“James? Hey! Why aren’t you with Sebastian?”
“Troy has been with him.” Troy is a new driver Sebastian hired. He usually drives himself but these days, Sebastian needs to work in the car.
“Oh, how come?”
Instead of answering, he looks around guiltily.
“He’s still having me followed, isn’t he?”
“No.”
“You do realize you’re a horrible liar, right?”
“I’m not meant to lie! I was meant to be a bodyguard and a driver.” He rolls his eyes in exasperation.
“So, how long have you been tailing me?” I cross my arms.
“Nope!” He raises his palms up.
“Tell me, James! Please.” I give him a sweet smile.
“That stuff only works on Sebastian.”
“Ugh. Fine.” I pick up my phone and call Sebastian.
“Hey, everything okay?” He asks.
“Uh, is everything okay with you?”
“Yeah.” He clears his throat, clearly agitated. “Of course. How are you? Are you okay?”
I smile at his questions, two he always asks whenever I call.
“Yeah. I’m walking to class and guess who I bumped into? James.”
“Yeah? That’s cool.”
“Why has he been following me?” I ask.
“Ah shit, I don’t have time for this right now. It’s not a big deal.”
“Whatever, just tell him I don’t need to be followed.”
“You do.”
“Nothing is going to happen to me.”
“Last time we thought that, something did.” His fear of losing me is irrational but tugs at my heartstrings nonetheless.
“It’s not healthy to be scared of something happening to me when there’s no threat. Shit happens every day, we can’t live our lives scared. Just get him to stop following me.”
“Fuck. I really have to go. If you want him to stop, tell him yourself. See you later.”
He hangs up, knowing that James will not listen to my direction.
“Sebastian says leave me alone.” I try anyways.
His smirk says he doesn’t believe me.
“Well, I am telling you to leave me alone or I’ll run.” I threaten.
“Sure, but I trained with the US military. Want to try?” He smiles wide.
After spending the day at college, I get home and take my phone out of my bag. No texts or calls from Sebastian. Has he been distant this week or am I being paranoid? I call him twice and no answer. I decide to text him before falling asleep.
Isabel: Going to sleep. Thinking of you xxx
***
I look outside my window in our new home in Washington DC. We moved here from New York and I love it. New York is a lonely city. Children are playing outside, and they look my age, so around nine. I’ve been home-schooled so far and only met my parents’ friends’ kids. They were never very nice to me. But these kids look cooler.
I quickly wear my favorite skirt which my mom told me makes me look good. I put on lipstick and tie my hair in a sleek knot, the way my mother does it. Looking at myself, I’m satisfied with how I look. I’m sure the boys will think I look good. My mother said that it’s always important to look good in the presence of men.
I walk to the living room to ask her permission to play outside. My nanny should be around somewhere, but I can’t find her. I love my nanny Karen, she’s really funny and doesn’t care about the stuff my mom cares about.
“Mommy?” I approach her. She’s sitting on a couch with her head resting on the backrest, holding a drink in her hand. It smells horrible.
“Mom?” I try again when I’m ignored.
“What?” She snaps, not opening her eyes to acknowledge me.
“C-Can I go outside? There are kids playing and I want to play with them.”
“No.”
I hold myself together. I just turned nine years old. I want to be able to convince her.
“But mo-”
“I said no! Nanny is doing the laundry right now. She’s busy.” She always refers to them as ‘nanny’ and doesn’t bother learning their names.
I shrink away from her and run to the stairs, but then I see the front door and quietly sneak out. Other nannies are sitting outside watching the kids, so I know nothing is going to happen to me.
As soon as I’m near the group, they stop and look at me. Unable to handle the attention, I look down at my shoes.
“Hey!” One girl says. “You’re the new neighbor.”
“Y-Yes, I am. I moved here a week ago.”
“Cool! I’m Katy.” She then introduces all of her friends. I smile because they’re so nice! “Do you want to play tag?”
“What’s that?” I respond awkwardly.
They all stare at me like I’m an alien. Is there something on my face? My heartbeat quickens as my insecurities take hold. They hate me. I can see it in their faces.
“You’ve never played tag?” A boy, Warren! Yes, that’s his name. He asks me.
“No.”
Katy explains the rules to me and I bite my lip in nervousness when I realize my hair and make-up would be ruined.
I look at the girls. “But then we’d get messy.” I tell them anxiously.
They all stare at me and some of the boys laugh.
“So what?” Another girl says, looking at me like I’m crazy.
“But then” I mumble, “our make-up and hair … women aren’t supposed to get messy.”
Imani laughs at that. “If you don’t want to play, you don’t have to.”
