Something Like Spring

by Jay Bell

  “I’ll be back for holidays and such, but this is a full-time commitment. I don’t get weekends off like a normal job. Joining the Coast Guard takes dedication.”

  “Can’t it wait?” Jason asked. “At least until the end of summer?”

  William shook his head. “I’m sorry. I enlisted last year so I wouldn’t have to wait. At the time I was eager to get away from here. Now it’s not so easy, especially since you came along. I know four years is a long time, Jason. Too long for me to expect you to wait.”

  “I don’t care. I’ll wait.”

  William smiled sadly. “I won’t let you.”

  Jason clenched his jaw. “You don’t have a say in it!”

  “I do. Becoming a rescue swimmer is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s going to take absolutely all of my willpower and attention and frankly…” William’s face twisted up. “After all that time with Kelly, of trying to make someone else happy instead of taking care of myself, I need a break. I can’t go to the Coast Guard and think about how sad you are, sitting here for years and years while waiting for me. What if you meet someone or just want to screw around? I can’t worry about any of that. Not if I’m going to do what I need to do.”

  What Jason said next was selfish, and he knew it was, but he didn’t care. “So don’t join the Coast Guard. If it’s a choice between me and leaving, then stay here.”

  William eyed him. “This is my dream we’re talking about. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  William chewed his lip, then nodded. “Okay. If you want me to give that up for you, I will. That’s how much I love you.”

  “Good,” Jason said, but he already felt terrible and knew he’d never forgive himself. “I’ll remember that when you’re gone.” His voice cracked. “When it hurts the most, I’ll remember that you would have stayed for me.”

  William hopped up, yanked Jason to his feet, and held him. “I’m sorry,” he said.

  Jason shook his head. “Don’t be. You just become the best rescue swimmer they’ve ever had.”

  “I’ll try,” William said. “I promise.”

  “Four years!”

  “I know. Of course, you could join too. Be my bunkmate.”

  Jason pulled away and laughed bitterly. “I’ve never done well with authority, and I doubt I’d even pass the physical. I don’t think I’d make it.”

  “We will though,” William said. “Just like Ben and Tim. All those years went by and they still found each other again. And if some hot guy sweeps you off your feet in the meantime, I’ll be happy, because I’ll know that you’re loved. But someday, even if we’re both in an old folks’ home and have lost our husbands, I bet we’ll find our way back to each other again.”

  Jason put on a brave smile, even though he didn’t feel so certain. He knew that not all stories had happy endings and the chances of a guy like William staying single were slim to none. But Jason couldn’t force him to stay, and he couldn’t go with him, so there didn’t seem to be any other choice. “So what now?”

  William considered the question and exhaled. “Now we make the best of the time we have left.”

  * * * * *

  Prom wasn’t what Jason had expected. He thought it would be held at the school, maybe in the gymnasium, like in Carrie. A hotel ballroom had been booked instead, and yet that feeling of returning to high school remained. Had he not dropped out, Jason would have only been in his first year of college, but still, the vibe was much much… younger. Maybe he felt this way because he’d been on his own and working for the last few years, or maybe he was just being silly.

  As the night wore on, the dance floor became a manic stage for drama. He overheard two breakups, saw more than one crying girl being comforted by friends, and had a lovely confrontation with drunk jocks who called him a faggot. Jason had swung—and missed—but before anyone could retaliate, William had stepped in front of him. After sizing him up, the jocks had wandered away to get wasted or laid or whatever mindless cattle did for entertainment. Not that Jason could judge. He would rather be in bed with William right now, or getting trashed so he could stop thinking about him leaving soon.

  The last few weeks had been intense, Jason spending every moment he could with William. Any hour outside of work or school was spent together, and rarely did a night go by that they weren’t sleeping side by side. And tonight—which really did feel like the end because William had graduation and so much to prepare for before leaving—had been mostly frustrating when it was meant to be special.

  Jason tried to focus on William as they danced. He was so handsome, cutting a perfect figure in his conservative tuxedo, like a version of James Bond that was more sweet than suave. Jason had done his best to find something that didn’t conform, renting a tux with tails and borrowing Tim’s metallic blue bow tie. And he’d let his hair remain shaggy and untamed. William had reached out, touching it more than once to the delight of the girls building up around them. The eyes of their audience shone more with every affectionate gesture. This helped ease Jason’s anger at the jocks. If only women ruled the world. He was certain it would be a better place.

  Jason caught sight of a school chaperone shouting at the DJ and pointing to the dance floor as if Godzilla had been spotted there. The DJ nodded, ended the song early, and replaced it with a ballad. The rowdy vibe died down as people either sought a partner or fled the scene. The lights grew dimmer, artificial starlight spinning around the room, but Jason stopped paying attention to their surroundings. He let William take him in his arms. Or vice versa, since William rested his arms on Jason’s shoulders, just as so many girls around them were doing to their guys.

  The next song was also a ballad, William pulling him closer, hugging Jason as they leisurely spun in place. Jason willed time to slow to a crawl, wanting this moment to last forever. William might have been wishing the same. When they kissed, a few girls around them squealed. William smiled against Jason’s lips before really giving them a show. The outside world was forgotten again during the third song. Then, perhaps because the vibe had become tense in another sort of way, another dance song started pumping through the speakers.

