Enough

by Pacheco, Briana

“I was just thinking…how did I get so lucky to have you in my life?” I thought about that. Wow. Nothing lucky happened. I was raped. “I mean, I am lucky you’re in my life.” I said.

  “I am, too.” Alex said. God, my heart stopped when his hand found mine. Yeah, he’s not just looking to score.

  As I closed my eyes, I thought about Scarlett. She’ll be okay. She’s hurt but she’ll be okay.

  “Goodnight, Em.”

  “Goodnight, Alexandra.”

  ***

  I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I got out of Alex’s bed quick and quietly so he wouldn’t wake up and I went into the hallway and closed the door.

  “Mom?” I answered.

  “Em, Scarlett’s awake. Everything went smooth and she’ll be fine. She has stitches and just has to take it easy. How are you doing?” Mom asked. I know she’s freaking out in the inside. I hear it in her voice. I guess Moms never stop worrying. Ours doesn’t.

  “I’m fine.” I said. “I’ll get there as soon as I can. Are you guys at Mass General?”

  “Yeah, go to the front desk and tell them you’re looking for Scarlett, They’ll be moving her to the ICU in a different building soon so I don’t want to you run around looking for us.” ICU. My sister is in the hospital. Scar is only twenty-four and she almost got killed. I still have the negative thoughts in my head. If Scar died…that would be on me.

  “Okay, I can probably get there in a few minutes,” I said. “Mom…I’m sorry this happened to Scar, it’s all my fa–”

  “Don’t say that.” She cut me off. “This isn’t your fault. It was that crazy psychopath who did this. Do you hear me? It’s not on you, Emily. Do the police have any leads?” She said taking a breath.

  “No. They’re going to pass by the hospital and ask Scar a few things.” I said finding the door to the bathroom. “I’ll see you in a little bit. Love you, Mom.”

  “I love you, too. Emily…be careful out there okay?”

  “Yeah. I know.” I sighed.

  I went to the bathroom and did my business then decided to snoop around. I haven’t paid attention to the house before and it’s gorgeous. There are maybe six bedrooms in total, two bathrooms; one upstairs and one downstairs. Not to mention Alex’s bathroom. And that’s just the second floor. The first floor has plenty of doors leading to different rooms. This house is massive. I got to thinking…it’s too big for someone like Alex. It needs more people in here. It needs a family. His family.

  I walked back to Alex’s room and sat on the bed to shake his arm softly. “Alex.” I whispered. God, his arms are solid. He didn’t wake up so I shook him again. “Alex, wake up.” He stirred in his sleep then cracked an eye open. I couldn’t help but smile.

  “Is everything okay?” He asked in the sleepy voice. He ran his hand through his hair and yawned. Gorgeous.

  “Scarlett woke up. I didn’t want to wake you up but if I leave, the alarm will go off.” I said. He sat up and ran a hand over his face. I caught myself staring.

  “Don’t worry about it. Let me change and we’ll go. I promise to be quick. That is…do you want me to go?” He asked unsure. I nodded and left the room. He really had to ask. I know I’m hogging up his time but come on, I can’t really tell him to stay home. Once he’s had enough of me then I’ll let him go. Right now, I’ll talk all the time I can get.

  I went downstairs to the living room and sat on the couch. I’m still wearing the same clothes from yesterday but I don’t care. Scarlett is all I could think about. Clothes can wait.

  Alex came down a few minutes later wearing a black t-shirt that showed off all his muscles, jeans and Converse sneakers. He looks radiant. All he needs is a black and red Cincinnati Reds hat and my fantasy has been fulfilled. I must look like I haven’t slept in a few days compared to him. I look like I got attacked in the streets with the dark circles under my eyes.

  He grabbed his keys and disarmed the alarm system.

  We walked down the steps to the driveway and I noticed the Camaro wasn’t there. He opened the garage door and walked up to the Audi. Declan’s car is staying behind I guess.

  “Oh, I was going to ask you about all of those. Another time.” I said eyeing the rows of cars. I spotted the Camaro a few cars down. Why does one man have so many cars? I thought.

