Should've Been Us

by Jess Bryant

  Aubrey wasn’t half bad after a couple glasses of wine. Not that they were going to braid each other’s hair and sing Kumbaya anytime soon, but she wasn’t a total bitch either. Lulu could admit that much to herself, at least while she was drunk, and maybe just maybe this was what they’d always needed for her to be able to accept this woman into her life, into Derek’s life, and move on.

  If Derek was going to marry someone else, he could have done a lot worse.

  Aubrey’s friend from Montana, Sierra, was pretty much the coolest person Lulu had ever met. She was an absolute laugh riot. There was no telling what was going to come out of her mouth at any given moment. Plus, she’d told so many ridiculous stories that couldn’t possibly be true that Lulu’s stomach muscles hurt from laughing.

  Sweet little Anna had opened up a bit and joined in the fun. Sierra seemed to take great pleasure in making the younger girl blush and stammer but it had worked. She’d joined in on the fun right along with the rest of them.

  Even Anna’s older sister, Amber, whose voice was normally like nails on a chalkboard to Lulu, was bearable with enough alcohol coursing through her system. Of course she thought it was ridiculous the way the girl all but threw herself at Connor every chance she had, but it was also funny. Watching him try to fend off her clearly unwanted advances was pretty damn funny and if Lulu wanted to snatch the girl aside and tell her to take a damn hint that was only because she looked so ridiculously desperate.

  She was having fun. Something she’d never expected to have tonight. And just so long as she focused on the celebrating and not on what the celebration was for, Lulu could maintain her aura of fun and drunkenness.

  “Wait, wait, wait…” Anna gasped, eyes wide and mouth agape, her voice drawing Lulu back to the conversation at the table, “Are you seriously telling us that your husband gives you a monthly allowance for sex toys?”

  “Yep.” Sierra grinned.

  “Oh. My. God.” Anna shook her head in disbelief.

  “It’s perfectly normal.”

  “I don’t know that I’d call anything you do normal.” Aubrey giggled and Sierra smacked her arm playfully, “But it’s always fun.”

  Sierra pointed a manicured finger at the younger girl across from her, “Look, I love my husband. He’s hot and sexy as fuck and makes me wet just walking into a room…”

  “Sierra!” Aubrey admonished but her friend ignored her and Lulu couldn’t help but giggle along with the other girls.

  “But sometimes you’ve gotta spice things up a little. Trust me. It’s a good thing. Keeps things interesting.” Sierra wagged her eyebrows, “You never know what you might like until you try it.”

  “I’m not sure of anything except that I’ve got a lot to learn.” Anna admitted with a shy giggle before hiding behind her glass.

  “You’re young and you’re fucking gorgeous. You’ve got time and plenty of future suitors to figure out if you like it kinky.” Aubrey blew her a kiss with a wink.

  “Speaking of kinky…” Amber leaned over the table, lowering her voice as if she were about to spill a secret. “I’m just going to throw it out there that a certain best man is all kinds of bossy in the bedroom.”

  Aubrey gasped, “Connor? Really?”

  “Mhmm.” Amber nodded proudly and Lulu had to fight not to gag.

  Of course Connor had slept with Amber. She should have known. The airhead blonde was totally his type.

  Lulu had known him forever and she’d never once seen him with an actual girlfriend. He stuck to one-night stands, quick and done hookups or friends with benefits. Almost every single time, the girl ended up attached to him anyway despite his dickhead personality so Lulu had always assumed he must be a good fuck.

  Not that she gave it much thought. She didn’t. Except when it was paraded blatantly in front of her like right now.

  From the way Amber had been trailing after him all night like a little lost puppy, Lulu should have known she’d gotten a taste of whatever it was Connor offered up to the ladies that made them lose their minds. Amber clearly wanted a round two but from what Lulu had seen, he didn’t offer seconds. Which figured because only a total asshole would get a girl hooked on him and then walk away and if she knew anything, it was that Connor Shaw was an asshole.