  Jason stepped back, asking with his expression if William really wanted to keep dancing. After a shake of the head, Jason led him by the hand out of the ballroom. Tim had rented a limo, which was a nice gesture. Or a way of preventing the Bentley from being loaned out again. The biggest present was the house being all theirs tonight. Ben and Tim were at a bed and breakfast. Jason hadn’t thought to ask where, but the phone number was on the kitchen table.

  He asked the limo driver to take them home and stared off into space. William fiddled with the mini-bar, making comments about the contents. Before long, he sighed and shook Jason as if he were asleep.

  “You’re thinking about it again,” William said.

  “Sorry.” This happened a lot recently. How could Jason not think of the future and how empty it would be without William? He tried to plan ahead, searching desperately for something to occupy his time, like a second job or school. “I researched becoming a veterinarian. Did I mention that already?”

  “No,” William said. “Is there a special school for that?”

  “Yeah, and you need four years of college to get into it.”

  William shrugged as if this wasn’t a daunting task.

  “Then another four years at that school to become a vet.”

  Now William looked surprised. “Eight years of school to become a vet?”

  “Yup.”

  “Oh. Are you going to do it?”

  Jason laughed. “I didn’t have the patience to finish high school. I’m not going to sign up for almost a decade of education.”

  “Maybe you could be a veterinary assistant instead.”

  “Maybe,” Jason said noncommittally.

  “Doesn’t matter,” William declared. “There is no past or future right now. There’s only tonight, which I’m very much looking fo
rward to.”

  Jason smiled when William gave an exaggeratedly lewd wink. “It’s hardly our first time together.”

  “Yes and no,” William said coyly.

  “Ah. How could I forget?”

  The topic of anal sex had come up once before, and William had insisted he was saving himself for prom night. Jason had laughed at the time, thinking it was a joke, but apparently it wasn’t. This made Jason a little nervous, because although he had bottomed for Caesar the last time they had ever slept together—and while that had felt good in its own way—he’d also decided it really wasn’t for him. One look at his date, tuxedo stuffed full of muscles, was all he needed to determine William was also a top.

  “I’m hungry,” William said, rubbing his stomach.

  “Again? We ate before the dance!”

  “And then we burned a lot of calories.”

  Jason snorted. “What are you hungry for?”

  A few moments later, they did the ridiculous and pulled into the McDonald’s drive-thru. In a limo. The driver seemed happy with this decision, since he was hungry too. William suggested they park while they ate, the divider staying down as William chatted with the driver. Jason wasn’t hungry. Instead he watched them sharing a meal, realizing again just how much he was going to miss having this happy, kind, all-too-generous person in his life. He tried to tell himself that it was for the greater benefit of the world, that countless people were going to meet William and benefit from the experience, but Jason was sure no one would love him quite as much.

  The house was silent when they entered, but soon Chinchilla’s panting and grumbling filled the air. They let her out and Samson in. Later, when both were fed and had settled down, the house grew quiet again. They were on the couch together, and Jason was pretty sure William had asked him a question, but he had no idea what about.

  “Jason!” William complained.

  “I’m sorry!”

  William made a sympathetic expression. “You’re breaking my heart.”

  “You broke mine first,” Jason said, but he smiled to show he wasn’t trying to make William feel bad. As much as he didn’t like what was going to happen, he understood why it had to.

  “I know what’ll cheer you up,” William said, kissing his neck. “Do you want to do it in Ben and Tim’s bed?”

  “What?” Jason pulled away. “Why?”

  “They’re so hot! We can pretend we are them.”

  Jason laughed. “You’re way too into them.”

  “I don’t care,” William said proudly. “They’re an awesome couple. I envy them.”

  “Yeah, me too. The answer is no, by the way, but if I had said yes, who would you pretend to be?”

  “Ben,” William said instantly. “I figure he’s the—you know. I mean, Tim has that aggressive side to him, so he must be the top.”

  Jason replayed the conversation in his mind to be sure he understood. “So you would want to be the bottom?”

  “Yeah,” William said.

  “But you’re huge!” Jason retorted.

  “So?” William smirked. “Oh, I see. Bottoms have to be slight and feminine, is that it? Don’t judge a book by its cover.”

  “But it’s such a pretty cover,” Jason said, coming in for a kiss, but his stupid brain distracted him. “So Kelly is a top?”

  “No!” William said, laughing. “No no no. That’s just one more thing I did to make him happy.”

  “So you’ve never actually…”

  “No.”

  Jason shook his head. “Then how do you know you’re a bottom?”

  “Because the whole time I was topping Kelly, I was thinking how bad I wanted someone to do that to me. Maybe not Kelly. Maybe someone like you.” William winced. “Wait, are you a bottom?”

  Jason didn’t answer the question directly. “So there’s still a first for you.”

  “I told you I was saving myself for prom,” William said with a grin.

  “I guess I was too.”

  William’s eyebrows shot up. “No! Seriously? Oh my god! This is so momentous. I mean, if that’s something you want to do.”