  We got in and drove to the hospital. The man at the front desk told us where Scarlett was but I couldn’t understand all the directions he was giving. I hate hospitals. I like to go in and come out as fast as I can. I’ve only come twice. Once when my cousin Gabby needed help with a baby problem and once when Declan broke his arm skateboarding. He was trying to show me a trick and then bam, he was bleeding.

  Alex nodded, said thank you and I followed him to the elevators. Alex pressed the thirteenth floor button.

  “How do you know where to go?” I asked.

  “My family… I spent a lot of time wondering these halls.” He said looking down and biting his lip. I nodded. Alex hasn’t told me much about his family. All I know is that his sister died in a car accident with Ben’s sister and his dad had a heart attack. What about his mom? What happened to her? I won’t ask him because he clearly doesn’t want to tell me. He looks lost and I hate myself for asking him how he knows his way around.

  The elevator doors opened and we walked down a corridor until we saw the receptionist on the phone. “Can you hold on one second, honey? Someone came in.” She said. She moved the phone down and covered the mouth piece. “How can I help you?”

  “I’m looking for Scarlett Vasquez. She was brought up here a few minutes ago.” I said.

  She started typing whatever she was typing and then nodded.

  “Yes. She’s in room 1315. Go down this hallway and take a right. It’ll be right there.” She said.

  “Thank you.” Alex and I said.

  We followed her directions and found the room. Mom and Declan were sitting in chairs on the sides of Scarlett’s bed. It reminded me of when I was here. Three times, then. I forgot about that.

  “Scarlett.” I called out and all three of them looked up at me. Scarlett tried to wave me over but she was too weak, her hand dropped to her side. I felt the tears running down my face as I walked over to her. “Scarlett, I’m sorry about all of this.” I cried.

  She just shook her head. “Don’t worry about me.” She whispered. “Emily, I have to tell you something.” I leaned in closer to her. “He said he’ll be coming after you soon. He told me–” She coughed and groaned in pain.

  “Emily, we should let her rest.” Mom said. I know that but Scarlett wasn’t done. My eyes went back to Scarlett and I could see how sleepy she looks. Painkillers.

  “Tell me later.” I said wiping hair off her face. “Rest up, okay?” She nodded and turned her head to Declan. She mouthed something but I couldn’t make it out.

  “Tell her.” Scar whispered a bit louder. Declan’s eyes widened and if it wasn’t for the look on his face, I would have thought nothing of it.

  “Tell me what?” I asked with furrowed brows. He got out of his seat and walked over to the door. I followed him out. As I passed by Alex I said I needed a minute. He nodded and walked over to Mom and Scar.

  Declan closed the door behind me.

  “Emily, we weren’t going to tell you this until Mom was ready.” Declan said. “Scarlett came to me after you left yesterday. She told me what you guys were talking about in her room.” He said. Okay…I remember. The talk about Alex and Bryan. What does Mom have to do with this?

  “Yeah, what about that?” I asked.

  “She went to your room to tell you something.” He said.

  “Why would she go to my room? She knew I left.” I said glancing at him He wasn’t telling me something.

  “We heard your bedroom door close. She thought it was you.” He said looking at the floor. Okay, something’s up.

  “Declan, what did she want to tell me?” I asked. He wouldn’t answer me. “Declan!” I said a little louder.

&
nbsp; He finally glanced up at me. “You know I love you a lot. Nothing can change that.” A nurse walked by and when she was out of ear shot, he continued. “You can’t have feelings for Bryan. We shouldn’t have even let him be friends with you.” What? Now he’s going to tell me what I can feel towards people. That’s taking the big brother thing to another level. I do whatever I want.

  “What are you saying?” I asked confused.

  I thought my family liked Bryan. They do.

  “Nothing can happen between the two of you.” Declan said.

  “Why not?” I asked standing right in front of him.

  “Because…” Declan just stared at me. His green eyes holding my blue ones. What’s going on? I’ve never seen him this…confused, torn, ashamed.

  “Because what, Declan? What are not telling me?!” Why is he not telling me anything?!

  “Emily, did anything happen between the two of you?” He asked. I stared at him. What does this have to do with anything?

