Should've Been Us

by Jess Bryant

  “First off,” Connor pinned her with a look, “We’re together. We’re not just sleeping together. And yeah, it would make me happy. I want the world to know you’re mine now.”

  “Like a dog pissing on his property.” She rolled her eyes, “You don’t want to tell the world. You want to tell Derek.”

  “Don’t.” He growled.

  “Don’t what? Tell you when you’re acting like a caveman?”

  “Don’t act like I’m the only one thinking about him right now. Is it that you don’t want anyone to know or is it just Derek that you don’t want to tell, Lu?”

  Lulu winced at the accusation as much as the way Connor sneered it at her. Maybe she had that coming. After all, he knew better than anyone just how she’d felt for Derek. But she was here, with him, and despite everything her head was telling her, her heart wanted to give them a shot, a real shot and she’d assumed if anyone would understand why that shot shouldn’t be hinged on Derek’s reaction she’d thought it would be Connor.

  “Dammit Lulu.” He sighed and she glanced up to see him pulling at his hair, “I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. It’s just…”

  “You’re jealous.” She watched him pace and shook her head in disbelief. “That’s what this is really about. That’s what it has always been about, isn’t it? All of the fighting and the snide remarks and telling me he doesn’t deserve me. You were… jealous?”

  “Of course I’m fucking jealous.” Connor groaned, “For years I had to watch you accept crumbs of his attention when I was right fucking there, wanting to give you the world. So yeah, I’m jealous you wanted him and not me and now that I have you, I damn sure don’t want to have to hide how I feel about you anymore.”

  Her heart was in her throat, “Con…”

  “It should’ve been us. You and me. All this time it should’ve been us but he met you first and you fell for him and I never stood a chance until you let him go. He’s happy with Aubrey and you said you weren’t still in love with him so why, Lu? Why can’t we be together? Why can’t we be happy too?”

  “Connor.” She reached for his face, cupping it when he dropped to his knees in front of her, all but begging and breaking her heart open at the same time, “Connor, stop. Please.”

  He looked up at her with hurt in those ocean blue eyes and she pulled him closer. She buried her face against his neck and just hugged him until he stopped breathing so hard. He finally wrapped his arms around her and she pulled back enough to look at him.

  “I’m not in love with Derek. I haven’t been in a long time. I’m not sure if that’s even what I’d really call it. Obsessed is probably a better word for it. It wasn’t healthy and I’m putting it behind me. I’m here and I’m with you and I want to see if this is real.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat, “So, if it’s that important to you, you can tell him. I won’t stop you. But I think that if you stop thinking about us and think about the reason we’re all here that you’ll understand where I’m coming from when I say we should wait.”

  Connor rested his forehead against hers, “Just tell me that it’s not because of him.”

  “It’s not because of him. I told you. It’s not. I’d already decided it was time to move on I just, I didn’t see you coming. Not now. Not so soon. I don’t want to make this week about me. That’s all.”

  “You think we’ll steal their thunder if we tell everyone we’re together?” He looked thoughtful instead of upset for the first time since she’d spoken up and she nodded.

  “I think it’ll make everyone look at us and talk about us and we’re just the guests here.” She traced his jaw softly, “Please Con, can you try to understand where I’m coming from?”

  He rubbed his hands up and down her back and sighed, “I won’t hide in the shadows and I won’t lie to him if he asks but I guess… at least for right now… I don’t have to go out of my way to tell him either.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me. I still don’t like it. But you’re right that this week isn’t about us. This is Derek and Aubrey’s week. I have the rest of my life to make you the center of my universe.”

  “You’re a good man, Connor Shaw.” She leaned up and kissed him softly.

  “About time you noticed.” He leaned down and kissed her back.

  Her heart ached again when she thought about how stupid she’d been. Connor had been jealous. How had she not thought of that? She’d been tied up in her own issues with Derek for so long that she hadn’t even questioned Connor’s motives for being the way he was with her. Now that she knew, it broke her heart every time she thought about it.

  “I’m so sorry I didn’t see you before now.”

  “Shh, don’t apologize.”

  “I treated you the same way he treated me and I just…”

  “Shh, it’s always been you for me, Lu. Always. I waited twenty years. I’d have waited twenty more.”

  “I’m sorry it took me so long to get here.”

  “All that matters is that you’re here now.” Connor kissed her again, “And I’m not letting you go.”

  Chapter Ten

  Connor fucking hated golf. Seriously, how was something considered a sport when the only way you broke a sweat was because it was hot as hell outside? Hitting a tiny white ball and then chasing it down was not a sport in his humble opinion. Give him football. Give him baseball. Hell, he’d take some hard-hitting hockey even if he was a born and bred Texan. But don’t give him shit about golf being an actual sport.

  It wasn’t.

  He checked his phone for the thousandth time but the clock had barely moved from the last time he’d checked it. Plus, every time he picked it up and found it empty, he just got more frustrated. He wanted to get back to the resort, find Lulu and spank her cute little ass for not texting him back all day.

  What the hell was she up to that she couldn’t return a freaking text message?

