by Amanda Abram
“Oh, I understand.” She stuffed her phone into her pocket. “I understand that you’re selfish and you never think about anyone but yourself! You are such a bitch, Cassie!”
I could hear Lauren gasp behind me as I recoiled at Caitlyn’s harsh words. I opened my mouth to defend myself, but she stormed out of my room before I could.
“Whoa,” Lauren mumbled as soon as Caitlyn was gone.
Caitlyn had a habit of getting too attached to things. She was the reason why Mom and Dad never got us another pet after our cat, Kittlyn (three guesses as to who named her), had to be put down last summer. For two whole weeks, Caitlyn refused to come out of her bedroom for anything other than using the bathroom. Mom had to deliver all three meals to her bedroom every day because she was too depressed to get out of bed. She cried all day and all night and would barely speak to any of us.
She had gotten attached to Elijah too, and she might have had a meltdown over my breakup with him had Dylan not been there to almost immediately take his place. But she had really taken a liking to Dylan. Probably because he’d become somewhat of a friend to her. And now that he and I were no longer together, she knew they would no longer be friends. He was the only person who would willingly watch Baker’s Dozen with her, and I had just taken that away from her.
“Cassie?”
I blinked and wiped at my eyes as I spun around to face Lauren. “I am a bitch, aren’t I?”
“What? No, absolutely not.” She closed the gap between us and pulled me into a tight hug. “If anything, you’re the exact opposite of a bitch. Caitlyn is twelve. Even if she did know the whole story, she probably wouldn’t understand it. Besides, she doesn’t know that you did what you did because you thought it would help Dylan in the long run. You’re not selfish, you’re selfless.”
I sniffled and buried my face in Lauren’s shoulder. “I am selfish, though. Part of the reason why I broke up with him was so that he wouldn’t end up hating me someday. But now I’ve made him hate me anyway, but for a different reason.”
Lauren pulled back slightly. “Dylan doesn’t hate you. He’ll just need some time to get over you, that’s all. Just like you’ll need some time to get over him. But once that time passes, you can all be friends again. Which is what you want, right?”
I nodded reluctantly as I pulled out of her embrace and dried the tears from my eyes.
“Hey, why don’t we get out of here for a little while and go grab some fro yo?” Lauren suggested with a small smile. “My treat.”
“I don’t know…”
“Oh, come on. Nothing helps numb a broken heart better or faster than a large bowl of frozen yogurt with crushed-up candy bars sprinkled on top.”
She was right. And despite the fact I wasn’t all that hungry, the thought of drowning my sorrows in a heaping serving of chocolate frozen yogurt covered with an unhealthy amount of hot fudge and whipped cream on top sounded good right about now.
It wasn’t going to fix anything, or make anything better, but maybe I would get too high on sugar to care.
◆◆◆
Dylan never responded to my texts.
And for the rest of the week, he was so good at avoiding me at school that the only time I ever saw him was during Life Economics class each day. But he never saw me, because he never once glanced in my direction—no matter how hard I silently willed him to look over at me.
But I deserved the silent treatment. Dylan had every right to be avoiding me. He had every right to be mad at me. I was the one who had ended things, not him.
On Friday, however, his avoidance finally came to an end when Mrs. Andrews instructed the whole class to pair up with our partners to begin discussing the final stages of our projects.
I knew it was going to be awkward, but I didn’t care. I’d been wanting to talk to Dylan all week, and he couldn’t avoid me now. He had to talk to me.
When he took a seat at the empty desk next to me, I quickly turned to him with a smile.
“Hi,” I said brightly. Too brightly. Like I hadn’t just broken up with him a couple of days ago.
“Hi,” he returned the greeting, keeping his eyes focused on his desk instead of me.
I opened my notebook in front of me. “It’s hard to believe this project is coming to an end soon, isn’t it?”
That’s right, Cassie, keep the conversation casual and project related.
Dylan cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably in his chair as he opened his own notebook. “Uh, yeah.”
“It’s so crazy. It seems like just yesterday we were getting pretend married and having a pretend baby.” I paused. “I’m going to miss little Madeline.”
“Yeah, me too,” he mumbled. But then the corners of his mouth turned up in the slightest of smiles and he added, “Although, she’s not so little anymore, considering she’s now married with a baby of her own on the way.”
My heart warmed at the fact he was still playing along with the whole Madeline thing.
It meant I hadn’t totally lost him.
I let out a half-chuckle, half-sob. “We’re going to be grandparents?”
Dylan grinned as he finally turned his head to look at me. “She didn’t tell you yet?”
I sniffled and quickly looked away, hoping he wouldn’t see the tears that had begun to form in my eyes. Once they were all dried up, I glanced back at him to see his grin had turned into a frown.
“Did you get my texts?” I asked quietly, even though I already knew the answer.
He inhaled and held his breath for a moment while he began to doodle in his notebook. “I did.”
“And?”
Setting his pencil down, he sighed and glanced around the classroom, probably checking to see if anyone was listening in.
“Cass,” he said in a low voice, leaning closer to me. “I do still want to be friends with you; I’m just not sure I can be right now.” He paused for a moment. “I just need some time to…you know.”