  “No. I mean yes.” I said. He tensed up. “Why does it matter? You’re getting me really ticked off right now, Declan.” He grabbed my shoulders and looked straight into my eyes. He’s torn. That’s what it is. Hurt and torn.

  “Emily, I don’t know how to say this.” He said.

  “Just say it.”

  “Bryan’s…he’s…he’s your brother.” Declan said slowly.

  I stared at him in disbelief. Then the words sank in. That’s not true.

  “Are you joking right now? That is so not funny, Declan. Mom wouldn’t have an affair with anyone.” I said rolling my eyes. This is the worst joke ever. Like come on, I almost had sex with Bryan. That would just be gross. He’s not my brother.

  “I’m not joking.” Declan deadpanned. “Scarlett went into your room to tell you. Mom didn’t want to tell you until after your eighteenth birthday but what you told Scar about your feelings for him, we had to say something.” I shook his hands off me. I don’t believe this. But some of it is starting to make sense. Why my family never worried about Bryan being alone in my bedroom with me. Why they always had him over and enjoyed it.

  Does Bryan know? No, he can’t. He wouldn’t have kissed me. He wouldn’t have made me feel the way I do, right? He wouldn’t… we wouldn’t have…

  I almost had sex with him.

  Ohmygod!

  “Are you telling me that Bryan is my brother?” I said through gritted teeth. Declan nodded.

  “Taylor’s your father.” He said. Oh, God. This explains a lot now. This explains why my dad did what he did when I was younger.

  “I almost slept with him, Declan! Don’t you think that I should have known this sooner?!” I was on the verge of slapping him. I really was.

  I stomped my way back into the hospital room. Childish, I know. Scarlett looked at me and she knows what happened outside. I just want to scream and yell at this point.

  “Alex, I need to go!” I snapped. I looked at Mom. “We need to talk later. You know about what.” I said in disgust. Eighteen years. Eighteen fucking years and nobody told me. Nobody thought I had the right to know that my father is Bryan’s father. I’ve had the biggest crush on my brother! That’s disgusting. I’m fucking disgusting!

  I left the room with Alex following me and Declan going in. I shoved past him when he tried to say something to me. I just can’t look at him right now.

  I have to talk to Bryan. That’s what I have to do. Because if he knew he’s my brother and he still kissed me and he still almost has sex with me, then we’re done. He needs help. No one in their right mind should seduce their sister.

  Bryan will be in school though. It’s around eleven. Ugh.

  We got into the elevator and went down to the lobby in silence.

  I still can’t believe what Declan told me.

  “I need to go to Bryan’s.” I said staring at the ground as we walked out of the front entrance and over to the parking garage.

  “Is something wrong?” Alex asked. “Scarlett kept looking over at the two of you.”

  I shook my head. I have to talk to Bryan’s dad first. I have to see if this is true. I really hope its not. Why would Declan make that up?

  “Please don’t ask me questions right now, Alex. My head is about to explode and I have too much to think about.” I said.

  He nodded and paid for the parking. Ugh, I’ll pay him later.

  We took the elevator to his car and he drove.

  We were at Bryan’s in less then fifteen minutes.

  Alex parked and I turned toward him in my seat, staring at him for a while. I was taking everything about him in. I never want to forget the way his lips look, the way his eyelashes are a bit to long for a man but they look sexy as hell and the way his eyebrows furrow as his eyes search my face like he’s trying to piece me together. This man is perfect. And I want this man to be mine. But my life fucking sucks. I don’t deserve him.

  His lips parted ready to say something but I stopped him by crashing my lips to his. Alex pulled me into him and let his tongue slip past my parting lips. As much as I’m confused and hurting right now about the lies and Bryan, this is what is helping me.

  Alex is helping me.

  A tear escaped against my will and slid down my cheek. My life is like a fucked up rollercoaster ride and I know Alex shouldn’t have deal with everything going on. He shouldn’t have to deal with me. No one should.

  It’s selfish but I want him in my life. We just started talking and spending time together but in that short time…I am already head over heels.

  He makes me feel worth something.

