Murphy

by Jenny Wood

  Murphy: Oh

  Again with those fucking disappearing dots. I hated that it was awkward and that it was my fault that it was.

  Me: I also wanted to apologize how we left things. You know, from before. I wish I could explain it to you, but it seems like every time I try, I just paint myself with a shittier brush.

  There, that was honest. I watched again in frustration as those damn dots came and went. I wanted to interrupt, but I had nothing to say. Finally, after what felt like forever, he replied.

  Murphy: I probably didn’t help with that. I’m told I’m “too much.” I hesitate to tell you that you were my very first one night stand. And while I have since ridiculously searched the internet for “rules of a one-nighter” I know a broke a couple of the rules. Sorry about that. I’m sure it was really uncomfortable for you, I don’t blame you for….you know, calling it a night.

  I wanna kick my own ass at making him feel that way. Calling it a night was the nicest way of saying I kicked his ass out. And how had he never had a one night stand before? He’s insanely attractive, and he helps kids for fuck sake.

  Me: I had too much shit going on in my head. It wasn’t you. I feel like an asshole. I probably ruined your birthday.

  Understatement. I know I ruined his birthday. I still wondered why, if he was friends with the guys, why he was alone for his birthday dinner.

  Murphy: You actually made my night a lot less boring. The ending was embarrassing but dinner and….after dinner, it was nice.

  I wish I could see his face in that moment, I know for a fact he had to be blushing. It was crazy that he was shy or as timid as he seemed to be because his looks alone could get him so far if he used them and he seemed to be oblivious. I was fuckin’ with my own head over this man, and I didn’t want to look too closely at why. I was confused about everything and even though it seemed like a bad idea, a terrible idea; I wanted to see him again. I wanted him back in my bed, and to my complete surprise, I kind of wanted him to stay there. I couldn’t handle that, couldn’t I? My brother, as it turns out wasn’t as close-minded as I’d thought and I didn’t have to go introducing him to mama or anything, but I could see what happened if we spent time together, couldn’t I? There wasn’t anything wrong with that.

  Me: You wanna have lunch with me tomorrow?

  I asked, jumping the gun. The man hadn’t been privy to any of my internal dialogue, and he probably thought I was fucking nuts. Still, I’d made up my mind that I wanted to see him.

  Murphy: What??

  Me: I’m on shift tomorrow, but I break about two. Meet me for lunch. Please?

  I was going to throw my phone if those dots disappeared singling his typing, one more time. Lucky for my phone, they didn’t.

  Murphy: Everything okay with Mateo? You can call if there’s something wrong.

  Saying fuck it, I exited out of his messages and pulled up his number in the phone. He said I could call, so I was.

  Murphy

  He’s calling.

  I didn’t expect him just to call. I answered.

  “Hello?” I greeted softly, feeling awkward lying in my bed and hearing his voice.

  “Hey.” His deep voice sounded in my ear.

  “Hey,” I replied, moronically. “Everything okay?” I questioned. Surely it was why he was calling.

  “Yeah, I mean, we had some drama tonight, but it’s all good now.” He says. I was glad to hear that, this wasn’t an easy time for their family.

  “That’s good.” I shifted under my sheets, trying to get comfortable.

  “So, as I said, I’m on at the station tomorrow but wondered if you wanted to have lunch with me?” He asks me and again, and I wonder why?

  “Well, you’ve got me now, can we talk about whatever it is, now?” I countered. I didn’t need to see him; I mean, I’d have loved to just look at him, but for my sanity, I didn’t think I should. I felt borderline crazy for crushing on this man after spending the night with him. That’s the actual definition of clingy. People don’t equate sex with feelings anymore; it isn’t the way the world works. You could jump from bed to bed and have it mean nothing; people do it all the time! People don’t expect commitment, and nobody likes monogamy. Dating is impossible, and that sucks. I want to go on dates and feel that nervous feeling before he picks me up and again when he walks me to my door with me wondering if he’s gonna kiss me or not and how I’m going to dodge it if I don’t want him to. Unrealistic? Absolutely. People don’t romance anymore, it’s unheard of, and I find that incredibly sad.