  “Seriously?” Aubrey was still looking shocked and Lulu realized she’d missed whatever else Amber had said because the blonde was nodding like an eager beaver.

  “Uh huh, bossy. Total alpha, control freak, kinky.”

  “I never would have imagined.” Aubrey gaped, “He’s so laid back normally.”

  Lulu took a long drink of her wine and eyed the woman. Laid back? Connor? Did Aubrey not know Connor at all? There was nothing laid back about that man.

  He was a smartass with a vicious tongue and a know-it-all mouth. He commanded attention when he walked into a room. He was about as self-confident, assertive and downright aggressive a man as Lulu had ever known.

  She knew because all of those things irritated the hell out of her when it came to him.

  “Like, dominant, alpha, growly sexiness?” Sierra all but purred.

  “Totally sexy.” Amber confirmed with a giggle.

  “I knew there was something about that man I liked as soon as I met him.” Sierra nudged Aubrey playfully, “You’ve totally been holding out on me about these Texas boys.”

  Aubrey laughed, “It’s not as if I knew Connor was like that!”

  “Sure, but are you really going to tell me your man isn’t the same way? Trust me, girl. These kind of men tend to congregate. Just look at all Brenden’s boys up in Bounty County. Fine as hell and kinky as fuck. The stories their girls tell… whew, they get me all hot and bothered.”

  “A slight breeze gets you hot and bothered.” Aubrey laughed.

  “Oh come on!” Sierra pressed, “Tell us about Derek. How big is he? Does he know the motion of the ocean? Can he spell clit with his tongue? Or is he a map and a compass kind of guy?”

  “Oh my God.” Aubrey snorted with laughter.

  “She’s crazy.” Anna giggled.

  “I love her.” Amber smiled.

  Lulu pushed her chair out so quickly that it squeaked on the tile floor. She felt suddenly overheated. Nausea began to steep inside of her and she couldn’t get in enough air. She was going to be sick. She could feel it. And all because the idea of hearing Aubrey talk about Derek and their sex life completely freaked her the hell out. She needed to escape this conversation and this room. Immediately.

  “Hey, you okay?” Anna was the closest to her and reached out when she swayed on her heels.

  “Yeah.” Her voice was choked and she shook her head, “Yeah, I uh, I just need some fresh air.”

  “Are you sure? You look…”

  “I’m fine. Just need some air. All the wine is going straight to my head.”

  Lulu didn’t wait for a response. She turned on her heel and all but sprinted to the door as fast as her wobbly legs would carry her. She burst through the swirling white curtains and onto the patio but didn’t stop until she reached the railing. She gripped it tight and leaned over, nearly bending herself in half, trying to get the world to stop spinning.

  She was drunk. She was way too drunk. She’d thought all the wine was helping but now it felt like an enemy had invaded her bloodstream. The alcohol that had made her so happy and carefree earlier in the evening was now dragging her down into that dark pit of despair and she felt like she was drowning.

  Oh God, she sucked in the clean, fresh air and forced it back out slowly. Squeezing her eyes shut only made it worse. Not because the world tilted precariously under her feet when she did, but because images of Aubrey and Derek being intimate all but assaulted her. Her eyes flew back open and she stared out across the dark beach and into the midnight surf beyond, wishing she could just walk into it and let it swallow her up.

  She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t. She’d thought that she could but one mention of Derek and sex and she to
tally lost it.

  Memories of their first and only time hit her like punches to the gut and she had to force herself not to heave. A mistake, that was what he’d called it then and they’d never spoken of it again. It had been one night in two decades of friendship but it had changed everything, just not the way she’d hoped.

  It had been the best night of her life. She’d thought it was the start of everything she’d always dreamed of with her best friend. But he hadn’t seen it that way, seen her that way, and he’d chalked it up to teenage hormones, alcohol and nostalgia. He’d crushed her hopes and dreams, shattered her heart, and she’d been a broken mess ever since.

