Almost a Bride (The Bride Ships Book 4)

by Jody Hedlund

  Kate sat up straighter and drew in a final sniffle. “Really?”

  “Really. The house is plenty big. You could have a room to yourself.”

  “That’s not necessary—”

  “Abe was just saying he’s concerned about me having too much work, especially once I’m further along.” Zoe placed a hand on her abdomen, her fingers splaying and revealing a beautiful wedding band with a jade jewel at the center.

  Amidst the pain radiating through Kate’s chest, a ray of hope broke through. Yale wasn’t necessarily close to Williamsville, but it wasn’t as far away as Victoria. Though she couldn’t cling to the hope Zeke might one day be ready for her, she couldn’t stop herself from praying for that anyway.

  In the meantime, maybe she needed to focus on getting herself ready. Perhaps all along by seeking after relationships, she’d been trying to fill the void caused by her father’s leaving. What if she needed to allow God to fill the void first? Maybe only in the healing could one truly find freedom from making the same mistakes as one’s parents.

  Whatever the case, she had to accept Zoe’s offer. “I’ll go.”

  “Good.” Zoe leaned in and gave Kate another hug. “I think you’re doing the right thing.”

  If only it didn’t hurt so much.

  Relaxing against the fence that surrounded Mr. Peabody’s garden, Kate cuddled the sleeping child and pressed a kiss against her head. Kate had offered to watch Violet while Abe and Zoe were called away to visit an orphan girl in need of a home.

  Kate hadn’t realized how much energy the almost one-year-old had. Though Violet wasn’t yet walking, she more than made up for it by crawling everywhere. Finally, the child had worn herself out and fallen asleep in Kate’s arms.

  The September afternoon was warm, but at least outside Kate could feel the mountain breeze better than she could indoors. Mr. Peabody had fussed about her leaving the house and had come to check on her a dozen times over the past hour.

  His concern only heightened the dread of having to tell him about the decision she’d made yesterday when talking to Zoe.

  “You’re a natural with the babe,” Zeke spoke softly. He leaned against the side of the house watching her, his crutch idle at his side. The brim of his hat hid his face in shadows, but there was no disguising his dark, good looks, and the sight of him never failed to make her heart patter faster.

  Kate kissed Violet again to hide her face and keep Zeke from seeing her attraction. “It’s easy to be a natural when a baby is asleep.” From the corner of her eyes, she watched Zeke push away from the house and shuffle toward her. Would he ask to sit beside her and spend time with her as he’d done those evenings before they’d been trapped in the mine? Their conversations were among some of her favorite memories.

  Heat stung her eyes, and she nuzzled Violet’s cheek while she tried to compose herself.

  He stopped several feet away, leaning on his crutch and looping his thumbs in his belt. “Listen, Kate. We need to talk.”

  Something in his tone and posture sent a shiver up her back. She’d sensed he wanted to share bad news the other morning when he’d come into the bedroom, and she’d been glad for Zoe and Abe’s timely arrival, which had prevented him from saying anything.

  She’d tried not to think of it since, although a tiny current of anxiety had zipped along her nerves whenever Zeke was around. Thankfully, with Zoe and Abe staying at the house, Zeke hadn’t had the chance to be alone with her again.

  Until now. “Aye, I need to talk to you too,” she said, her heart racing with a strange need to get up and run away.

  “Please, Kate—”

  “I’m moving to Yale.”

  His head jerked up. “You are?”

  “Aye. I’m leaving at the end of the week and going to work at the orphanage with Zoe and Abe.”

  He examined her face as if trying to make sense of her decision.

  “It’s for the best. Zoe needs the help, especially after her baby is born.”

  “Then Zoe is in agreement?”

  “She invited me.”

  Zeke scrubbed his jaw, blew out a breath, and then stared off at the mountain peaks. Silence settled over them except for the high-pitched whistle of a broad-winged hawk swirling above the hill.

  Was he upset? Had she hurt him? “I’m sorry, Zeke.”

