Enough

by Pacheco, Briana

  My mood changed because all I could think about was the rape.

  Everyday I would ask myself, Why me? Did I deserve it? Maybe I did! No, I didn’t. Nobody does. When will he come back again? When will I know who he is? What will I do when I see him? I knew the answer to that question but I can’t think about it anymore.

  I got up and took a shower.

  I went back to bed and covered myself up with my comforter. The bruises are still visible. They’re all over my body. I look and feel like shit.

  It was around two in the afternoon when a knock came to my door. I faced my window and rolled my eyes. “What?!” I snapped.

  “Honey, someone is here to see you.” Mom said walking in.

  I tensed up. Mom knows I don’t want to see anyone.

  “Mom, you know I said I’m not here. Tell Tiffany I went shopping or something.” She’ll go away. She’ll be a pain in the ass but she’ll go.

  I heard my mom move closer to my bed. “It’s not Tiffany. He said his name is Alex.” My eyes widened in shock. What the hell is he doing here? I hesitated before I answered.

  “Okay, let him in.” I said.

  She walked to my door and whispered to someone. What the hell?

  “She’s been a bit moody about the move. No one has heard from her teacher so she will have to move to Seattle with us. Hope you can get her out of bed.”

  I realized she was talking to Alex. What was he doing outside of my bedroom? Mom would never allow any boys upstairs. Except for Bryan.

  “I’ll try, Mrs. Vasquez.” Alex said.

  “Please, Ms. Spencer or Grace. I gave up that last name a long time ago.” Mom said.

  I heard Alex walk in and saw him stand by the windows. I see him looking at me from my peripheral vision but I didn’t glance back.

  “Close the door, Mom.” I said.

  “You know the rules. Doors stay open when we have guests.” She said. I rolled my eyes but continued to stare out of the window. That rule is bullshit. Guests stay downstairs. We don’t close doors. It’s just because I have a guy up here. Even my mom thinks I’m a whore.

  “Did you come alone?” I asked Alex.

  “Yeah. I came to see how you’re doing. You missed school and no one could get a hold of you.” He said.

  Why did he show up? He doesn’t have to pretend to care.

  “Is she gone?” I whispered.

  “Who?” He asked.

  “My mom.” He looked over at the bedroom door and nodded.

  “I don’t see–” I put my finger to my lips to shh him. I listened carefully and there was nobody there. I got up, poked my head out into the hallway and closed the door quietly. As I went back to bed I connected my iHome into the outlet and plugged my phone in to charge. I caught Alex looking at me and I didn’t realize until then that I had on pajama shorts and a tank top. All my bruises were visible. Fuck.

  I walked to bed and covered myself up.

  I got a text as soon as I sat down. I didn’t look at it. It’s probably just the same people asking the same questions, where are you? Why are you not in school? You can talk to me. Emily what happened?

  “What happened?” Alex asked.

  I answered him with a sigh.

  I’m going to have to get use to that question I guess.

  “You can sit down on the bed. You’re getting me tired just by looking at you stand.” I said. He didn’t move. Alex just looked at me as I stared back at him. “I don’t bite.” He waited then finally listened. My phone chimed again. God, leave me alone. I ignored it with an eye roll. “So…” I don’t know why he came but I’m kind of glad.

  I caught his scent as he walked over to my bed. Yummy…

  “So…did you change the bandage?” He asked.

  “I did. How did you know what to do?” I asked looking at him again.

  Alex is here…in my bedroom and I can’t think straight. I just want to cry or smile. I don’t know which.

  “My family was a bunch of doctors. My sister was practicing. I was her guinea pig when it came to cuts, broken bones, et cetera.” He said.

  I smiled but then I thought of how his sister died a while back and the smile disappeared. Shit, should I have even asked that?

  My phone chimed again. God, they can’t take a hint. I reached for my phone and I froze. It’s from unknown. I know who it’s from.

  Unknown: Emily…You’re trying to avoid me. I don’t like it. I am always watching. I know you know that. I miss you. I’ll be seeing you soon.

