His Kind of Love

by Kate Hawthorne

  Gabriel looked at him with an incredulous stare. “I know where you work, Little Red. I know what records you play when no one is in the store and I know what books you read when you’re killing time. I know what you buy when you go picking at estate sales. I know what you eat when you’re not with Athena. Fuck! I know what you eat when you are with Athena. I fucking know it all,” Gabriel's voice rose. “I wanted to share it all with you. I wanted to make you those foods, and buy you those Bibles and take you to those shitty restaurants in Hollywood on Saturday nights. Okay? I wanted it all, but I couldn’t have it, so I did what I could. I took what I was allowed. What I allowed myself.”

  Gabriel’s shoulders heaved with the heaviness of his declaration, and Joel should have been terrified by the confession. Joel should have got up and run from the room, but he didn't. He stayed seated between the legs of his stalker and felt...what?

  Safe. God help me, I feel safe here. What is wrong with me?

  “Why couldn’t you have it?” Joel’s curiosity far outweighed any fear he had known before the conversation started. He leaned his body forward to align himself more closely with Gabriel.

  Safe. I'm safe here. He thought of the illustration in one of his Bibles, a color plate showing a lamb lying down between the massive paws of a lion. That's me, he thought. I'm that lamb, and Gabriel is the lion, only he's more like a wolf. Little Red and his big, bad wolf. The thought almost made him giggle at the absurdity, but the stricken look on his wolf’s face stopped him.

  “Because I didn’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you. Joel, I’ve known since you showed up here when your apartment flooded that I was on borrowed time. I didn’t think any of this–” he waved his hand, indicating them and the room they sat in, “–through. I got you here, where I wanted you, and I saw you, Joel. I saw you so clearly, and for the first time I wanted to take more than what I was allowed.”

  Joel dissected the continuing confession in his head, latching on to the one part that stood out beyond the rest. “When you got me here?”

  “When I got you here.” Gabriel's voice was a quiet echo.

  “How did you get me here?”

  “Your apartment flooded, and you came.” Gabriel was concise with his wording and Joel immediately recognized there was more of a confession behind it.

  “Did you have something to do with my apartment flooding?” Joel's voice finally started to take on an edge, his anger simmering, as he thought about his destroyed Bible, drying out on his nightstand. Gabriel nodded and it was almost imperceptible, but enough of a confession to send Joel flying to his feet.

  “You flooded my apartment? You ruined my favorite Bible, Gabriel! The thing that mattered most to me out of everything is fucking ruined, because of you!” Joel stood, tall and angry, glowering at the back of Gabriel's lowered head.

  “The thing that mattered most to me is ruined because of me, too.”

  Joel didn’t think he heard him right, couldn’t have heard him correctly. This confession was quickly taking a downhill slide and Joel wanted to wrap it up before it hurt him anymore.

  “Oh? Is that so, Gabriel? And what of yours was ruined? Fucking tell me! What belongs to you that is ruined?” Joel was shouting now, pointing a shaking finger in Gabriel's face.

  Gabriel stood as well, unfolding himself from the couch. “You.”

  The single word rang around the house like a bullet ricocheting off every surface. It echoed in Joel’s head and bounced around, taking shape into something that scared the shit out of him.

  This was weird, right? And super fucked up. Gabriel had been stalking him, for fuck’s sake, and Joel fought an almost uncontrollable urge to wrap this man in his arms and let him know that, no, Joel wasn’t ruined–he was, in fact, more whole than he had ever been.

  “Joel, you have to believe me, if nothing else, please believe me. I never meant to hurt you this way. I wasn’t honest with you, and I’m sorry. I didn’t think.” Gabriel looked up toward the ceiling, eyes searching the plaster for the rest of his answer.

  Joel stepped back from Gabriel, not realizing how heavy his breathing had become, or how close they stood. Even in light of this betrayal, this omission, and confession, Joel was caught in Gabriel’s gravitational pull. The truth of his realization settled around Joel comfortably, like a winter cloak, and his decision was made.

  Joel had spent his entire life disappointing people, and being less than what was expected. And here was Gabriel, who only wanted Joel to be as he was. He wanted to see Joel with his walls down, his mask off, literally and figuratively bared to him. The only thing Joel could do to disappoint Gabriel would be to walk out the door, and more than anything, Joel did not want to disappoint the man in front of him. Joel wanted to be loved by him. Gabriel's unrequited commitment to Joel was so staggering, Joel couldn’t even fully grasp the depth of the feelings it stirred in him. Gabriel loved him. He hadn’t said it, but Joel could feel it, radiating from every pore in Gabriel's body like a goddamn solar flare.

