The Retribution

by Shankar Kashyap

  Dev met a young and extremely attractive law student, Sheena in the temple. It had started as an acquaintance and soon grew into a close friendship as she started to help out regularly in the temple. While his friendship and feelings for Sheena was getting stronger, he felt that there was something missing. He would feel attracted to some of the young boys who came into the temple – lot younger than himself. He noticed one particular young boy who used to come to the temple regularly and sit in the corner throughout the evening and leave quietly before the aarti finished. He was intrigued and felt a bit sad too as he was always alone. One evening, he got his younger brother Vijai to do the Aarti and went over to talk to the young lad. The boy saw Dev coming towards him and quickly got up and started to walk towards the door.

  “Wait please.” Dev signalled to him quietly and hurried over to come between the young lad and the main door. The boy bent his head down and pushed his hands deeper into his jacket pocket. He would not look at Dev even when he put his hands on the shoulder.

  “Wait until the Aarti is over and take Prasad.”

  He shrugged off Dev’s hands off his shoulder and stepped back.

  “I don’t want any Prasad.” The voice was a squeak and barely audible. “Let me go please.”

  “It looks like you are not happy. There is something bothering you, isn’t it? Why don’t you tell me?”

  The lad wouldn’t speak. He kept his head down and started to shuffle his feet nervously.

  “We can go into the office room inside if you want. Don’t be afraid. You can talk to me about anything.”

  Dev opened the door and walked into the corridor without looking back - not sure if the lad would follow him or not. He waited for a couple of minutes and went into his office down the corridor when the boy did not come through the door. He heard the footsteps as he sat down at the desk. His heart was pounding hard and the images of his days in Brother Francis’s office came flooding back to him. A warm sensation appeared to flood through him as the steps came nearer. He was waiting expectantly when there was a soft knock on the door.

  “Come in.” said Dev. “It is open.”

  The young lad walked into the office room and stood in front of the desk still looking down at his feet.

  “Sit down please. What is your name?” Dev could scarcely recognise his own voice. It trembled and he had to clear his throat a couple of times.

  “Sanju.” Came a hesitant reply.

  “It is nice to meet you Sanju. I don’t think I have seen your parents in the temple.”

  “They don’t go to temples.”

  “I see. It is nice that you come to temple.” Dev said softly. “I am glad you like coming to temple. You can meet lot of people here and get lots of friends.”

  “I don’t have any friends. No one likes me.”

  “I am sure you are wrong. You seem to be such a nice boy. I am sure lots of people like you.” Dev was much calmer by now and his heart had stopped pounding in his chest. He was feeling much more comfortable now that he was giving advice and help.

  “No one talks to me. They think I’m weird.”

  “Why do they say that? I find that so sad.” Dev replied standing up and coming round the desk.

  The story started slowly and soon picked up speed. It was like an avalanche once started. He had realised that he was gay soon after he got into his teens. He was too scared to discuss it with anyone. His family had noticed that he had become morose and withdrawn and his school mates openly started to make fun of him. Out of desperation to seek some support and help, he told his mother. Unfortunately it did not have the effect he had hoped for. Instead of help and support, there was a lot of derision and incredulity from his parents. Ever since he told his parents about his sexuality, he had been ostracized from all social contacts. He was sixteen years of age and his parents would take him everywhere. He was not allowed to go on his own even to the school. His father, though an atheist himself, had decided that going to the temple would be the best for his son and would drop him at the temple every evening and pick him up outside the temple every night.

  Dev felt stirrings in him as he heard the story. Stirrings he had not felt for a number of years. Stirrings he had felt all those years ago in Brother Francis’ office in Mombasa. He felt strangely attracted to the young kid. His heart started to race again and he felt his palms go moist.