  After making love to her again this morning, because really, he wasn’t passing up an opportunity to take a shower with the woman of his dreams, he’d done the sensible, responsible adult thing and sent her over to meet with the girls while he met with the guys for this little golf outing.

  The little golf outing from hell. They’d spent all day out in the sun and heat playing a game he hated and they’d only barely cracked the back nine because apparently someone had scheduled their start time a half hour after the seniors tournament started.

  Connor contemplated banging his head against the steering wheel of his golf cart. Why? Why would grown men choose to spend their day doing this when they could all be back at the resort instead?

  Hell, didn’t Derek want to spend time with his soon to be wife? Weren’t the little Harper’s still itching to bag a bridesmaid? Shouldn’t Brenden be worrying about what kind of trouble Sierra was causing in his absence? Why was he the only one feeling all itchy and out of sorts just because he hadn’t seen Lulu in a couple of hours?

  He was a damn mess. One night with the girl and he was ruined. He’d always known it would be good between them but he hadn’t expected just how well she would fit him. He hadn’t expected to get so wrapped up in her that he could barely function for checking his phone and trying to figure out what she was up to while he was held hostage on a golf green.

  “Hey.”

  Connor looked up a second before his oldest friend in the world climbed in on the other side of his golf cart, “Hey.”

  Derek sighed as he rearranged his long legs, leaning back and getting comfortable on the seat next to Connor. It was the first time all day they’d had even a moment of almost privacy. The first time they’d been this close without a horde of other people surrounding them and Connor couldn’t help but tense up just a little.

  Derek had gotten a cart that morning with Aubrey’s dad and Connor had trailed behind Dean and the other Harpers all day with only Brenden Ramey for company.

  The man wasn’t bad company. In fact, he was the only bright spot in the d
ay from hell for Connor. They’d talked a lot and he’d been right. They had a lot in common and he knew they’d be friends if their paths ever crossed again.

  Brenden had a force of deputies and detectives that sounded about as close as brothers. Connor knew what that was like. His new brother-in-law Nick was his own partner back home and he considered all of the guys in the Fate Sheriff’s Department friends. He even liked Lulu’s brother, Lance, who seemed to hate his guts for no apparent reason. They were his family, or he hoped they would be soon.

  But just thinking that thought, about making Lulu his family, with Derek sitting beside him had his stomach knotting and his throat tightening.

  He wanted so badly to just say it, to tell Derek the truth. Tell Derek that he was in love with Lulu, always had been, and Derek’s loss was his gain. He wanted to fucking mark Lulu publicly and yeah, maybe that did make him kind of a caveman, wanting to plant a flag on her like she was his territory now, but he couldn’t help it. He’d wanted her for so long that having her felt too much like a dream he might wake up from if he wasn’t careful.

  But he’d promised her that he wouldn’t confront Derek about them and he wouldn’t break that promise so he locked his jaw and swallowed the words instead of telling his best friend the truth.

  Derek, oblivious as always, simply smiled, “So, I’m taking a poll and thought I’d start with you since you seem about as thrilled to be out here as a man being tortured.”

  “I think golf ranks right up there with having my fingernails pulled out and you know it.”

  “Hence, the poll.” Derek chuckled.

  “What kind of poll?”

  Derek knew he hated golf. It wasn’t a secret. The only reason Connor was here was because this time was Derek’s time. Derek was the groom. He got to plan activities and tell them all what to do. Connor had come along today because he was Derek’s best man but he hadn’t done a great job of pretending to smile and have fun if his friend was here to call him out on it.

  “Spend the next three hours waiting for these old-timers to finish up the back nine and waste the rest of our day in the process, or call it and head back to the resort, find Bree and Lu and have some fun.”

  Connor all but sagged with relief, “Fuck. Yes. Call it and let’s get back to the girls.”

  “Damn, Con, that was almost too easy.” Derek grinned at him knowingly and when he frowned Derek snorted, “Don’t try to backpedal now. I know you want to get back to Lulu just as bad as I want to get back to Bree.”

  Connor’s air caught in his lungs and he stared at his best friend for a long moment, trying to figure out what to do or say next. Derek was right. He’d made it easy. Derek had asked one simple question and Connor’s reaction had proven whatever suspicions he had right.

  “Is it that obvious?” He winced.

  “Maybe not to the rest of the guys but to me? Yeah.”

  “When’d you figure it out?”

  “That’s a loaded question.” Derek scrubbed his chin and sighed heavily, “Let’s just say for now that I put two and two together when you both disappeared instead of going for drinks after the dance lessons last night.”

  Shit. Connor cursed under his breath. Lulu was going to flay him alive for this. He cleared his throat and turned to stare out over the beautiful golf course.

  He hadn’t broken his promise, had he? He’d told Lulu that he wouldn’t announce things and he hadn’t. He’d also told her that he wasn’t going to lie. From the way Derek was looking at him, Connor assumed their best friend knew everything anyway so lying would be no use.

  “We’re… together.”

  “So why have you spent all day scowling?”

  “She hasn’t text me back since we left the resort and things are… complicated, between us.” He lowered his voice.

  “Complicated.” Derek laughed, “You realize I’ve known you both for the better part of twenty years, right? Complicated is quite literally a day at the beach compared to you two hooking up.”

