Something Like Spring

by Jay Bell

Tim chose that moment to return. “Keep saying that while you still can, Benjamin. The months are counting down!”

  Ben slumped in his chair. “Thirty,” he sighed. “It’s all down hill from there.”

  “Not when you’ve got me getting old with you,” Tim said, swooping in to kiss Ben on the neck.

  From the floor, Chinchilla grumbled and met Jason’s eye. Yup, time for them to make themselves scarce again!

  * * * * *

  “So what do you think?”

  This was a big question to answer, which is probably why Emma remained uncharacteristically silent on the other end of the phone, allowing Jason to come up with a response.

  “Ben is awesome, obviously. The house is great, although I wish it was closer to Austin. Let’s see… Samson is cute, and I’m in love with Chinchilla. So, yeah. I’m happy.”

  “Hm,” Emma replied.

  “Hm?” Jason echoed.

  “You didn’t mention Tim,” Emma said. “No breakthroughs there?”

  “Tim is…” Jason paced his bedroom, trying to find the right word and came up with one that summed him up completely. “Complicated.”

  Emma laughed as if she understood, but then asked, “How so?”

  “He’s super-hot, so I get uncomfortable when I’m around him. I mean, I don’t want to hook up with him or anything, but still. Half the time he seems self-centered, the other half it’s like he lives solely for Ben. That’s it, actually. Even when Tim is nice, I get the feeling that he only wants to be alone with Ben.”

  “That’s because you’ve invaded their love nest,” Emma said knowingly. “Why do you think they live in the middle of nowhere? They have this weird thing about being alone together. Tim tried to explain it once. I don’t get it, but I still envy them.”

  “Yeah,” Jason said. “Makes me eager to get my own place so I’m not bothering them anymore.”

  “No way!” Emma said this with such enthusiasm that Jason had to pull the phone away from his ear. “They need you there. They can’t live their whole lives in solitude. Whenever I come to stay, they always say how much life I bring to the house. Ok, so maybe they don’t actually say that, but I can tell it’s good for them. Ben doesn’t look happy when you’re around?”

  Jason switched the phone to his other ear. “I guess so. I think he likes me, so hopefully.”

  “I know he does,” Emma said with her usual self-assuredness. “Tim just takes a while to warm up to new ideas. He used to look at me like I had three heads.”

  Jason laughed. “We’ll see. I won’t be moving out any time soon, even with the new job. Hey, speaking of which, Ben found an ad for a gay youth group. He thinks I should go.”

  “Do it!” Emma said instantly.

  “I don’t know,” Jason said. “I hate that first-day-of-school feeling where everyone else is already friends with each other.”

  “Want me to go with you?”

  “Yeah,” Jason said without hesitation. “Too bad you’re so far away.”

  “When is it?”

  “This coming Sunday.”

  “Wow.” Emma sighed. “A gay youth meeting… I so want to go! Maybe I can get Mom to drop me off on Saturday for a sleepover. Especially if Uncle Ben or Tim will drive me back the next day.”

  Jason sat up. “I could drive you back after the meeting. If they’ll let me borrow a car.”

  “They will!” Emma said. “I’m totally sure! Hold on.”

  The phone on the other end rustled and went still. Jason strained to hear what was happening, tried to picture Michelle’s home and what she was doing when not walking around with a manila folder in her hand, trying to save kids. He was wondering if he should hang up and let Emma call him back when he heard her voice in the distance.

  “Yes!” A few seconds later and her voice was louder in the receiver. “They said yes! Sleepover!”

  Jason felt he was too old for sleepovers, and probably too old to be friends with a fourteen-year-old, but he smiled anyway because he was happy Emma was coming to visit.

  Chapter Eighteen

  They stood in a parking lot, eyeing the church in front of them. Jason’s stomach was full of so many butterflies that if he burped, multicolored wings would probably come flying out. He glanced over at Emma, whose eyebrows were raised like the building wasn’t good enough for her. He resisted the urge to grab her hand, but only just.

