Life After Humanity

by Gillian St. Kevern

  Is he looking at me? It would have been easy to wave, but Nate found that he couldn’t move. He could only stare at Ben across the distance between them. His chest gave an unhappy lurch, and he felt the ache anew.

  Ben’s companion said something. He turned away, getting into her car without a backward look.

  It was only as the car turned the corner that Nate was able to grip the railing and pull himself to his feet. Ben—

  He’d needed Nate’s arm to make the return trip to the apartment. Now he was talking business with strangers and—as far as Nate could judge—pulling it off without any sign of weakness. Stupid. Did I forget how strong he was?

  Nate swallowed. Did I really think I could protect him? He’s got more strength in one little finger than I have in my entire being—strength of an oak or no! He gripped the railing tightly. Learning the truth about his magical abilities hadn’t changed who he was. Deep down inside, he was still the same attention-starved kid who would do anything to be needed. What was I thinking? You can’t make a daisy into an oak… No matter how good I get at using my powers, I’ll still be weak inside. My need to be needed—it’s like rot. It’s in too deep…

  And a rotten heart was no use to Ben—or anyone.

  There was a quick knock, followed by the sound of his bedroom door opening. “Hey, Nate. You— Nate?” Aki’s voice raised.

  Nate placed his hand over the vines, but he knew it was too late. There was no chance of hiding the ivy. “Aki.”

  Aki approached cautiously, his eyes wide. “Is that…growing out of you?”

  “So what if it is? I told you about the plant stuff.” Nate winced at the sound of his voice. Defensive much? How had he ever thought that he’d accepted his plant self?

  “Yeah, but— I didn’t think it’d be like this.” Aki took a step closer, plainly fascinated.

  Nate fought the urge to tug the vine away. “Is it really that weird?”

  “Totally.” Aki managed to drag his gaze off the vine and up to Nate’s face. “But if this is what saved your life, then as far as I’m concerned, it’s cool.”

  Nate breathed out. “Thanks, Aki.”

  “Anytime. So, are you going to mope for the entire day, or you want to join me for lunch?”

  “Shouldn’t that be breakfast—” Nate dropped his gaze to the clock by his bed. Two PM. “Never mind.”

  NATE SAT AT the table, a mug of coffee in front of him. He knew he should feel hungry, but there was no desire to eat. No desire for anything.

  “This is a one-time-only offer to make food,” Aki said, digging through the pantry. He had a loaf of bread, ham, and butter already on the bench. “You really going to turn that down?”

  Nate smiled faintly. “Yeah. Sorry, Aki. I just…don’t want anything.”

  “Well, when you’re totally jealous of my great sandwich, remember it was your decision to mope that cost you a sandwich of your own.” Aki shot him a look. “You’re not going to make moping over your coffee a regular thing, are you?”

  Nate picked up his mug. “I’m waiting for it to cool.”

  “Sure you are. Seriously, Nate. You’re not yourself. In the time it took me to shower, dress, update my social media, and shave, you walked into the kitchen and sat down.”

  “I’ve got a lot to think about.”

  “Ben practically killed you and dumped you. That’s pretty obviously a sign the relationship is over.”

  Nate sucked in his breath. Even knowing Aki didn’t pull punches, that hurt. “He took me to Department Seven for the vampire test first.” Nate looked down at the dark surface of his coffee. Unbidden, the memory of Ben’s skin, clammy beneath his fingers, his pulse so faint that for a few terrifying seconds Nate couldn’t feel it at all, came back.

  Nate shut his eyes, but the memory came with him. Ben staring at him, his anguish written all over his wild, scared expression, and then that moment of blankness, when he locked his feelings down—locking Nate out. I can’t blame him. I wouldn’t trust me either.

  “At least one of you is making smart decisions.”

  It took Nate a moment to pick up the thread of the conversation. “How rude. You’re supposed to be my best friend. Be nice to me.”

  “Let’s be real. If Ben walked in here right now, with a bunch of flowers and an apology, what would you do?”

  Nate put the coffee down with a sigh. “I don’t know.”

  “Would you take him back?”

