Should've Been Us

by Jess Bryant

  She’d decided that the man she’d fallen helplessly in love with was a complete dumbass sometime in the last… however long it had been.

  She was still upset with Connor. She was angry and hurt and confused. She was also pissed that he hadn’t come after her, or, if he had, that he was too dumb to figure out she’d gone back to the bungalow they’d shared all week and then, unable to stand the smell of him on her sheets, she’d wandered outside to sit on the shoreline.

  It wasn’t as if she was hiding from him. One glance from inside her room out the sliding glass doors and he’d be able to see her sitting out here. Only he hadn’t come out to talk to her so he hadn’t come to her room, which meant he was either really, really stupid… or he hadn’t come after her at all.

  The lump in her throat was hard to swallow past. Because if he hadn’t come after her then maybe the doubts that had been eating at her were real. Maybe all the things she’d been feeling had been one-sided and she’d wrongly convinced herself once again that she was in love with a man that didn’t love her in return.

  Had it all been in her head? She’d thought Connor was in love with her. She’d thought the way he looked at her, touched her, even talked to her had been proof that he had feelings for her. He’d told her that he wanted to be with her, for real, for the long haul. Hell, he’d practically asked her to move in with him. He wouldn’t have asked her to move in with him if this was all just a game, right?

  She closed her eyes and let out the breath she’d been holding.

  Being wrong about Derek was just messing with her head. She was doubting her own feelings now. Her brain was still wary, especially after what she’d overheard, but her heart knew the truth.

  It had been a crazy week. She hadn’t expected anything that had happened after she got off the plane in Mexico. She hadn’t expected Connor.

  She hadn’t expected him to try to take care of her or to admit he wanted her. She hadn’t expected the fire that had always burned between them to turn from sharp remarks to sizzling heat. She hadn’t expected the connection between them to grow so strong and she hadn’t expected to fall head over heels for the man she’d always seen as nothing but a pain in the ass.

  But the fact of the matter was, she loved him.

  Maybe that was crazy. Maybe it made her seem silly or immature that she’d gone from thinking she was in love with Derek to falling for Connor. But she’d already accepted that she’d been deluding herself about her feelings for Derek. She hadn’t been in love with him. Only the idea of him.

  It was Connor that had always been there for her. It was Connor that had always put her first. It was Connor that had always told her the truth, even when she hadn’t wanted to hear it.

  Even when she’d hated him for it, he’d never lied to her.

  Lulu blinked at the tears that tried to overwhelm her again. Connor had never lied to her. He wasn’t a liar. He’d always given her the truth. Even when she’d hated him for it. Even when she’d pushed him away because of it. Even when she’d yelled at him. He’d never softened the truth or given her pretty white lies for his own benefit. Yet she’d immediately believed the worst of him, believed that he’d lied to her, instead of believing that he had been honest with her.

  She hadn’t even given him a chance to explain. She hadn’t given him a chance to tell her the truth. He could have lied when she’d asked him about the bet but he hadn’t. He’d said it wasn’t as bad as it sounded. She’d only heard the worst and then run away before allowing him to tell his side of the story, the true side and the full story.

  Shit. Lulu cursed her own stupidity now. She cursed her naivety. She cursed her head for always seeming to conflict with her heart. Damn it, she was the stupid one.

  Of course Connor hadn’t come after her.

  She was the one that had freaked out after only hearing a snippet of conversation. She was the one that had turned her back on him. She hadn’t listened to a word he’d said. She was the one that had walked away and she couldn’t blame Connor at all for finally giving up on her.

  But she couldn’t let him.

  Lulu uncurled from her spot in the sand. Her ass was damp and she wondered if the beautiful bridesmaid dress was ruined. It didn’t matter, she decided. She swiped her hands over her backside and her hips, wiping the sand away. She was never going to wear this dress again anyway.

  She had to go and find Connor. Now. No matter where he was. She would find him and she would apologize and hope that he would forgive her. It was all she could do. Hope and pray that she hadn’t completely thrown away her chance at being with the one man that seemed to understand her and care for her despite all of her neurosis.

  Lulu wasn’t so unaware of herself that she thought she was an easy woman to deal with. She wasn’t. She knew that. She had a tendency to get lost in her own head. It was a terrible side effect of her overactive imagination and her love of books and music. She could just as easily disappear into the pages of a good story as she could the beat of a song and lose all track of time. She also believed in fairytales and happily ever afters and soulmates because of her books and because the world loved a good love song. So did she and she wanted what all of her books and songs had promised for herself.

  With Connor. She wanted her fairytale to be with Connor. A whirlwind romance that blossomed on a trip to Mexico when she least expected it, and she’d thrown it all away in a fit of outrage and despair. She had to find Connor. She had to…

  Lulu turned back towards the bungalow and her breath caught in her chest. Connor. He was there. He was sitting on the edge of her bed on the other side of the glass doors. She had no idea how long he’d been there but from the look of him, he’d been there a while. He was curled over his legs, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He wasn’t looking up so he hadn’t seen her yet and she worried, momentarily, that if he did look up she’d see the fact that he’d given up on her, on them, in his beautiful blue-green eyes.