  Emma glanced over at him. “Nervous?”

  “Yeah,” he admitted.

  Emma nodded. “Me too.”

  “Really? But you seem so—”

  “Calm and collected? I’m an overweight junior high student who hasn’t done anything more than kiss another girl on the cheek. I’ve never met another lesbian in my life, as far as I know, and I have absolutely no idea what to expect. The confidence thing? That’s called attitude and it’s my armor.”

  “Well, it works,” Jason said. “You’ll have to give me lessons later.” He looked back at the church. “Should we go in? What’s the worst that can happen, right?”

  “They can point and call us names, crippling our self-esteem and ensuring we’ll never try anything like this again. Then we’ll die single and alone, the echo of their cruel laughter still ringing in our ears.”

  “Very encouraging,” Jason said. “So glad I brought you along. And you’re wrong, because we won’t die single and alone. We made a promise, remember?”

  This time he did take Emma’s hand and led her forward. Once in the church, they wandered down halls, reading signs on doors to find the correct room. When they found one with the door open, Jason took one look inside and knew it was the right place. The age tipped him off more than anything else, since everyone seemed so normal.

  Sure there were a number of girls with shorter hair, and a few of the guys seemed dressed more for a nightclub than church, but for the most part, it could have been any random classroom. To Jason’s relief, he saw plenty of guys his age, if not a little older. Quite a few had turned to stare, eyes moving to the hand he was holding. Emma shook free first, striding into the room. All Jason could do was follow.

  The room was drab with brown paneling and carpet that matched. Judging from the children’s drawings on the walls, this space was probably used for daycare or Sunday school or something similar. Unless part of the meeting would involve coloring pictures.

  Chairs and a few couches lined the room, except for the far end where a table was set with refreshments. Emma led him to this, eying the display but not taking anything.

  “It’s like an AA meeting in here,” she mumbled.

  A skinny guy standing not far away overheard, and in a loud lispy voice said, “You’ve got that right, honey, but it’s not booze we’re addicted to!”

  There were a few laughs, but Jason tensed up. This wasn’t what he wanted. He dreamed of meeting another guy in some romantic fashion. Not sitting in a circle and making jokes full of sexual innuendo. He turned to leave, hoping Emma would follow, and found his way blocked by an older man. His hair was thinning, and he wore outdated glasses and an unseasonal flannel shirt. One slightly hairy hand was extended outward.

  “You must be new. I’m Keith, the group leader.”

  Jason took his hand unwillingly, the skin of his palm soft. He watched as Emma shook hands with him too.

  “We were just about to get started. If you two want to grab a drink first and—”

  “We’re ready!” Emma said, grabbing Jason’s arm and leading him toward some chairs. Once he was seated he understood why. Directly across from them sat a group of girls, one of whom was so handsome that even Jason did a double-take. She had a tight lean body, her hair was gelled into spikes, and she sported a number of facial piercings. Emma kept looking in her direction, which meant he was stuck here. One meeting. He supposed he could suffer that much for her.

  Keith took a seat next to this girl. “Today we’re going to talk about relationships,” he said, shaking his head at the catcalls this summoned. “But first,
let’s do a round of introductions. Now, now!” he added after half the room groaned. “Some new faces are here today, and I could also use a reminder of who’s who. Tell us your name and one thing about yourself.”

  As much as Jason was dreading his turn, this did give him an opportunity to check everyone out. A few guys were too young for him. Most of the others weren’t his type or were already paired up and holding hands. The lesbians didn’t interest him, of course, but Emma kept elbowing him every time she saw someone she liked.

  “My name is Kelly,” said an articulate voice. The speaker was beautiful in a way that transcended gender. Skin as dark as freshly brewed coffee, eyes almond in both shape and color, amazing cheekbones, and perfectly pouty lips. Despite being undeniably pretty, he was also masculine enough to get Jason’s attention. “And I’m very disappointed Lisa didn’t bring brownies this time, since I skipped breakfast.”

  “Sorry!” a mousy girl next to Jason replied.

