The Fall (Rules of Play Book 4)

by M A Gray

  Her mouth parts, but to her credit, she doesn’t ask who. “That’s wonderful, Mav.”

  I nod, swallow. Clasp my hands together and look down at the paving stones. They’re a washed-out gray. “Yeah,” I say hoarsely, “it is.”

  A moment of silence passes. “Why don’t you look happy about it? Is this what you want?”

  I say, “I know you’re dying to ask who the person is.”

  “No! Of course not!” She’s flustered. Her eyes dart away before returning, a bit pleading. “That is, if you don’t mind…”

  My laughter eases some of my tension. Mrs. Dumont loves to be in the know. No doubt about it. “I’m sure Kellan’s mentioned it.”

  She shakes her head. “He hasn’t.”

  Wow. For once, Kellan kept his big mouth shut. Good on you, brother. I might even give him a medal.

  “It’s my roommate. August.”

  Her eyes widen comically. Then, just as quickly, Mom settles, deep in thought. “You know,” she says, “that doesn’t surprise me as much as I think it should. I saw the way he looked at you at Seb’s party. I guess I assumed I was mistaken, since you’d never mentioned it before.”

  My hands twist together. I swear I don’t plan on prying, but now I wonder. “And how did he look at me?”

  She huffs an amused laugh. “Well, I’d say like he’s in love with you.”

  My throat tightens. My heart pounds like I’m sprinting the last few yards of a race. “Oh.”

  “Why does that upset you?”

  “It doesn’t. Well, it does.” Gathering my courage, I look my mother in the eye. My mother has her flaws, but compassion isn’t one of them. “I never thought I’d feel the same.”

  She laughs outright. “And that’s a bad thing?”

  If only she knew. I’ve never spoken to my mother about my grief. I leave that for the therapist. “I’m afraid,” I whisper. “I’m afraid to let myself love again. I’m afraid it’s going to be taken away.” Car wrecks happen all the time. People get shot. They have heart attacks and brain aneurysms. You can’t prevent this stuff.

  She nods seriously. “I understand how hard this must be for you. But you don’t have to go through this alone. You know we’re here for you, right? Me and your father, Sebastian, Noah, and Kellan. Even Harp, Max, and Aidan.”

  “I don’t know,” I mutter. “I guess I got it into my head that everyone was too busy with their lives to deal with my fucked-up existence.”

  “Please don’t say that.”

  “What? It’s true.”

  “You’re my son, Maverick. I only want you to be happy. It breaks my heart to see how isolated you’ve become. I understand people cope in different ways, but it’s okay to reach out when you need it. No one in this family is going to turn you away, don’t you see that?”

  Yeah, I see it now. Feels like relief, honestly. “I feel like I’m betraying Kaylie by falling for someone else.”

  Mom tugs me closer. Her warmth seeps into me, and I’m suddenly seven years old again, bawling in her arms because of the monster under my bed. “No, honey. Kaylie would absolutely want you to live your best life, to be happy. There’s room in your heart for more than one person. Kaylie will always be there, but if you keep holding onto the past, you’ll never be able to look forward to what the future holds.”

  My mother, as usual, is right. I tilt my head back, look at the stars so high above. “There’s something I need to do. Can you tell everyone I said bye?”

  “Will you be back?”

  “Tomorrow.” I’m thinking of all the sad moments in my life, all the devastation, all the fear and frustration, and all the love. It’s time for me to move forward, once and for all. “I love you, Mom.” I pull her in for a hug.

  “I love you too, Maverick. I love you so much.”

  Kaylie is buried in a large field of rolling hills with shaded old trees and wildflowers. The cemetery gates are open. The night is wide and clear. Beautiful. Just like her.

  It’s been four months since my last visit. I brought her flowers then. Lilies. Tonight, I carry daisies, white with bright yellow centers. They’re happy, as she was.

  Her grave is located beneath the shadiest tree, its branches spreading in all directions. I kneel on the soft grass before the tombstone, where piles of flowers, candles, pictures, and gifts are piled. It reads: Kaylie Johnson, daughter, beloved.

  Replacing my old flowers with the new ones, I swallow down the lump in my throat. The last thing I want to do is disappoint her, but my mother is right. Kaylie would want me to be happy. That means moving on. I have an entire life to live. It’s waiting for me.

  “Hey, Kaylie.” My voice wavers. I clear my throat. “It’s Maverick. I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much of late. It’s been…” I blow out a breath. “It’s been a rough few months.”

  Until August came into my life, I was living a sad, gray existence. Suddenly, there he was. Color and joy.

  “Um.” I think of what else to say. “So Sebastian is engaged to his fiancé, Aidan. He’s a good man. Noah live with his boyfriend in Seattle. Kellan went to Mexico and picked up his own guy.” I frown and rub a spot on my forehead. “Seems like everyone is in a loving relationship except me.”

  I could have that.

  No. I do have that.

  “Your parents are doing better. I saw them out last month.” I pull up some grass, break it into smaller pieces. “They miss you, Kaylie. I miss you.” Deep breath.

  “I came here because I want you to know… I met someone. A man. His name is August, and he’s… he’s amazing. You’d like him, Kaylie. He’s kind. He cares about me. He’s soft in the heart.” I smile. “He also has the prettiest red hair and green eyes.”

  I’m trying to think of a world that exists where Kaylie and August meet in real life. Kaylie would probably drag him in for a hug. August would blush and stand there awkwardly, letting her shower him with affection.

