Crab Town

by Carlton Mellick III

  Jack rolled out of way, barely escaping the impact as it fell. Then he stared at the monster as its legs curled slowly against its abdomen.

  When they were sure it was dead, Sailboat and Jack leaned against its mossy shell and caught their breath. Jack smiled over at the large white guy and shook his head at him.

  He said, “Why the hell are you picking fights with crabs all the way out here in the melt zone?”

  Sailboat looked over at him. “Crabs piss me off.”

  “You come all the way out to the melt zone just to take out your aggression on crustaceans?”

  The big guy chuckled. “Maybe not.”

  Then he looked up at the red sun and wiped blood from his forehead. “As long as these sewer crabs are breeding out here, kids are going to be dying from doing too much crab shit. Maybe I figured somebody should do something about that.”

  “You were planning on bringing the crabs to extinction, single-handedly, one bat-swing at a time?”

  “Something like that.”

  Jack laughed.

  After a short pause, Jack asked, “Ever hear of the House of Cards?”

  “Sure.”

  “How would you like to join?”

  Sailboat shook his head. “I don’t see myself as the revolutionary type.”

  “Neither did I, before I joined. We need to work together if we plan to ever get out of Crab Town. We need to show the rest of the world that we are human beings, who deserve respect and equal rights. No matter how much they want us to, we will not just lie down and die quietly in this toxic dump they’ve locked us in.”

  “If joining will get me out of this place and back on my feet, count me in.”

  “I can’t promise you that, but I can say that you’ll do more good for yourself and our people than killing crabs in the melt zone.”

  Sailboat snickered. “Well, if you put it that way… Okay, I’m in.”

  “Good. I need some muscle for my squad and I know you’ll be perfect. Not many clubs in the House of Cards can say they’ve slain a monster crab before.”

  Jack pulled a card out of his pocket, the four of clubs, and held it up to him. “This is who you are from now on. This is your new name and rank.”

  “I’m a sailboat?”

  Jack eyeballed him. “What do you mean?”

  “There,” the big guy pointed at the number four on the card. “It looks like a sailboat.”

  “It’s a four. The four of clubs.”

  Jack handed him the card. The new recruit looked it over, then put it in his pants.

  “I’ve always called them sailboats.”

  Jack laughed. “Well, then. I guess we’ll have to call you the Sailboat of Clubs, then.”

  “Fine with me.”

  Jack stood up and held out his hand to his new friend.

  “Welcome to the team, Sailboat.”

  After he had his Sailboat of Clubs, he recruited Little Sister, also known as the Two of Diamonds. Then he got the Nine of Hearts, his lover. When his team was formed, they became legendary in the House of Cards. A powerhouse quintet. One that has yet to be equaled within the organization.

  “Now if you can fill this for me we’ll be on our way.”

  The bank manager looks up at him. Jack smiles behind his mask.

  With the duffel bag in his hands, the bank manager shakes his head. “I know you think this is helping your people, but you have to know you’re only making things worse.”

  The bank manager stands up. His wife grabs him by the wrist, trying to keep him by her side, but he gently removes her fingers and with his eyes tells her he’ll be just fine.

  “Every time one of you revolutionaries steals money from the bank, it only makes it more difficult for our society to get back on its feet. The reason the living condition in Crab Town remains atrocious is because the government doesn’t have the funds to give you the aid you need. But the more money you steal from the bank, the more money the government has to give to compensate, and the less money they have to spend on social reform.”

  “Social reform isn’t what we’re after. If we were just given the chance to work and make a living we wouldn’t need a free handout from the government.”

  “But taking criminal action only turns the rest of society against Crab Town. You appear to be violent, dangerous thugs that should be locked away from civilization. Next thing they’re going to do will be to build a wall around Crab Town and shut you all out for good.”

  “There’s a much easier way for them to solve the Crab Town problem,” Jack says. “All they need to do is listen.”