  “Gabriel, look at me.” Joel took a step forward, toward Gabriel, toward this predator who loved him, and when Gabriel looked up, Joel found the affirmation he was looking for in the depths of Gabriel's brown eyes. Joel nodded his head, and launched himself forward onto Gabriel, connecting chests, and torsos, and more importantly, mouths.

  Gabriel staggered backward, shocked at the contact, but he quickly recovered, wrapping his arms tight around Joel's body and opening his mouth to return the kiss. It was urgent and hungry, and Joel jumped, wrapping his legs around Gabriel's waist, pressing in as close as he could.

  Joel pulled his mouth away and pressed his forehead against Gabriel's, breathing heavily. Gabriel’s body tensed while he fought to breathe normally, but he was fighting a losing battle. Joel could see the pent-up affection and lust bubbling to the surface, unable to remain dormant for even one more second.

  “I need you. I fucking need you,” Gabriel whispered, and Joel nodded, grabbing his face and pressing soft kisses against his mouth, his cheeks, and his chin.

  “Then I’ll be yours.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Gabriel Takes What is His

  Gabriel needed no further affirmation. Somehow, he’d gotten lucky. Fate, for once, smiled on him, and everything looked like it might work out. Gabriel hadn’t been entirely honest with Joel, but he pushed that thought to the back of his mind. He hadn't told Joel any lies, sans the one of omission he would deal with another day. Gabriel’s mind was pulled back to the present when Joel whimpered into his ear.

  He snatched Joel's mouth in another kiss as he walked them blindly down the hallway to his bedroom. He pressed Joel into the wall by the door, grinding his cock up against Joel’s as he fumbled the door open. Once inside the bedroom, Joel obediently released his legs, and slid down Gabriel's torso to stand at the foot of the bed. Gabriel wrapped his fingers around Joel's shoulders, dragging them down Joel's arms, to his hands.

  Joel pressed a kiss to Gabriel's shoulder.

  Then I’ll be yours.

  Four fucking words out of Joel's mouth that made Gabriel feel as though his heart would explode. The pressure mounting behind his breastbone was becoming harder to ignore every day.

  “Do you mean it?” Gabriel whispered, tremors of arousal and fear racking his body. Joel only offered a slight nod of his head before Gabriel pushed Joel backward onto the bed. Joel slithered up toward the headboard, and Gabriel approached on his hands and knees, easily settling himself between Joel's slender thighs.

  Gabriel pressed a kiss to the delicate line of hair beneath Joel's navel as he flicked the button of his red jeans open, releasing the zipper and tugging them down, along with his briefs. As Joel kicked his pants free, Gabriel nuzzled his face into the patch of hair at the base of Joel's shaft, noting it was a light brown with a slight hint of red. He wrapped his mouth around the base of Joel's cock, sucking hard and feeling it harden further under his tongue. Joel arched his back off the bed, moaning s
omething sounding like it might have been Gabriel's name, and Gabriel loved the sound so he repeated the action, sucking harder.

  Dragging his hands down Joel's legs, he pushed his thighs apart, spreading him open. Gabriel fucked his own hard cock into the mattress, desperate to stave off his need so he could enjoy Joel in the way he wanted. He released Joel's cock from his mouth, hearing it bounce, wet and hard, against Joel's belly, then lowered himself farther, licking a long and slow strip from Joel's tender hole to the tip of his cock.

  “Gabriel, fuck.” Joel let out a shaky breath.

  “Let me give you what you need. Tell me what you need, please.” Gabriel had a frantic edge to his voice, feeling certain his blood would boil before he could bury himself inside his prize.

  My prize.

  Joel was his prize. Joel was his. He seemed to understand why Gabriel did what he had and even if he didn’t know the entire truth of it, he would accept the reality of how deeply Gabriel's affections for him ran. It was out in the open now and Gabriel was free from it, and he wanted to revel in that feeling. He whimpered, a sound tinged with delight and desire, before burying his face between Joel's cheeks, lapping at his hole with hungry strokes of his tongue.

