by Ryan Michele
Thank you to all of my beta readers who have helped me out tremendously. I appreciate everything you’ve done.
My family. Thank you so much for sticking by my side throughout this journey.
To my readers. Thank you, a million times thank you. You are the reason I continue writing this series. You are a huge support.
—Thank you!!!!!
I pace back and forth over the soft brown carpet in GT’s and my living room, chewing on what’s left of my fingernails. I wiggle my toes with each step, feeling the softness between them, but it does nothing to provide me the comfort I so desperately need. I tried sitting still, but it didn’t work. My legs would bounce uncontrollably and I’d stand in an effort to immediately tame them. My heart is pumping so fast, I fear it will blow out of my chest and run its own marathon at any moment. Nerves, these are not nerves. They are live wires ready to connect and combust in a sea of sparks and fire.
I wipe my hands on my jeans again; no matter what I do, I can’t stop them from sweating.
How long is three minutes anyway? Too damn long, that’s for sure.
Not so long ago, I took test after test, alone and scared to find out the result. Now is no different. I’m a combination of terrified, nervous, and excited to know what it will say.
I waited until GT left for the club this morning, not wanting to worry him for no reason. I bought the tests yesterday on my way home from the garage, but by the time I got here, GT was home and I couldn’t find time to take them. Part of me thought I should have him be here for this, but if it comes back negative, I don’t want to let him down. I honestly don’t even know how I feel about either result, let alone how he will react. If the little magical stick reads YES and I am pregnant, I’ll be terrified of losing the baby, like I did Mia. I’m not sure I’m strong enough right now to go through that pain again.
If it comes back negative, I’m afraid I’ll be so disappointed I’ll experience the same grief. I’m a walking contradiction and I know this, which is another reason I haven’t told him. I have no doubt that GT and I would love this little child and be the parents he or she needs. I just don’t know if we could handle another loss and that’s the part that scares the shit out of me.
The timer on the microwave beeps repeatedly, echoing through the house. I stop mid-stride and look over in its direction, scared like the damned thing might jump out to bite me. I breathe out deeply, walking over to the metal device to turn off the pesky noise. I hit the button and the sound doesn’t stop. I try again, pressing hard. Nothing. Frustration clouds me as I forcefully pound every button, finally getting it to stop, blowing my hair out of my face from the exertion. Shit. Get a grip, Casey.
I rest my hand on the countertop, trying to get myself together. What in the hell is wrong with me? I hate that anxiety and fear is overriding this moment. This moment that could be perfect or scary as shit. My head spins from being all over the damn place and I close my eyes to get control. The only way to find out for sure is to look.
I walk slowly to the bathroom, each step harder to make than the last. Entering the bathroom, I scan the counter of the white double-sink, littered with five tests. I am not taking any chances with this answer. When I missed my period this month and then couldn’t remember if I had it last month, I needed to make sure. Some may call not remembering irresponsible. I call it life; especially mine over the last months.
I walk ever so slowly to the tests, closing my eyes, and stop just shy of seeing the results. I breathe in deep. I can do this. Whatever it is, GT and I will deal. Right?
I open my eyes and look down at the sticks that will tell me if GT’s and my life is forever changed. I gasp in a breath, sucking in so deep I’d be surprised if there were any oxygen left in the room. I line up the tests, one after another showing pluses—five, five plus signs.
Holy shit. I’m Pregnant!
Tears dance in my eyes, swirling around and making the tests blurry. My body is light, as if I’m floating above myself looking at all the tests. It’s that big of a high. My lips curve into a smile so broad my eyes scrunch. I wrap an arm around my waist and lift my other hand to my lips as the tears continue to fall.
Pregnant. My knees give out and I sink down the wall to the tiled floor, the coldness coming through my jeans. My muscles tremble as I tilt my head to stare up at the bathroom ceiling. I close my eyes and breathe in as deep as possible, willing the tears to stop from flowing. The bottom line is I’m happy, so very happy to have GT’s baby inside of me. And this time, I’ll do it right. I won’t hide it. He will know tonight and be there with me every step of the way.