“Freak.” Another girl says through a laugh.
“You’re weird.” A boy, says. At this point, I forgot all their names. I’m too nervous.
“Don’t speak to me like that!” I shout at them.
They all burst out laughing and I don’t understand why. My mother’s friends usually shut up when she says that.
Katy looks at me sadly as the others start imitating me. Tears gather in my eyes but I refuse to cry in front of them.
“You know what? You are all weird and pathetic.” I quote words my mother has said. I raise my nose, like she does, and walk off. Once I get within five meters to my house, I run to the backyard, sit on the floor, and cry.
“Why, why, why?” I ask, my head hidden between my hands.
I feel something soft caressing my legs and I shrink back. Looking down, I see a kitten. It makes sweet noises and nuzzles into my lap. It looks up at me as if it understands my sadness. I smile as it rubs itself on me.
“It’s okay, you can be my friend.” I pick up the fluffy cat and cuddle it into my chest, and smile. “I’ll call you Spotty.” I declare, poking every spot on her body.
Suddenly, I’m transported to months later … my mother… pinching me hard when she finds Spotty in my room. Karen and I tried so hard to keep her a secret, but my mother found out anyways. She always finds out. She tells me I can’t keep her, takes her away. Me crying … me begging… her throwing Spotty in the trunk of her car … me running after them, crying hysterically as she drives off … me running until I vomit on the floor. Me losing my only friend … Karen holds me until I fall asleep. I never see her again when I wake up. My mom fires her for keeping Spotty a secret.
“Fuck!” I wake up in a pool of sweat. “Shit, shit, shit! I’m so sick of this.” I mumble through my tears. I wipe them away and close my eyes. I can’t believe how much I remember Spotty. I remember every spot on her body. My mother tore my heart out when she took her away from me.
Starting my breathing exercises, I take my time in regaining my composure and then call Sebastian, needing to hear his voice before I go back to sleep.
Grabbing my phone, I see it’s four am and Sebastian has yet to respond to my earlier text. I call him and reach voicemail. “Hey.” My voice breaks. I clear my throat and continue. “If you’re awake, please call me.”
A few seconds later, my phone rings. I glare at my screen. He called s
econds after I left the voicemail, does that mean he saw the call and ignored?
“Hello?”
“Hey. Are you okay? Are you at ours or yours?” He always calls his place ours, saying I’ll move in eventually anyways. It usually sends butterflies to my stomach but right now, I’m distracted by the music and loud noises in the background of the call. Where is he?
“At mine. I had another nightmare.” I say in a low voice. “Where are you?”
Suddenly, I hear a door shut and the noise disappears. “Coming to you, Bella. Was it a bad one?”
“You don’t have to come. I actually did pretty well. I can talk to you on the phone.”
“I’m already on the way. I need thirty minutes.”
Thirty minutes? Sawson is tiny, nothing needs thirty minutes. “Where are you?”
I hear him take in a quick breath. “On the way to you.”
“Where were you before? I heard music.”
“I was doing business.”
“At four in the morning?”
“Yeah.” He assures me. “We had clients from abroad and we had to show them around a bit.”
I’m suspicious but I’m also not sure if I’m being paranoid.
“I’ll make it twenty minutes, don’t be upset.” He’s been so good to me. There’s no reason to mistrust him.
“Okay. We’ll talk face to face.”
“Stay on the phone with me.”
“I’m just going to freshen up in the toilet. I’ll be awake when you come.”
“I’ll see you soon.”
I fall asleep and wake up moments later, seeing Sebastian sitting on the couch to the right of my bed. He’s staring at me, stroking his lip back and forth.
“Well, that’s not creepy.” I say with a smile.
He sits on my bed and palms my cheek. “I should have been there for you.”
“Hey. You have a life and so do I. We can’t be together twenty-four seven. Plus, I’m actually doing fine. I just wanted to speak to you about my dream, like Grace suggested. Even if we ended up talking about it tomorrow, it would’ve been fine.”
“It’s not fine.” He says into my neck. “Motherfuckers.” He adds quietly but lividly.
“Which motherfuckers?” I ask curiously.
Ignoring my question, he strokes my back softly. “What happened in your dream?”
I know he hates my nightmares. I also hate telling them to him because he gets enraged.
A few tears fall as I recount my dream with my head on his lap. His fingers brush the tears away as he takes in deep breaths to control his anger.
“I won’t let anyone hurt you again.” He repeats these words. Words I have become obsessed with hearing.
“Let me go wash my face.” I get up and see my bag on the floor seemingly packed with clothes.
“Sebastian?” I turn to look at him.
He raises his eyebrows as if daring me to question his decision. “Sebastian!” I chastise. “We spoke about this.”
