by Amanda Abram
“He was,” I said solemnly with a nod.
“Well, that’s just great,” he mumbled.
“I spoke to him earlier,” I said before I could stop myself.
Dylan’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You did?”
“Yeah. We literally bumped into each other, and I got him to talk to me for a minute.”
“And? How did that go?”
“About as well as you assumed it would.”
“Yeah, I figured.”
“I had a talk with Nick, too.”
“Seriously?” He raked a hand through his hair. “Wait, is that why you’ve been acting weird all day? What did they say to you?”
“Nothing I didn’t already know,” I said so quietly I wasn’t sure if he’d heard me.
“Cass,” he sighed, “I told you not to worry about this—”
“That’s a lot easier said than done.”
“It really isn’t. Just ignore them. That’s what I’m doing.”
“But maybe you shouldn’t.”
He tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes. “Maybe I shouldn’t what?”
“Maybe you shouldn’t be ignoring them. Maybe you shouldn’t be ignoring Elijah.”
“What other choice do I have? Elijah wants nothing to do with me right now. Neither do the rest of the guys. There’s nothing I can do to change that.”
“That’s not true. There is one thing you can do.”
It wasn’t until those words were out of my mouth that I knew what this was. What was happening here. What I was about to do.
Don’t, I scolded myself. Don’t do it.
But I had to. If I didn’t, things would only continue to get worse. Worse between Dylan and Elijah. Worse between Dylan and his other friends. And worse between Dylan and me. Because I would always blame myself for ruining his friendship with Elijah.
And eventually, he would too.
Whether he wanted to admit it or not.
“Cass,” Dylan said, his voice tight. “Don’t even suggest what I think you’re about to suggest.”
He knew. He knew exactly where this was going.
I swallowed hard as a lump began to form at the base of my throat. “It’s not too late to fix things with Elijah.”
“Cass.”
“If you just go to him and apologize…tell him you made a mistake—”
“I didn’t make a mistake.” He took a step toward me, motioning between us. “This is not a mistake.”
“But what if it is?” I bit down hard on my lip as I felt tears beginning to form in my eyes.
“It’s not.”
I shook my head. “You may think that now, but how long is it going to be before you regret giving up a lifelong friendship for some girl?”
“Cass, I think I’ve made it quite clear to you that you’re not just ‘some girl’ to me.”
“But I am, though,” I said in a shaky voice. “I mean, we’ve known each other for less than a year. And for most of that time, I was with Elijah and you and I barely ever talked. We didn’t really get to know each other until just a couple of weeks ago.”
“So?”
“So, you’re throwing away a seventeen-year friendship over a relationship that will realistically last, what, a few months? Maybe another year? Until we graduate and go off to colleges hundreds of miles away from each other?” I glanced wildly around the hallway, which was now practically empty. “You don’t think for one second that you won’t regret that?”
“No,” he said firmly. “I don’t.”
“But you will,” I said, my voice cracking. “I know you will. And you’ll resent me for it. Like you said, you already do.”
Dylan’s face scrunched up in confusion. “What are you talking about? Cass, I never said that.”
He was right; he hadn’t. That had been dream Dylan, not the real Dylan. And the real Dylan knew nothing about my dream, because I hadn’t told him about it. Because I knew he’d have the same reaction as Lauren and tell me it was just a dream and that it didn’t mean anything.
I hadn’t told him about it because he wouldn’t understand. Just like Lauren didn’t understand. I knew my dream neither reflected reality nor necessarily predicted the future. However, I also knew what dreams really were: a manifestation of our subconscious desires and fears.
I feared Dylan was going to hate me someday. I feared he was never going to get over how things ended with his best friend.
“It doesn’t matter,” I continued, quickly brushing it off before he questioned me further. “You and Elijah have a long history together. You guys can’t just give up on your friendship like this.”
“Hey,” he said defensively, “I’m not the one giving up on our friendship; he is.”
“Because he believes you betrayed him. And, let’s face it, you kind of did. You didn’t mean to. You didn’t want to. But you did.”
Dylan lowered his gaze to the floor. “I know that,” he said quietly.
“But it’s not too late to try to fix things with him. You two can move past this. You can get him to forgive you.” I paused as the lump in my throat began to dissolve. “But in order for that to happen, we can’t be together.”
Dylan returned his pained gaze to mine. “Cass, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying…” Tears welled up in my eyes and I fought hard to keep them from spilling over. “I’m saying you need to work things out with Elijah. That’s what’s most important right now.”
He stared at me in disbelief. “Are you breaking up with me?”
Hearing him say the words “breaking up” was like having a bucket of ice-cold water poured all over me. What was I doing? Was that really what my plan was—to end my relationship with Dylan so he could get his best friend back?
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I didn’t know what to say. This had escalated so quickly, before I’d even had a chance to think it through.
“I—I think I am,” I managed to choke out.
He blinked at me a few times before turning his attention to his locker.
