by Nick Molloy
Chapter 18 – The Truth about the Girls……
The most common assumption about male strippers is that they can and have shagged for England (or their native country). We are all Casanova’s with so many notches on our bedposts that we need several beds to accommodate the notches. When I tell men that I have only just met what I do for a living I usually get a nudge and a wink.
Have I slept with a lot of women ? Yes. Do I sleep with a new one every show ? No. Do women throw themselves at me because of my stripper status ? No. Do I wish they would ? Well, off course. Are there women who deliberately seek to bed the stripper. Yes. Are they common ? No. Is there any profession where women sling themselves at men because of what they do ? In my opinion, relatively yes. In absolute terms not really. The minge benefits of a stripper can probably compete with almost any profession However, the sexual statistics purported by the proponents of selected professions are wildly exaggerated. Those naïve enough to fall for the BS simply don’t understand the female sexual psyche.
All the opinions that follow have been formed from studious observations by a male stripper working in the lighter side of the sex industry. Allow me to paint a picture….
I once did a show at a gay club in Cyprus. I was there for a few days and was fortunate enough to befriend the barman, Andreas Harris. He very kindly drove me around some of the Island sights and we spent a wonderful day getting to know each other, talking very candidly. As we were diving into a rock pool he came out with one of the most profound statements anybody has ever said to me :
‘Nick, you are unlike anyone I have ever met. You ARE a gay man – you’re just trapped in a straight man’s body’
Now, Andy had already told me he fancied me, but he understood my sexual preference and there the matter was left. That is, until my last night in the club when I was making advances on a gorgeous Lesbian (Jo from London). She made it pretty clear that it was a case of girls only for her. Andy hadn’t ever been part of the conversation. He simply came wondering up to me and said
‘You know how it feels now’.
He knew that Jo was my type from our previous conversations. He also knew I would make a move and he knew I had no chance. We both burst out laughing.
I have since adopted his ‘gay man trapped in a straight man’s body’ line. Gay men usually challenge me to explain this as I am not gay. Straight men just proclaim that I am gay. Allow me to clarify what Andy meant.
Essentially I have many of the values of a gay man. I tend to think more like a gay man than a straight man, but it just so happens that I prefer to fuck women to men.
It is my contention that at the core there is actually very little difference between gay men and straight men. The only real difference is their preference for either pussy or cock. However, there is a world of difference in the images that both groups portray. Gay Man tends to project a much truer image of himself, at least those gay men that have successfully come out and are happy about who they are. Sure, there are many gay men who are deeply unhappy about who they are because family/friends are exerting social pressure on them to be something that they are not. Thankfully the societal trend shows a liberalizing of views and attitudes and this is far less prevalent today than it used to be. However, it still exists. There are also those gay men who feel the need to project an image of themselves that conforms to a stereotype. No doubt, many of these damaged individuals are rebelling against their upbringing that repressed their true nature. Thus, they portray what they are to an exaggerated extreme. Put simply, men don’t talk with an effeminate voice naturally. This is put on – in some cases to an extreme. They don’t naturally by way of birth, wave their wrists around limply to make a point. This behaviour is learnt to emphasize a stereotype they feel they belong to.
Gay Man is not well represented by these groups. In my experience the majority of gay men can’t stand the ‘queenie’ types. To quote one of them : ‘If I wanted something effeminate I’d sleep with a woman. I want my men to act like men’
In other words, Gay Man is perfectly ‘normal’. He has the same interests, eats the same food, plays the same sports, etc as Straight Man. Most gay men do not look like the lost member of the Village People or as if they belong in the Blue Oyster Bar from Police Academy. Essentially the only difference is that Gay Man likes to fraternise sexually with his own kind.
This difference in the sexual prey of our two groups of men produces wildly different attitudes, outlooks and behaviours. Each camp has to produce and conform to behavioural norms that are consistent with snaring their very different prey. Cheetahs have very different hunting targets and tactics to Lions. So it is with Straight Man and Gay Man.
In my opinion Gay men are far more liberal and open mined when compared to their straight counterparts. This is largely due to the prey that they stalk. Gay Man is hunting quarry that thinks like himself. He therefore understands how the opposition thinks and feels. He is therefore in a perfect position to execute a successful strategy. Gay Man nearly always nets a catch when he goes hunting.
By contrast, Straight Man is in a world of perpetual bewilderment. He doesn’t understand his quarry at all. Like the cheetah and the lion he has developed strategies for ensnaring his victim. But, usually it will take at least a dozen hunting attempts in order to successfully sink the claws into the victim. Even then, the quarry behaves so strangely, not conforming to his laws of logical behaviour, that frequently the prey slithers from his grasp. Straight Man has learned that his prey is particularly vulnerable if he sprays alcohol in large quantities at it first. This seems to inhibit the ability of the prey item to slip from his grasp when ensnared.
