Tainted Bodies

by Sarah Robinson

  I’m bogged down in all that legal he-said/she-said crap and my own father can’t lend me even some emotional support, at the very least! It wasn’t fair, Annie, nothing about that entire ordeal was fair.” Kate’s tone was seething as she stood at the kitchen counter opening a second bottle of wine.

  Annie didn’t say anything more, she had always hurt for her sister ever since she first found out about what their principal had been doing to her in the janitor’s closet between music class and recess.

  She hated seeing the pain in her sister’s eyes, even years later. It hadn’t seemed to subside or heal at all even after all this time. Annie hated how the entire event had ripped their family apart. Their mother had left them shortly after Kate had confessed what was happening to her and their father had picked up a bottle of vodka and never put it down again.

  That first bottle would be the start of his slow descent into his illness with alcohol until his body finally couldn’t keep up anymore.

  Annie knew Kate blamed herself for the break up of their family, which was one of the main reasons that Kate had always felt the need to take care of her younger sister. Kate had replaced their mother when she left and Annie had always relied on her, but as she grew older she understood how unfair it was that her sister had had to take on that responsibility at such a young age.

  Annie also knew that a part of Kate thought it was her fault that Dad had started drinking and ultimately died from it.

  “Have you told Derrick anything about what happened?” Annie asked, softly, redirecting the conversation slightly.

  Kate looked down, took another sip of wine, and then turned to Annie.

  “I can’t, Annie. I don’t think I ever could. You saw how Dad reacted to it, men don’t want to hear things like that. They can’t handle it.”

  “Just because Dad couldn’t handle it, doesn’t mean that every other man in the world couldn’t. Not all men are like Dad. What about Uncle Lenny? I bet if he knew, he wouldn’t react like Dad either.” Annie tried to reason gently with Kate.

  “I just can’t, Annie. I can’t take that risk. For no man, not Derrick, not Uncle Lenny, not anyone else but you. I just can’t lose anyone else.” Kate said softly, looking down at her glass of wine pondering the idea for a moment, but quickly dismissing it.

  The kitchen timer sounded behind them, announcing that the tofu concoction was ready. Annie hopped up to go pull it out of the oven, leaving Kate alone on the balcony, petting the curled up cat in her lap and remembering all the

  memories she usually buried deep, deep down.

  ~~~~

  “He is actually a very sweet guy, Uncle Lenny.” Kate smiled at the older gentleman standing in her kitchen. He had come over to bring her a new couch since she had mentioned a few weeks ago that hers was falling apart. It was actually more of a metal futon with a thin pad over it that she had attempted to call a couch, but was nothing compared to the plush leather beauty that Lenny had brought her. So, when Lenny had showed up with two of the warehouse workers from their offices as well as his assistant, Frank, with a brand new couch, she was elated and overly grateful to her uncle.

  “Well if he is as nice as you say, then I approve but I still don’t understand why he isn’t your boyfriend. I don’t understand any of this label business. If you are dating, he is your boyfriend. Why is it more complicated than that?” Lenny shrugged as he grabbed a soda from her fridge and popped it open.

  “He isn’t ready for a commitment.” Kate sighed, folding some clean towels on the kitchen table while she talked. Lenny pulled a chair out from the kitchen table and sat back in it. Lenny Martin was in his late fifties and had a short gray beard and large beer belly. His face was always a bit red from always being out of breath, he could definitely stand to lose a few pounds. Kate always tried to encourage him to diet because she was worried about his health but he just smiled and told her he would be fine. He had no plans on giving up his delicious foods.

  “Am I going to get to meet him sometime?” He asked her, sitting his can of soda down on the kitchen table and folding his hands on his stomach.

  “It’s a little early but sometime soon. Annie hasn’t even met him yet.” Kate said, placing another finished towel on top of the pile of folded linens.

  “Kate.” The older gentleman said her name softly, a sadness in his voice. She looked up from her folding to recognize the emotion on his face and then looked back down, fidgeting with her hands.

  “I know, Lenny.” She said quietly, knowing he didn’t approve of her accepting this non-committal relationship with Derrick.

  “You know you deserve someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, someone who wants to be your boyfriend and take care of you, give you everything you have ever dreamed of.” Lenny told her, sipping his soda. She nodded in agreement.

  “Your dad would have wanted that for you, Kate.” He continued.

  “Would he have?” Kate countered, an edge of bitterness suddenly in her voice, looking up at Lenny with a hard stare. Lenny shook his head and sighed.

  “Kate, honey, you know your father loved you. You have to be able to see that one day and let go of all that anger towards him.” Lenny pleaded with her gently.

  “It sure seemed like a bottle of vodka was more important than I ever was.” She jeered back, then sighed and hung her head, feeling guilty for how she was speaking to Lenny. He was only trying to help and he had been friends with her father since childhood so he had known the good man that her father had been before alcohol had entered the picture. He didn’t know anything about the abuse she suffered though and she didn’t want to tell him because that would certainly challenge his idealistic views of her father.

  “I’m sorry, Lenny. I am just being defensive. I know that I deserve a commitment but I really think that Derrick could be that guy. I just think that he has some sort of hang up about commitment that I don’t know about yet or don’t understand yet. I don’t think it’s who he is at his core. He is really such a wonderful man, a good heart and a deep soul. I just don’t want to write him off because he isn’t ready when I am ready. Everyone goes at different paces, you know?” She explained her feelings to her uncle.

  Right then Frank, Lenny’s assistant, popped his head through the kitchen doorway and signaled to Lenny that it was time to go. Frank Bild was a very timely person and always got irritated that Kate was often late to work or made Lenny late to things. From the moment that she started working at her current job, she had never clicked with Frank. He seemed to just have an angry spirit about him.

  Lenny didn’t seem to notice any of that because at least he did a good job managing Lenny’s appointments and tasks but when it came to interpersonal communications and relations with co-workers, Frank Bild was no one’s favorite. Lenny nodded that he understood at Frank and then turned to Kate to finish his conversation with her.

  “Well you have always had a great head on your shoulders, sweetheart, so trust your judgment. If it’s telling you to wait for him right now, then do it. But if at any point you feel like your wait has been overextended or you are anything less than number one to him, trust your judgment again to change your mind.” Lenny nodded his head at her and stood up from his chair. He tossed his empty soda can in the trash can and then gave Kate a hug.

  “Enjoy that new sofa, little Katey, try not to mess it up too quickly.” He grinned at her, making light of her well known klutzy behavior. She rolled her eyes and chuckled, walking him to the door.

  “See you at work, Uncle Lenny.” She waved goodbye to him as he left and then closed the door behind him. She walked back into the kitchen and retrieved her cell phone from the countertop where she had left it and dialed in Derrick’s phone number.

  “Hey, baby.” His deep voice reached her ear and made her smile. She closed her eyes and pictured his chiseled face and wished he was there with her right then.

  “What’s going on?” He asked her.

  “Derrick, I th
ink it’s time that you met my sister.” Kate told him. It was intended to be a question but it came out more like a command. He chuckled lightly.

  “Whatever you wish, my love.” He consented and she smiled, feeling excited about the direction of their relationship for the first time in awhile.

