The Accidental Wife

by Simi K. Rao

  Naina chewed on her lower lip. “Uh… As you’ve seen for yourself, Deepika is very persuasive and an excellent actress. She told me her sob story laced with plenty of added masala and I felt sorry for her. I didn’t know her that well, but I didn’t have reason to doubt her. She was my roommate for a short time and I’d never seen her do anything so drastic before.”

  She looked up at him, meeting his eyes. “She also painted you in the most inglorious terms, saying you deserved to be taught a lesson in humility. So I went ahead, thinking I was doing my friend a favor. But now I know I was horribly wrong and I feel terrible about it.” He saw her sling her bag over her right shoulder and begin inching toward the door again. “I hope you can get over this, move on, and find yourself a girl who is truly deserving of you Rihaan. Sorry…”

  “Sorry isn’t enough. I demand compensation!” Rihaan stood in her way again and brought his hands down hard on her arms.

  “Compensation?” she squeaked.

  “Of course. Compensation for my troubles…for the humiliation I’ve suffered at the hands of your friend, in which you had a major role. I want my marital rights and I’ll extract them tonight with great pleasure from my beautiful wife,” he said tersely dragging her to the bed, his usual restraint swamped by a state of extreme indignation. After all, he had married her observing all the traditional rituals and norms. And she was far more desirable than any girl he had ever met.

  ***

  Terrified eyes took in the rose-strewn mattress. Her worst fears were about to be realized. “You want me to spend the night with you?”

  “Yes I do. And perhaps many more to come. I’m sure I’ll have no regrets!” Flinging her down on the bed, he began to fumble with the buttons of his sherwani, cursing aloud when they refused to cooperate.

  “You’ve gone mad!” Naina screamed, managing to wiggle out from in between his knees. She rolled to the other side and jumped off.

  But he proved equally nimble. Blinded by insane anger and an overwhelming desire to extract revenge, he yanked her into his arms and held her tight, seeming to derive wicked pleasure in seeing her squirm. He felt particular malice toward her, she knew that, but how could she calmly participate in this consummation?

  ***

  Tears trickled down her cheeks but he didn’t care. She deserved the pain. Knitting his fingers through her scalp to hold her head steady, he bent down, aiming for those lips that’d been bothering him for quite some time.

  Then suddenly it struck him. Something was missing. “Where is your sindoor and the mangalsutra I tied around your neck?”

  “I…discarded them.”

  “Why…why would you do that?”

  “Because they hold no meaning. You…you thought you were placing them on Deepika; while I…I was just going through the motions. I believe marriage is a convergence of two hearts; a journey embarked on mutual understanding. I don’t even know anything about you.”

  “Convergence of two hearts…puerile romantic crap!” He pushed her away. “Get out of my sight now!”

  “I’m sorry…” Whimpering with relief, she ran to the door and struggled with the bolts.

  “No, not that way!” He stopped her, realizing there were plenty of people still in the house and they were planning on staying up all night.

  “Then which way?” she asked, before heading to his first floor balcony and peering down at the abandoned yard. She had swung her legs over before Rihaan caught her arm.

  “It’s at least ten or twelve feet down. Too dangerous. You may break your back or worse, split open your skull,” he said, his medical instincts coming to the fore.

  “I could do it if you give me a hand. Please?” She turned to look beseechingly at him.

  He reluctantly nodded, finding no other practical solution.

  Holding her firmly with both hands, he gingerly lowered her down so she could jump safely to the ground. He followed, scrambling after her as she raced to the back exit.

  He took a quick glance around. The sky was inky black and the streets completely deserted. It was past one a.m. in the quiet, upscale South Delhi neighborhood. “I can drop you home…”

  She wheeled a bright yellow Scooty out from behind a tree. “Don’t worry, I came prepared. I’m used to taking care of myself.”

  Clipping a helmet around her head, she started the engine and smiled. “It was nice meeting you. I wish it had been under better circumstances, though. Good bye Rihaan.” She raised a hand in a hesitant wave, then rode away.

  He waved back and watched till she disappeared into the darkness. All of a sudden he was seized by a depressing loneliness.