  “I don’t want to talk to you, I wanna see you.” His words break into my internal death of a dream. Did he say he wanted to see me? He did, I hadn’t imagined that.

  “You want to see me?” I ask, just to clarify.

  “I do.” Is his simple answer. Now, channeling my inner R. Kelly…. “My mind’s tellin’ me noooo”

  “Okay.” We don’t listen to our mind, apparently….or our inner R. Kelly.

  “2 o’clock, at Clive’s?” He asks. Clive’s is a little coffee shop/bakery that also serves sandwiches and soups. There’s also the deli across from the tattoo shop where the Kennedy’s work and it’s literally not even a block from the sheriff’s station. For a second, I wonder if he’s chosen a farther away place because he didn’t want us running into any of his friends. That’s disappointing.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there,” I say, losing some of my enthusiasm, hoping that’s not the case but wondering if it is. I don’t ask.

  “Good,” his voice is huskier than it was a second ago and I imagine that he, like me is probably already in bed. That’s a fun imagine, but I dismiss it before I embarrass myself. “Well, I should let you get to bed, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He says softly, and I whisper my okay back.

  “Okay.” I cleared my throat and tried again, thankful that my voice worked that time.

  “Alright, goodnight.” Again with the soft voice. I repeated the sentiment and hung up the phone. Falling to my back, I close my eyes and tell myself how stupid I am for this. I’m helping his brother, that’s all. Thinking anything other than is pointless and will just lead to more disappointment and embarrassment. I put my phone on my nightstand and flick off the lamp. Stupid or not, I’m seeing him tomorrow.

  Okay, maybe I was wrong about that nervous feeling being exciting. It isn’t. It’s annoying, and I don’t like it. I got up this morning with all kinds of nervous energy. I went for a run, came home, ate breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, dining room, my living room and bedroom as well as the bathroom before taking a shower. After the shower, I raided my closet for something to wear, during which, I called Morgan to thank him again for inviting me, and to see how they were doing today.

  I didn’t tell him about my lunch with Cruz, though I could tell that he knew I was keyed up about something; I didn’t want to put Cruz in a place where they could razz him about being out with me. Even though it wasn’t a date, it wasn’t; it was just a lunch.

  After talking to Morgan and getting the rundown on everything baby related, I was pleased to know that everything was perfect in “Kennedy Baby Land.” The guys were on cloud nine, and I loved that I had a front-row seat to the family I brought together. I wish every success story was like that. I swear I remembered them all.

  Hanging up with Morgan had me able to focus on an outfit. I wanted to look nice but not like I was trying too hard. I settled for a light gray cardigan sweater over a simple white t-shirt and a pair of black jeans that I’ll admit, made my ass look amazing. I styled my hair like normal and put on my glasses instead of popping in my contacts. Sunday’s were normally lazy days, and I wanted to give my eyes a break. The thick black frames completed this preppy look I had going for me, but I didn’t think it looked terrible.

  I got to Clive’s about fifteen minutes early and got us a table. My hands were clammy and shaky, and I hated that I was so nervous because I knew it would show. Cruz was going to think that I was a basket case or worse, think that I had
expectations just because I accepted a lunch date that wasn’t a date.

  I had ordered a sweet tea, and it had just been delivered when he walked in. My mouth went dry at his intimidating body in dark sunglasses and uniform of a tight, black, tucked in shirt that said Sheriff across the back, and khaki pants. His eyes scanned the room and the most gorgeous smile crossed his dangerously handsome face when he spotted me. I was having trouble taking in a breath. What was wrong with me? I stood up as he approached and reached out to shake his hand. This wasn’t a date, I reminded myself, and if I were at a business lunch or out with a client, I would shake their hand. He stared at my hand before grabbing it and holding it affectionately. No shaking, but a definite caress as he cupped it with his other hand and held on. I needed him to let go.

  “I haven’t ordered yet, just a tea; I didn’t know what you’d want to drink,” I tell him, backing away and getting back to my seat.

  “You and your tea. It’s all I’ve ever seen you drink.” He smiles, taking off his sunglasses and sitting in the seat opposite me.