Gay Man has a tendency to assume (incorrectly) that Straight Man is as successful a hunter as he is. This is because Gay Man often has a special friend who is the quarry of Straight Man. In order to fit in with Gay Man, the straight quarry has a tendency to talk, and only talk, like a gay man (the fag hag). Gay Man has limited hunting skills because his prey is easily caught and therefore assumes the talk to be correct from the straight quarry. However, the reality is something far removed.
In this new technological age, Gay Man now finds that he can find prey virtually anywhere. Internet forums such as Gaydar mean that Gay Man can arrange a meeting with a stranger within an hour an hour of logging on. Gay men have met in ‘cruising areas’ for decades. These often masquerade as public parks (eg Hampstead Heath) or public toilets. Many gay venues have ‘dark rooms’. The sole purpose of these areas is so that people can fumble, grope and have ‘zipless fucks’ in the dark.
Sex is so easy for Gay Man to come by. There are also the frequently organized gay orgies. My good friend casually commented that his record (to date) is having had sex with 17 different men in the same evening. To qualify, that is only the ones that fucked him. He doesn’t count him fucking them, blow jobs, hand jobs, etc !
Straight Man by contrast cannot even begin to dream of such a bounty. Straight Man would like to be just like his gay counterpart, but his quarry will simply not allow it. If Straight Man could have sex with 17 different women in an evening he most certainly would. His chances however are slim. Furthermore, slim was last seen leaving town in the 1960s. In fact, the opposite is true.
Getting laid for Straight Man is an event, something to be celebrated. Once he has successfully found the back of the net, Straight Man all too willingly sets up camp with his new partner and builds a den. Although this is not really in the nature of Straight Man, he fears the reprisals if he doesn’t. After all, it may have taken him months of hard work to get into her knickers. He has showered her with gifts, wined and dined her extensively and finally he has achieved his aim. He wants to ensure that her fountain will continue to flow. Therefore, he succumbs to her whims and begins a campaign of wilful denial and deceit so that access isn’t denied to the fruits. This usually begins with stories that he has eyes for no other women but her. Angelina Jolie becomes an ugly sluttish whore who should be stoned to
death for her outrageous comments and behaviour. Straight Man is essentially a conformist against his will.
Soon Straight Man will marry. He will sign a piece of paper pledging allegiance. He agrees because the opportunities seem bleak. Gay Man by contrast is having so much sex that eventually he tires of it and longs for marriage ! However, he struggles to find it in his world because everyone is so promiscuous. Gay Man then begins to suffer strange desires, wanting to be straight. He does this without full knowledge. If he could transform into the body of Straight Man for a day, most would probably rescind their initial interest.
I know many a Gay Man who would argue that he would prefer to be straight. The main argument is that it is difficult to settle down. However, very few straight men would desire to be gay. Partly this is due to social stigma (regretfully still) and ignorance. The ‘backs to the wall’ attitude, although dying, is still present. Those with that attitude, in my experience, are usually in the closet anyway.
If we take away the stigma and lack of knowledge, many a straight man would probably take my fictional gender bender pill to swap sexuality. Most straight guys I know live out a tempestuous relationship with their female partners. All relationships are based on compromise, but straight ones more so than most.
Someone once said that ‘life sucks and the wife doesn’t anymore’. I would argue that men and women are diametrically opposed creatures. Take sex out of the equation and the two parties would have a minimum of interaction. If women could hear their husbands/boyfriends talk about them when they weren’t there, they would dump them straight away ! ‘My boyfriend is different’ she protests. Well, I’ve yet to meet a woman who says her boyfriend isn’t different ! They can’t all be different. The gullible females fell for the hunter’s deceptive ploy. In order to remove the knickers he told her what she wanted to hear. The chances are he didn’t mean a word of it !
I often lament on how much easier things would be if I was gay. I would be much more in tune with my quarry, both mentally and sexually. Alas, I am what I am and that’s not going to change. It has always struck me as a wicked irony, that men will pay me good money to actually give me a massage, whereas I have to browbeat every woman I have ever known intimately into performing the task.
As a whole, men are more creatures of logic compared to women being creatures of emotion. This isn’t to say that men bottle up feelings and can’t talk about issues. On the contrary my friends and I discuss every subject to the minutia. I have found women can rarely do this because of their distorted view of reality (eg my boyfriend is different). They are also seem to struggle more when explaining themselves in purely logical terms.
This is why the myth that strippers get laid every show is false. It fails to take into account the illogical behaviour of the opposite sex ! A good friend of mine, another Andy, says that I have taken the whole act of getting laid and redefined it. I have apparently turned it into a social study and art form. I would concede to being partially guilty to this charge. Another friend, Kenneth, says that I see sex as a sport I’m guilty as charged and proud. Sport is great. It is an outlet for energy, it’s competitive and its releases pleasurable endorphins. Sex is the same.
Our typical stripper who hunts pussy on a ladies night has a simple strategy. Firstly, locate the biggest slag in the room. Secondly, ensure that she has drunk copious amounts of alcohol Thirdly, attempt to remove her knickers in the toilets/changing area. Looks are irrelevant. Any hole is a goal.