  I stared at it for a bit. I don’t know what to do. This guy is killing me.

  I threw my phone against the wall and heard it crash to the floor.

  I can’t avoid it any longer. I need someone to know. And I think that someone has to be Alex. He already saw a part of it. He knows some of it.

  Alex put his hand on my leg and held my eyes. “You okay?” I stared at the window then I glanced over to Alex. He moved closer to me. His hazel eyes bore into mine like he knew what I wanted to talk about.

  “It happened…it happened again.” I said.

  I let the tears roll down my cheeks.

  He moved closer to me. His legs were touching mine at this point.

  “Is that how you got…all of those?” I know he’s talking about the bruises. I nodded. “When?” I shut my eyes. I can’t look at him. I don’t want to see the pity in his eyes. “Who did this to you?” I wish I knew.

  “It’s my fault. I should have left the house. I shouldn’t have come back upstairs.” I said. I looked at him then. “When you dropped me off, I came upstairs and went to sleep. I woke up a few hours later and the power was out. I didn’t notice until I was in the kitchen. I freaked out and ran to my room.” I don’t want to remember what happened but I have to. Someone has to know. “I grabbed my phone, I was right about to call you…” I hesitated. I looked out the window again. I wiped some tears from my face.

  “Ohmygod. Emily, this is my fault. I shouldn’t have brought you here. You should have stayed–”

  There was a knock on my door and I went stiff. I brought my finger to my lips and Alex’s mouth closed. It was kind of cute to see in this fucked up situation.

  “Em, I came to see if everything’s okay.” Declan of course.

  “I’m fine.” I didn’t hear him leave so I waited.

  “Can I come in?” He asked.

  I covered myself with the comforter and mouthed don’t say anything to Alex. “Fine.” I said. A few seconds later my bedroom door opened. Declan looked at Alex then he glanced at me.

  “Are you okay? I heard something fall.” He looked back at Alex who was a few inches away from me. Declan doesn’t like men close to me.

  “It was just my phone…it froze. I threw it.” I said. He stayed quiet for a little bit, still looking at Alex. “You can go now.” I’m starting to miss the days he wasn’t here. I had privacy.

  “If you need me, let me know.” He said.

  “Yeah.” I looked back out at the window. Declan hesitated but finally closed the door. Alex looked at me. “Is he gone?” Alex nodded.

  “Why didn’t you tell me what happened? I told you that you can talk to me. What happened at school that was because what happened?” I nodded. “This is all my fault. I’m so stupid. I never should have let you leave my house.”

  I looked at him with furrowed brows. How was this his fault? He wasn’t the one who raped me. That psychopath raped me.

  “How is this your fault? I should have left my house when I knew something was wrong. With everything spreading at school, it is my fault. He even said it.” I said. Alex got up and paced my room.

  “How can you not tell anyone, Emily? You can’t keep something like that inside. What if you were going to hurt yourself? A lot of people care about you.” I couldn’t look at him anymore. I did think of hurting myself. I did try to hurt myself. I never thought of the results it would have on everyone else.

  He looked at me. I think he knew what I was th
inking about. “Emily… you didn’t hurt yourself did you?” Alex asked. I stared at him.

  “No…I didn’t.” I lied. What would he think of me if he knew? Hottest guy in school is in my room, talking to me and I don’t want him to runaway because I’m suicidal. He walked closer to my bed. I sat up straight.

  I looked at my clock and it said it was 4:37 pm. Alex must have read my mind because he asked if I wanted to go get something to eat.

  “I’d love that.” I said. I was happy the subject changed. I don’t want to think about the shit I did. I got off my bed and grabbed my phone off the floor. I’m not in the mood to bring that so I threw it on my bed.

  “Why are you throwing that around?” He asked.

  “Not in the mood to answer it.” I said. I don’t want to tell him about the texts from him. Alex waited outside of my bedroom as I changed. I put jeans on and as I was looking for a shirt, I found a long sleeved sweater that read “The Life of the Party.” I really didn’t want to wear it but I was getting tired looking like a sad sap all the time. I put my hair in a loose bun and grabbed my purse. I hit pause on my iPod and threw that on my bed as well.