  Yeah, before I met Alex I was happy and strong and independent but it was fake. I never felt…right. I walked my way through life to try and be someone but it never worked out.

  After the rape I lost everything I ever worked for. I lost the hope. I lost me again. Last time that happened, I almost ended up dead. If it wasn’t for Mark and Christy helping me, I probably would have died. I have so much to thank them for and all I’m doing is ignoring them. I can’t tell them about the rape. I know this would never happen but I feel like they would think I asked for it. Because of what happened this summer, they might see me as the bad person.

  I pulled away from Alex’s warm embrace, his lips, him and wiped away the tear. I know he’ll leave one day. Everyone does. I shouldn’t get attached, right?

  “Why are you crying?” Alex asked.

  “You know how I feel about you.” I said focusing on the dashboard instead of his watchful eyes. “It doesn’t seem fair to have me spring all of this on you, Alex. My life is rough right now and it always will be…but you make it worth living for me. I shouldn’t be saying this but I can’t help it. I don’t want to wake up one day and find you gone and out of my life because of everything I’m putting you through.” I looked out of the window and found Bryan’s dad leaving the front door. I have to talk to him before he goes anywhere.

  “Emily, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” He said.

  I shook my head and bit my lip.

  I hate to leave this conversation on hold but I have to go.

  “Can we can talk about this when I come back?” I asked.

  Alex’s eyes found Taylor and he nodded, confused. He has no idea what Declan and I talked about. In a way it’s good.

  I opened the car door and got out.

  Bryan’s dad (possibly my dad) is a well built man. He has short light brown hair and blue eyes…yeah, the resemblance is unbelievable now that I know what to piece together. I never thought about it before now but I can see it. Ohmygod. I can see it.

  “Mr. Vincent.” I called out as he was about to get into his car. He looked up from the car and when he saw me I saw that look. The look that I never once put to much thought into. It’s the look of a father seeing his child. I’ve seen him look at Bryan and Ella like this. He loves them. They’re his world.

  “Emily? Is school out early today?” He asked as I walked over to the driver side. Yeah, talk about
school. It’s easier.

  “I don’t know. Is Bryan here?” I asked.

  “No, he should be in school. You can wait here for him if you’d like.” He looked at me curiously. “Wait, did you go–”

  “I didn’t go today. Have a lot of stuff to do. I didn’t come for Bryan. I came to talk to you.” I said. Taylor closed his car door and leaned against it.

  “What is it?” He asked giving me his attention.

  “I don’t know how to say this.” I said looking down at the driveway gravel. “I found something out today. I just want the truth from you, okay? Are you…” I found his eyes. Eyes that are almost the color of mine. Eyes that should have been a clue. I’m a fucking idiot. I didn’t see it before.

  He knows what I’m talking about. He tensed up and looked past me all while I saw his Adam’s apple bob up and down. “Am I what?” He asked. He’s nervous. I’m nervous.

  Just do it! I screamed at myself.

  “Are you my father?” I blurted. “Is Bryan…is Bryan my brother?”

  Taylor held my eyes and I wanted to crumble onto the ground.

  “You weren’t supposed to find out.” He said dropping his head. “I talked to your mother after I found out she was pregnant with you. She didn’t want to leave your father.” My father? Hello? “She didn’t want anything from me except that I keep it a secret. Who told you?”

  Like that matters.

  I thought about what was about to happen with Bryan when I came over. I almost had sex with him. I almost had sex with my brother! It wasn’t my fault though. No one decided I should know.

  “And Wendy accepts this? Me. You cheated on her.” I said.

  He nodded. “I know.” That’s it?!

  “Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I asked with tears in my eyes. My voice is about to crack and there’s nothing I can do about it. He grabbed my arm and I shook him free.

  “Emily.” God, just hearing him have that much emotion in that one word killed me. He mine as well call me ‘daughter.’ “What happened with your father–David, when you were little…he found out and went ballistic.” He’s grabbing his hair now. I guess we have that in common. When I’m angry I pull my hair. “He should have never laid a finger on you.” He sighed. “Emily, my family couldn’t find out at the time. Your mom and I agreed to keep it secret.”