  ‘This is wrong. I’m a priest and Godly man. I must not have such feelings.’ He said to himself. ‘But Brother Francis was a priest too.’ A voice seem to say inside his head. ‘Servant of God,’ he had heard him say about himself. He had to force himself not to touch the young Sanju and hug him and kiss him. He wanted to hold him in his arms and sooth away his pain. ‘Think of Sheena. This will go away. This is not right.’ He walked over to the window to avoid looking at the young boy. His legs felt like lead and felt as if it took forever to reach the window. He looked out of the window at passing traffic to take his mind of the young boy sitting in his office.

  ‘He is so vulnerable right now. So easy to take advantage of.’ Dev thought.

  He dared not turn around for fear of losing control of his raging emotions. He clenched his fist and thought about Sheena. He could hear Sanju talking away in the background with his head bent, completely oblivious of the reactions of Dev. Sanju had a traumatic childhood, not too dissimilar to his own. He was taken away from his childhood home in a village outside Mumbai at the age of six and stuck in an alien environment of a wet and cold northeast of Scotland. They had moved to Leicester only a year ago – ‘to get away from those demons in Sanju’s mind’ as his father would say - and it had not changed young Sanju’s situation. He still felt alienated in a society he did not understand and coming into his teenage years had made him aware of his own sexuality. That the other school children found his behaviour strange only made situation worse, especially when they started to call him names such as ‘faggot’ and ‘queer’.

  The demon in Dev had been woken and he was fighting his own battle now. He tried to count the number of cars passing the window to take his mind off the young lad. He tried to recite the difficult vedic chants to himself. He could hear the drums of lord Shiva play inside his head as the Sanskrit chants went on in his mind to try and drown the emotions that were raging inside him. The drums got faster and louder to try and drown the voice of Sanju and bury his emotions. He could not remember how long he stood there in front of the window until there was a gentle tap on his shoulder. Dev turned around to see Sanju standing closely behind him. Dev had to fight hard not to put his arms around the young lad and hold him tight.

  “It is a good thing we had chat like this. Doesn’t it make you feel better now? You can come in anytime you want and have a chat with me.” His throat was completely dry and his voice croaked. “Here, I’ll give you my phone number. Call me whenever you want to talk about anything. Don’t hesitate now.”

  Sanju lifted his head up for the first time during the entire episode and looked at Dev. He had deep black eyes and Dev felt himself magnetised by his look. Dev felt himself drowning in the dark pool of his eyes. He averted young Sanju’s eyes when he could not stand it any longer.

  “Thank you for listening. No one else does.”

  Dev scribbled his number on a piece of paper and handed it over to Sanju. There was a feeling of an electric sensation rushing up his hands to his throat when his fingers touched Sanju’s.

  “You are welcome Sanju.” Dev could not recognise his own voice. “Come in any time you feel like you need to talk. I am always here for you.”

  Dev walked the young lad out of the temple just as the last of the devotees were leaving. Vijai had finished the Aarti earlier than usual and getting the temple ready to close. Dev walked outside with Sanju in the hope of catching his father coming to pick him up. Sanju did not look back as he walked towards the corner of the street where a dark car was parked in darkness with its engine running. Dev waited on the kerb till Sanju got into the car
and drove away. He sighed deeply and walked back into the temple. His mind was in a raging turmoil as entered the temple and he did not see Vijai trying to come out and nearly knocked him over.

  “Wow. Easy, Dev. Where are you going? The temple is secure. Come, let’s go home.”

  Dev let Vijai drive the car home as his mind was too pre-occupied to concentrate on the road.

  Stuart found Dev very quiet the next afternoon at lunch time as they sat together on the bench outside the council hall. Several attempts at conversation by Stuart brought out monosyllabic responses from Dev. Then suddenly Dev asked,

  “Do you believe in fate Stuart?”

  Stuart was taken aback with this question as he had not received any response to his soliloquy about football so far.

  “Why do you ask?” Stuart asked. “What brought this on?”

  “I met this young lad at the temple last night.” He paused for a minute before continuing, “I think it was fate that brought him to the temple.”