“It’s probably for the best, you know?” I hugged my arms tightly to my chest. “I just don’t think right now is a good time for us. I mean, I probably shouldn’t have rushed into another relationship so quickly after I broke up with Elijah. And you and I shouldn’t have pursued this until Elijah was completely over me and had moved on and gave us his blessing. And we—”
“Cass,” Dylan interrupted, holding up his hand to stop me, “you don’t have to do this.”
“I don’t have to do what?”
He finally turned back to me; his expression now somber. “You don’t need to list all the reasons we shouldn’t be together.” Clenching his jaw, he took a deep breath. “It’s not like I don’t already know the reasons. I guess I’d just hoped they wouldn’t matter.”
“Dylan,” I croaked, “it’s not that I don’t want to be with you, it’s just that everything is so complicated right now, and—”
“It’s okay, Cass. Really. I get it.” Dylan shut his locker door and gave me a half-hearted smile. “We just weren’t meant to be.”
No. We were meant to be. That was how I’d managed to fall for him so quickly: because we were supposed to be together. He was perfect for me. I was perfect for him. We were perfect together. As a pretend married couple. As a real couple.
But it didn’t matter how perfect we were for each other. The only way we could be together was if Dylan and Elijah made up. But the only way Dylan and Elijah could ever make up was if Dylan and I weren’t together.
It was a catch-22.
“Dylan…”
“But hey, it was fun while it lasted, right?” He widened his smile to a faltering grin, but he could only hold onto it for a second before it faded away.
“Dylan,” I said again as I felt a tear slide down my cheek. “I’m sorry.”
Looking away, he cleared his throat and brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck. “I sh
ould get going.”
No, don’t leave.
“I’ll see you around, Cass.”
There were so many things I wanted to say to him before he walked away. I wanted to explain myself a little better. Maybe tell him about the dream I’d had and why it had messed me up so much. I wanted to express to him that breaking up wasn’t what I wanted; that it was just what I felt was needed. I was doing this for him, and for what I thought would be best for him in the long run.
But I couldn’t speak as he walked away. All I could do was watch him go as I realized I had just made the biggest mistake of my life.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
“Has he texted you back yet?”
I glanced up from my phone and frowned. “No, he hasn’t.”
Lauren dropped down onto my bed next to me. “He’s probably just busy.”
“Yeah. Busy hating my guts.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “There is literally no way Dylan is hating your guts. But you did just break his heart. He might need a minute or two before he starts texting with you again like nothing happened.”
“You’re right,” I moaned. I tossed my phone onto my nightstand. “I need to give him some space.”
I had started texting Dylan only minutes after he’d walked away from me. In the first text, I apologized again for ending things. In the second text, I told him that I hoped we could still be friends—because I really, really, really didn’t want to lose him as a friend.
I still wanted him in my life.
But whether he still wanted to be in my life was yet to be determined. And I would never know unless he ever texted me back.
Lauren studied me as she gently caressed my hair. “Are you going to be okay?”
I shrugged. “Yeah. I mean, Dylan and I were only together for, what, like three days or something? It’s hardly anything to get worked up over.”
Lies.
“Yeah, but it was a pretty intense three days, wouldn’t you say?”
“Only because of all the drama surrounding us.” I stared down at my hands resting in my lap. “Besides, I don’t think he feels any different. He didn’t even try to fight it when I ended things.”
“Did you want him to fight it?”
“No, of course not. That would have only made it that much harder. But he was just so casual about the whole thing. Like, maybe things weren’t as ‘intense’ for him as they were for me.”
Lauren arched an eyebrow. “Are you serious right now? Sweetie, Dylan didn’t fight the breakup because he thinks it’s what you want. He wants you to be happy. Just like you broke up with him because you want him to be happy. But in the end, the only person who is going to end up happy at all is going to be Elijah, because you just gave him exactly what he wanted.”
“I didn’t ‘give’ Elijah anything,” I said defensively. “If anything, I took away his excuse for continuing to shun Dylan. Now he can work on forgiving Dylan for supposedly stabbing him in the back.”
“And you think that’s what he’s going to do?”
“Honestly? I don’t know.” I sighed heavily and leaned forward, burying my face in my hands.
Lauren was silent for a moment before pulling me into a sideways hug. “Well, I’m sure everything will work out in the end.”
“I really hope so.” I pulled out of her embrace and turned to her. “Okay, enough about this whole Elijah/Dylan drama. I’m sick of talking about it. Is there anything else we can discuss? It seems like all you and I ever talk about anymore is boys.”
“That’s not true,” Lauren denied, but then she appeared to think about it for a second and said, “Oh, wow, you’re right. If you’re not talking about Dylan or Elijah, I’m talking about Jake. How pathetic are we?”
“We’re extremely pathetic.” I never minded talking about boys. I just didn’t want to talk about any of the boys in my life right now. In fact, I wanted to pretend like the last few weeks with those boys hadn’t even happened.
“Okay, so, what do you want to talk about instead, then?”
“Um, I don’t know.” I glanced around the room, looking for ideas. My gaze landed on my backpack and I considered asking her how her Life Economics assignment was coming along, but that seemed just as pathetic as talking about boys.