  He continued to peer into the distance, his shoulders stiff and his jaw flexing.

  She wished she could voice her inner turmoil and tell him this was just as hard for her, that she didn’t want to do it, that she loved him. But she couldn’t make herself say the words. “We both have things we need to work through.”

  “I know.”

  “You do?” She’d expected him to argue or try to convince her to go through with the marriage, and his simple agreement took her by surprise.

  “Aye. I realized it when we were trapped. I’m not the kind of man you need or deserve. And if I don’t change, I’d end up hurting you the same way your father did.”

  So this was it. What he’d wanted to tell her.

  “I’m not the kind of man you need or deserve.” Her father had said almost the same thing the day he’d walked away.

  She focused on Violet’s sleeping face to hide the sudden burn at the backs of her eyes. Maybe Zeke believed walking away from her now would keep her from getting hurt later. But it was too late. She’d already fallen in love with him, and this rejection was piercing her fragile heart and shattering it.

  “I want to change.” Zeke’s voice was hoarse with emotion. “But I have to make sure I’m not doing it for you.”

  She blinked back tears and prayed none of them would leak out. She didn’t want him to know how much this parting hurt.

  As she fought her inner battle, a long silence stretched between them.

  “Say something,” Zeke finally said, his tone anguished.

  She swallowed past the lump in her throat and forced a smile. “I hope eventually you’ll find everything you’re looking for.”

  Standing nearby with slumped shoulders and hands in pockets, misery flitted across his face. “I hope so too.”

  Before she could formulate words to express any more thoughts, Mr. Peabody bustled out. As with the other times, he fussed over her and insisted she return to bed. Needing to be away from Zeke, she allowed Mr. Peabody to take Violet, help her up, and guide her inside.

  Once on her bed, she collapsed and a sob escaped. But she caught it and told herself she wouldn’t cry over Zeke. They were both doing the right thing. If only doing the right thing didn’t have to be so hard.

  TWENTY-FOUR

  KATE GAVE MR. Peabody another hug, his long mustache tickling her cheek and his sniffles loud in her ear.

  “You’ll be back,” he said as he already had at least a dozen times.

  She couldn’t make herself contradict him as she knew she should. Instead, she squeezed his stout frame one last time. “Of course I will. I’ll miss your beignets and baguettes too much to stay away forever.”

  He wiped the tears from his cheeks before he offered her a wavering smile. He’d already cried when she gave him the painting of one of his vases of flowers. And if he kept crying, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to hold herself together much longer.

  “The pack train is leaving,” Abe called from where he waited a short distance away down the street with Zoe, who was holding the hand of the four-year-old orphan while carrying Violet in a cradleboard on her back. “We need to be on our way.”

  Kate took a step away from Mr. Peabody and tried not to look around for Zeke again. Even though the hour was early, she’d expected him to come to the house to see her off. His absence stung.

  She’d thought perhaps he’d arrive at home while she was away delivering the newly framed picture to Becca and saying good-bye to her friend. But upon returning, he still hadn’t been there.

  She picked up the package she’d saved to give to him. The street was already alive with miners, business owne
rs, and the train of mules and men readying to leave Williamsville. But nowhere in the melee did she see Zeke.

  The ache in her chest pulsed with fresh disappointment—the same ache that had been there all week since Zeke told her they needed to go their separate ways. In her head, she knew Zeke had made the right decision. But her heart couldn’t stop protesting.

  “Will you give this to Zeke?” She handed the package to Mr. Peabody.

  “Where is that boy?” The housekeeper narrowed his eyes and glared around. “I don’t understand why he’s letting you run off like this.”

  “Don’t blame him. We both made the decision that we’d be better off parting ways.”

  “If I were Zeke, I sure wouldn’t let a woman like you walk out of my life.” Mr. Peabody shuffled Zeke’s package, his face and ears turning red.

  “You’re too kind, Mr. Peabody.”

  He muttered more about Zeke being a fool for not marrying her when he’d had the chance. Even as Kate started down the street, Mr. Peabody was still complaining about Zeke and brushing more tears from his cheeks.

