Things You Can't Say

by Jenn Bishop

  “Xan!” Mom snaps. “Where are your manners?”

  “Okay, okay!” I shout back, slipping off my shoes. “I’ll be right there.”

  When I get to my brother’s room, Phil hands me Bread and Jam for Frances. “Wow, you weren’t kidding,” Phil says.

  “Much better.” Xan settles under his covers with his stuffies lined up next to him in bed. “Okay, actually, can you start from the beginning?”

  “Sure, Xan.” I squeeze onto the bed beside him, my back up against the headboard, and in my very best spoiled badger voice, I begin to read.

  AUTHOR’S NOTE

  More than a decade ago, when I was finishing up my library science degree at Simmons College, I completed an independent study project at the Children’s Room, a grief support center for children and teenagers in Arlington, Massachusetts. I helped them devise a system for cataloging their extensive collection, which included many novels about children experiencing grief. It was essential, the staff noted, for the children to see their own experiences mirrored in fiction and nonfiction.

  Though recently there have been more public conversations around mental illness and suicide, the stigma still remains. Like Drew, so many feel afraid or uncomfortable talking about suicide. But not talking about difficult subjects doesn’t make them go away. It just makes those dealing with them feel more alone.

  As of the time this book went into print, suicide is the second-leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of ten and thirty-four. According to the 2017 CDC report, suicide annually claims the lives of over forty-seven thousand Americans. If you have lost a friend or a loved one to suicide, I want you to know that you are not alone. There are countless people out there who understand what you are going through, as well as trained professionals who want to help.

  If you or someone you know would like to talk with a licensed mental health professional, consider reaching out to a therapist through:

  American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy:

  aamft.org

  American Counseling Association:

  counseling.org

  American Mental Health Counselors Association:

  amhca.org

  American Psychological Association:

  apa.org

  National Association of Social Workers:

  socialworkers.org

  FURTHER RESOURCES

  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

  suicidepreventionlifeline.org

  This national network of crisis centers offers free emotional support 24-7, including specific resources for kids. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

  Crisis Text Line

  The free, 24-7 confidential text message service for people in crisis. Text HOME to 741741 in the United States.

  American Association for Suicidology

  suicidology.org

  This nonprofit organization advocates for suicide prevention and envisions a world where people know how to prevent suicide and find hope and healing.

  American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

  afsp.org

  AFSP is the nation’s largest nonprofit dedicated to saving lives and bringing hope to those affected by suicide.

  The Dougy Center

  dougy.org

  The Portland, Oregon–based National Center for Grieving Children & Families provides support in a safe place for children, teens, young adults, and their families grieving a death to share their experiences.

  Eluna

  elunanetwork.org

  Eluna offers resources and programs—including camps—to address the needs of children experiencing confusing emotions in the wake of a loved one’s death or addiction.

  National Alliance for Grieving Children

  childrengrieve.org

  This professional member organization specifically addresses issues about child bereavement and offers continuing education, peer networking, and a national database of children’s bereavement support programs.

  Suicide Awareness Voices of Education

  save.org

  SAVE’s mission is to prevent suicide through public awareness and education, to reduce stigma, and to serve as a resource for those touched by suicide.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  This book would not exist if not for the profound influence of libraries and librarians on my life. Mrs. Littlejohn, my elementary school librarian, and Dawn Clarke, the children’s librarian at Joshua Hyde Public Library, who gave me my first-ever job as her assistant, created safe spaces for me and countless other children over the years.

  My first career was as a teen librarian in the suburbs of Chicago and Boston, where it was my daily work to create a haven for today’s tweens and teens. The teenagers who attended my programs over the years and found a second home in the library continue to inspire my writing to this day. To my once and forever librarian colleagues who champion literacy and are on the front lines providing vital services for communities across the country, I am in awe of you. You don’t get nearly enough credit for the work you do.

