His Kind of Love

by Kate Hawthorne

  With an hour to go before the end of his shift, the bells above the door chimed and were followed by the click-clack of high heels as someone entered the shop.

  “I’m back here!” Joel shouted toward the door. “Let me know if I can help you.” He stood up anyway, intending to make his way over to properly greet the customer.

  “You better be able to help me,” a familiar voice echoed back to him.

  “Theenie!” Joel wrapped his arms around his best friend’s waist as they rounded the corner and ran into each other. She laughed and hugged him back.

  “I missed you, too, Baby J.” She swept through the store with Joel plastered to her front, and maneuvered them both to the chairs in the back of the store. She pushed Joel down onto one, then sank onto another.

  “How was your trip? I’m so glad you’re home, Theenie.”

  “My trip was amazing. The photo shoots were out of this world, and the photographer ended up being kinkier than me! Jesus, Baby J, you wouldn’t believe the ways he tied me up and stuffed me.” Athena laughed, crossing and uncrossing her legs while offering Joel a suggestive eyebrow waggle. “But none of that’s important. Please, tell me you fucked the handsome stranger.” She leaned toward him, elbows on her knees. Joel's face turned as red as his hair.

  “His name is Gabriel,” he murmured softly. “And, no. We haven’t fucked...” he trailed off.

  “You haven’t fucked, but?”

  “We haven’t fucked, but we have, well, done other things.” Joel fought the smile trying to form on his lips as it was at war with his embarrassment over telling this to Athena. Sure, she was his best friend, but he hadn’t been with anyone the whole time he’d known her, so this was new territory for both of them.

  Athena shrieked and started to bounce up and down in her seat.

  “Tell. Me. Everything!” She enunciated every word.

  “Well, you know, we talked a couple of days ago, and I figured that maybe he did think I was cute, so I made him dinner.”

  “What did you make?” Athena cut him off.

  “Chicken parmigiana,” Joel answered, rolling his eyes at her before continuing. “Anyway, so I made him dinner and he was being really flirty with me, and I don't even know what came over me, Theenie, I fucking threw myself at him.”

  Athena was out of her chair and she flung herself on top of Joel.

  “Oh my God! No you didn't? You didn't! You did? Baby J, holy shit!” Athena bounced her weight on top of Joel and he pulled his arms out from under her so she didn’t smoosh him completely.

  “I did. I don’t even know how to explain it. I’m still trying to figure it out. So we made out for a while and then we messed around and he made me come a couple of times. And he came too, obviously, and we talked a lot and then fell asleep. And two days ago he took me to The Getty for lunch, and then yesterday, Jesus, Theenie, yesterday.” Joel dropped his face down, letting his hair obscure his eyes, but held out his wrist for her to see.

  “Are you trying to tell me your handsome stranger bought you a fucking Rolex? You cad!” Athena screeched, wrenching Joel's arm to take a closer look at the vintage watch adorning his wrist.

  “Athena, it’s not like…” For the first time in their relationship, Joel struggled to find the words to explain his heart to his best friend. “It’s not like I expected. I wasn’t expecting him, or this, at all. He makes me feel like I’m better than I am. Like I want to be better than I am, for him.”

  Athena leaned her head down onto Joel's shoulder with a sigh.

  “That’s love, Baby J.”

  Joel scoffed, pushing her off him.

  Love? It was an insane thought. He had known Gabriel for a handful of days. It didn’t matter that Gabriel seemed to stir feelings like this inside him. Anyone could, Joel was certain. He simply hadn’t given anyone the opportunity to get that close before. Nothing if not practical, Joel was not about to make something out of a few sex-filled days and a four-thousand-dollar watch.

  “That’s insane, Athena. I’ve known him for, like, three or four days. And now you’re home, I’m gonna go back to his place tonight to get my stuff and come stay with you. I’m sure he’s being nice to me and nothing more.”

  Athena raised an eyebrow at him as the bell above the door went off again. Joel's eyes shot up to the clock on the wall. Fuck. This was not a conversation he wanted to have tonight.

  “Are you back there, Little Red?” Gabriel’s voice rang out, crisp and clear from the front of the store. His eyes shot up to Athena, who mouthed, Little Red? at him before splitting her mouth into a gleefully evil smile.