  With a final wave to the dear man, Kate caught up with Abe and Zoe. She took the other hand of the little orphan girl and tried to distract herself by playing and talking with the child. All the while, the ache in her chest kept growing until she wasn’t sure she’d be able to force herself to leave. How could she? Not when the man she loved was still here?

  At the first crack of the whip that prodded their pack train to get underway, Kate fell into step next to Zoe. She wanted desperately to turn around and search one last time for Zeke. But instead, she kept her shoulders straight and forced herself forward.

  Even as she willed herself to keep walking, tears slipped out. Tears for the man she’d loved and lost.

  Zeke leaned on his crutch and stood in the shadows of the boardinghouse, watching the pack train begin its journey. He gripped the hewn log, his fingers digging into the crumbling chinking so tightly, he was sure he’d pull the building apart.

  He couldn’t tear his eyes from Kate’s form as she strolled next to Zoe. Abe strode ahead, already in conversation with one of the expressmen. Under normal circumstances, Zeke would have smiled at his brother-in-law’s friendliness and the way he was always thinking of the needs of others.

  At first, Zeke’d had reservations about the mountain minister, especially when he’d gotten word of the circumstances of Abe and Zoe’s marriage of convenience. But in the end, Zeke couldn’t have asked for a better husband for his sister. The two had fallen in love and had much more to their marriage than they’d ever expected.

  Zeke had thought he and Kate were falling in love. Even now, his heart felt as though it were ripping from his body and that she was taking it with her. His entire body ached with the need to go after her, beg her not to leave, and tell her everything would work out for the best.

  “Let her go, Hart,” he whispered to himself through a thick throat. “You have to let her go.”

  All week he’d been praying and hoping he would change quickly enough that he could go to her and tell her of his new faith. But each time he’d contemplated begging her, he reminded himself he was doing this for her because she deserved better.

  He held himself back, watching her retreating form, until she disappeared down the hill. He stared at the spot he’d last seen her, wishing for her to reemerge. Secretly, he hoped she’d run back up and tell him she couldn’t leave him.

  But as time passed with no sign of her, he leaned his head against the log siding, closed his eyes, and breathed out his frustration. “Did I do the right thing, God?”

  “There you are.”

  The voice startled Zeke, and he limped away from the wall. Mr. Peabody stood on the boardwalk, the early morning sun glistening off his bald head. His housekeeper had a harried air about him, as though he’d been searching everywhere for Zeke.

  “I’m coming. Just give me a few more minutes.”

  Rather than moving on as Zeke hoped, Mr. Peabody climbed down and started toward him. Zeke braced himself for the censure the older man was sure to level at him for hiding away in so cowardly a manner.

  Mr. Peabody stopped in front of him and held out a parcel wrapped in brown paper.

  Zeke didn’t move to take it. “I couldn’t say good-bye because I was afraid I wouldn’t be strong enough to let her go.”

  “I know.” Mr. Peabody’s eyes filled with compassion, making Zeke’s heart pinch even more.

  “Then you’re not mad at me?”

  “Of course I’m mad. She’s the best thing that ever happened to you, even better than finding the mother lode. And you just let her get away.”

  “Then should I ask her to stay?” Zeke’s muscles tensed with the need to run after her.

  Mr. Peabody glanced in the direction of the trail that led away from Williamsville. From the firm press of his lips, Zeke could tell he was contemplating the question seriously. Zeke’s blood raced. Should he chase after her and beg her to come back and marry him?

  His housekeeper shook his head. “As much as I want Miss Millington to stay, I think you’d only scare her away for good if you tried to force marriage right now.”

  The statement took Zeke by surprise.

  “She needs some time away,” he continued, “before understanding you’re a treasure worth claiming.”

  “I need to become worthy first.”

  “That too.”

  Zeke inwardly sighed, wishing he was already worthy enough. “What if she finds someone else before I’m ready?”