  “Yeah!” Jason said. “Desperately. Uh, but not in Ben and Tim’s bed. In my room. I want it to happen there.”

  William didn’t ask for an explanation. He kissed Jason, stood, and offered his hand. Once upstairs, Jason slipped into the bathroom. Condoms and lube had mysteriously appeared there around the time of his first gay youth meeting. He’d found the presumption annoying when first discovering them, but now he felt grateful.

  When he returned to his room, he found William with the guitar on his lap, pretending to strum the strings without touching them. His goofy face made Jason laugh, but William’s complete lack of clothes soon sobered him up.

  “I normally just take off my shirt,” Jason said.

  “Maybe you should take it a step further.”

  Jason took this as his cue, slowly undressing in front of William, who grinned appreciatively. Then things proceeded as they often did. They kissed, stroked each other’s skin, took turns going down on each other, or paused just to hold each other tight.

  “I’m ready,” William whispered.

  “Okay. Um.”

  William kissed him and smiled. “I’ve got a lot of experience you can learn from.”

  “I’ll need all the help I can get.”

  “Get on your back. It’s always easier if you let the bottom, I mean me, be in control. That way I can set the pace. At the beginning, anyway.”

  Jason rolled onto his back and held up the condom. “Want to do the honors?”

  “Sure.” William swung a leg over Jason, bouncing up and down on his crotch a few times and causing them both to laugh. Then he opened the condom and twisted his neck around, working with his hands behind his back. Jason took this moment to admire his body, to trace a finger around the outline of his abdominal muscles or the defined lines that led from his hips to his crotch.

  “Okay,” William said after fiddling with the lube, and himself, a little. “Let’s find out if this is something I really want or not.”

  For once he didn’t look so certain. He kept his eyes trained on Jason’s, his mouth open slightly as he concentrated. He bit his lip when the head of Jason’s cock popped inside, looking a little panicked.

  “Should we stop?” Jason asked.

  William shook his head. “Play with me.”

  Jason took hold of William’s dick, sliding his hand up and down it and summoning a moan. William made a face that said, “Oh yeah, more of that!” Jason was happy to comply, because the more pleasure he gave William, the more his body moved, allowing him to slip deeper inside. The sensation was warm and wonderful and made the love in his chest come pouring out. William must have felt the same way because he pawed at Jason, pressing a hand to his cheek before bending over to kiss him.

  “Let’s roll over,” William said, “but try to stay inside, because that was trickier than I thought it would be.”

  William sat as far down on Jason as possible before—very carefully—they embraced and rolled over. Then Jason was on top, and William appeared to be in very tentative ecstasy. Jason moved his hips in and out once experimentally.

  “Is that okay?” he asked.

  William nodded. “Yeah. Oh, man… Go to town!”

  Jason brought one of William’s legs up and over his shoulder. He held back at first, but William’s continued moans told him it was okay, so he gave all of himself that he could. Not just physically, because he felt like he was giving everything to William—his thoughts, his energy, his soul. William’s eyes were half-lidded, his face flushed and contorted with pleasure. He nodded encouragingly when Jason’s breaths became shorter. They finished at the same time, which wasn’t surprising because they might as well have been one person. That sensation slowly began to fade along with the euphoria, which could be why William clung to him and pulled him close.

  “I love you,” he whispered.

  “I
know,” Jason said. “I could feel it. I love you too.”

  They held each other afterwards, not needing to speak because everything was so clear. Almost everything.

  “I can’t go,” William said. His back was pressed to Jason, so his face couldn’t be seen, but the sniffling implied he might be crying. “Not after that. There’s no way. I can’t.”

  Jason swallowed. “You have to. It’s your dream.”

  “That’s not my only dream,” William said. “I’ve been waiting for you without even knowing it.”

  Jason smiled at the thought, but his heart still ached. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said. “I’ll still be around when you need me. You’ll see.”

  After a moment of silence, William spoke again. “This isn’t goodbye.”

  Jason didn’t reply because he knew it was. Graduation was just around the corner, and William’s family would surely all be there. Jason could picture William at the airport, ready to fly away, his mother crying. At least he hoped she did, because if Jason needed to comfort her, maybe it would distract him from the pain. They might have a few small private moments left together, but nothing like tonight. As much as Jason hated to admit it, this was goodbye.

  * * * * *

  Jason sat on the front porch, feeling the same way he had since William briefly turned around at the airport to wave. After aching for a day, Jason had woken up the next morning feeling like his insides had been hollowed out. He was no longer complete. Might not ever be again. He honestly didn’t know. All he could do was take it one day at a time.

  At least help had arrived. A Porsche pulled up to the house, and Emma hopped out of the passenger door and rushed to hug him. Now that summer was here, she would be coming to stay for weeks at a time, maybe longer if she had her way. Tim had already started building an addition to the garage so he could move his studio there, giving Emma her own room. Her father got out of the car with a much more reserved expression.

  “Is Tim here?” he asked.

  “Nope,” Jason said. “He had some errands to run.”

  Greg visibly relaxed. “Oh. Okay. Michelle says ‘hi.’ She’s having an emergency with one of the kids in her care, or she’d be here.”