylight.”

  It’d barely been dawn, but Kendra couldn’t tell them that either. Instead, she asked, “He left his wallet in his car?”

  “He thought he’d locked the car, but that’s beside the point. It’s a quiet, residential neighborhood. I guess that doesn’t matter these days.”

  “Hey,” Joel said. “If Colton was stupid enough to leave his wallet in plain sight, he kinda had it coming. I mean, nothing like issuing an invitation to the selfish little—”

  “Okay-okay,” Britt held up a hand to stop him.

  Kendra wanted to crawl in a hole. In Colton’s defense, his wallet had been in the glove compartment. But, she didn’t want to defend him, so instead, she changed the subject and insisted she’d start work the very next morning.

  At dinner she met her younger nephew, and Dustin charmed her as effortlessly as Cody. Halfway through the best meal her deprived taste buds had enjoyed in days, she even forgot to feel like an outsider. Noah acted as if he’d known Joel and his family all his life, and Kendra had to fight tears as she watched him laugh.

  Afterwards, Joel suggested he and Kendra take a walk. Her discomfort returned as they made their way down the porch steps toward one of the corrals. She worried Colton had changed his mind, and couldn’t think of a single thing to say without the buffer of everyone else around them.

  Joel stopped by the fence that ran along the length of the tree-lined driveway. “What was she like?”

  She hadn’t expected that question. In the moment it took for her to think of how to answer, he rested a foot on the bottom rail and leaned his forearms on top, fiddling with a piece of grass he’d picked.

  “Well, to tell you the truth…when I was younger, there were times when I wondered why she had me.” Joel’s gaze swung to hers, full of surprise, and a hint o
f sadness. Kendra shrugged and quickly trained her gaze on the mountains that lined the evening sky. “After Noah, when I saw how happy my Dad was, I realized she did it all for him.”

  “She loved him?”

  “Very much. Dad died a year after Noah was born though. She changed after that, became more of a mother to us since Dad didn’t take up so much of her time. A year later, she was diagnosed with cancer and spent a year battling it, then four years in remission.” She turned to lean her back against the fence. “That’s when she became a mom. The end was hard because it was so sudden, and she’d been well for so long. When the cancer came back, she was gone in less than two months.”

  Her voice broke at the end. She took a moment to compose herself before answering his original question. “I’ve come to terms with the fact that she was as good a mother as she knew how to be. Nobody’s perfect.”

  She pulled an envelope from her pocket. She hadn’t planned to show it to him—not with Robert’s name inside, but now that she’d met him, heard and saw his pain where their mother was concerned, how could she not?

  Kendra extended the worn envelope. “She left this for me; you should read it.”

  He looked at her outstretched hand as if the paper were poisonous. Finally, he reached to take it.

  She turned to walk away. “I’ll let you read it by yourself.”

  Joel stared at the envelope. All the old feelings of the past, the ones he’d thought he’d dealt with and laid to rest, were right there in his throat. It was difficult to concentrate past the hammering of his heart.

  This shouldn’t matter to him. She shouldn’t matter. He’d tried not to give much thought to his mother over the years, beyond the fact that she’d left him and his dad. He hadn’t thought about her having other children when she so obviously had not wanted him.

  Now he wished she were still alive so he could ask why? What had been wrong with him? Why had she kept her other children and left him?

  His hand shook as he pulled the letter out. It was as worn as the envelope, as if it had been read many times. It started abruptly, and he realized there were pages missing. Kendra had only given him what she wanted him to see. He turned toward his sister—man, that still sounded strange—only to see she was already halfway to the guesthouse.

  Unable to put it off any longer, his gaze dropped to the paper in his hands.

  You have another brother, Kendra. I know this will shock you and I am so sorry. His name is Joel Morgan, and he owns the JBM Ranch in Colorado with his wife and two sons. I located him with the help of a private investigator last week. To go back a little farther, before I met your father, I was married. I met Joel’s father when I was sixteen and married a year later when I found out I was pregnant.

  He hadn’t known that; his father never told him they’d had to marry.

  I was all alone, so young and scared, and I’m ashamed to say, easily swayed by his money. For a while it was enough, but then I met your father and discovered the real love of my life. Faced with a choice, I followed my heart…I left them.

  Followed her heart or the larger bank account? He wanted to rip the paper to shreds, but took a deep breath and read on.

  You were born shortly after and for the love of your father, I never contacted them again. Your father was a jealous man, I’m sure you remember, with very skewed views on love, I now realize. He wouldn’t have understood that he and you weren’t enough for me. At the time, I couldn’t risk losing him, even though I loved the son I left behind.

  Joel snorted. Yeah, right.

  It was only after your father passed that I realized what a selfish coward I’d been. That I am. I could’ve contacted Joel, but he’d have been in his twenties, and I was scared he’d hate me, scared he’d tell me what an awful person I am for what I did. I couldn’t face him. Even now I want to write to him, apologize for the pain he must’ve felt when I abandoned him, but it wouldn’t be right for me to seek his forgiveness when my writing to him will be like a ghost from the grave. I have no right to his understanding.

  Amazing how right she was about that one thing.

  I tell you this now because Joel is the only family you have left besides Robert and Noah, and you may choose to contact him someday. His father was a good man, and I’m confident Joel would’ve been raised to be one as well. I’m sorry you had to find out this way and that you now know the complete truth about what an awful mother I am. Learn from my mistakes, and I pray you can leave this world with so many fewer regrets than I.