  Jack sends Nine into the back with the bank manager to fill the bags. When she returns her bags are very light, not even half full.

  “That’s it?” Sailboat asks, glaring at the sagging duffel bags.

  “It’s everything.” Nine shrugs her shoulders.

  “Bullshit,” Sailboat says. “They’re hiding it back there, somewhere. Let me go see.”

  Jack holds him back.

  “Don’t worry about it,” Jack says. “We need to get out of here.”

  “But we went through all of this just for pocket change?”

  “The cash wasn’t the point of robbing the bank,” Jack says. “Our real objective is all that matters.”

  The day before, all five of Jack’s team were gathered in a burnt out pizza shack in Crab Town, sharing a cold can of beans and going over the plan. They used paint buckets as chairs and a piece of an old billboard as a table.

  “So the point of robbing the bank isn’t to get money?” Nine asked.

  “The money is just an added bonus,” Jack said.

  “So what’s the real plan then?”

  “Can’t tell you yet,” he said. “I’ll let you know when the time comes.”

  Little Sister had her bike on the table, the sail lying on the floor next to them. Her tiny hands were greasy from tightening bolts and screws. She was short and bony, but her flesh was knotty with muscle. When she looked up at Jack, her face lit up.

  “Does the plan involve my bikes?” asked Little Sister. “Is that why you had me fix up these bikes for you?”

  Jack’s squad usually made their getaways on foot, but this time Jack had requested they do it on bikes. And when it comes to bicycles, Little Sister is the authority.

  “Yeah, that’s right,” Jack said. “We’ll need to be able to move quickly after we hit the bank.”

  “What’s with the secrets?” Sailboat asked. “You’ve never needed to keep anything from us before.”

  “This time’s different. If you knew what I had planned beforehand you would never want to go through with it.”

  Sailboat groans at him. “Great…”

  “Trust me, if we want the world to hear us out then this is the best shot we’ve got. They’re not going to be able to ignore us anymore after this.”

  “Can’t you tell us anything?” Nine asked.

  “All I can say is Miss Doomsday is the key.”

  Doomsday choked on her beans. “Me?”

  “We can’t do this without you.”

  The Italian girl didn’t like the sound of that.

  “It’s a bad idea not letting us in on the plan,” Sailboat said. “What if something happens to you? What then?”

  Jack leaned back on his paint bucket. “Then I guess you’ll just have to make sure nothing happens to me.”

  Jack of Spades opens one of the duffel bags.

  “How much do they owe you?” he asks Johnny Balloon.

  The balloon says, “Almost sixteen hundred, but fifteen hundred would be fine.”

  Jack tosses him some stacks of bills. “Take two thousand. Thanks for helping us out.”

  “You’re giving him two thousand?” Sailboat goes for the balloon, but Jack gets between them. “That’s probably half of the take.”

  “Forget about it, let’s go.” Jack pushes him away. Nine and Miss Doomsday go for the door.

  Sailboat shakes his head, and g
oes back for Johnny Balloon. “I can’t just give the money to a fucking balloon.”

  Johnny backs away.

  Jack catches up to Sailboat and gets in front of him again. “What’s gotten into you, man? This isn’t the same Sailboat I used to know. This isn’t the Sailboat who spent half his time in the melt zone, trying to exterminate sewer crabs for the sake of getting our people off of the shit.”

  “I’m still the same Sailboat. I just don’t think we should waste money on a goddamn balloon when we’ve got real people back home in need of food and medicine.”

  “He’s a living person, too.”

  “But he doesn’t need food or medicine. He doesn’t need money like we do.”

  “He gets what is owed to him and that’s final,” Jack says. “Now let’s go.”

  The two men go for the door, but when they get halfway across the room Sailboat turns and runs for the balloon man. When Johnny sees him coming, he raises his revolver.

  A gun shot rings through the room.

  Jack looks down at the stream of red draining from the hole his chest. Sailboat turns around. The Jack of Spades opens his mouth to speak, to tell Sailboat something he really needs to know, but only blood spills through his lips.