I swallowed and nodded, knowing exactly what he was trying to say.
“I get it,” I said. “And I understand. Take all the time you need.”
He said nothing as we fell into an awkward silence. It was probably a good time to start talking about our project, since we were supposed to be doing that anyway. But there was one other question I was dying to know the answer to, and I couldn’t stop myself from asking it.
“Have you talked to Elijah?”
Dylan blinked at me in confusion. “Elijah? Why would I have talked to Elijah?”
Because breaking up with Dylan was supposed to be what would get them talking again and ultimately mend their friendship. I wasn’t naive enough to think it would happen overnight—or even over the course of a few days—but I had at least hoped some words would get exchanged between the two; that the process would at least have gotten started.
But maybe Elijah didn’t even know yet. It wasn’t like I had published a break-up announcement in the school newspaper or anything.
“Never mind,” I mumbled.
I glanced over at Elijah and Hannah and observed them for a moment. They were huddled close together, smiling as they discussed their project. A month ago, seeing them acting so friendly with one another would have sent me into a jealous spiral. Now, I wished they could just realize they were still in love with each other and get back together. Maybe then, Elijah could find it in his heart to forgive Dylan because he hadn’t stolen away the girl Elijah truly loved, just the one he thought he loved.
By the end of the period—where Dylan and I spent the remainder of our time talking only about our project—I had myself convinced that Elijah didn’t know about our breakup, and that was why there had been no communication between him and Dylan. So, as soon as the bell rang and I gathered up my stuff, I set off to follow Elijah. To tell him. But by the time I exited the classroom, he was nowhere to be seen.
That was just as well, though. The news shouldn’t come from me. Besides, Elijah didn’t seem too keen on talking
to me right now. No. He should hear it from a third party. A friend.
Like Nick.
I waited until after our last class of the day was over before I set out to find him. I had to be stealthy about it, since I was pretty sure he was on the lookout for me and ready to hide if he saw me coming his way.
Fortunately, when I spotted him at his locker, he was too distracted by flirting with some redheaded sophomore girl that he never noticed me. Once the girl was gone and he started on his way, I rushed up behind him and grabbed a hold of his backpack to stop him.
“Hey, what the—” Nick said as he stumbled slightly. When he steadied himself and turned around to see me standing there, his eyes narrowed into an annoyed glare. “What do you want?”
I crossed my arms tightly over my chest. “It’s over. Done. We’re through.”
“Huh?”
“Dylan and I. We broke up.”
I wasn’t sure what I was expecting Nick’s reaction to be, but he didn’t have one at all. He just stared at me with a blank expression on his face.
“Um, okay?” He seemed genuinely confused. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because you need to tell Elijah.”
“Tell Elijah what?”
“That Dylan and I broke up!” I said, throwing my hands up in exasperation.
Nick looked annoyed as he sighed and shook his head. “I already told you I don’t want to be involved in this—”
“Just tell him that Dylan and I are no longer together, so now he and Dylan can start to patch things up.”
“I don’t think it works that way.”
“Sure, it does. You said if Dylan and I weren’t together anymore, then he and Elijah could be friends again.”
“I never said that. What I said was that there was no way they could be friends again if you two were still together. I didn’t say you and Dylan breaking up would guarantee anything.”
He was right. He hadn’t said that; I had just interpreted his words to mean that. “Well, whatever. Tell Elijah anyway. It might make a difference.”
“It won’t.”
Now I was the one getting annoyed. “How do you know that?”
“Because Elijah already knows,” Nick blurted out. His gaze flickered to the floor. “He found out yesterday. And he didn’t care. It didn’t make any difference. He’s still upset. He’s still angry.” He glanced back at me with just the slightest bit of sympathy in his eyes. “Cassie, the damage has already been done. I don’t know what else to tell you.”
So, it was true. My worst fear was confirmed: I broke up with Dylan for nothing. Elijah wasn’t going to forgive him whether we were together or apart. While being apart had maybe given slightly better odds, the odds were still stacked too high against us.
I tried desperately to blink away the tears that were welling up in my eyes. “What about you? And the rest of the guys? Are you just going to continue to shut Dylan out?”
He avoided eye contact with me while he responded. “For right now, probably. At least until Elijah gets over this—”
“Screw Elijah,” I hissed. “And screw you, too.”
I pushed past Nick and briskly made my way down the rest of the hallway. Instead of heading to my locker to grab my stuff, I found myself heading in the direction of the bathrooms. Once I was inside the girls’ room, I kicked the trash can and then let out a sob.
In that moment, I hated Elijah. I hated Nick. But mostly, I hated myself. I had been so intent on trying to salvage a friendship that was beyond salvation that I foolishly gave up a relationship that could have been amazing. No—a relationship that already was amazing, despite being so short-lived. And it wasn’t like I could just go back to Dylan now and say, “Oh, by the way, I was kidding about that whole breakup thing. Let’s just pretend that didn’t happen and go back to making out on the couch.” Dylan was already having a hard enough time becoming my friend again; I was pretty sure he wouldn’t just rush back into being my boyfriend anytime soon.