  “You get lots of kids coming into your temple, Dev. What is so special about this one?”

  “I don’t know, Stuart. But I noticed him and took him inside and even counselled him. I have never done that in the past.”

  He then went on to explain what happened leaving out his own response at meeting him. Stuart listened attentively and said at the end.

  “You do have a way with people in trouble. I know what to do.” Stuart was enthusing. “Why don’t you take up counselling? I know several organisations struggling to find counsellors. I will speak to the guys running the Gay helpline. You can then help many more that way.”

  Dev was thoughtful for a moment before answering. ‘Would that be a good idea for me? Where would that take me? I am not sure if I am cut out for that sort of thing regularly, Stuart.”

  “Why don’t you give it a try and see how it goes. You can always drop out if it doesn’t suit you.”

  Dev took a while to answer and finally said with a shrug of his shoulders, “OK. I will speak to them.”

  To cut a long story short, Dev was on the Gay Helpline switchboard twice a week talking to many youngsters who were unsure of their sexuality or in trouble because of it. He soon found out about the Gay clubs such as Quebec night club, a dazzling silver and steel bar-cum-night club with a predominantly gay clientele in the heart of Leicester’s city centre. Against a backdrop of the latest remixes of Kylie, Spiller and Steps, the handful of Asian men and women willing to be ‘out’ in public dance flamboyantly under the mirrored balls and flashing strobe lights. He persuaded Stuart to come with him to the Quebec one night after Aarti and found himself enthralled and rejuvenated by the experience. He became a regular at the club and developed lots of friends.

  It was a few weeks into this new found interest when he met Lenny Mithcell. He was walking back to his car in a poorly lit open car park, when he found this thin young lad being beaten up by a couple of hoods. He walked across to them and shouted,

  “Hey. What are you doing to him? Leave him alone or I will call the police.”

  The two guys stopped and turned around.

  “Mind your own business mister.”

  “I’ll give you what for if you don’t.” The second guy hissed.

  Dev took out his brand new mobile and held it out.

  “I am calling the police now.” And he started to dial. The two took to their heels and ran out of the car park before he could finish dialling. Dev walked across to the man now lying on the floor bleeding profusely from a cut on his cheek and lower lip. He helped him up and said,

  “You are bleeding badly. Where also are you hurt?”

  “Thanks for your help Bro.” blood splattered out of his mouth as he spoke. “I don’t think I’m hurt anywhere else. Thank god, you came in the nick of time. Otherwise I would been a goner.”

  “Come I will take you to the hospital. You need that seen to.”

  “Thanks Bro. You don’t need to do anything now. I’m OK. I can get to the hospital myself.”

  “Don’t be silly - you can barely stand up. I think you might have a concussion. Come let me take you to the hospital.” Dev insisted and walked across to where he had parked his car.

  “Thanks again, Bro.” He had said as Dev started the car. “By the way, I’m Lenny Mithcell. What do I call you?”

  “I am Dev. It is nice to meet you. Why were they beating you up?”

  Lenny looked furtively at Dev and took his time to answer.

  “Dunno. Never seen them before.”

  Dev was not convinced.

  “OK. I think you should report this to the police once you have been seen at the hospital.”

  “No. No police.” Was the quick reply.

  Dev dropped him off at the front of Royal Infirmary gates. Lenny had insisted that he would go inside himself. He thanked Dev again profusely as he got out of the car and walked into accident and emergency department.

  Dev thought no more of it until he saw Lenny again at the car park a few days later waiting for him as he got out of the Quebec. He had Stuart with him as he walked towards the car. Lenny had come out of the shadows and gave the two of them a bit of a fright.

  “Hi Bro. It’s me, Lenny”

  Dev had recovered quickly and replied.

  “Oh. Hello Lenny. How are you? Hope you got sorted out at the hospital?”

  “Yes. Thanks to you.” He stood there shuffling his feet, not moving from Dev’s path.