  Miscalculations

  Rihaan lay back in his lonely bed and stared at the ceiling, contemplating life—what it had been and what had become of it.

  The mission he’d embarked on to fulfill his mother’s wishes and thereby get her off his back had culminated in a virtual catastrophe. He had ended up marrying not once but twice. Nothing could be more ironic—Rihaan Mehta, a man determined to stay unencumbered his entire life was now shackled to two different women!

  A bubble of agitated laughter erupted in his chest causing him to double over. His stomach contracted with painful spasms.

  “But for sure I’m at fault, too,” he muttered after recovering. “If I had exhibited more caution, if I hadn’t listened to Rudy’s preposterous advice, if I had told my mother to go to hell! If… If… If!”

  Yet there was something he couldn’t understand. Why in the mandap, upon discovering that the girl sitting next to him was not Deepika, had he not stood up and called the whole shindig off in classic filmi style? Why hadn’t he denounced her in front of everybody? Why?

  Grabbing a handful of rose petals, he tossed them high in the air, then closed his eyes as they floated down enveloping him in a curtain of fragrant satin.

  The only possible explanation was that he hadn’t been himself. His body had been taken over by an alien force. Those magnificent eyes had mesmerized him and he had fallen hopelessly under their spell. They had defied him to stay seated and continue with the rituals, and he had accepted the challenge, proceeding to tie the sacred thread around her neck and apply the vermillion powder to her forehead. And it’d been under the influence of the same spell that he had almost bedded her last night. To do something like that would never have occurred to the real Rihaan Mehta—that girl Naina had bewitched him!

  He sat up breathing hard. “Yes, that’s it. She has magical powers! It’s good she left or I’d have completely lost it. My perfectly ordered world would have come unhinged. She’s way too dangerous. I’ll be happy if I don’t ever see her again,” he announced aloud to the empty room, then collapsed back onto the bed feeling supremely relieved. Yet it was a very long time before he fell into a restless sleep.

  ***

  Not unexpectedly, morning found him groggy and irritable. A loud, jarring, annoying clamor that grew steadily intense and more insistent, penetrating even through the thick pillow he had clamped over his head, had breached his slumber. He couldn’t place the noise. The sound didn’t resemble his pager nor his cell phone—his only two ever-faithful companions.

  He lay on the bed for several moments trying to orient himself before realizing where he was and what he had been through in the past few days. It wasn’t a nightmare. It had happened and now someone was knocking hard on the door.

  “Chachi? Aap? Why…you needn’t have taken the trouble,” he blurted, discovering Uncle Rajbir’s petite wife, Rashmi, standing outside his door. She was carrying a tray bearing two silver cups and a carafe.

  “Kya karein? (What can I do?) I waited forever for bahu to come down to the kitchen. But when she didn’t, I chose to take the initiative myself,” she replied cheekily, while taking in his disheveled appearance. She ventured a peep into the darkened room but he blocked it with his broad tors
o. Her eyes chided him.

  “You opened the door. Where is bahu?”

  Rihaan inclined his head slightly toward his empty room and called out softly, “Sweetheart, look who’s here.”

  Then smiling apologetically, he said to his puzzled aunt, “Seems like she’s fast asleep. She’s worn out.”

  “And you?” Rashmi asked observing his droopy eyelids.

  “Yes, me too. We were up all night and we really need to get some rest. Sorry,” he said stepping back, drawing the door close.

  “Rihaan! Besharmi ki bhi koi hadh hoti hai! (There’s a limit to shamelessness!)”

  He stared at her, bewildered for a moment, before realizing what his words had implied. He colored, but didn’t correct himself. Let her think what she wants to. I’m not ready to reveal my folly yet.

  “All right, leave it.” She smiled, round brown eyes fluttering mischievously. “But you surprise me, Rihaan Mehta. Kahaan woh bachelor aur kahaan yeh Romeo! (You’ve come a long way from sworn bachelor to Romeo!) Perhaps bahu has cast some kind of spell over you!”

  “No chachi…she hasn’t! She…” He stopped when his aunt burst into a merry laugh.

  “Don’t worry beta, I was just teasing. But you both better wake up from your dreamland soon…nahin toh toofan aa jayega!”(…or else prepare to face the storm!)