  I couldn’t be luckier than to land in Cincinnati with its enviable library system. The staff at the Oakley Branch Library in particular is fantastic. They’ve never once made me feel embarrassed about the exorbitant number of books I check out every week. Even when I walk home with both a backpack and a tote bag full of books.

  As much as I don’t know where I’d be without libraries, I can’t begin to imagine the journey of writing this book without those who have been there through the ups and downs. I’m forever grateful to my agent, Katie Grimm, who continues to push me (and forces me to outline, even when I’d rather recklessly continue to pants my way through each draft). There’s no one else I’d rather have in my corner. Special thanks to her then-assistant, Cara Bellucci, for her thoughtful reads. With the sound guidance of Tricia Lin and Alyson Heller, Drew’s story became ever so more layered and nuanced. I’m so grateful for them and the entire team at Aladdin. Thank you, too, to Julie McLaughlin, for your beautiful cover illustration, which perfectly captures Drew’s perceived distance from his peers.

  As this book inched its way along, I count myself fortunate to have received thoughtful reads from writer friends Anne Bowen, Melanie Conklin, Kelly Dyksterhouse, Stephanie Farrow, Autumn Krause, Robin Kirk, Jonathan Lenore Kastin, Jennifer Maschari, Ellen Reagan, Shelley Saposnik, and C. M. Surrisi. Extra thanks to Abby Cooper for being a wise owl when I need it. Tawoo, tawoo! And for all my Facebook friends who chime in on my hive mind posts: you are the only reason I am still on Facebook these days. Thanks for doing me a solid again and again. That 1990s ephemera brainstorm session was a delight.

  I’m ever appreciative of the friends and family who have supported my writing and publishing efforts over the years. To my parents, my husband, my brother, and all of my extended family: thank you! I promise none of the antagonists in my books will ever be based on you.

  Drew’s story strays far from my personal experience—I’ve neither experienced life as a twelve-year-old boy, nor have I lost a close family member to suicide—and as such, it required research. Along the way, I found insight in the following books: Masterminds and Wingmen by Rosalind Wiseman, Raising Cain by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson, After a Parent’s Suicide by Margo Requarth, and Breaking the Silence by Linda Goldman. As a mental health professional, Rose Kormanyos provided a helpful read on the late-stage manuscript. Any mistakes or misunderstandings of Drew’s experience are my own.

  Every day I’m reminded that writing for young readers is an enormous privilege. For as long as I get to do this, I’m grateful for each and every reader my books find.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Author photograph by Kate L Photography

  Jenn Bishop is the author of the middle-grade novels 14 Hollow Road and The Distance to Home, which was a Junior Library Guild selection, a Bank Street College Best Children’s Book, and an Amazon.com Editor’s Pick. She grew up in New England, where she fell in love with the ocean, Del’
s frozen lemonade, and the Boston Red Sox before escaping to college at the University of Chicago. After working as a teen and children’s librarian, she received her MFA in writing for children and young adults from Vermont College of Fine Arts. Jenn currently calls Cincinnati, Ohio, home. Visit her online at jennbishop.com.

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  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  ALADDIN

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  First Aladdin hardcover edition March 2020

  Text copyright © 2020 by Jennifer Barnes

  Jacket illustration copyright © 2020 by Julie McLaughlin

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  Book designed by Tiara Iandiorio

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Bishop, Jenn, author.

  Title: Things you can’t say / by Jenn Bishop.

  Other titles: Things you cannot say

  Description: First Aladdin hardcover edition. | New York : Aladdin, 2020. | Summary: Three years after his father’s death by suicide, twelve-year-old Drew embarks on a journey toward understanding, forgiveness, and hope.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2019006194 (print) | LCCN 2019011254 (eBook) | ISBN 9781534440999 (eBook) | ISBN 9781534440975 (hardcover)

  Subjects: | CYAC: Loss (Psychology)—Fiction. | Suicide—Fiction. | Fathers and sons—Fiction.

  Classification: LCC PZ7.1.B55 (eBook) | LCC PZ7.1.B55 Th 2020 (print) | DDC [Fic]—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019006194