  I will love you and your brothers forever.

  Mom

  How dare she claim to have loved him! He couldn’t imagine leaving his sons. It would be like tearing out his heart. His hand clenched into a fist, crumpling the letter before he realized what he’d done.

  Smoothing it back out, he reread it twice more, then looked toward the house. But he couldn’t go back inside just yet. He strode to the barn and saddled his gelding, Nobel. After leaving a note for Britt, he rode out, pushing Nobel as if a demon chased them. Coming to his senses a short while later, he slowed the gelding in the lengthening shadows of sunset.

  Britt was in the barn when he returned. He felt her concerned gaze as he brushed his horse, and when he turned, her expressive green eyes asked a silent question.

  “I’m okay,” he said with a nod.

  She came closer, and he handed her the letter. She hesitated, but he insisted she read it. Pain for him showed on her face, and he dropped the brush he’d been using on Nobel’s shiny coat.

  “Come here,” he urged. She stepped into his arms, and he cupped her cheeks to kiss her. Then he leaned his forehead against hers and said softly, “She hoped Kendra would learn from her mistakes. Well, I’m learning, too. I don’t want to resent Kendra and Noah for having the mother I couldn’t have—it wasn’t their fault. Neither do I want to waste any more time and energy hating her for what she did. The longer it takes me to forgive her takes away from you, and Cody and Dustin.” Tears shimmered in his wife’s eyes, and he kissed her again. “I love you, Brittany.”

  “I love you, too.”

  “Amazing how quick life can change.” Folding her against his chest, he said, “She looks exactly like Vivian. For a moment this morning, I thought it was her.”

  “You looked like you’d seen a ghost.”

  “Yeah.” He sighed thoughtfully. “I have a sister and a brother.” With a soft laugh, he added, “Saying it out loud doesn’t make it seem any less surreal.”

  After a moment, Britt asked hesitantly, “Maybe two brothers?”

  Joel pulled back. “You caught that, too? She hasn’t mentioned this Robert at all yet, and she lied about being experienced with horses.”

  “I guessed as much,” Britt agreed. “She didn’t touch any of them in the barn.”

  “My gut tells me something’s off, for them to show up asking for help like this. Tomorrow I’ll make a few calls and see what I can confirm about what she’s told us.”

  “I agree you should check her story, but be careful about it, okay?”

  “Why?”

  Britt leaned back to look up at him. “It took her two years to contact you, Joel. What happens if she finds out you’re digging into her life behind her back? All I’m saying is don’t scare her away when she’s just arrived.”

  “I can be discreet. I’ll make sure no one knows who’s asking or why. I really just want confirmation that she and Noah are who she says they are.”

  “Fair enough. And in the meantime?” Britt asked. “You sure you still want her to work here on the ranch, with the horses?”

  “Yeah, I do.” He gave her a gentle squeeze and kissed the top of her head. “I’m not worried about that—we’ll deal with it.”

  “You mean Colton will.”

  Chapter Three

  Kendra rolled over to glare at the clock with a low groan. Not even five a.m. The damn nightmare had struck again, and she’d been awake for the past hour, trying to fall back asle
ep. Staring at the ceiling in the dark was getting her nowhere; she had to find something to do.

  Padding into the kitchen in her bare feet and pajamas, she flipped on the light and searched the cupboards for coffee. The rest of the house had been stocked; sheets, towels, dishes and mugs, and she was not surprised to find a small sealed can of breakfast blend above the coffee pot.

  She drank hers black, but still opened the fridge to see what it offered as the pot began to drip. Not much beyond some condiments. Maybe she could ask Joel for some money to buy a few groceries to tide them over until she received her first paycheck. She didn’t relish the idea of having to ask for more so soon, but she didn’t expect free meals at the main house, either.

  After finding a pen and paper next to the phone, she sat at the breakfast counter to make a list of what she and Noah needed right away. Then she made a second list of things to purchase after she was paid.

  Wow, what a thought. She’d never received a paycheck in her life. The money was just always there in her account—until she’d left New York. She figured Robert must have done something, because her ATM card stopped working after the first two days. And then there were the darn credit cards. She wished she would’ve thought things through a little more; not panicked so fast. If she hadn’t left a trail with the cards, maybe she and Noah wouldn’t be in such an awkward position right now.

  But then again, she wasn’t sorry for having finally come here. She’d met her brother. And she liked him, liked his whole family. It brought an ache to her heart that she could’ve grown up with a big brother like Joel instead of Robert.

  A resounding double knock on the back door made her jump and started her heart pounding.

  Oh, God, Robert.

  After a moment of blind, paralyzing panic, she realized at this point, he wouldn’t bother to knock. She took a deep breath and twisted in her stool toward the window above the kitchen sink. Unless she stood, there was no way to see who was outside. She glanced at her watch without moving to get up. Six o’clock.

  Who could it be? It hadn’t been a friendly knock, more like a fist pounding. It occurred to her the most likely person to be knocking at this hour was Joel. Instead of diminishing, her anxiety grew. Had Colton told him about her stealing his wallet? Would he order them to leave now? Filled with dread, she finally rose to answer the summons.