We can handle this. Right? We may not get everything perfect, but we can do this.
I need to quietly extract my body from GT’s, but since I’m lying on the couch wrapped up in his arms, it’s proving to be a bit difficult. Every damn time I move, he twitches or nuzzles in closer to me. Dammit. I lift his arm and my nerves go berserk. This time he doesn’t move and I breathe out a sigh of relief. Step one.
Sucking in air, I gently roll away from GT, using my arms to catch my fall. GT turns, but his eyes stay closed. Shit. Didn’t think this would be that hard.
I thought and thought about how to tell him about the baby. I absolutely did not want to hide it from him any longer than I had to. Lucky for me, Valentine’s Day was right around the corner.
While I know that he doesn’t give two shits about the holiday, what better way to tell him?
I tiptoe into the bedroom, trying not to hit that damn creaking floorboard. After crossing it, I need to hurry because who knows how much time I have before he wakes up. Normally as soon as I move he’s up and awake.
Entering the bedroom, I open the bottom drawer of the dresser and smile. The pink lace corset is going to be a challenge to put on alone. I’ve practiced though, setting the laces so that I can just pull the bottom ones to tighten it. I pull out the thong that matches and head into the bathroom.
I dig around in the drawer looking for the marker I left in here. I look in the mirror at my stomach and smile, placing my hand on top of it. I am honored to have a little person growing inside of me. I allow the joy to fill my heart and focus on that happiness as I get to work.
I instantly realize that I can’t look in the mirror and do this or the words will be backward. I take a deep breath. I only need to write two words; I can do that upside down. May not be the prettiest thing, but it’ll work.
I take the lid off the Sharpie, my hand trembling a bit. I shake it out, quickly trying to rid my nerves. I write the letters and even though I mess up a bit, I’m able to save it by shading it in just a tad. I look at the words in the mirror and from that angle, they look pretty good.
Slipping into the corset, I reach for the laces after pulling up my boobs so they fit nice. Seriously, whoever invented these wanted to torture women. They are a bitch to get on right, but they are sexy as hell. Shuffling my feet, I’m able to get the back tied and then I step into the underwear. I pull on the garter and sheer stockings, clipping them together.
I rush out of the bathroom, slip on my heels, and grab the Target bag with the tea light candles. I scatter them around the room and pull out the long-nozzle lighter. I light as I go, then turn off the main light to the room.
Only one more to go. I click the lighter and the flame ignites. I turn around and my heart stops. Literally stops. I can’t breathe. I grip my chest, trying to pull myself together. “Holy shit, GT. You scared me.” My breath comes out in pants, as I will myself to calm down. “You ruined the surprise.” I give a soft and hopefully sexy pout.
His strong legs guide him to me and then he runs his fingers over my garter. My body heats from the faint touch. “You surprised me, all right.”
“You like?” I ask, giving him my best sexy grin.
He yanks my body tight to his. “Fuck yeah.” The smirk must have worked because the hunger flaring in his eyes consumes me. His lips collide with mine hard, rough, and
deep. Our tongues duel, neither one getting the upper hand.
Needing air, I pull away before suddenly remembering my plan. Fuck, he gets me so riled up that I can’t think for shit. “I still have a surprise.”
He cocks his head to the side like he’s thinking. “What?”
“Give you a massage.” I bite my lower lip. He’s said before he’s down with it, but I’ve never tried.
“Hell yes.” Well, that didn’t take long. Giddiness rises through me. This is working.
“Good. Naked and on the bed, facedown,” I order in my sternest voice while laughing on the inside.
“Why back first?”
A slow smirk skims my lips. “Because, if I do the front first, we’ll end up fucking and I won’t get to your back.”
He gets my meaning and starts to strip. I open the jar on the nightstand and pull out some of the white oil as he does as instructed, lay on his stomach.