“No.” He gets up and pulls me by the waist. “You spoke about this with Grace. You were happy to stay at mine before her. I don’t care what she says. You are mine. I want to take care of you. Depend on me, as I do you. I don’t see a negative to you moving in with me. It won’t ‘hinder’ your process.” He rolls his eyes. “She doesn’t know us.”
My mouth drops at his heated words.
“Sebastian. I want to be strong for myself and don’t want to become dependent on you-”
“Just stay at mine until the nightmares pass. I can’t sleep when you’re not with me. I hate the idea that you might have one and I’m not there.”
“I’ll sleepover until they pass – but I’m not moving out.”
“Deal. Oh, and Bella? I’m going to make it impossible for you to want to leave.”
Chapter 17
I’ve temporarily moved into Sebastian’s and after two weeks, I don’t know why I needed to move in considering I used to see him more before. I’m trying not to be needy. He told me he’s starting at an upper management position straight after graduation, so they’re training him intensely.
But I don’t know if this job is for him given the fact, I hear him shouting all the time on the phone. I don’t eavesdrop and I always ask him if he’s okay. Sometimes he holds me so tight I can barely breathe and other times he snaps at me then apologizes. I want to be there for him like he’s been there for me so I’m being patient and understanding.
Right now, I’m on his bed scrolling on my phone. I’m wearing a baby pink negligee, hoping to get him out of the foul mood he’s been in recently.
When he walks into the room, he looks anxious. “I need to leave.” He goes to his walk-in closet and pulls a suitcase out.
“What? Where?” I go towards him.
“Business.”
“Bullshit.” I cross my arms. He looks at me. Is that fear I see in his eyes? “You’re a college senior. Tell them you need a break. Sebastian, what is going on?” I plead for him to tell me.
“I can’t!” He’s not even folding his clothes but throwing them in the suitcase. “This is something I can’t take a break from. I need this, trust me … just trust me.”
“What are you saying? That you need this job? Sebastian, you’re not making sense!” He hasn’t even noticed the lingerie I’m wearing. It’s lace, tight on my boobs, indecently short, and practically see-through. Sebastian used to rip through my hoodies before. Now, it seems like there’s always something else occupying his mind.
“Yes, I just … I need to do this, Isabel.” He yanks his hair in exasperation.
I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t want to stress him out more than he already is. Be there for him like he was for you. “Fine. Just come back to me soon.”
“Of course, everything I do is for you.” He looks at me with a sad expression.
“Sebastian?” I ask nervously. Something must be wrong.
“Listen to me.” He approaches me and holds my face in between his hands. “Everything, everything I do, is for you.”
“Sebastian. You’re scaring me.” I admit through glistening eyes.
He hugs me close and inhales my scent. “Don’t be scared. I’m just … I’ll finish from this shit soon and I’ll be back to you.”
“How long are you going to be gone?” I ask, hugging him back.
“Maybe four days.”
I grunt and hold him tighter. It’s Sunday now, so he’ll be back on Thursday. It seems so far.
He kisses the side of my head. “If you need anything, tell James. And if you can’t reach me, tell James. If it’s urgent and I’m not answering, send a text saying ‘important’ and I’ll call you.”
“Why don’t you just answer, to begin with? Where are you going?”
“To Virginia and because the next few days will be hell.”
“Is this a job you really want?” Is this even related to your job?
“I need to do this, more than anything else in my life.” I frown at his ominous words. Before I can question him further, he shocks the hell out of me.
“I love you.” He says into my neck. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” He repeats, kissing my neck between each declared devotion. He pulls back and looks at me. He still looks worried but a bit more composed than before. He leans down and places a sweet kiss on my lips.
“Say you love me too. Tell me, Isabel.”
Tears fall from my eyes as I respond. “Of course, I do. I love you, Sebastian, more than I thought possible.” I kiss him with everything I have but I’m interrupted when someone opens and closes the front door.
“Shit. That’s Troy.” Sebastian moves away and continues packing. “Wait for me.” He demands as he leaves.
As soon as he’s gone, I look down at my negligee. “You are so not getting a five-star review from me. You had one job. Distract my boyfriend!” Great… now I’m speaking to my underwear.
***
“What? He said I love you then wa
lked out?” Selena asks with her mouth wide open.
“Talk about dramatic.” Alayna adds pouring us a glass of wine.
Last night confused the hell out of me. “I know! And he hasn’t contacted me since. James tells him where I am and who I’m with. I heard him on the phone when he thought I wasn’t listening. But he should text me, talk to me.”
Taming Sebastian (Sawson's Royal College Book 2) Page 18