Grasping the sides of the sink in front of me, I bowed my head and allowed my sorrow to fully take over. I had shed a few tears over Dylan the last couple of days, but I’d had yet to let my emotions over the breakup fully consume me. The closest I had come was after Caitlyn had called me a bitch for breaking Dylan’s heart. But Lauren had been there to console me with frozen yogurt. Now, I was all alone in a restroom with nobody there to tell me everything was going to be okay. To assure me that my heart would eventually stop breaking. To tell me I had made the right decision.
I wasn’t alone for long, however. Less than half a minute later, I heard the door open and I quickly pushed away from the sink and wiped at the tears still streaming down my face. I tried to play it cool, like I wasn’t just sobbing like a lunatic, but it was pointless; the streaks of black mascara running down my face and my now red and blotchy cheeks were a dead giveaway.
“Cassie.”
I immediately recognized the voice.
It was Hannah’s.
“Are you okay?” she asked, her features etched with what looked like genuine concern.
“I’m fine,” I sniffled. I turned on the faucet and splashed some water on my face, and then rubbed at the makeup that had smudged underneath my eyes. I didn’t care that it was the end of the school day and there wouldn’t be many students left in the hallway; I didn’t want to run the risk of anyone seeing me like this.
Hannah dug into her backpack, pulled out a small square packet and handed it to me. “Here. Makeup remover wipe. Better than water.”
I took it from her and gave her a small smile. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” She watched as I ripped the packet open and proceeded to wipe the makeup away. “I saw you talking to Nick and noticed you looked upset.”
I said nothing as I returned to the sink to examine myself in the mirror.
“Is there something you want to talk about?” she asked hesitantly. “I mean, I know I’m probably the last person in the world you want to talk to about anything, but maybe I can help.” She paused for a moment. “Is this about Dylan? I heard you two broke up.”
“Yeah, we did,” I said quietly.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
Surprisingly, she really did sound sorry.
“I thought I was doing the right thing, you know?” I said, turning to her. I hadn’t planned on talking to her about this, but who would be better than Hannah at giving me advice on Elijah and Dylan? She knew them both a lot better than I did.
Hannah nodded as if she understood exactly what I was talking about. “You thought you were saving their friendship.”
“Yes. Well, not exactly. I thought breaking up with Dylan would at least help. But it didn’t. Elijah still hates Dylan, and now I think Dylan hates me.”
To my annoyance, Hannah giggled at that. When she noticed my narrowed eyes, she stopped and said, “Sorry. I’m not laughing because it’s funny. I’m laughing because it’s not true.”
“Which part?”
“Either part. Elijah doesn’t hate Dylan. And Dylan most certainly doesn’t hate you.” She leaned back against the sink. “Cassie, I’ve been friends with Elijah and Dylan for years. This is hardly the first time they’ve ever fought. It’s just the first time they’ve fought over a girl. It feels like life or death for them because they don’t know any better, but they’ll soon realize how foolish this all is.”
“I’d like to believe that, I really would. But they said things to each other I’m not sure they can take back.”
Hannah rolled her eyes. “Do you really think they’ve never said horrible things to each other before? I’ve witnessed some pretty big fights between them, over the dumbest things, and a day or two later they would act like nothing ever happened. Seriously—they wouldn’t apologize to each other or talk things out; it was more like they just forgot what they were fighting about in the first place and they’d just let it go.”
I sighed. “I don’t think that’s going to h
appen this time.”
“It will,” she assured me. “It may take longer, but this feud of theirs is just temporary. I know Elijah better than anybody. He’s angry right now, and feels betrayed, but it won’t be long before he starts to miss his best friend. I give it less than a month before their bromance is rekindled.”
“You really think so?”
“I do,” she said with a nod. “And you made the right decision, by the way, breaking up with Dylan for now. It’ll make everything easier. And then once the dust settles between him and Elijah, you two can get back together and live happily ever after.”
That sounded great, but deep down, I knew it was nothing more than a fantasy.
Hannah smiled. “I can tell by the look on your face that you don’t believe me, but that’s okay. I’m pretty sure I’m right about this. Like, ninety-nine percent sure.”
“I don’t feel so great about that remaining one percent,” I said with a slight smirk.
“I’m sorry, that’s the best I can offer you.” Hannah’s smile widened to a grin as she glanced down at her phone. “I should probably get going. Do you need a ride home?”
“No, thanks. Lauren is probably waiting for me at my locker.”
“Okay.” She pushed off the sink and headed toward the door but stopped before pushing it open. “For what it’s worth, I think you and Dylan make a great couple. Maybe right now wasn’t the right time for you to be together, but it will be soon. Love is worth waiting for, right? And I think in the end, you’ll find it was worth the wait.”
I couldn’t help but wonder if she was saying that not just for me, but also for herself. Is that what she was doing? Just waiting for the right time for her and Elijah to get back together?
A month ago, that idea would have horrified me. But now, I found myself hoping they would find their way back to each other someday—and not just because it would make things easier for me and Dylan, but because I truly thought Hannah and Elijah made a great couple as well.
They were true childhood sweethearts, and ultimately, I never really stood a chance with Elijah.