  Tiffany always asked me why I have an iPod and an iPhone. I told her I got the iPod two years ago for Christmas and last year I got the iPhone for my birthday. And I just couldn’t get rid of one. Music is my life. Together they hold more music.

  “Where are you guys going?” Declan asked from the living room as we walked down the stairs.

  “Going to get something to eat. Do you want anything? I can bring something back.” I said.

  “No, I’m waiting for Scarlett and Mom. They want to do something about our ‘situation.’ Seattle got flooded so we can’t move anything. We need to bring everything to storage and see what’s going to happen next. I guess we’ll be here for your birthday.” He said smiling.

  “Well, tell them I’m leaving and I’ll be back soon.” I said. Declan would never let me leave the house with a guy. I wonder if he’s bending the rules because I was in my room for days and someone finally got me out. I don’t know but it’s weird.

  “Someone’s popular.” Alex said nodding toward flowers and balloons by the door.

  “Yeah, must be the guys from–” I stopped myself. This is not where I wanted the conversation to start at. “People care about me I guess.” I’m pretty sure all those flowers have a number on the cards. That’s how the guys are. I’m not in school, they think I’m sick and they also think penis would help me.

  Now back to what Declan said. In eight days I’ll be eighteen and my family will probably be here for it. I’m happy at the thought. I was sidetracked and in my own world that when I stepped onto the sidewalk I almost fell forward. My dream car was sitting right there. A 2012 yellow Chevy Camaro ZL1. I thought I died and went to heaven. I examined the car and it’s in perfect shape. I passed my fingers over the exterior, soft and gorgeous. Oh, man. My mouth is at my knees right now.

  I tried peeking inside but the tinted windows made it really hard to. That’s a shame. I would have loved to see if it has the Transformers symbol on the armrest. The doors unlocked and I looked around to see who it belonged to. No one was there except for Alex. Wait? This can’t be his. Can it? I mean he does have the Audi but that could have been a present. He said his family’s a bunch of doctors.

  “Is this yours?” I asked. He smiled and nodded. “Where have you been keeping him?” I gushed.

  He looked at me surprised. “And why would you assume it’s a he?”

  I smirked at him. “Obviously it’s a he. Look at him.” I checked the tires. Yes. Black 20” rims. This is the way I pictured my baby.

  “Do you want to drive him?” Alex asked.

  I rose up slowly. I can’t believe he just asked me that. I almost jumped with glee. I have to contain myself though. I’m not a child. “Yes! Are you serious?” He tossed me the keys.

  “You do have a license, right?” I nodded. I opened the door and got in. The interior was just how I liked it; black leather, automatic and the armrest had the Transformer symbol. Perfect.

  “I fell in love with these cars because of Transformers.” I said starting the car. I sank into the seat. It roared to life beautifully. “Do you want pizza? I know this place in Revere that is to die for.”

  I just want to drive this car. I’ll go to China and back if I could.

  “Sure, you’re the boss.” Alex said.

  I don’t know why he let me drive his car but I’m so excited. I left the windows closed. The winter chill is getting colder every minute and I actually like the privacy.

  There was a parking space right in front of the pizzeria and this car is meant to be looked at so I parked there. Driving this car pushed all the bad memories out. I felt like myself again, plain old Emily Vasquez, I like it.

  We entered the pizzeria and ordered a large half cheese, half pepperoni pizza. The guy said it should take no longer than fifteen minutes and that we can take a seat to wait. We sat in the back.

  “Can I ask you something?” I asked taking a seat at the booth. It blocked the Camaro but I didn’t mind. I didn’t want people to see me out here. I’m not embarrassed, I just don’t want people to say anything about what happened with Zach or the fact that I’m out with Alex.

  “Yeah, what is it?” He asked.

  Alex sat in front of me and I couldn’t help but smile when our knees brushed. This guy is smooth. He glanced outside then moved his eyes toward me.