  “What kind of storm?” Rihaan muttered, utterly baffled. Had she already deciphered what he’d been so desperately trying to hide?

  “Bachu!” she replied with an indulgent shake of her head. “It appears you have forgotten everything in your excitement. Your mom, dad, sister and her husband are all going to be here in a short time. And Shobha is so worked up already for missing the wedding of her only son…guess what will happen to her if she doesn’t get to see her bahu right away! She’ll kill us all and both of you as well!”

  Aunt Rashmi wasn’t smiling anymore. She looked quite nervous herself. Placing the tea tray aside, she scooped up a large red and gold box from a table behind her and thrust it into his hands. “Here Joru ke Ghulam! Give this to your beautiful wife and ask her to get ready ASAP. You can spoil her rotten when you take her back with you, but please maintain some decorum while you are still here. Accha impression banta hai (It makes a good impression)!” She tempered her stern words with a smile and a fond tap on his cheek before hurrying down the stairs.

  Rihaan tossed the box carelessly on the floor and began pacing the room. He was fraught with trepidation.

  “Good Lord! Chachi’s right. It completely slipped my mind!” He sunk into a chair, clutching his head in his hands. He could imagine his mother’s reaction. She would be utterly devastated. But instead of pouring empathy on him she would launch into a tirade. He could see the entire scene play out in his mind.

  “It was bound to happen,” she’d begin, holding her tiny four-eight frame stiff and erect. Then, pausing briefly to glance around at her audience to assure their unequivocal attention, she’d continue. “My son is such a simpleton. He has a brilliant mind but that is only as far as his work goes, otherwise he’s as unworldly as they come.” Her ire would then turn onto his hapless dad and he’d be soundly censured for spoiling her son’s ways. Then after his mother had calmed down some, instead of leaving him to his devices she would take it upon herself to find him a proper wife.

  “No! That can never be!” Rihaan shuddered as he imagined himself being dragged around and exhibited like a dumb mannequin, and without his assent, betrothed to one of the girls of her choice; he would be relegated to a condition worse than Rudy’s! At least Rudy liked women!

  “God,” he moaned. “What am I to do? If I can persuade Naina to act as my wife, maybe I can buy some time. Mom will be happy for a while and I can ponder over the next course of action.”

  But how would he find her now? Last night she had muddled him so much it hadn’t even occurred to him to ask for her phone number.

  Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! He started to pace again when his eyes suddenly fell on a tiny piece of paper lying beside the bed. He picked it up and saw Deepika’s cell number, printed in Naina’s crisp, clear hand.

  He flung it away after tearing it into even tinier pieces. He didn’t care to think of her name, let alone call her up.

  There was only one option left.

  In a few minutes he exchanged his deep red sherwani for street clothes. Bolting his door from the inside, he rushed to the balcony and jumped down. Then, after a cursory survey of the surroundings, he ran out onto the street.

  He had to find his wife…and soon!

  Laments

  A nondescript 3rd floor apartment in the busy district of Karol Bagh, New Delhi

  Rihaan rang the doorbell again, loud and urgent. He heard shuffling behind the door, then voices.

  Mr. and Mrs. Kher exchanged nervous glances. “Whoever it is, we can’t hide the truth anymore,” Mrs. Kher lamented.

  “I’ll take care of them, Usha. You sit.” Mr. Kher told his wife before opening the door.

  After a few moments of stunned silence, Mr. Kher addressed Rihaan who he saw waiting impatiently outside. “Damaadji… You here? At this time?” Mr. Kher poked his head out of the doorway and inspected the passage. “And alone?”

  “Please don’t address me like that. Rihaan will do just fine. And yes, I’ve come alone. Nobody in my family knows anything as of yet.” But the situation may change very quickly if I don’t find Naina soon, he thought.

  “Please come in, damaad… I mean Rihaan,” Mrs. Kher said, hurrying to greet him. She led him to the only upholstered chair in the rather drab yet spic and span room.

  Rihaan reluctantly accepted the seat of honor. Oddly, he was more agitated and fretful than furious. “I can’t stay long,” he said. “I… I need some information.” He looked around the small living room where just three days ago he’d met for the first time the people he thought were his future in-laws to be. The place was unnaturally subdued now.