  “He is,” she called out over Joel's head. He listened to the soft taps of Gabriel's shoes against the floor as he followed her voice.

  Joel looked over his shoulder to see Gabriel's approach through the stacks of books. He looked as handsome as he had in the sunlight at The Getty, as handsome as he had with Joel's cock in his hand, as handsome as ever. Fuck.

  As Gabriel turned the corner, Athena launched herself at him, wrapping him in one of her trademark hugs. Gabriel stumbled backward, surprised, before he encircled her with his arms and returned the gesture. Once Athena released him, Gabriel smoothed his shirt down and extended a hand toward Joel, which he accepted instinctively.

  “You must be Athena.” Gabriel chuckled, giving Joel's hand a squeeze. She smiled, casting a glance at Joel.

  “And you must be Gabriel, Baby J’s handsome stranger.” Athena pulled her lips between her teeth in an attempt to stop them from breaking into what Joel was certain would be the largest smile he had ever seen.

  “Handsome, am I?” Gabriel laughed, straightening his shoulders and puffing out his chest. Joel felt his cheeks redden. He worried Athena wasn’t anywhere close to being done.

  “Handsome enough to make me regret I don’t have a prostate myself, that’s for sure. But maybe you can peg Joel's and he can tell me all about it.”

  “Athena! Jesus Christ, come on.” Joel was certain his face matched his hair by this point, and he tried to tug Gabriel to the front of the store, away from his best friend.

  Gabriel laughed at Athena before leaning in toward her in a conspiratorial manner and mock whispering, “If he ever lets me get in there, I’ll be sure it’s so good it’ll be all he'll want to talk about for a week.”

  She smirked at Gabriel and wrinkled her nose. “Just a week? I think you should aim for the stars, handsome stranger. Try for an entire month. Hell, a whole year!” They laughed together and Joel wanted to dig himself a hole and hide in it forever. Or at least until his best friend and his...whatever Gabriel was to him...stopped plotting his sex life while he was sitting right there listening to it.

  “You must have told her about the necklace, Joel. She’s being far too kind to me,” Gabriel whispered down to Joel, but Athena perked up anyway.

  “Necklace?”

  “Stop it, both of you. It’ll be a Christmas present if you’re lucky.” Joel widened his eyes at Athena, imploring her not to push the subject. Thankfully, she seemed to get his meaning.

  “Well,” Athena said as she hoisted her purse onto her shoulder, “we can talk about that later, and it’s been real, but I just got back from New York and I’m beat, so I’ll be heading home. See you two love fiends another time.” She patted Joel on the head and started toward the door.

  “So, I’ll see you in a bit, right? I’ll have Gabriel drop me at my car and then I’ll come over,” Joel reminded her.

  “Ohhhh.” The look that passed over Athena’s face in that moment was more clever and calculating than Joel had ever seen, and he was about to open his mouth when she said, “I took one of the cats from Donny, so you’re gonna have to stay with Gabriel until your apartment is done.”

  “You what?”

  “Yeah, they were uh, so cute, I had to.” Athena backed her way toward the door.

  “You just landed, Theenie. When did you get a cat from Donny?” Joel advanced on her.

  “Uh
m, I’m gonna go get it right now.”

  “Well, don't go get it from him until my apartment is ready for me to move back.”

  “Did I say, go get it right now? I meant that he dropped it off right now. Donny dropped it off right now.” She held her phone up. “He texted.”

  The bells over the door chimed as she pushed it open with her butt.

  “Athena Marie,” Joel groaned.

  “Sorry, Baby J, but I can’t have you having an asthma attack on my watch. I’m sure handsome stranger here won’t mind keeping an eye on you in the meantime, will you, handsome stranger?”

  Athena already had one foot outside the door.

  “I’ll take extra special care of him,” Gabriel chuckled, pulling Joel back against his chest and pressing his fingers into Joel's waist.

  “I know you will.” She mock-saluted Gabriel and tilted her head apologetically at Joel.