“How about Winter Formal?” Lauren suggested.
I groaned. “What about Winter Formal?”
“I know it’s probably too soon to be talking about it, considering everything that just happened, but you’re still going, right?”
Less than two weeks ago, I told Elijah I would go to Winter Formal with him. About a week later, I took it back. A few days after that, I agreed to go to Winter Formal with Dylan…and then I broke up with him earlier today. So, she was right, it was probably too soon to be talking about it.
And no, I wasn’t still going.
“I don’t think so.”
Lauren pouted. “Oh, come on, Cassie, you have to go. Remember the dress you bought? Do you really want it to go to waste?”
“It won’t go to waste. I’ll just wear it to Prom instead or something.”
Lauren shook her head. “No, you can’t wear that dress to Prom. It’s not a prom dress. It’s a Winter Formal dress.”
“I’m pretty sure it wasn’t labeled as being either one,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Which means I can wear it to whatever dance I choose.”
“Yes, I know,” she said with a defeated sigh. “But Cassie, you were really looking forward to going.”
“Yeah—months ago, when I thought Elijah and I were going together. Back when he hadn’t cheated on me yet. And for a few hours, I was looking forward to going with Dylan, but, well, you know how that turned out.” I returned my gaze to my lap. “It would be pointless for me to go now. I’ll just be a third wheel to you and Jake.”
“No, you won’t. Trust me.” She took my hands in hers. “I will be so sad if you don’t go, and you’ll end up regretting it if you don’t. Besides, Tiana and some of the other girls are going without dates, so I promise you won’t feel left out.”
“I don’t know, Laur, I’m just not in the mood to go.”
“But it’s not until next weekend. You might be in the mood by then.”
That was highly unlikely. Still, to get her off my back, I reluctantly nodded. “Okay, I’ll think about it. Now can we talk about something else?”
“Okay,” she said. I could tell she was desperately trying to tamp down her excitement at the possibility I might still be going to Winter Formal. And as a reward, she came up with a different non-boy-related topic to discuss. “Seen any good movies lately?”
Yeah—Die Hard. I watched it with Dylan. “Nope,” I lied. Talking about Die Hard would only lead me to talking about Dylan again. “You?”
“No.” Lauren stared down at her twiddling thumbs. “Geez, I had no idea it would be this hard not to talk about boys. I have so much I want to tell you about Jake.”
I smiled. “Then tell me about Jake.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. You’ve had to endure hearing all about my love life the last few weeks. I want to hear about yours now.”
Returning my smile, Lauren rubbed her hands together in excitement. “Okay! So, last night, Jake and I were talking on the phone, and—”
Her words were halted by the sound of a door opening and then slamming into the wall as Caitlyn stormed into my bedroom.
“What is wrong with you?” she screeched, pointing an accusatory finger at me.
I exchanged a confused glance with Lauren before pushing off the edge of the bed and scowling over at my sister. “Excuse me? Who said you could just barge into my room like this?”
Caitlyn stomped over to me and thrust her phone in my face. “What did you do?”
The screen of her phone was black. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Are you supposed to be showing me something here?”
She pulled it back and frowned before turning it back on and s
howing it to me again. This time, there was a text thread on the screen.
Between her and Dylan.
I grabbed the phone out of her hand. “What—”
She grabbed it back before I could read any of the texts. “You broke up with him?”
I gaped at her, not knowing what to say.
So, I guess Dylan wasn’t too busy to text with Caitlyn, just with me.
“Wait.” I closed my eyes briefly and shook my head. “What were you doing texting with Dylan? And how did you even get his phone number?”
She looked slightly guilty at the last question. “I got it from your phone.”
“My phone?” I echoed through clenched teeth. “Caitlyn, how many times have I told you to stay out of my stuff? That includes my room, and it most definitely includes my phone.”
“Whatever. Who cares how I got his number? I was texting him to find out why he wasn’t here to watch Baker’s Dozen with me, as promised. He texted back and said you broke up with him, and that he wouldn’t be coming around anymore.” She paused to glare at me before repeating her initial question. “What is wrong with you, Cassie?”
“This is none of your business, so I suggest getting out of my room right now.” Clenching my fists, I took a step closer to her, towering over her as an attempt to intimidate her.
It didn’t seem to work.
She crossed her arms over her chest and stared up at me with dead eyes. “I’m not leaving until you tell me why you broke up with him.”
“What part of ‘this is none of your business’ did you not understand?”
Ignoring my question, she took a step back. “How could you be so stupid? Dylan is the best thing that’s ever happened to you, and you broke his heart! Why would you do that?”
“Caitlyn, I’m serious.” She was getting on my last nerve. I didn’t want to talk about this with Lauren, and I certainly didn’t want to talk about it with my annoying little sister. “Get. Out. Of. My. Room. Now!”
“You don’t even seem upset about this at all,” she sneered. “How do you not feel bad about breaking his heart?”
I narrowed my eyes into a glare. “You don’t even know the whole story. I had my reasons why I had to end things with him, and I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”