  “It’s pretty much all I do drink.” I scoffed, I’d gotten a cavity in one of my back molars a couple of months ago to prove it. I swore I’d stop drinking it once the dentist drilled a hole in it to fill it, but my tea ban only lasted two days. I’d give up all my teeth if I didn’t have to give it tea. Or…I think I would. Maybe not, probably not.

  “Hi there, Sheriff. You want your usual?” The middle-aged waitress stepped up to the table and asked Cruz.

  “Helen, this is Murphy,” He introduces. I smile my hello, and she winks and smiles right back. “Will you trust me with something, really quick?” He asks me, and I nod. I would trust him with a lot of things if he’d ask me too. I kept that part to myself.

  “Better make that two, Helen. Thank you.” He tells her, and she pats his face and walks away, telling him it’ll be right up. “Helen makes the world greatest grilled cheese sandwiches and even if you hate tomato soup; I do not know what she does to it, but you cannot hate it. It’s like nothing I’ve ever tasted before.” He says. I like tomato soup and think it’s cute that he’s so passionate about a grilled cheese and tomato soup.

  “Sounds good,” I tell him honestly.

  “This is my favorite place in town; I could come here every day.” He smiles over at me as a young woman brings him a soft drink.

  “Hey, Sheriff.” She greets, and he smiles a polite smile back.

  “Afternoon, Kelly-Ann. How’s your brother?” He asks, his voice changing to one of concern.

  “Doing much better, thank you.” She smiles a more genuine smile at him this time. “It’s rough, but he’s making it.”

  “Real glad to hear it.” He tells her before she slips away. “Her brother had a motorcycle accident about eight months ago. They didn’t think he’d walk again but despite doctor’s diagnosis, he can with the help of a walker. A miracle if you ask me, his bike was scraps, and he wasn’t wearing a helmet.” Cruz was shaking his head in thought.

  “That’s terrible. I’m glad he’s okay. It could’ve been a whole lot worse, I’m sure.” I say sincerely, fiddling nervously with the napkin in my lap.

  “What have you gotten up to, today?” He asks. I tell him how I went for a run and chatted with Morgan this morning. I told him I had some chores around the house that I put off until weekends as opposed to telling him that my nervous energy had me doing a deep clean to distract me.

  “Sounds productive. Mateo’s been keeping things pretty tidy at the house but being the weekend; I’m guessing he slept in today. He starts at the high school tomorrow.” I notice his eyes get softer when speaking of his brother. I hope their ah-ha moment from last night helped them.

  “He’s a good kid,” I tell him. “I’m sure that this rough patch will pass and he’ll keep himself together. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you both.” He fidgets in his seat and takes a deep breath, letting it out loudly.

  “For him and Mamá, yes. His father is not my father. His father is a homophobic asshole that made my life hell for a lot of years. We’re all kind of processing it differently.” He tells me, though I can tell that it pains him to admit that.

  “I’m really sorry to hear that,” I tell him sincerely. Making his life hell is a broad term, but I’ve seen that hell for a lot of kids. “I hate that you went through that.” His head snaps up to look at me, but I don’t look away. I hate it for him.

  “Sorry, I don’t know why I told you that.” He coughs and shifts again, showing his discomfort.

  “My mom had a drug problem my whole life that brought on early stages of Alzheimer’s and dementia at an early age. She rarely remembered she had a son growing up because of the addiction and she hasn’t remembered me for ten years due to the disease. So, I can somewhat relate.” I tell him quietly to even the score. He probably hadn’t meant to share something so personal, so I shared something right back.

  “I’m sorry.” He says, eyes boring into mine. Then, he smiles a purely wicked smile and teases, “I couldn’t imagine how anyone could forget you. You’re pretty memorable.”

  “Here ya go, boys!” Helen saunters up with an oversized tray that she carries with much practice and slides our soups and sandwiches in front of us. It smells delicious, and we both thank her before she tells us to “dig in.”

  “You’re gonna love this.” He winks, and unrolls his spoon from the napkin and places the napkin in his lap.