  Connor winced when Derek’s words all but echoed Lulu’s doubts about them, “So you don’t think it’ll work either?”

  “No. That’s not what I said.” Derek looked thoughtful. “I think in a lot of ways, you’re perfect for each other.”

  “You’ve said yourself that we fight like cats and dogs.”

  “That’s called passion, my friend.” Derek cuffed him on the shoulder, “You two have been putting off sparks for years. I think… well I think I always knew you’d end up with her eventually. It was never going to be me. I just, I don’t see her like that.”

  “You’re blind, Dare. You always have been when it comes to her.”

  “No. Not blind.” His friend shook his head and glanced down at his hands, “Willfully ignorant maybe, I just… I feel like the three of us have been circling each other for a long time. To tell you the truth, I saw the way you looked at her years ago. I knew you wanted her and the best I could do was try to stay out of the way of you both.”

  Connor stared at his friend in complete bewilderment. Derek knew. He’d known? He’d always known how Connor felt about Lulu from what he was saying. He’d known and he’d never said a word, not until now. Connor frowned, his jaw tensing as he realized that Derek could have done a hell of a lot more than simply ignore Lulu’s feelings for the past decade if he really thought they were perfect for each other.

  He could have set her straight years ago. He could have cut her loose. He could have helped Connor figure out what the hell to do about the crazy attraction he felt to the girl that rode his last nerve and wanted his best friend instead of him.

  “You knew? All this time?” He gripped the wheel of the golf cart, “You knew I was in love with her?”

  “No. Hell no. If I’d known that, things would’ve gone different I swear. I honestly thought you just wanted to fuck her, Con.”

  “Jesus.” He swiped a hand over his face as the blows just kept coming.

  “Hear me out. You’ve had a reputation for loving and leaving the ladies for a long time. I wasn’t about to let Lulu be another notch on your bedpost. Not her. I may not love her the way a man loves a woman but I do love her, as a friend and a sister. She’s like family to me.”

  “And you really thought so little of me that you used yourself as a barrier to keep her away from me all this time?”

  “I’m sorry for that.” Derek sighed, “I really am. More than you can imagine.”

  “So what changed? I mean, clearly Lulu had to let go of the idea of you as her White Knight since you’re marrying Aubrey but why are you telling me all this now? Why agree to let me room with her in the bungalow? Why let her be my buddy for those stupid events if you thought all I really wanted was to bang her out of my system?”

  Derek winced, “It was Bree, actually.”

  “What?”

  “It was Bree that said I should give you a chance. My girl told me about everything you’ve done in the weeks leading up to the wedding. All the times you showed up out of nowhere to help Lulu get through whatever wedding chore Bree had given her. She told me that she saw the way you looked at Lulu sure, but she also saw the way you were with her. Gentle when she needed it. Sharp when she didn’t. It was Bree that convinced me you wanted more than just to fuck through whatever issues you two have.”

  “So I have Bree to thank. Not you.” He scoffed.

  “Yeah.” Derek sighed again, “Look, I’m sorry for the way things played out the last few years. I never wanted to hurt Lulu. She’s my best friend. It kills me to know I’ve caused her pain. But the thought of you hurting her? Jesus Con, I’d have to kill you and I don’t want to kill my oldest friend. Do you get that?”

  Connor snorted as he watched Dean and Reed joking around on the green, waiting for their turn to hit. He hadn’t expected to have this conversation with Derek. Not here. Not now. Not ever really. It hurt to know his friend had thought so little of him and to find out that even now, Derek doubted whether Connor could
make Lulu happy. But he supposed if he harnessed his temper and looked at the fucked up situation they’d all been in for the better part of their lives, with him wanting Lulu and Lulu wanting Derek and Derek trying to tread the line between them, that he could see where Derek was coming from when he threatened to kill him if he hurt Lulu.

  They both loved the girl, in their own way.

  “I’m not going to hurt her Dare. I promise. I’d rather cut myself open than cause her even a second of hurt.”

  “I know.” Derek squeezed his shoulder firmly, “I can see that now. The first night we were here in Mexico, at dinner, I saw the way you were with her too. You never took your eyes off her. Not for a second. I knew this trip wasn’t going to be easy on her but it was something she needed to face and you’ve stepped up for her at every turn. You gave her everything she needed before she even asked for it. You took care of her. That’s when I knew it was about more than sex for you.”

  “I love her. I’ve always loved her.” Connor shook his head, amazed at the words coming out of his mouth and that it was Derek he was telling first, “I hated her sometimes too. For ignoring me. For not seeing me. For not knowing what I couldn’t tell her. But even when I hated her, I loved her.”

  “Like I said, passion.”

  Connor snorted, “She didn’t want me to tell you. This morning, she asked me not to say anything and I accused her of still trying to hold onto her dream life with you.” He shook his head when Derek winced, “I was a bastard to her about you for a long time. I’ve been jealous of you for a long time. I wanted to tell the world but she was right, I mostly just wanted to tell you. It’s going to take some time for me to really believe its me she wants after all these years but I’m trying, so thank you.”

  “For what?” Derek tilted his head.