  The pain in my chest isn’t as acute. It’s a dull throb. A memory in the past.

  It seems I’ve finally moved on.

  “I want you to know I’ll always love you. I’ll always love what we had. You were one of the best things to ever happen to me, and I never took that for granted, not once. But I’m ready to take a step forward. I want to see where August and I can go together.” I know it will be far. I’m looking forward to the adventure.

  “I’m here to say goodbye. Not forever. I’ll come visit you. But for now, just know that you’ll always be in my heart. No one can ever take that away from me. And…” My throat clenches. I choke out the next words. “We’ll see each other again.”

  Leaning down, I touch my forehead to the cool earth and blink tears from my eyes. Today is both an ending and a beginning. Bittersweet. But it’s time.

  “Goodbye, Kaylie,” I whisper.

  It’s as I’m leaving the cemetery that I feel the gentlest brush of wind on my face. Kaylie, saying her final goodbye.

  Chapter 22

  August

  I’m pacing the length of the living room when Maverick finally walks through the door. My heart soars at the sight of him, but surrounding the happiness is nervousness, too. Usually he arrives home a lot earlier from his family dinners, but he’s an hour later than the usual time. When I called and he didn’t pick up, I started to worry.

  I take him in at a glance. Hair sticking up in all directions, like he’s been running his fingers through it roughly. Dirt on the knees of his slacks. That stops me. Where on earth is the dirt from?

  When he catches sight of me, he stops. “Hey.” His voice sounds hoarse, like he’s been crying.

  Concern brings me to his side. Yes, his eyes are red, the skin around them puffy. Panic clamps hands around my heart. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?” I grab him by the upper arms and pull him close, scanning his face f
or any sign of pain, whether physical or emotional.

  At my touch, Maverick sways toward me. His eyes close as he rests his forehead against my shoulder. We stand there for a long time, not saying anything.

  He says, “I went to see Kaylie.”

  I stiffen. Oh.

  “I see,” I murmur, beginning to pull away from him.

  “No.” His eyes flash. “You misunderstand me. I went to say goodbye.”

  Now I pause, feeling guilty for assuming something else, and afraid to hope. “Oh.” Without realizing it, my fingers drift down Mav’s arm and link with his. He stares at our clasped hand, and love fills his gaze. He’s stunning, truly. “Why?” I whisper.

  “Because it’s time,” he says. “It’s time for me to move on. I’ve been holding myself back with you. I’ve been… well, terrified, to be frank. I’m afraid I’m going to wake up one day and you’ll be gone, like she was.” His face pinches in pain. “But I realized I can’t live my life in fear. No one decides how they get to die or when. They can only decide how they get to live. And I want to live,” he says forcefully. “I want to live with you in my life, always.”

  A knob lodges in my throat. His words unravel me. “That’s true,” I whisper in return. “We don’t know how much time we have on this earth, but we need to spend it with those we love the most.”

  He nods, looks at me with agony. “I love you, August. I love you so much.” Tears spill down his cheeks. “I didn’t plan on it. You brought me back from a dark place, and all I ask is that you give me a chance to show you that I’m not going anywhere. I want to go on dates. I want to bring you to my family dinners. I want to fall asleep next to you and wake up in your arms.” A sob catches in his throat. “I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time, but I had to say goodbye. I had to close the door on Kaylie so that I could open a new one.”

  “Hey.” Wrapping him in my arms, I pull him against my chest, where he lets out a shuddery sob. His wet face is buried in my shirt, which quickly grows damp from his tears. “I’m here for you, Mav. You know that, right?”

  He nods against my chest.

  “And that means I understand if you’re still grieving. I’m here during the hard days as much as the good ones. I know you’ll always love Kaylie. I’m not trying to take that away from you.” Then I say, “And if it helps, I’d like to know more about her.”

  He hiccups and pulls back. Tears cling to his eyelashes like dew on grass. “Really?”

  “Of course. She’s a part of you.”

  “I love you, August. I love everything about you. And, God, sometimes I don’t think I deserve someone as patient and understanding as you, but if you’ll give me a chance, I want to go as far as we can. Seeing Sebastian and Aidan promise themselves to one another…” He trails off, suddenly shy.

  I trace my finger across his bottom lip. This man. And he’s all mine. “It makes you want the same thing.”

  “Yes.”

  Grabbing the back of his neck, I haul him close for a brutal kiss. “I love you, Maverick. You’re everything I want in a partner, and I’m going to show you how important you are to me every single day.” Another kiss, deeper, wetter, hotter. Mav moans and clutches my arms, fingertips bruising my skin. “And one day I’m going to put a ring on your finger. Just saying.”

  He chuckles, but appears pleased by the thought.

  Pulling back, I study him tenderly. “So.” I kiss his cheek. “Are we in this together?”

  Mav sighs happily. “Together.”

  Author’s Note

  Thank you so much for your purchase! If it’s not too much to ask, please consider leaving a review on Amazon. Reviews really do make a difference, and I appreciate every single one of them!

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  Acknowledgements

  My thanks goes out to my family, for their love and support, and to my wonderful readers.

  About the Author

  M.A. Gray writes m/m contemporary romance with humor, heart, and plenty of steam. She loves exploring the messy, imperfect side of love, and she can never resist a Happily Ever After.

  Also by M.A. Gray

  Rules of Play

  The Deal

  The Switch

  The Trip

  The Fall

  Standalones

  Keeper