  Kelly smiled. “It’s okay.”

  Jason nudged Emma in the ribs.

  “I’m William,” said a quiet voice, which was odd considering how big the guy was. He was a good head taller than Kelly and a complete contrast to him. Handsome rather than beautiful, and skin so creamy and pale it looked like milk. Blond hair was swept to one side, his green eyes twinkling as he made a joke. “And I’m glad there aren’t any brownies since I ate way too much this morning.” The goofy smile was insecure and quickly forced away, even though the lips quivered a moment longer in amusement. Jason’s eyes darted down to a muscular body stuffed into tight clothes, but almost instantly returned to that face. He knew him. Or at least he felt he did, even though he honestly couldn’t say from where, or if he’d ever seen him before. That didn’t make sense, not logically, but Jason’s pulse picked up anyway. William. Even the name sounded right. Jason felt like he should stand up, should draw attention to himself so William could confirm this feeling of familiarity. “Oh, hey!” he’d surely say. “I know you! I’ve always known you!”

  Jason elbowed Emma so hard that she cried out.

  “Oh, go ahead!” Keith said.

  “Sorry,” Emma said, managing somehow not to blush. “All this talk of food got me excited.”

  There were a few appreciative laughs, including one from the handsome girl she’d been checking out.

  “My name is Emma, and I was born to love you. Unfortunately I can only love one of you, so let’s keep things civil. No cat fights, please, but I do accept bribes.”

  The whole room laughed this time, Jason glancing over to catch sight of William’s white teeth.

  “And who did you bring with you?” Keith asked.

  “Jason,” he said, averting his eyes back to the group leader. “And I… uh…”

  His throat made a wheezing noise like he’d taken his last breath, which was appropriate since he now felt like dying.

  “That’s okay,” Keith said. “How about you, Lisa?”

  Jason’s face burned, and felt like it would catch fire when he glanced over to see Kelly staring at him with one eyebrow raised. Kelly didn’t look away, either. Not at first. Eventually his eyes rolled over to the current speaker. Jason turned his attention to the carpet rather than discover what William’s reaction was. God, he missed being able to hide behind his hair!

  Jason alternated his attention between the ceiling and floor, taking quick peeks when he heard a male voice introducing himself, but he didn’t see any other guys he was interested in. Mind-blowingly beautiful Kelly or deliciously sweet William were his only choices, and if he was honest, he didn’t think he had a shot with either. Not unless he could somehow redeem himself during the meeting. The topic was relationships, something he at least had experience with. He paid close attention as Keith lectured them on the basics. Then Keith rolled a marker board out and made two columns, one labeled Men, the other Women.

  “Psychologists and trashy magazines insist that men and women have different priorities in relationships. In other words, men and women want different things. But does that apply to gay men and gay women too? Let’s find out. What do you look for in a potential partner?”

  Emma’s handsome lesbian raised her hand. “I want to be understood.”

  This caused a murmur of agreement.

  “Okay,” Keith wrote this on the board. “What else?”

  “I want to feel appreciated,” Emma said, looking directly at the object of her desire.

  “Excellent,” Keith said, still writing. “Let’s hear from the boys too.”

  “He has to be hot!” someone called out.

  “Goes without saying,” one of the girls chimed in.

  Keith nodded. “So both sides want someone they are attracted to. Everyone has their own definition of hot, so this can be anything. What else? Yes, William.”

  Jason latched on to this excuse to glance at him. After all, everyone else was looking too. Just like before, Jason felt that strange sense of familiarity.

  “Commitment,” William said. “Loyalty is important.”

  “Trust,” Kelly chimed in immediately. “You should be able to trust the person you’re with.”

  “Very good,” Keith said.

  The markerboard squeaked as these points were added, but Jason’s focus remained on William, whose expression was now slightly pained. He reached over to take Kelly’s hand, placing it over a balled-up fist that eventually relaxed to allow their fingers to intertwine.