  He was here. He’d known where she was all this time. He’d come after her but he hadn’t come out and confronted her. Was that because he was done with her?

  Connor must have felt her eyes on him because his head rose slowly as she watched and when his gaze met hers the breath she’d been holding shuttered out on a sob. There wasn’t hate or anger there. He looked sad and wary and worried. He looked like a man that had been hurt and was expecting more pain at any second.

  Lulu forgot all about her damp dress. She forgot about the sand on her hands. She kept her gaze locked on Connor as she rushed up the sandy beach. She tripped and stumbled in the loose sand but she kept her footing and jerked the sliding door open.

  By the time she stepped inside, Connor had pushed to his feet and opened his arms for her. She went into them without hesitation, throwing herself against him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face against his chest. She didn’t breathe again until she felt his strong arms circle her waist and pull her in tight with the same desperation she felt.

  They stood there like that for a long time. Wrapped around one another, silent, just breathing and holding on. Connor rubbed her back in gentle strokes and held her like he didn’t want to let go. It felt like an hour had passed by the time she worked up the courage to try and speak.

  “I’m sorry.” Her voice came out, thick and hoarse from all her crying.

  “Shh.” Connor stroked her hair but she shook her head.

  “I’m so sorry.” She tried again but this time Connor sighed and began to pull away from her. She held on tight, not wanting to let go of him. He didn’t push her out of his arms though, only shifted enough he could meet her gaze when he spoke.

  “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Lu. I’m the one that’s sorry. I’m the one that screwed up. I should have told you about that stupid bet from the start.”

  “But I should have heard you out instead of thinking the worst.” She whispered back as he dropped his forehead to hers. “I’m sorry
I ran away from you.”

  “I’m sorry I hurt you. I hate that I made you doubt my feelings for even a second.” Connor cupped her cheeks between his big palms and met her gaze seriously, “I love you, Lulu. I’ve loved you my whole damn life and I don’t want to lose you. Please, please give me a chance to explain that stupid bet. I swear it isn’t as bad as it seems.”

  Her throat felt too tight to speak so she nodded. He loved her. Somewhere, deep inside of her, she’d known that he did. She’d known that the way he took care of her, the way he made love to her, the way he looked at her, meant that he felt for her just as deeply as she’d realized she felt for him.

  Still, hearing the actual words did something to her. Her heart felt like it swelled in her chest. Being loved, by Connor, made her feel full and whole in a way that she’d never felt before, a way that she’d longed for when she read her romance novels. This was the kind of love that they wrote all those books and songs about. The kind that completed a person.

  Connor sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her down onto his lap. He didn’t seem to want to let go of her and since she hoped he never did she didn’t complain. She settled against him and listened to his heart beat strong and steady in his chest as he took a deep breath and then spoke again.

  “That first night when we got here, when all the guys went out on the patio, Dean and his cousins mentioned the bet to me. I told them it was stupid and insulting but they were dead set on having some fun, as they called it. I mostly ignored them but then…” Connor frowned, his jaw twitching as he grit his teeth, “Then they mentioned you and the top of my head just about blew off. I couldn’t convince them to ditch the dumb bet but I couldn’t let any of them near you. Not when I finally had a chance to show you how I felt. You were just starting to face the reality that you and Dare weren’t meant to be and all I could think was that if one of those damn Harper boys that looks so much like him tried to get you in bed that you might choose them instead of me.”

  Lulu bit her bottom lip as she listened to Connor relate how the bet had come to be and her heart clenched with pain when he mentioned Derek. It made sense to her now. The reason Connor had suddenly insisted on being paired with her and rooming beside her. He’d finally seen a chance with her, one she’d never given him before because she’d been too focused on their best friend. His part, and hers, in the bet suddenly made sense too.

  “That’s why you had to act like you were joining the bet.” She stroked his cheek when he winced. “You were… staking your claim. To keep them away from me.”

  “That’s all it was, Lu. I swear to you. I’d already asked Dare to pair us up for the week. I already had the room next to you. None of it was just to get you in bed. None of it. I just wanted to be near you. I wanted to be with you. And dammit, I wasn’t going to lose out on my chance with you because of some little Harper prick.”

  She softened in his arms and gave him a reassuring hug. He’d told her the truth. Again. Just like he always did. He was right. When she took the time to actually hear him out, it didn’t sound as bad as she’d feared. Not at all. In fact, in a way, it was actually kind of sweet that he hadn’t wanted to let one of those immature assholes bet on getting between her sheets when he wanted to get under her skin and into her heart.

  She was still annoyed that they’d bet on the bridesmaids. She still intended to rip Dean a new one for being so stupid and trying to impress his douchebag cousins. She figured when she told Krysten about it her friend would have a thing or two to say to Dean about it as well. But the truth of the matter was, Dean wasn’t her problem and neither were Reed or Ridley. The only man whose actions were hers to care about was the one that had said he loved her. The man she loved too, the one who was spilling his heart and soul to her now.

  “I believe you.” Lulu cupped his cheek.