  Sam watches as the leader of the bank robbers tosses the balloon man some stacks of bills.

  “You’re giving him two thousand?” the large robber says, going for the balloon. “That’s probably half of the take.” Then the leader gets between them.

  As they argue amongst themselves, Sam decides it’s time to make his move. The two female robbers have their weapons down, distracted by their friends’ argument. If he’s going to stop these people it’s now or never.

  He looks over at the bloody guard on the floor, who winks at him with his one open eye. The guard has been playing possum ever since the big guy clubbed him in the back of the head. Sam makes eye contact with the other undercover guard and he gives him a nod. It’s lucky the criminals didn’t know the bank upped its security a little. The new policy is to have two plain-clothed guards in the bank during banking hours.

  Sam can’t afford to let these scumbags get away with the cash. At this job, the security guards are held responsible for every dollar that is stolen from the bank. If the thieves get away with money that amount comes out of the guards’ paychecks.

  With all the robberies happening these days, Sam can’t allow another criminal to get away. The bank was taking so much money out of his pay, due to all the successful robberies, that he could no longer afford rent and was kicked out on the streets. He now has to sleep on his ex-wife’s couch, living with her new husband, Ron. He has to listen to them have sex in the next room every night, and has to bear watching his two-year-old daughter treat Ron like her real dad. His daughter thinks of Sam as some kind of stranger invading their home. She’s even scared of him.

  Sam only has one month until he pays off the bank for the last robbery. The only reason his ex-wife still lets him stay with her is because she knows she only has to endure it for one more month. If he fucks up here today he won’t be getting paid for another six months, then she’s going to kick him out on the streets. In a week he’ll be living in Crab Town robbing banks himself.

  When he looks over at the other guards, he can see it in their eyes. They can’t afford to let these House of Cards assholes get away with the cash either. If they don’t stop them they’ll lose everything they have.

  As the big guy goes for the balloon man, Sam pulls his handgun out of its holster on his chest, then pulls out the backup pistol from the holster on his ankle, keeping both guns beneath his coat. The wounded guard looks over at his handgun in the corner of the room. The other guard watches Miss Doomsday’s Tommy Gun hovering above him.

  When the security officer with the yellow hat nods at him, Sam places his backup pistol slowly on the ground. With his left hand shielded from the robbers’ view, Yellow Hat’s fingers signal a count down to his fellow guards.

  3…2…

  “He gets what is owed to him and that’s final,” says the Jack of Spades. “Now let’s go.”

  1…

  Sam slides the pistol across the floor to Yellow Hat and stands up. Johnny Balloon sees the guard aiming his gun at Jack. He raises his revolver, points it at him, but Sailboat gets in his line of fire.

  Sam shoots a round, hitting Jack in the center of his chest. The other robbers freeze up. They watch as their leader falls to the ground.

  A guard grabs Miss Doomsday’s Tommy Gun and it fires wildly across the floor. The hostages scream and crawl for cover. When Sailboat jumps to the ground, dodging bullets coming at him from Yellow Hat’s pistol, Johnny finally has a shot at Sam.

  Johnny fires. The balloon man obviously has never fired a gun since his transformation, because he’s not prepared for the kickback. The blast sends his balloon body flying into the air, spinning up toward the ceiling. The bullet misses the guard by seven feet.

  Nine doesn’t react or move from her position by the exit. She just stares at Jack’s lifeless body. She can’t believe her leader, her lover, is actually dead. She didn’t even know it was possible for a man like that to die.

  When she snaps out of it, she lowers the barrel of her shotgun to the guard grabbing Doomsday’s Tommy Gun and blows his skull into a spaghetti-like mess.

  Covered in gore, Miss Doomsday kicks the officer’s corpse to the ground and fires her machine gun at the guards. She cuts down the other uniformed guard, splitting him in half at the waist, and the bullet-shower forces Sam Smith to leap over the bank counter to get cover.