“What’s that?” His question has my eyes flitting to his.
“Coconut oil.” I thought he’d know that since I use the stuff for lots of different things: cooking, as a lotion, softening my hair. Everything.
“And you’re rubbing me with it?” God he can be a big baby sometimes.
“Oh, stop it. Coconut oil is great for your skin. Relax and trust me.” I continue rubbing it in, the warmth from my hands melting it.
“Does it smell like coconuts? I don’t want to go around smelling like girly suntan lotion.”
I huff and hold my hand out to him in exasperation. Seriously. He turns his head and inhales then falls back to the bed.
“All right.” Frustrating man.
I begin at his foot, concentrating on every touch. I move up his body, giving a bit extra to his tight ass. Yum. I skate over his back, the Ravage emblem staring up at me as I move to his shoulders and neck. I am not fast with my task; I take extra-long.
His entire body relaxes under my fingertips and when I glance at his face, it looks as if he’s sleeping. Didn’t he just get up? It only encourages me that I’m going a great job.
“Roll over, GT,” I whisper in his ear and he does, but his eyes remain closed. I grab more oil and warm it in my hands then move to his chest, abs, and legs. Purposefully, I avoid touching his very hard dick. I want to dart out and lick it, but I have a job to do, and I got to get to his feet first.
After his feet, I slowly move up to his dick. I stroke his hard length, up and down, giving it a twist here and there for good measure. His body tightens, his hands clutching the sheets. His eyes meet mine and the intensity in them sends shivers down my back.
In a flash, GT reaches up, grabs me, flips me on my back, and then climbs on top of me. Before I can protest, he kisses me and I get sucked in for a few moments. Once I get my wits about me, I try to break away but he doesn’t let me.
Shit, this is not how this was supposed to go.
“Scoot up on the bed and lie back,” he demands and I panic.
“GT, I wasn’t done,” I say, and then yell, “Wait!” Whatever he sees in my face stops him in his tracks. I sit up and he rests his back against the headboard. Nerves rack my body. This is it.
“What’s going on, Angel?” Confusion and worry are written all over his face and I don’t want that in this moment.
“I have something for you.” My voice breaks a bit, the nerves settling in my throat.
“Tell me,” GT orders.
I blow out deep and don’t say a word. I unlace the corset, keeping my eyes focused on my man. One of the straps gets caught. Dammit. And this is supposed to be sexy, right? He reaches out to help me, but I can’t have him touching me yet.
“No.” He stops and fear flashes across his face. Shit. “I have something to show you.”
“Okay.” His tone is clipped and impatient.
I slowly remove the fabric and watch as his gaze travels to my stomach. It’s as if everything is in slow motion, and I want to burn each second into my memory. Utter awe spreads over every part of his features. He grips my hips and pulls me close to him, staring at the words ‘Hi Daddy.’ Times like these, I wish I had superpowers and could read my man’s mind.
“Really?” he asks, his focus totally on my stomach.
“Really.” Damn the hitch in my voice.
“Holy fucking shit!” he yells, pressing me against his body. “You’re having my baby?” I nod yes and grip his shoulders for support.
“I can’t believe you’re having my baby!” he practically screams, but the happiness of his words is all I need.
“I am.” I finally relax and let the joy flow. He kisses me, and it’s a kiss filled with love, passion, and excitement.
“Baby, you don’t know how happy you just made me.” I laugh but he cuts me off with another kiss, his hands roaming over my back.
“I love you,” he whispers against my lips then takes them again. I’m so freaking happy he wants this. I want it so damn bad. I’ve thought so much of Mia these past couple of days and I really need GT with me this time, step-by-step.
“Baby,” he whispers.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want to hurt you.” Warmth fills my cheeks and tight strings wrap around my heart.
“Just be gentle.”
Not sure if he knows the meaning of that word, but he’s going to have to give it a shot.
His lips, tongue, and teeth do wicked things to my body, moving everywhere along my overly sensitive skin.