  “He’s not going to want me back. And if he did—” Nate traced the grain of the wooden table with a finger. “I don’t know. I miss him—but I can’t bear the thought of hurting him again.”

  “I guess that’s a start.” Aki licked butter off the knife he’d just used. “I mean, it’d be even better if you were anxious about your own well-being, but baby steps.”

  “You’re going to cut your tongue doing that. Also it’s gross.” Nate’s gaze fell on the bowl of water in the corner of the kitchen, an empty plate beside it. The dog would not be joining them for another meal. “You think we did the right thing?”

  “Absolutely,” Aki said at once. “The more I think about it, the angrier I get. That was a total invasion of our privacy.”

  That was…vehement. Even for Aki, who never made a statement without making it clear what his opinion was. Nate raised his head to watch Aki. “Is that all you’re upset about?”

  Aki’s shoulders hunched. “Isn’t that enough?”

  Nate set the coffee cup down. “You’re acting as if— Did something happen I don’t know about?” He saw Aki’s jaw clench. “You know I won’t tell anyone.”

  “I’m holding you to that.” Aki looked down at the sandwich he was assembling. “So. When you were out, the dog was hanging out with me and I talked to it. Like, a lot. I told it some—really personal shit. Stuff I haven’t even told you. And the dog just looked at me with its dumb dog eyes, and— Anyway, finding out that I wasn’t talking to a dog? I feel—violated.”

  “Shit.” Nate stared at Aki with dismay. “I had no idea—I’m so sorry, Aki.”

  “And then armed with my deepest darkest secrets, he tries to make my acquaintance—that’s seriously creepy levels of stalker!” Aki slammed the fridge door shut. “No, we are way better off without the dog in the house.”

  “You’re right.” Nate stood, picking up the dog’s bowl and plate. He dropped them in the sink, starting the tap.

  “Obviously. I said so, didn’t I?” Aki opened the fridge. “Where’s the ketchup?”

  “In the pantry.” Nate picked up his coffee cup for the third time.

  How long ago was it that he’d been getting groceries for Ben? It felt like an age ago. I can’t believe I thought I had anything to offer that he wasn’t capable of himself… Guess my need to be needed was so strong it reached delusional levels…

  “This is hot sauce, Nate.” Aki brandished a bottle accusingly.

  Nate stared at it a moment before pulling himself back to the moment. “You tried the fridge?”

  “First place I looked.”

  Nate stood, levering himself up to peer inside the fridge. “Guess we’re out then.”

  “We can’t be out of ketchup!”

  “So use the hot sauce.”

  “On ham?”

  “Why not? You like hot sauce.”

  “Not on ham!” Aki jabbed a finger at him. “There are limits, Nate.”

  Nate leaned against the fridge. “Try it. You might like it.”

  “I don’t want to like it.” Aki waved a hand toward his unfinished sandwich. “There are times when you want ketchup and only ketchup will do. Not hot sauce. It doesn’t matter how good the hot sauce is, if it’s not ketchup, it’s not right.”

  Nate frowned. “It doesn’t matter how good the hot sauce is?”

  Aki nodded enthusiastically. “Sometimes only ketchup will do.” He paused. “What? Why are you starting at me?”

  Nate drew a deep breath. “You’re right. It’s like how you can
’t make a poppy into an oak, any more than you can make an acorn grow a poppy. You can’t change what you are—but you can grow what you are.”

  “Um—”

  “All this time, I was trying to be something I wasn’t. Someone who was strong, who didn’t get pushed around. I used my powers to fight, thought that made me powerful—I forgot that I like taking care of people. That I’m good at it—that it means a lot to me. So when Ben needed something from me, I didn’t think about it—that part of me had been starved, I ignored all the danger signs.”

  “I don’t—”

  “But taking care of people is my strength. Think of a forest. You’ve got the tall trees—yeah, they’re strong. But they also shelter the plants around them. The leaves they drop feed the plants beneath—it’s called a parasol eco-system. That’s me.” Nate straightened, his heart thudding with the magnitude of his discovery. “And you realize what that means?”

  “Nate.” Aki ran his hand over his face. “I just want a sandwich.”