  No more.

  Lulu sucked in a gasp of air and pushed it out her nose. She counted slowly as she did it. Up to ten and then back down. And only when she felt like she had full control of herself again did she release her death grip on the patio railing.

  She was done with Derek Harper. Done. He’d made his choice a long time ago and she was finally going to move on.

  That still didn’t mean she was ready to hear about his sex life though, so she decided that between the alcohol and the panic attack she should probably find her way back to her room and call it a night. She’d had way too much to drink. That had been her plan but now that it was in full effect she regretted every ounce of the wine that now made her feel out of control and ridiculous.

  She had to keep her shit together this week. She could fall apart later if she needed to but not here and not now. Not in front of all these people.

  As her senses returned she caught snippets of conversation happening in the distance. She’d forgotten the guys had come out to have cigars and she peeked her head around the corner cautiously, checking to see if any of them had noticed her. They hadn’t luckily, but this close she could just make out the conversation the small group of men nearest her were having.

  “No way man. I already put in the work with Nikki. She’s mine.”

  That voice belonged to Dean. Lulu would recognize it anywhere. It sounded a lot like Derek’s but was deeper. Her ears perked up as someone else spoke.

  “No way. You’ve got a history with her. We’re coming in cold. You gotta pick a different girl.”

  “He’s right. You take the chick from Montana. She’s smoking hot.”

  “Dude, she’s married.” Dean snorted.

  “Not that one. The other one. You take her and Reed and I will toss a coin for the other two.”

  “Toss a coin?” The second voice that must have been Reed whined, which made the other voice that of his older brother Ridley.

  “We’ll coin toss for all three. First one to bang their bridesmaid wins.” Dean was grinning now, she could hear it in his voice, and as what was happening sank in Lulu felt another surge of anger and heat swirl with the alcohol in her veins.

  They were betting on the bridesmaids. They were betting on which one of them would be able to sleep with their assigned girl first. They were actually wagering on sex. Not just random sex either. Sex with the bridesmaids that were supposed to be their friends and their partners this week. They were reducing the girls that Lulu had spent the last few hours finally befriending to nothing but a sexual conquest and she refused to stand by and let it happen.

  She was just drunk enough that she didn’t hesitate or think it through. She simply stormed around the corner and straight for the group of men. Her face was hot with anger and her nails cut at her palms with the urge to ball her fists and punch each and every one of them.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” The words rolled off her tongue much louder than she’d intended, but there was no taking them back because the three of them were already turning to face her.

  “Oh, hey Lu.” Dean shot her a goofy grin, “Didn’t see you there.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” She repeated, poking a finger in his chest, “Are you seriously out here making bets about which bridesmaid you’re going to sleep with?”

  Dean had the grace to look sheepish, “Uh…”

  “You’re a pig.” She poked him in the chest again and then slung her finger around the semi-circle of Harper males, “You’re all a bunch of disgusting pigs. Taking bets about who you can get into bed? Those girls are supposed to be your friends!”

  “Wait just a…”

  But she didn’t wait, she kept right on.

  “Tell me, how much is sweet, little Anna worth? It’s gotta be more than Amber right? I mean Amber is sort of easy. Everybody knows that.”

  “Lulu.” Dean grimaced.

  “Wait, did you tell them you already hooked up with Nikki? If not, you’ve got this one in the bag but if so, I guess you gotta hope there’s a bonus for hitting it twice right, Dean?”

  Dean stepped back away from her. Reed and Ridley both dropped their guilty gazes. But before any of them could say anything another deep, commanding voice broke into the conversation and sent another swirl of heat through her veins.

  “Okay, Lulu, I think that’s enough for tonight.”

  She whirled on Connor, “You’re right. I think enough is enough too. This is bullshit and you know it.”