  Joel’s entire body shuddered and convulsed underneath him. Gabriel propped Joel's legs over his shoulders, freeing his hands to pin him to the bed. He fucked his tongue into Joel's hole, feeling the muscles tighten around the intrusion, then he pulled free before nipping his teeth lightly against the delicate strip of skin below Joel's balls.

  “I need you, I need you so bad.” Joel could barely get the words out and Gabriel raised his gaze to see Joel's eyes, glassy with unspoken emotion.

  “Then I’ll be yours,” Gabriel repeated Joel's words from earlier, pushing a finger inside of him, then adding another.

  “Ugh, Gabriel, more. Please, more.” Joel pushed his body down onto Gabriel's hand and his eyes, though still glassy, were now fired with lust. Gabriel removed his fingers and leaned back onto his heels to undo the fly of his own pants. He shucked them off, kicking himself free, and pulled his shirt over his head. As Gabriel knelt between Joel’s legs, Joel reached his hands forward, fingertips delicately grazing across the skin of Gabriel's torso. Gabriel shuddered, covering Joel's body with his own, and reaching over to the nightstand to retrieve the bottle of lube and a condom.

  He set the supplies on the bed beside him and leaned forward, his fingers reaching for the hem of Joel's shirt to remove it. Joel's hands flew up and landed on top of Gabriel's, stilling the movement.

  “No, let me keep it on, Gabriel. I like...” Joel searched for the words, “...I like knowing.”

  Gabriel rolled his head back, letting out a guttural sound of acceptance, before ripping the condom from the package and sliding it over his aching length. He popped open the lube, covering himself, and reached a slippery finger back down toward Joel's entrance, but he was stopped by hands much smaller than his own.

  Joel shook his head. “Just you.”

  Gabriel always intended to oblige his sweet, Little Red, so he thrust himself fully inside Joel with one quick stroke. Joel's mouth opened and a noise escaped that sounded like a cross between a cry and a moan. Gabriel had to brace himself on shaking arms until Joel was ready for more.

  Joel ran a hand up the length of Gabriel's arm, feeling the hairs rise in the wake of his touch. When he reached Gabriel's shoulder, he pulled the man down, bringing him closer, and taking his lips in a fevered kiss.

  Gabriel took that as the invitation it was and started to move, thrusting in and out of his prize.

  Joel arched up to meet his every thrust like a wild animal, and Gabriel nipped the skin along Joel's jaw. Joel moaned an affirmation, and Gabriel could have died a happy man in that moment. Inside of Joel.

  Gabriel was a lucky man. Even with a rough start in life, he’d struggled and fought and made a name for himself, separate of his family name. Everything he owned, he’d worked for. Joel included. But Gabriel would gladly give up everything he had ever known if that was what was needed to keep Joel here, under him, around him, inside his heart. His body was heavy, overwhelmed with the weight of his affection for Joel, and he would be a fool if he went one more day without acknowledging that he yearned for his Little Red in ways he’d never anticipated. Gabriel wanted to tell Joel, needed to tell Joel, but there was so much between them already tonight, and Gabriel was terrified Joel would think better of his acceptance of him in the sober light of morning. This night might be all he would ever get and he didn't want to ruin it.

  Gabriel had lied to Joel. Gabriel was still lying to Joel. And he hated a small part of himself for that. But he didn’t know how to say the remaining words. If he couldn’t exhale out a simple, I love you, how could he manage the rest?

  Gabriel dropped his head against Joel's shoulder, slowing his thrusts. “Please tell me you forgive me, Joel, please. I haven’t told you all of it, but I need you to forgive me.”

  Joel's arms wrapped around his back, his legs around his waist, and Joel pressed a kiss to Gabriel’s temple, but he didn’t speak. Gabriel's heart rate sped up, and he extricated himself from Joel's limbs, needing to see his face.

  “Joel, please tell me you understand. Tell me what you’re thinking.” Gabriel was not above begging.

  Joel nodded. “I’m thinking...” he stopped, sucking in a solidifying breath and searching out Gabriel's eyes. “I’m thinking, Gabriel, that I love you, too.”

  Gabriel's entire body shook as Joel's words wrenched a violent orgasm free from his body. Joel's hand rose to his own cock, jerking it once, twice, until he found his own release, never breaking eye contact with Gabriel. Shuddering, Gabriel collapsed on top of Joel, feeling Joel's orgasm slide between their skin as he maneuvered himself to pull his cock free from Joel and discard the condom.