  Connor blew out a shaky breath and his eyes searched her face, “You do?”

  “Of course I do. You’ve never lied to me. Never. You told me the truth even when I hated you for it. I should have let you explain earlier instead of jumping to the worst possible conclusion.” She swallowed past the knot in her throat, “I’m so sorry, Con.”

  “Don’t be.” He caught her hand and kissed each of her knuckles, “You have nothing to be sorry for. It sounded bad. I know that. Just like I know that I should have told you about the bet from the start. That night when I put you to bed and you were so sad because you felt left out of that damn bet, I should have told you then but I just… couldn’t. I… You…”

  “I wouldn’t have believed you then.” She finished for him and his eyes closed for a moment in what she’d learned was his attempt to hide his pain from her. She caught his face again, “I’m so sorry for all the times I hurt you. I can’t take it back but I can promise you that I’ll try to do better from now on… if you’ll let me.”

  He pressed their joined hands to his chest, “You don’t ever have to worry about that, Lu. I’ll always come back to you no matter how many times you push me away.”

  “No more.” She met his intense gaze and tried for a smile, “No more pushing you away. No more lying to myself. It’s you, Connor. You make me feel… everything. Of course its you.”

  “What are you saying, Lu?” His Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed hard.

  “I’m saying I love you too. I love you, Con. You make me crazy. You make me mad. You make me smile and laugh. You make me happy and I love you for it. I love you for always choosing me. Even when I was too blind to see it, even when I was too stupid to choose myself, you always put me first. I’m only sorry that it took me so long to take the blinders off. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I promise.”

  “You don’t have anything to make up for. You don’t owe me anything. I don’t want you to choose me because you’d feel bad for hurting me if you didn’t. That’s not what I want. I…”

  “That’s not it.” She shook her head, “I do hate that I hurt you but, it’s not why I want to be with you. I want to be with you because you make me happy. You make me feel loved and special. You made me fall in love with you Connor and now I can’t imagine leaving this place and going home, if I’m not going home with you.”

  Connor’s eyes brightened, “You want to go home with me?”

  “Well, I mean, we’re both going home to the same place and on the same flight…”

  “But you’ll go with me? Home. So we can start making a home and a life together?”

  Lulu’s heart melted a little bit more at the hope he didn’t try to hide. This was what he’d told her he wanted, more than once. How could she have ever doubted him? Even for a second? It was so clear just from the way he looked at her that his feelings were real and that he wanted her to give them a real chance at a future.

  “Yes.” She whispered softly, pressing their foreheads together again so that they were breathing the same air. “Yes, Connor. I’ll go home with you. I’ll be with you. I want us to build a life and a family together. I think…”

  He stroked her cheek when she paused, “What is it? You can tell me anything. What do you think, Lu?”

  “I think…” She leaned into his touch, “I think we could both get the life we’ve always wanted, together. The home with the white picket fence and the two dogs and three kids and all of it. I want it. I want it with you.”

  “Two dogs and three kids huh?” His grin was wide and brilliant.

  “Or three dogs and two kids.” She shrugged, her own smile growing to match his.

  “No. No way.” He leaned forward enough to brush their lips together, “Definitely three kids, at least three kids, because you’re going to be even more beautiful when your belly is swollen with my babies.”

  A surprised laugh escaped her and Lulu shook her head in amazement, “You’ve actually given this thought, haven’t you?”

  “Of course I have.” Connor wrapped his arms around her again and then shifted quickly pulling her underneath him as he spread them
out over the bed, “I’ve waited for you a long time, Lulu, but I’m done waiting. You’re mine.”

  “I am. I’m yours.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and spread her legs, letting him notch himself between them.

  “I love you.” He murmured as he nuzzled her neck.

  “I love you too.”

  “I want to make love to you.” He shifted, pressing against her mound through the barrier of their clothes, “I don’t want to fuck you. I don’t want to claim you. I don’t want to mark you. Not this time. You’re already mine. I just want to make love to my woman.” He leaned back and met her gaze, heat, desire and the love he openly gave her right there in his gaze, “Can I make love to you, baby?”

  “Yes.” She struggled to get her voice out past the knot in her throat, “Yes, please. I want that too. I want you. Love me, Connor.”

  “Forever.” He promised as he kissed her softly, “Gonna love you forever, Lu.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Connor wasn’t a big fan of flying. He’d never had much reason to fly. He was a small town guy. He’d lived in the same place his whole life. His family had never been the kind that traveled for vacations or took trips. They’d never had the money for that kind of extravagance and then his mom had gotten sick. Even before she passed, family activities had gone by the wayside. His sister, Kady, had tried. God knew she’d tried. But big trips had been out of the question and the few times he’d had to fly as an adult hadn’t made him entirely comfortable with the idea of being in a tin can high above the earth.

  Having Lulu at his side had helped.

  He’d sweet-talked the little old lady that had been sitting next to her into switching seats with him. Lulu’s blushing and fussing had only helped his plea that he be allowed to sit with his girlfriend. As soon as he’d slid into the seat, Lulu had slipped her hand into his and she hadn’t let go for the entire flight.