  “You’re right. It’s inappropriate.” Connor stepped closer to her, his voice low and soft, “I’ll handle the three of them but how about first you let me take you to bed?”

  “Not if you were the last man on earth.” She sneered.

  Connor only chuckled slightly, “Smartass. I meant to your room. Let me get you back to your room.”

  “I don’t need your help.” She jerked her arm away when he tried to reach for her but she was drunk, really drunk, and she wobbled enough that he ended up having to catch her. She swallowed hard when his arms went around her. Strong and warm and male. She shook her head to clear that stupid thought. “I said I don’t need your help.”

  “Clearly.” He only smirked and steadied her on her feet, “Come on. We’re calling it a night.”

  “Don’t tell me what to do.” She harrumphed but her feet followed him when he tugged on her hand, pulling her towards the edge of the patio and around the side of the building to the pathways that led to the bungalows.

  “Why? Afraid you might like it?” He shot over his shoulder and she snorted.

  “Afraid I’ll actually give in to the urge to punch your pretty face.”

  “Aw, you think I’m pretty? Thanks, Lu. Back at ya.”

  She rolled her eyes even though she knew he couldn’t see. God he was annoying. He was the worst. Why was she going anywhere with him?

  She pulled her hand away from him and he frowned, “Lu…”

  “I can find my own room thank you very much.” She kept walking, bypassing him.

  She could feel him behind her though and it sent a shiver down her spine. It was the mixture of the alcohol and the night air. That was all. It wasn’t knowing those ocean blue eyes were behind her, watching her walk away from him.

  He caught up to her easily, falling into step beside her, and caught her arm when she swayed on her heels, “Easy there.”

  She growled but let him hold her up as she paused to pull off one heel and then the other. Connor didn’t say a word. He simply held her steady and when she was back on her feet and released her hold on him he took her shoes from her and carried them as he started down the pathway again, expecting her to fall in step beside him, which she kind of had to do.

  She pursed her lips, feeling the need to remind him and herself, “I think you’re an ass.”

  “I’m aware. You tell me multiple times a day.” He shot a glance at her out of the corner of his eye.

  “Didn’t want to miss my quota.”

  His lips curled slightly, “You ever stop to consider you’re not exactly a peach to deal with yourself?”

  “I’m a fucking delight.”

  That made him laugh and she found herself grinning back at him. She was definitely drunk because drunk was the only way she would ever admit even to herself that she enjoyed sparring with Connor like this. It
was fun and distracting. It stopped her from thinking about all of the other shit going on around her, stopped her from thinking about Derek and Aubrey and their impending nuptials, stopped her from thinking about that gross bet that the other groomsmen had been making.

  She frowned when she thought about the conversation she’d overheard again. The one about the bridesmaids. The one where the guys had been making bets about the women in the wedding party. The one where nobody had mentioned her at all.

  “What’s wrong?” Connor’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she realized she’d stopped walking.

  “Nothing.” She started to walk away but he grabbed her and stopped her in her tracks.

  “Bullshit.” He closed the distance between them in one long stride and tipped her chin up with a finger, his eyes studying her intently, “You change moods faster than the weather back home in Texas. You were laughing one second and now you look sad again. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  There was the sound of laughter that drifted to them from somewhere in the distance and she jolted back to reality. Connor was in her personal space. Touching her. Demanding answers to things he had no right to ask. So she knocked his hand away and walked away from him as quickly as she could manage.

  “Go to hell.”

  “Trust me, doll. I’m already there.” He followed behind her as she stormed off and when she bypassed a turn he grabbed her by the wrist again, halting her, “Your room is this way.”

  “I knew that.” She lied, pulling away from him, again, and heading down the small path she hadn’t even noticed. “And stop calling me doll.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I hate it.”

  “You don’t mind when Derek calls you doll.” His voice dripped disdain and she felt that flair of heat and anger that always came when he mentioned her relationship with Derek.