  “He is just too perfect to turn down, Joel,” she said before letting the door close. Joel wasn’t sure whether she was talking about the kitten or Gabriel.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Gabriel Entertains the Smiths

  Gabriel was happier than he should have been, faced as he was with the prospect of Joel continuing to stay with him. He was all too aware that every day that went by without being honest with Joel was also one day closer to the inevitable end. The relationship developing between them was delicate and tentative. If the truth of Gabriel's omissions were to come out without his own orchestration, it would be catastrophic.

  There were a lot of things Joel needed to know. First and foremost, that his stepfather was Gabriel's brother. Gabriel was hopeful he could justify his dedication to pursuing Joel from the sidelines–that he could explain away the puppeteering. He didn’t think, though, that he could wipe away their familial relations as easily.

  He ran the conversation through his head at least three times a day.

  “Remember how I told you my younger brother outed me to our father, and I got thrown out? Well, your stepdad is my younger brother.”

  “Joel, I need to tell you something. I tried to reconcile with my younger brother a few years ago. But I got there and saw him yelling at you, so I decided to keep tabs on you to make sure you were safe instead of approaching my asshole brother to call him out on his behavior.”

  “Would it be a problem if I was your uncle?”

  Fuck.

  Gabriel dropped his head against his desk, banging it repeatedly. The motion was so aggressive, it jostled one of his drawers loose. Rotating his neck so his cheek was lying across the smooth wood, he pulled the drawer open, reaching inside for the stack of mail he kept there. He dropped it unceremoniously in front of his face, closing his eyes in an attempt to avoid the physical proof of his deception.

  The stack of mail was festive in its coloring. Lots of red, gold, and green envelopes, and a handful in burgundy and silver, all addressed to Gabriel Russell. Gabriel reached over to the string that tied the bundle together, loosening the knot and sending a pile of Christmas cards and letters sliding against his nose. Begrudgingly, he opened his eyes, grabbed a handful of cards, and sat back in his chair.

  The one on top was the last one he received. One of those picture Christmas cards, from four Christmases prior, postmarked Whittier, CA. He took a steadying breath, reaching out a finger to trace it over the thumbnail of Joel's face, before flicking it against the smiling face of his asshole of a little brother and his conniving wife. He flipped the card over to see Madeline’s flourished and elegant cursive.

  “He’s your fucking nephew, and the least you can do is help your FAMILY out, Gabriel. We need money and you have money. Why won’t you help? Thomas was right, all these years, when he told me what a selfish piece of shit you are.”

  Based off the address, Madeline had made the assumption that Gabriel and Thomas had the same last name, which demonstrated how little Thomas actually talked about him. Gabriel sighed and set the card aside, flipping to the next one. A younger Joel, not smiling, sitting on a familiar-looking porch, eyes looking beyond the camera. Thomas and Madeline stood beside him, fake smiles plastered on. He flipped it over and was faced again with his annual note from his sister-in-law.

  “Your nephew is out of control, Gabriel. Your brother is sure he’s queer, so we need money to send him to one of those conversion camps out of state. Don't let your nephew ruin your brother's life like you already have. You can choose an eternity in hell, but don’t force that on my son, too.”

  Gabriel shuffled through the pile, going to when the cards first started. Before his silence showed him what kind of woman his brother married.

  “Gabriel, I know that you and Thomas are not speaking, but this is my son, your nephew, Joel. He’s only twelve, but he’s already such a troubled little child. I want the best for him, and while I know there's no hope of you and Thomas reconciling, maybe you can send us some money to help financially? It would ease the stress on our family more than you know. Please don’t tell Thomas I’ve reached out, he would be furious. But you should know your nephew, and we could use the help. That’s what family does, right? Always, Madeline.”

  He laughed, putting all the cards back into a pile, ready to slide them back into the drawer when the TV across the room flashed on, indicating someone had triggered the camera at the front door of the condo. He lifted his eyes to the screen to see Joel coming in and closing the door behind him.

  “Gabriel, are you home?” The voice echoed, in person and from the monitor.

  Footstep, echo, louder footstep, echo.

  Fuck.

  Gabriel reached inside the center drawer to feel out the remote control, clicking the TV off as Joel knocked on the door.

  As shy as he’d been when he’d first showed up, Joel was proving not to be one of those “knock and wait” types. He was more of a “this knock is a warning” type. When the door pushed open, Gabriel used his arm to swipe the cards into a drawer, slamming it shut. He looked up at Joel and smiled.