This is no doubt an effective strategy if the aim of the exercise is to ejaculate into a vagina. However, for me at least, this is a little shallow. For a start, drunks are a big no-no. I don’t want to wake up in the morning next to someone who can’t remember my name let alone what we did the night before ! I get off on the fact that she is getting off on the fact that what we are doing is stimulating. If she can barely prevent her eyes rolling into her skull then the whole experience isn’t one to behold. Call me picky.
Also, my taste in women is more selective. I have always been a sucker for dark or red haired women with blue/green eyes. Black girls are excepted on the eyes and yes, I’m prejudiced against blondes. Thus, in any given room there are only a few possible targets as the hair/eye combination is a rarity.
I like to talk to a girl before we fuck. Intelligence is a huge aphrodisiac for me. However, I find to my continual dismay that women are wired completely differently to men. They are not driven in the same way. Most are incredibly insecure (even the successful career women) and rarely ever make the first move. Also women on the whole, don’t enjoy sex in the same way that men do. Furthermore, this isn’t purely because they have had poor experiences with poor lovers. They are simply not driven to satisfy their desires to the same extent. It’s almost as if sex is something they endure along the way to getting married and having kids. I have met so many women who have had unsatisfied sex lives. Yet, instead of doing something about it, they have endured !! I find this bizarre in the extreme.
I have long contended that there is a fundamental difference in thinking when the eyes of opposing sexes lock in initial attraction. On a subconscious level he is thinking ‘she’s nice I wonder what she looks like naked’ She is thinking ‘he’s nice, I wonder if he would make a good father to my child’. I appreciate that the female population will by now be preparing wooden effigy’s of my image to burn at the stake. However, if I am wrong why is it that women who have openly flirted with me for an entire evening suddenly and inexplicably turn on me when I inform them that I have had a vasectomy ? It is as if I have just murdered their unborn child ! When they were flirting, was I a potential good fuck first and a potential father second ? This is highly unlikely, as I am still a good fuck when firing blanks, but I am no longer a potential father. The real cynics would say that I can no longer be trapped by pregnancy and therefore there is no marriage, no maintenance, etc.
Gay Man regularly fucks and doesn’t even know the name of the other guy (both are stone cold sober). By contrast, this is extremely rare for Straight Man (unless one or the other parties are off their heads).
A whole ritual is usually to be adhered to for Straight Man to get laid. A mate of mine was recently meeting women from internet forums hoping for a quick shag. The profiles were usually quite suggestive. They would meet for lunch with a view to seeing how things progressed. His hit rate was negligible and after 20 lunches he had paid 20 bills ! Only one of the 20 had offered to share the bill with him. What happened to equality ? Does it only work one way ?
The reason Straight Man will often endure an incompatible relationship is because he fears the inconvenience of finding a replacement. It may take him 6 months or more or wining and dining ! I have watched mates of mine endure constant paranoia from their girlfriends who cling to their every move. Some of them are even told when they are allowed out ! I don’t know why they don’t go and get a surgeon to surgically join them together. Under intense interrogation, the very same mates have no answer and are frequently quite sheepish in their defence. Eventually they admit that she spreads her legs in return for a few dollars and a bit of attention. I don’t get it either ! Any man in this position needs to go the gym and learn to bench press his oppressor’s thumb !
I can’t pretend that I understand women. However, I have learnt to predict their traits and behaviours. If I encounter one that plays games in a professional manner I rarely engage. I simply go and seek one that is more genuine. This means that because I am choosy, I probably get laid less than I could. Being a stripper carries with it a certain celebrity status. Certainly, this is influential and makes women more attracted to you than if you were simply a bloke walking down the street.
The behaviour of women on Ladies nights has always been a bit of mystery to me. Ladies nights, it could be argued, are easier to play for a stripper than the gay nights. However, I have always thought the reverse. Gay audiences are certainly more intimidating. They don’t shout, they don’t scream and this could be perceived
as disliking the performance. More likely however, is that they are critically appraising your performance. If they like you there is a genuine appreciation which manifests itself in a more subtle manner. This subtlety has led many a stripper to proclaim that they don’t like gay audiences. PP O’ Rourke has been rejected by many a gay crowd because he has alienated his audience completely with his stand-offish closeted homophobia. A regular gay booker in Cambridge complained how PP O’ Rourke would insist on being let in the back door, paid up front and then leave immediately after his performance. He wouldn’t interact with his audience and refused to let anybody on stage. He famously once introduced himself to Uniboy with the line ‘Hi I’m PP O Rourke, I’m straight’. He was booked again by the Cambridge guy for a second go. The Modus Operandi was repeated and the audience turned their backs on him ! Thankfully there wasn’t to be a third chance. PP O’Rourke now conveniently claims that he doesn’t like the gay scene anymore, so he doesn’t work it. Similarly, so does Nevergayray. Only a week ago as I write I worked with him on a ladies night. I was on first and left to go to a second show. I week later I was having a threesome with two young ladies from the said ladies night. They informed me that Nevergayray had been asked whether he played the gay scene