  “Guess you’ll have to hurry up and grow.”

  “You know as well as I do, that real growth takes time.”

  “If you’re headed down the right path, then you don’t have to be perfect for her.” Mr. Peabody thrust the parcel at him again.

  The moment Zeke’s fingers closed around the brown paper, he felt the outline of a sketch pad beneath.

  “A good-bye gift from Miss Millington.”

  Zeke had loved browsing through the sketch pads she was always leaving lying around his house. Eventually, she found them, sketched a few more pictures, only to lose them again.

  He peeled away the brown paper and flipped open the book. The family of caribou greeted him. At the bottom of the drawing, she’d written out part of his fable in her flowing script. He turned the page to find another picture of the caribou in a different setting along with several more lines from his story.

  Once he finished the dozen pages, he reverently shifted back to the beginning. “She’s written out my story of the caribou and illustrated it.”

  Mr. Peabody had been present during some of the times when Zeke and Kate had bantered about the caribou family and their escapades, so the housekeeper was well aware of what Kate had given him.

  “What’ll you do with it? Seems like it might be more useful to the children of the orphanage. I’m sure they’d love your silly story more than I do. But, it would need to be made into a real book first.”

  A real book? “How?”

  “I’m glad you asked.”

  “Then you know how?”

  “I know who.” Mr. Peabody smiled and rubbed his hands together. “My brother-in-law is a bookseller and publisher who goes by the name Edward Routledge & Company.”

  “And you think he’d be willing to take a look?”

  “I think the entire world would be willing to take a look at this faraway place through the eyes of Miss Millington, don’t you?”

  Zeke’s mind spun with the possibilities that could open for Kate, a new mother lode, if he went about this in the right way. “True enough, Mr. Peabody. Tell me everything you know about publishing a book.”

  “First, let’s go home.” Mr. Peabody crossed to the boardwalk. “We’ll have some coffee and breakfast and then discuss the plans.”

  For the first time all week, Zeke managed a real smile. Maybe everything wouldn’t work out the way he hoped. But he could do something special for Kate and show
her that he wanted the best for her.

  TWENTY-FIVE

  Yale, British Columbia

  April 1864

  Eight months later

  KATE FINISHED FASTENING the tiny buttons on the front of the baby’s gown. “There you are, my little one.” She tugged up both satiny shoes before smoothing down the layers of white muslin. “You look beautiful.”

  The infant cooed up at Kate with her bright-green eyes, flapping her arms and legs. Kate’s chest tightened with longing as it always did whenever she looked into those green eyes so much like Zeke’s.

  She bent and pressed a kiss against the baby’s chubby cheek, relishing the smoothness of newborn skin and breathing in the scent of powder. If she’d married Zeke last September, maybe she might have been expecting a baby of her own by now, a baby just like this one, with Zeke’s green eyes.

  A tap on the bedroom door was followed by Zoe’s breathless call. “Are you ready?”

  Kate swallowed her melancholy and picked up the infant from the end of the bed. “As ready as can be.”

  “Abe went ahead to the church with Lyle and Will.” Zoe stepped into the room with Violet, who was dressed in a gown much like the babe’s.

  “You look very pretty, Violet,” Kate said.

  Violet smiled, her big brown eyes luminous in her dainty face. Every day the infant seemed to get bigger and was walking all around now and had begun talking.

  “What do you tell Auntie Kate?” Zoe prompted, even lovelier than ever since giving birth six weeks ago. Her face and hair seemed to glow, her eyes sparked with energy, and her fancy gown showed off her new matronly form.

  “’Ank you.” Violet twisted her hands in her skirt, swishing the material back and forth.

  Over the past months living and working in the orphanage, Zoe had referred to Kate around the children as “Auntie.” Of late, the title had grown heavier and only reminded Kate that she hadn’t married Zeke and wasn’t really family.

  She’d wanted to be real family. All winter and spring, she’d been secretly waiting and hoping Zeke would come for her and tell her he’d do anything to be with her—including making his peace with God.