  Gabriel rolled off Joel, and they both lay on their backs, chests heaving with the truth finally settling between them. Joel’s tentative fingers searched out Gabriel’s hand before grasping it, strong and sure. He rolled his head to the side to see Joel was already staring at him. Joel smiled, closing his eyes.

  Gabriel watched Joel fall asleep, as he often did, and waited to make sure his breathing leveled out before slowly freeing his hand and sliding out of bed. He picked up the used condom, tossing it in a trash can in the bathroom, then he splashed water on his face.

  Joel had told him he loved him. But only that once, in the heat of the moment. Did he mean it? Gabriel scrunched his nose at his reflection, picking at the gray hairs near his temple, and then trying to smooth the lines around his eyes. Why would Joel love him? Gabriel had done nothing but Joel's privacy, manipulating his life to get him where he wanted him, and Joel's reaction was to love him? That couldn’t be right.

  Sighing, he pulled on a pair of pajama pants, padding barefoot into the living room. He sat down on the couch, next to his and Joel's cell phones. Gabriel leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes, and that was when he heard noise outside in the hallway.

  It wasn’t anyone at his door though, it was too muffled. Maybe across the hall or down the hall.

  Across the hall?

  Fuck.

  It was too soon. Way, way too soon.

  There were raised voices he couldn’t quite make out, a door slamming, and then a violent fist pounding on his front door.

  Like a prisoner heading to his execution, Gabriel stood from the couch and crossed his condo to pull the front door open, knowing full well who was on the other side. He unhooked the chain and opened the door, ready for his house of cards to finally collapse.

  “Madeline,” he greeted, seeing her face-to-face for the first time in his life.

  “Madeline? What? How the fuck do you know my wife, Gabriel?” Thomas interrupted, shouldering his way in front of his wife, standing toe-to-toe with his brother for the first time in over twenty years.

  “Oh, I know a lot of things, Thomas,” Gabriel sighed. “Can you ke
ep it down, though? You’re being rather loud.” Gabriel tsked, doing his best to use his body as a barricade between the hallway and his condo.

  “Gabriel?” Madeline's face registered her shock. Gabriel saw Joel in her face. The shape of their eyes was the same, her hair a shade lighter than Joel's natural color. “You live here? Where the fuck is my son?”

  “Mom?”

  Joel's questioning voice behind Gabriel turned all three of their heads. Joel stood there, as he had earlier in the evening, with that t-shirt on, and his favorite jeans, though this time they were unbuttoned, and his hair was decidedly tousled from the sex they’d had.

  Gabriel debated his next move, unsure whether he should continue using his body to keep his brother and his wife out of his home, or if he should go to Joel. He wanted more than anything to protect Joel from what was about to happen. It was Gabriel's own doing, though, and he had never hated himself more than he did in the current moment.

  Joel took the choice away from him, striding across the room and coming to stand behind Gabriel, close enough that his chest grazed Gabriel's back as he breathed. Gabriel was certain he could feel the erratic pace of Joel's heart as he tried to figure out what his mom was doing there. Gabriel shouldered his frame more solidly into the open doorway in a last-ditch effort to shield Joel from the truths about to unfold.

  He turned his head over his shoulder so he could see Joel clearly. “Remember earlier, how I said there were things I hadn’t told you?” Gabriel searched Joel's eyes, and all he found was a sleepy lust from their earlier pairing being quickly overshadowed with confusion and fear. Joel nodded his head, the movement barely noticeable.

  Thomas barked out a laugh, breaking the tense silence before he opened his mouth to speak. “I think you should invite us in, oh brother mine.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Joel Meets His Uncle

  Joel watched Gabriel's face turn a pale shade of green as the words left Thomas’s mouth. It took a moment for the weight and meaning to register with Joel, then before he could fully comprehend, his stepdad shouldered past a silent and frozen Gabriel and forced his way into the condo. Instinctively, Joel reached for Gabriel's hand, but his mother was also pushing her way inside and swatted it away. With his eyes, Joel tried to implore Gabriel for some answer, some sort of explanation, but Gabriel couldn’t, or wouldn’t meet his gaze. His shoulders slumped and he looked utterly defeated and very much unlike the man who had taken Joel so assuredly and completely only a few minutes prior. His poor wolf, declawed and defanged. He hated seeing Gabriel look like that.