  “Holy shit.” I groan when I’ve taken my first bite of soup. He wasn’t lying; it is hands down the most deliciously seasoned bowl of soup. The grilled cheese is piping hot and extra cheesy, and Cruz smirks at me when I pull a piece apart and dip it in my soup. I might have to come here more often for this alone.

  “Told ya.” He winks, tucking into his own bowl. We eat in comfortable silence, only talking when one of us comments on how amazing it is.

  When our bowls are cleared, Helen is quick to clear the table and refill our drinks. While it’s not too busy in here at the moment, I’d not seen her stop moving once.

  “Since Teo met Gannon from the gym yesterday, he’s going to start going for a couple of hours after school, starting tomorrow. He seemed to really like him. I’m sensing his forty hours will be over in no time.” He says, and I too had met Gannon, and he seemed like a pull no punches kind of guy, but he was very nice and very good looking.

  “That’s good; I met him last night too,” I say.

  “You didn’t already know him?”

  “No, I haven’t been in town long. I only just met most of those guys last night.” I say, taking a small sip of my tea, wondering if I could buy it from Helen by the gallon.

  “Really?” He asks skeptically.

  “Yeah, I haven’t met a whole lot of people. Morgan and Kingsley and a couple of their friends but never hung out with any of them until last night. I had fun though; I’m glad they invited me.” I say.

  “I wondered why you were alone on your birthday.” He murmurs, and I can feel my face go up in flames. It wasn’t something I should’ve been embarrassed about, but I was. He seems perturbed by that, and I got the feeling he hadn’t meant to say it out loud.

  “Yeah, well…” was all I said with a shrug. There wasn’t much to say to that. When Helen dropped our ticket at the table and thanked us for stopping in, Cruz snatched it up and dropped his money on it and flipped it over before I could even get a look at it.

  “Can I see that?” I ask, pointing to the little black tray holding our ticket.

  “No need, I got it.” He waves me off and stands. I have no choice but to follow.

  “Don’t do that. I can pay for my own lunch.” I say, following like a yippy dog.

  “No need, I got it.” He dismisses me, and I pull a bill out of my pocket and ball it up into my hand. I stand quietly behind him as he pays, and I walk with him outside.

  “Thank you,” I say and walk with him to his car. He beeps the locks and open and stands just inside
the door.

  “You’re welcome,” He smiles brightly at me as I try to think of a way to slide the money into his pocket or something. Maybe I could put it in an envelope and drop it off at the station.

  “So, I’m thinking Friday night that it might be fun to go bowling. It seems like something Teo would like; you wanna come?” He tilts his head to one side in the most ridiculously flirty way. My breath hitches in my throat, and I wonder what the hell he’s doing.

  “I’m not sure that’s just a good idea,” I say, hating that it’s the truth. “I’m your brother's check-in. Might look weird, me hanging out with him outside of his check-ins.”

  “Gannon’s going to; he did last night. That’s kind of the same thing.” He rebutted. It was true, there were no rules against it, not in a town this small; everyone encouraged friendliness and togetherness, I doubt anyone would bat an eye at the three of us out together. Still, it seemed like a bad idea.

  “Think about it.” He says, shifting closer to his car.

  “Ok, well, thanks for lunch. I think I have a new favorite place for soup and sandwiches.” I tell him, and he pulls his glasses from his shirt and puts them back on. It really isn’t fair that he’s so good-looking, it’s just isn’t.

  “Anytime.” He nods and smiles charmingly. Right when he angles to sit down in the seat, I throw the wadded up twenty-dollar bill into his car and take off running before he can say anything or try to give it back. I’m only five long steps away when I hear Cruz burst out laughing and it’s a sound I never wanna forget.

  Cruz

  Mateo’s first couple of days of school were hectic for him. Getting used to new people and teachers and then coming home exhausted from the gym had him plenty occupied. After his hour or two cleaning and doing grunt work at the gym, Gannon and his business partner slash kickboxing partner, Shade, had Mateo working out and doing training to get into the ring. He was loving it, but his body was still getting used to the beating it was taking while sparring with the big guys. I thought it’d be good for him so I encouraged it whole-heartedly. Plus, it seemed to give him a much-needed release of all the emotions he’d been dealing with in terms of his father.