  A bullet grazes Sailboat’s shoulder and he drops his shotgun.

  “Mother fucker!” Sailboat says, clutching at his arm.

  As Yellow Hat aims for the big guy’s head, he doesn’t see the Nine of Hearts coming up behind him. Nine pumps her shotgun and blows Yellow Hat’s left leg in half at the kneecap. The security officer doesn’t realize what’s happened until he hits the ground and sees his shredded leg sliding across the tile floor. He’s in so much shock he hardly feels a thing.

  As Nine pumps again and aims for his head, Yellow Hat rolls over and fires two slugs into her belly. She squeezes the trigger as she falls. The guard’s brain looks like scrambled eggs in red snot as they explode out the top of his hat.

  When Sam peeks out from behind the counter, he sees his three fellow guards are all dead, but there’s only one of the thieves still standing. He aims for Doomsday’s chest as she reloads her Tommy Gun. If he takes her out he might still be able to prevent the robbers from getting away with the cash, even though he’s the only guard left. But before Sam can fire, Johnny Balloon slams his knapsack full of concrete down on his forehead.

  Sam goes out cold. His face slides down the counter and lands in the orange-haired teller’s lap as she cowers under her work station.

  When Johnny looks up, he sees all of the hostages making a run for the exit. Sailboat picks up his shotgun with his good arm and staggers toward the duffel bag of cash. Miss Doomsday is standing over Nine with her Tommy Gun pointed in the air.

  “Fuckfuckfuck,” Nine cries, rolling on the tile floor with her arms hugging tightly to her stomach wounds.

  As she cries, she stares at Jack’s body lying in the center of the room. She still can’t believe he’s dead. He meant everything to her. He’s the only reason she joined the House of Cards in the first place.

  Nine was never a very caring person. She only gave a damn about one thing. Herself. If somebody would have asked her to join the House of Cards a few years ago and she would have told them “What’s in it for me?”

  Ask her to risk her ass to help other people and she would just laugh at you until you walked away. But when Jack asked her, she wasn’t laughing. She signed on as the Nine of Hearts without the slightest hesitation.

  Nine used to run Crab Town’s radiation fetish porn ring. After the last nuclear attack, a lot of people in the country developed a fetish for radiation. Nine
couldn’t explain why some people found radiation sexually stimulating. She’s not even sure the people who have the fetish understand it. But she did know that some people would pay a shit load of money to get their hands on masturbation material that could satisfy this urge.

  Nine needed money. She worked in the corporate office of a printing company, but had been fired because she had an STD. These days, employers regularly enforce their ethics onto their employees. It started with drug testing. Then, employees were not allowed to smoke or drink alcohol, even outside of work in their free time. Now, employers have taken things in an even bigger direction. They require employees to attend church every week. And the latest trend is for employers to test for STDs, because they don’t want sexually promiscuous employees representing their company.

  When Nine tested positive for MC (molluscum contagiosum), she couldn’t believe it. She didn’t have any of the symptoms and she had not had sex with anyone since her first husband died three years prior. Yet there was no way around it, she definitely had the STD. When she went to the doctor, she learned that the virus can also be spread via toilet seats. In her apartment building, there was only one bathroom per floor that all the tenants shared, so she could have picked it up from anyone. Her company didn’t believe her excuse, though. She lost her job and became no longer employable in Freedom City.

  But Nine wasn’t one to give up. If she couldn’t find a company to employ her she would just start her own company. The first thing that popped into her head: radiation porn. She knew lots of people with the fetish and there wasn’t anyone creating masturbation material for them. So Nine moved to Crab Town and started her own radiation fetish business. And it quickly became an empire.

  Since radiation was intangible and couldn’t actually be filmed, Nine instead filmed the effects of radiation. She would find beautiful, young, desperate, starving Crab Town residents, give them a warm place to live, feed them hot food and make sure they had a steady intake of crab shit. Once radiation sickness set in, she would film them having sex.