  “Zaroor! Definitely.” Both Khers said simultaneously in one voice, staring uneasily at him. Mr. Kher continued after a long pause. “There’s really nothing more we can do or say to apologize for what our daughter has done. Except…maybe fall at your feet and beg your forgiveness.”

  “No, please!” Rihaan moved away just before Mrs. Kher could make a grab for his legs. “Don’t embarrass me. As far as I know, you had no role to play in the entire gig.”

  “You do? Thank you, beta. May God bless you,” Mr. Kher said looking much relieved. “But you see, kids these days are so mean and uncaring, except you…you are exceptionally honhaar!”

  Yes, a honhaar idiot would be a more appropriate description, Rihaan thought dryly.

  Mr. Kher continued ruefully. “Deepika had us both convinced she had broken up with that rogue, but see what happened? We were thoroughly deceived! Kisiko muh dikhane layak nahin choda!” (We were made to hang our heads in shame!)

  “Saari beeradri mein naak kat gayi hamaari. (The entire community is looking down upon us.)” Mrs. Kher added with a loud sniff.

  Rihaan couldn’t do much except nod sympathetically. “I’m in kind of a hurry. If you can…”

  “What a negligent host I am,” Mrs. Kher exclaimed. “What will you have? Kuch thanda ya garam?”(Something hot or cold?)

  “No, thanks. I…”

  “It was a shock to us almost as much as it was to you, son. My wife…when she saw Naina, she nearly collapsed! I had to hold her up!” Mr Kher said.

  Rihaan wondered how Mr. Kher had accomplished the feat. His wife was easily twice his size.

  “Shock?! Uncleji…thank your lucky stars I haven’t revealed my future wife’s identity to anyone yet. I wanted to introduce her after the wedding so everybody would realize how competent I was and applaud me for it,” Rihaan said, bursting into a wry laugh.

  “You did a very smart thing, beta. Or both of u
s miya biwi would have died on the spot,” Mr. Kher said.

  “Have a samosa, Rihaan,” Mrs. Kher suggested, directing his attention toward a plate heaped with the fried fritters before popping one into her own mouth.

  “Samosa?” Rihaan asked.

  “My wife eats when she gets stressed,” Mr. Kher explained.

  Rihaan couldn’t help but stare in fascination at the munching Mrs. Kher. Deepika must have really stressed her mother out quite a bit.

  “I want an annulment, of course,” Rihaan said.

  “Yes, absolutely! That’s only fair. But do understand, we have severed all ties with our daughter. She’s practically dead to us! Kyon Deepika ki ma?” (What say Deepika’s mother?) Mr. Kher glanced at his wife.

  He seems the kind of man who seeks his wife’s approval on everything. Is that the secret to a happy marriage? Rihaan mused.

  “Haan, Deepika ke papa.” (Yes, Deepika’s father.) Mrs. Kher nodded vigorously before reaching for another fritter.

  Rihaan jerked his eyes away. He could feel bile rising to his throat.

  “We hope you are happy with Naina, son,” Mr. Kher said unenthusiastically. “Though she is a little muh-phat and bold at times…”

  “And somewhat opinionated, assertive and disrespectful…” Mrs. Kher mumbled with her mouth full.

  Wow! Naina has quite an awesome reputation!

  “Yet overall, she’s a much better match for you than our Deepika,” Mr. Kher declared.

  “Unfortunately I don’t have the opportunity to find out because she has left me, too,” Rihaan said.

  “What?!” Both the Khers asked simultaneously.

  “Yes, your precious daughter persuaded Naina to take her place just in order to teach me, who by the way she calls a haughty snob, a lesson! Naina told me so in not so many words before she jilted me last night.”

  “Oh you poor, poor boy!” Mrs. Kher wailed.

  “And I, like the fool I am, let her go, without even considering the consequences. Such as, I’m not sure what will transpire when my parents arrive today and find that my bride has forsaken me. My mother is sure to raise hell and make everyone involved pay dearly! So please,” Rihaan implored, “for your sake as well as mine, tell me where I can find Naina!”