  “We need to find Grant.” Nate made his way toward the door.

  “The werewolf? What—why?” Aki made no attempt to follow.

  “After everything that happened, I still want to help him. I think that means a lot.” Nate pulled on a slightly fresher T-shirt and fished his jacket out of his wardrobe.

  “You just admitted that you need to be needed. How do you know this isn’t some—rebound thing? You can’t help Ben, so you’re focusing on Grant.”

  Nate’s chest tightened. He felt a sense of sadness at the thought of Ben, but mingled with it was a sort of pride. “Ben doesn’t need our help.” Nate pulled on socks and stepped into his battered sneakers. “Grant does. And we’re possibly the only ones in New Camden who can help him now.” He grabbed his wallet and strode into the living room.

  “Just because we can doesn’t mean we have to!” Aki stood in the kitchen doorway. “Where do you get this ‘we’ from anyway?”

  “Grant’s got no reason to trust us right now. We threw him out. He knows we’re mad. He might not listen to me, but I’ve got the feeling he’ll listen to you.” Nate stepped into Aki’s room, scanning the floor. Aki kept most of his wardrobe strewn across his bed and floor and it took him a few moments to identify Aki’s jacket, flung over the foot of the bed. “Here.” He held out the jacket to Aki.

  Aki made no move to take it. “Nate, I’m not kidding when I say I’m mad at the guy. What on earth makes you think I want anything to do with this ludicrous impulse of yours?”

  “Remember what you said in the park—that you didn’t think you’d ever find someone interested in you if they knew the real you first?” Nate motioned to the surrounding apartment. “The dog lived here with us. He saw us—both of us—at our most honest. Without trying to impress. Hell, you weren’t even very nice to him.”

  “Yeah. Smart me. What’s your point?”

  “It was after he’d seen the real you that the wolf tried to get to know you. He was interested in you—the real you—and he was willing to risk getting captured by Department Seven or Wisner’s pack to try to get to know you.”

  Aki stared at him. “Are you serious? You’re just guessing—you can’t possibly know that.”

  Nate knew he was right. “He’s been on the run for weeks now. You think he’d risk his freedom for anyone who wasn’t important to him?”

  Aki looked at the jacket he held. His expression was conflicted. “I don’t know about this, Nate. I really don’t know.”

  “You don’t have to come with me,” Nate told him. “And I won’t bring him back here without your permission. But my gut says that you’re the key factor here.”

  “Key factor. Ugh. Nate, you really need to work on your flattery.” Aki rubbed his hand over his face. “Okay, fine. I’ll come with you—but I’m only doing this to make sure you’re not getting taken advantage of.”

  Nate felt his chest ease. “Thanks, Aki.”

  “You should be thankful!” Aki grabbed his keys off the coffee table. “And just remember—I have not agreed to this.”

  MASON’S PARK HAD the usual crowd of small children with their parents, retirees on the jogging track, and serious runners weaving through the crowd with expressions of serious concentration. Nate walked slowly, scanning the ground for the dog’s familiar white-gray coat.

  “No sign?”

  He looked up to see Aki jogging toward him from the other area of the park. “Nothing.”

  “It makes sense he’d go somewhere else. After all, he doesn’t know that we won’t change our minds and turn him in to Department Seven.”

  Nate looked around the park with a sense of defeat. For the first time since the elevator doors had closed behind Ben, he’d had certainty, a sense of purpose. The feeling was so strong, he hadn’t even considered what they’d do if they couldn’t find Grant.

  Aki watched him, stretching idly. “You want to search another park?”

  But the dog wasn’t there either.

  “The problem is that we don’t know enough about the guy,” Aki said. “Our interactions with him have been all one-sided. So you don’t know he needs our help—any more than you know how to find him now.”

  Nate’s shoulders sagged as he followed Aki down the road to their apartment. “I guess you’re right.” Mentally, he berated himself. Stupid! Have I learned nothing?

  “Don’t feel bad, Nate. You’ve already gone above and beyond by even looking for him—trust me, no one else in this city would have done what we just did.”

  “And it didn’t work.” Nate trudged along.