“Please.” It comes out in a moan and I don’t give a shit. My pussy is pulsing and I need more. His finger enters me, but he doesn’t push all the way in. It feels like just the tip. Even with that slight touch, my back arches off the mattress. Hot lips attach to my already sensitive nipples and I feel it, it’s coming.
He pulls out. “GT!” I scream, wanting to kill him at the moment. He can’t leave me hanging like this. Dammit.
“Baby, when you come, it’ll be with me inside of you.” He kisses my lips, climbs over my body, and slowly, wonderfully, invades me.
“Oh God.”
“You feel so fucking good, Angel,” he says but I can’t speak. He’s so damn good at this, each thrust pushing me closer to the edge. I’m right on the cusp.
“You almost there?” he growls, but I don’t register it as my entire body releases, lights bursting behind my eyelids.
We lay there long minutes trying to breathe, his weight pressing on me gloriously though he’s putting a lot of it on his arm. He brushes the hair away from my face and kisses me softly. He rolls off and pulls me into his body.
“I take it you’re happy?”
“Fuck yeah, babe. Happiest fucking guy on the planet.” He squeezes me. It doesn’t get better than this. I’ll let all the worry invade me another day. Right now, I just want to be.
I feel his come dripping out of me and need to hit the bathroom ASAP. I move but his grip tightens. “Where are you going?” he whispers against my ear.
“Clean up real quick.”
“Don’t you dare wipe those words off of you.” His warning comes out clear and I can’t hide my happiness.
“It’s permanent marker. It’s not coming off for a long while.” His lips stretch into a grin and I head to the bathroom. I make sure not to touch the letters, but clean up everywhere else.
I join him back in bed and he draws me in tight.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Angel,” he says, pulling up the blanket.
“Love you, GT.”
“Love you, too.” He kisses the top of my head and somehow we drift off to sleep.
Waking up, I have the best damn feeling in the whole fucking world. My woman is having my baby. Fuck.
Baby. Thoughts of baby Mia creep in my head. My special little baby girl no one ever got to meet. Angel sat with me a while back and we talked about the miscarriage. The doctor told her there was nothing she could have done to prevent losing the baby. It doesn’t make the pain go away a
nd if I know my girl, she’s probably already thought all of this through and is scared shitless of losing this one.
It’ll be my job as her man to take as much of that pressure and concern away from her. First thing’s first, I’m sure we need to go to a doctor.
“Morning.” I turn to see the most beautiful woman in the world staring back at me. Her blonde and black strands are scattered across the pillow and her emerald eyes glow, even now when waking from a deep sleep.
I begin stroking her hair, feeling the silkiness between my fingers.
“Are you sure you’re excited?” she asks, her voice small and timid as she stares off into the distance.
“Ab-so-fucking-lutely, babe.”
“I’m scared.” Those words are like daggers to my heart. I never want to hear them, but there they are. I lift her in my arms and move her so she is straddling my thighs. I look into her pain infused eyes and part of my heart crushes for her.
“You’re afraid to lose the baby?” It’s more of a statement than a question, but she nods in response. “I am too.” Her lips open slightly as she sucks in a small gasp. “Yeah, babe. I’m terrified. I don’t want you to go through that again—hell, I don’t want to go through that again. We need to go talk to a doctor.”
“I have an appointment tomorrow at one.”
I stop her words by placing my finger on her lips. “We have an appointment at one. We do this together, Angel, every step.” No way would I miss a second of our baby’s life, not this time.
Tears roll down her face and I wipe them with the pads of my thumbs. Her voice cracks. “We can’t tell anyone until we talk to the doctor.”
“Just in case.” I say the words that she needs to but can’t. “When did you find out?”
“Two days ago.” She looks sheepish and I know she thinks I’m pissed. Far from it.
“Angel, it’s fine.”
“I took five. I wanted to make sure.” A blush sneaks up her neck and into her cheeks, giving her a nice rosy flush as she shrugs her shoulders awaiting my response.