  Jason turned his attention back to Keith. He wasn’t completely surprised. Two super-hot gay guys were sitting next to each other. Of course they were together! Maybe part of him hoped they weren’t, but he wasn’t distraught over this. Like seeing a Ferrari driving down the street, he felt a sense of awe and a desire to hop behind the wheel, but reality soon caught up. Things like Ferraris—those were for other people. Not him.

  “Humility,” Jason said out loud.

  Keith stopped writing and glanced over at him. “Humility?”

  “Yeah,” Jason said. “I don’t want some guy I have to impress or one who feels like he needs to show off. I just want someone who loves me that I can love back. Simple as that. That’s all it takes. I don’t really care about honesty or being totally understood or any of the other stuff, because being human is all about messing up and breaking trust and telling lies. I wouldn’t want to be with someone perfect. Just some humble, totally normal guy will do.”

  The room was silent; Jason’s eyes met countless other pairs. Few seemed to get what he was saying except the girl Emma was interested in, who nodded her head in understanding. Kelly didn’t look pleased. Finally Jason made eye contact with William, and he swore he saw recognition there. So they really did know each other?

  “Humility,” Keith said at last, writing it on the board. Then he took a step back. “So as you can see, we all have a lot of emotional needs, despite gender or sexuality. It’s important not to give in to gender stereotypes or keep perpetuating them. Now let’s pair up, boy-girl, boy-girl, and do some role-playing. Come on now, everybody find a partner.”

  “You take mine,” Emma whispered. “I’ve got yours.”

  To his horror, she hopped to her feet and made a beeline for William. Like witnessing an impending disaster, Jason was torn between shielding his eyes and staring. He didn’t need to do either, since the girl Emma liked soon occupied his field of vision.

  “Jason, right?” she asked.

  “Yeah, and you’re… Sorry.”

  “Bonnie. It’s okay. It took me tons of meetings before I got half the names down. You want to be partners?”

  “Sure.”

  Keith explained their assignment, which involved pretending to be the opposite gender, and then pretending to be that gender pretending to be the other. Most of the group didn’t seem to get this—Jason included—and chose instead to socialize. Bonnie sat next to him, dark eyes twinkling.

  “I like what you said back there.”

  “Thanks,” Jason replied. �
��I was kind of winging it.”

  “Well, it makes sense,” Bonnie said. “I’ve been in a lot of relationships, and I can deal with the lying, arguing, cheating and almost everything else because love feels so good, even with all the baggage. But some people won’t come down to your level or let you up onto theirs, and those are always bad relationships.”

  “Yeah.” That wasn’t exactly what Jason meant, but he was glad she got so much out of his impromptu speech.

  “There’s one thing you weren’t totally honest about,” Bonnie continued. “We all want someone we find attractive.”

  “True,” Jason said, “but that kind of goes along with the rest of it. Sure, you can find someone attractive when you first look at them, but even the hottest guy or girl can get ugly when they open their mouths and say something stupid. Likewise, some people are hotter when you get to know them.”

  “I guess so,” Bonnie said. “Speaking of which, your friend is cute.”

  “You think so?” Jason asked.

  “Yeah. Do you think I’m her type?

  Jason decided to play this carefully. “I’m sure she wouldn’t be offended that you find her attractive.”

  “Hmmm. There’s just one thing. How old is she?”

  “How old are you?”

  “Seventeen.”

  “Oh, well, she just turned sixteen, so you’re not so far apart.” A lie, of course, but Jason wanted to give Emma a fighting chance. “She lives out of town though, and still hasn’t gotten her license.”

  Bonnie shrugged. “I have a car.”

  The rest of their conversation focused mostly on Emma, but Jason did nod to a few random people and ask who they were. He didn’t really need to know, but he didn’t want to ask about William immediately. Eventually though, he nodded to him.

  “Do you mean Kelly or William?” Bonnie asked before shaking her head. “Doesn’t matter since they’re inseparable. It’s too bad they can’t breed. I bet they’d have beautiful children. Kelly has been coming here since he was thirteen. He was here the first time I showed up. That was before the accident.”

  “Accident?”