  Aki was quiet a moment. “This is that important to you? You barely know the guy.”

  “I know he needs help,” Nate said quietly. “And that we can help him. And—well, none of what I’ve seen of his stepfather makes me think that the guy is good news.”

  “His stepfather didn’t force him to spy on us,” Aki said. “But yeah, I will give you that point. I still think you’re taking this way too personally.”

  Nate’s smile flickered tiredly as they turned the corner onto their street. “When I went into Department Seven for my first counseling session, the reception was full of hunters. They were all armed, and every one of them was there for information to try to catch this guy. They didn’t ask what he’d done to deserve being hunted down. They only cared about the price on his head. It—made me think. When—the hunter was found dead on our farm, and all our neighbors thought Ethan was responsible… It was the worst feeling ever, Aki. I felt really trapped—like there was nowhere we could run.”

  Aki drew a sharp breath. “This guy’s not Ethan, Nate.”

  “I know. But—part of me thinks we need to stick together. Help each other out. And Charlotte and Vazul insist he’s a cool guy.”

  Aki snorted. “He’ll need to be more than a cool guy. Seriously, Nate—” He ground to a sudden halt.

  Nate barely avoided clipping Aki with his elbow. He looked up, wondering what Aki had seen.

  A man stood in the alleyway. He wore a charcoal-gray hoodie with the hood pulled up, but that did nothing to disguise him. His wild blonde beard, shaggy and unkempt, exploded out of the hoodie. More than a few leaves stuck to his jeans, and he had a duffel bag slung over his shoulders. His tawny eyes were fixed on Aki. “Talking about me?”

  Aki clenched his hands into fists. “So what if we were? You have to admit you’ve given us a lot to talk about.”

  Not the least of which was what Grant was doing in human form in full daylight. Nate glanced around the street, but no one seemed to have spotted them.

  “I know. That’s why I’m here.” The man hesitated. “I owe you an apology and an explanation. That is, if you’re willing to hear it.”

  “This is really dangerous.” Nate kept his voice pitched calmly. “If anyone saw you—”

  Grant winced slightly. “Considering the risk I put the two of you under, I think that’s fair.”

  “Fair?” Aki’s voice hitched incredulou
sly. “Do you really think anything you say can make up for what you did?”

  Grant’s eyes were fluid, resting on Aki with deep pain. “I know it can’t. But this is all I can offer, so I had to try.”

  Aki hesitated, his mouth screwed shut.

  “Your call,” Nate said.

  “Thanks.” Aki jabbed a finger toward Grant. “If we change our minds about this, you go. Understood?”

  “You have my word,” Grant said fervently.

  “And you’re taking a shower and a shave as soon as we get back to the apartment.” Aki shoved his hands in his pockets, walking off.

  “Thank you.” Grant hurried after him.

  Aki snorted. “Don’t think I’m being kind,” he threatened. “Your body odor is an attack on the senses. And do not get me started on that beard—”

  Nate fought a smile as he brought up the rear. Grant was about to discover just what he’d let himself in for.

  Chapter Seventeen

  NOTHING HAD CHANGED, but the university had taken on the subtle difference of a nightmare. With his breath sticking in his throat, Ben navigated the crowd of students. He couldn’t avoid being jostled, stepped on, or bumped into. Thanks to the Class Six restrictions, he was invisible. If the crowd turns, I’ll be trampled or crushed—and no one would ever know. By the time he reached the supernatural department, his skin was clammy and his heart beat fast.

  I’ve never been happier for the department’s open campus policy. The door opened at Ben’s touch and the wards, allowing for the presence of supernatural guest speakers, did not expel him.

  The secretary looked up and frowned, clearly wondering why the door had opened if there was no one there. Ben winced. Clutching the strap of his backpack, he walked down the hall to the office at the end. He knocked and was greeted by a voice within. He exhaled in relief. He didn’t have a backup plan if Professor Winnaker was unable to see him. He was on shaky ground as it was. Knowing Grant was friends with Charlotte and Vazul, he’d looked into the pair online. Both were students of supernatural studies at the University of New Camden, making the department the starting point of Ben’s investigation. He stepped into the office.