  “Joel. You’re home early?” Gabriel pushed back from his desk, standing up and crossing the room to usher Joel out the door.

  “No, it’s nearly seven. I got off at six today. I spent a little time with Athena and Donny after I got off, though, so I’m actually home late. I mean, here late. At your home, late. Not my home. I’m actually getting to your home late.” Joel flushed bright red and stammered through his failed attempt to correct himself on the slip-up, turning to leave.

  Gabriel placed his hand reassuringly between Joel's shoulder blades.

  “Donny seems like a rather bland name to be related to someone as extravagant as Athena,” Gabriel observed, pulling the door closed behind them.

  “It’s a nickname. Athena Marie and Adonis Matthew. Children of Jim and Sarah Smith.” Joel snorted as he made his way into the kitchen, heading toward the fridge so he could start cooking dinner. It had become Joel's little habit, and Gabriel loved the sign of domesticity. “I guess their names were so ordinary they wanted something exotic for their kids.”

  Gabriel leaned against the counter to watch Joel cook. “It’s as good a theory as any.”

  “Hey, Gabriel, do you think it would be okay for them to come over for dinner?” Joel asked, spending a little more time than necessary lining up some zucchini on the counter.

  “Of course. When were you thinking?” Gabriel reached over and turned one of the zucchini sideways, batting at the careful organization Joel was working on.

  “Tonight?” Joel looked up at Gabriel, hope shining in his eyes. He licked his lips, pulling his lower lip between his teeth before he smiled. Gabriel could see the indentation his tooth had left in the tender flesh.

  He reached up and tugged at Joel's lip, leaning down for a kiss. Joel pressed up onto the balls of his feet to meet Gabriel's mouth. The kiss deepened as Gabriel slanted his mouth over Joel's, licking his way inside. Joel moaned into Gabriel's mouth, and Gabriel's lips curved into a smile.

  “To
night?” Gabriel repeated Joel's question back to him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

  Joel nodded, smiling against Gabriel's mouth before lowering his head so Gabriel would press a kiss onto his forehead. He did.

  “Of course it's fine. Your friends are always welcome here. This is your home too, okay?” Gabriel tilted Joel's chin up and kissed the tip of his nose. Joel’s face lit up with a huge smile, and Gabriel reeled as if he had been punched in the chest.

  This was wrong.

  Holy shit, this was so wrong. Everything he had done that led him to this exact moment had been wrong. The way he’d manipulated Joel and Joel’s life. Joel was overjoyed by the prospect of having friends over for dinner. His smile made it look like he’d won the lottery and Gabriel finally understood, it was because of him Joel had found such little happiness during the past year. Gabriel had grown selfish in his quest for Joel, and had been blind to the depths of Joel’s suffering until now. Gabriel thought he might hate himself.

  “Are you sure? You look like it’s not really okay.” Joel reached up and touched the space between Gabriel’s eyebrows.

  Gabriel cleared his face of self-hatred and felt the skin under Joel’s finger smooth out. “Of course I’m sure. I’m sorry. My head went elsewhere for a moment.” Gabriel didn’t lie as he leaned down to kiss the top of Joel’s head before pulling back to look at his face.

  Another smile split across Joel's face and he took a step backward, raising his eyebrows as he walked toward the front door. With one hand on the knob, Gabriel watched Joel's lips form the words, thank you, and then he opened the door, letting the red-haired tornado that was Athena inside.

  “Wow!” She did a quick spin, taking in her surroundings, “Nice digs you’ve got here, handsome stranger.”

  Gabriel steeled himself for the unexpected company and forced a convincing laugh at the endearment. “Athena, good to see you again.”

  “Same, same. This is my brother, Adonis.” She gestured over her shoulder toward the open door.

  Standing next to Joel was a kid who was definitely not an Adonis. Joel was slender, but average height, and he towered over the black-haired boy standing in the doorway. Donny couldn't have stood more than five and half feet tall. He was skinny, and it looked like he might have not yet hit puberty. The boy tried to hide his frame with what looked to be layers and layers of clothes. He smiled a tentative grin at Gabriel as Joel sneezed.