  “Is there anything else I can do for you? Have you been waiting for me here?”

  “Yes. I have been waiting for you. I did not thank you properly for saving me that day.”

  “Don’t worry. It was nothing. Anyone would have done the same thing.”

  “No. You don’t understand. They were going to kill me if you had not shown up that day.”

  “Well, that is Ok. Don’t worry about it. It was the least I could do. I hope you have told the police about them.”

  “Anyway, I want to give you this. Just to say thanks, you see.”

  Lenny shoved a packet into Dev’s hands and turned and walked off before either of them could say anything. He disappeared into darkness. Dev opened the brown paper packet to see what it was. It had a brown plastic bottle with what seemed like a white paste inside. The bottle was sealed and there was no writing on it. He took a sniff at the opened bottle. Strong sweetish smell was slightly overpowering and at the same time exciting.

  “Looks like he has given me something they gave him at the hospital!” Dev exclaimed. Stuart leaned over and took the packet from his hands and looked closely.

  “Let me see.”

  He took the packet and took it to the single lamp that was in the corner of the car park.

  “I can’t see properly in this light. Let’s get into the car.” Stuart said. “Why would he give you his medicine? I can guess what this might be.”

  They sat in the car and Dev switched the lights on to take a closer look. As soon as the lights came on, Stuart smiled. He took the bottle to his nose and sniffed.

  “I thought as much.” He said with a wide grin on his face. “They are poppers.”

  “What are poppers?” Dev was a bit confused. Stuart laughed at this.

  “He obviously thinks you are gay seeing you coming out of Quebec. Lot of Gays use it regularly to get their kicks and other things.”

  “What other things?”

  “You will soon find out inside the club if you flash it around enough.” Was Stuart’s cryptic reply. Dev had let go of it at the time. It did not take him long to find out what the “poppers” were once inside the club. He felt very apprehensive at first, but soon forgot about it.

  Dev had not said anything about his own urges and stirrings that he had felt with Sanju to Stuart so far. Stuart still thought Dev was helping all these Gay Asian men who were frequenting the club as a social service.

  “Do you think I should give it to someone at the club?”

  “It is up to you. I am not
sure how useful it is for straight men. You don’t even have a girlfriend yet.” Stuart replied. “Anyway, what are you doing with that guy? He looks like trouble. He is not an Asian gay. Don’t tell me you are helping all gays now!”

  Dev went on to explain the fracas in the car park of the club and how he had helped Lenny.

  “You better be careful with that guy. He looks like a ‘rent boy’ to me.” Stuart’s voice was serious.

  “What do you mean?”

  “These kind of people are usually run by gangsters. You don’t want to be mixed up with them.”

  “No, Stuart. I have only met him a couple of times.” Dev said. “Anyway, what is a ‘rent boy?”

  Stuart laughed and explained what a ‘rent boy’ was. “Young men who offer their services to other men for a fee.” Stuart was laughing now. “And they are usually run by unscrupulous characters, just like the prostitutes.”

  Stuart did not know about Sheena at that time. His father was still ‘arranging’ the liaison with her family and there was nothing definite yet. His friendship with Sanju was growing daily. He was now coming into the temple every night and they were spending a lot of time together. His urges had become stronger and he almost was ready to give in. He knew Sanju wanted it too. He had asked the boy to come to the care home office where he was also a part time Manager. Since taking over the running of the care home, Dev and Stuart took turns to work as a ‘Manager’ of the place. It was felt better to do that rather than appoint an outsider to run the place.

  The meetings started tentatively at first and became regular as time went by. Dev soon found that he was attracting several good looking boys at the Quebec and this did not go unnoticed by other punters. He would make it a point to move in groups of young men, mostly white young men. He would splash his money on the young kids who stuck to him like a magnet most of the time within the club. He was supposedly in the club to help Asian gay men as part of his job as an “Asian Gay Helpline” worker. But he would often ignore most of the Asian gay men in the club.