  “Why did you let me drive the Camaro? If that was my car, I wouldn’t let anyone touch it, nonetheless drive it. Why did you let me?” He stared at me for a while. I can see he’s thinking about something.

  “Why not? You looked so surprised to see it outside your house. You were about to drool all over it.” He teased. “You just looked so happy. I couldn’t let you not drive it.” He said with a smile. “How do you know so much about cars? I mean, besides Transformers.”

  “My brother, Declan. We’re close in age so he decided to teach me about guy things. You should see me at Rock Band.” I said smiling. “He’s just very protective of me. Wanted me to know how to change tires, oil, et cetera. Just in case I get stuck somewhere. Also that is my dream car.” I pointed outside. “My mom won’t let me buy a car because of the partying and the drinking but she said when I turn eighteen I could get one.” I frowned thinking about how that’s not coming true. I’m so freaking clueless. I forgot about that.

  “What’s wrong?” Alex asked.

  I shook my head but he his eyes held mine and I cracked.

  “It’s just that…my family is moving because we’re having problems here.” I said studying him. He doesn’t look like the kind to judge. So I went on. “We’re kind of tight on money. They’re moving for ‘a fresh start.’ Mrs. Diaz let me stay with her but nobody can get in touch with her. I don’t know what to do. I’m going to have to go to Seattle if I don’t find something. I can’t though. You know why.” I looked around but nobody heard our conversation. “I can’t just run away from that problem. Yes, I turn eighteen in a few days but my mom would never let me stay somewhere she doesn’t trust. I can’t get my own place either.”

  “I could offer up my place. It’s big enough. I can talk to your mom if you want? Is there anything else I could do?” His place? What the fuck? Just the thought of being in his house with him is sending tingles to all the right places.

  “That would be nice but she doesn’t know you. I highly doubt she will. Unless you have a secret power to change my life I don’t think there is anything else you can do. Thanks though.” I said. “What about your parents? Wouldn’t they mind?” He can’t just offer up his place like that.

  Alex sifted uncomfortably in his seat and I noticed he had this pained look in his eyes. Shit. Was it something I said?

  “I live alone.” He said. What? “After my sister died, a few months later my dad had a heart attack.” He looked down at the table. Holy shit. “My mom a few days after… I don�
��t really like to talk about it.” I nodded like an idiot. That’s just…awful. He lost his family. Why didn’t I know this? Tiffany is a bad stalker. “I lost everyone I cared about but I’m still here.” I don’t know what to say. My life was pretty rough but this… This is horrible. I’m a fucking coward. I’m raped and I go straight to suicidal Emily. There are people out there with real problems. I feel so ashamed of myself.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.” I said.

  “Miss, your pizzas ready.” The guy called out behind the counter.

  Alex was getting up but I put my hand on his, “I got it.”

  His eyes found mine then he smiled and sat back down.

  As I was walking to the front counter, a group of guys walked in. “Look at that. I wonder who it belongs to.” One of them said. “I’ve never seen it around, maybe just someone stopping by.” I guess they were talking about the car. When I reached the front counter, the guys sat at a booth to my left. “Wow. Look at that beauty. I surely haven’t seen her around.” I looked to my right but there was nobody around.

  Ugh, guys.

  I paid for the pizza and I asked the guy if he had warm soda.

  “Sorry hun, only cold.” He said.

  “Ah, come on, surely you have warm soda around. Don’t be cruel to the girl.” A guy at the table said.

  The guy glanced at me and I said it was fine. I don’t really need it. We could bring the pizza to my house and enjoy it there.

  As I turned to my left, I froze. The group of guys are from Wilks Academy. I know them. Zach and Liam and two others from the football team. “Would you look at that, I already know her.” Zach said. I saw his nose, it looked swollen and I guess it’s broken. Liam smiled at me and the rest of the guys looked at me in surprise. “Life of the party, huh? That’s what everyone says.” said Zach.

  “Leave her alone.” I was actually surprised to hear Liam say anything. I don’t know anyone who tries to tell Zach what to do. I started walking back to Alex when Zach said something that frustrated me.