  ~~~~

  A few days after their conversation on the balcony, Annie had finally gotten her chance to go out for dinner with Derrick and Kate in order to meet him before she left to go back to New York City. Kate had been nervous to ask him, but had been surprised at how well he took it. She had worried that meeting the family would be off the table due to his anxiety to commit to a relationship, but he seemed actually excited to get to know more about her. She felt silly for ever worrying about his reaction in the first place.

  The sisters made plans with Derrick to meet at a local restaurant equal distance between their two apartments. When the two sisters reached the restaurant, Derrick was waiting at the table with a handful of flowers beside him. He jumped up from his seat when he saw the two women approaching.

  “Kate, wow, you look beautiful.” Derrick said, admiring her dark blue cocktail dress and slipping his arm behind her back to pull her in for a quick kiss.

  “Thanks,” Kate beamed at him, then turned to her sister, “Annie, meet Derrick Kane. Derrick, this is my little sister, Annie Jackson.”

  “Good to finally meet you, Derrick. Kate won’t stop talking about you.” Annie grinned mischievously at Kate, as she shook Derrick’s hand.

  “Annie! Don’t listen to her, Derrick.” Kate exclaimed, blushing. Derrick laughed as he shook Annie’s hand then pulled Kate to him again, kissing her on the cheek.

  “Hey, it’s better then if she said she had never heard of me.” Derrick grinned at them with a wink.

  “Are those for me?” Kate asked, excitedly pointing to the flowers.

  “Of course not, they are for your sister.” Derrick laughed, teasing her as he handed them to Annie.

  “Unfair.” Kate pretended to pout as Annie laughed and took the flowers.

  “Trying to buy my approval, huh, Derrick?” Annie asked him. He shrugged nonchalantly pretending he had no idea what she was talking about. Annie laughed,

  “Well, good choice because I am easily bought.” Annie laughed at herself and Kate rolled her eyes at Annie’s joke.

  The women finally sat down as Derrick pulled out their chairs for them, then seated himself. The waiter arrived quickly and talked them through the menu as they looked over all their options, finally settling on their decisions.

  “Have you ever been here before, Kate?” Derrick asked her.

  “No, but I have heard a lot of great things about it from some of my coworkers. I kept meaning to try it, but hadn’t gotten around to it yet.” Kate commented.

  “Luckily, they have some vegetarian options,” Annie remarked, “most places are slim pickings! I’m pretty excited for my zucchini pasta.”

  Derrick made a face at the sound of her dish, making both women laugh.

  “It’s not so bad, you can try some when it gets here!” Annie offered.

  “I think I will stick with my steak. The bloodier my food, the better,” Derrick joked, trying to provoke Annie. She immediately grimaced at the thought of the poor cow that was about to be consumed at their table. Kate laughed at both of them,

  “Come on guys, stop trying to disgust each other.” Kate chuckled.

  “Okay then, sounds like it is time for the interrogation!” Annie enthusiastically grinned as she pulled several index cards out of her pocket.

  “Are you serious, Annie? You wrote a list of questions? Please tell me you didn’t-“ Kate began,

  “Kate, Kate! Shush, I’m your only family, it’s my job. Deal with it.” Annie interrupted her sister, smiling mischievously, but also putting her foot down and preparing for her barrage of questioning. Kate turned up her hands in surrender and cast an apologetic look at Derrick.

  “Don’t worry about it, Kate,” Derrick grinned at her, “I don’t mind answering her questions. Fire away, Annie!” Derrick chuckled as he leaned forward on the table, preparing for the list.

  “See, Kate? Don’t be such a worrier. Okay, first question: how did you decide to be a lawyer?” Annie asked.

  “No beating around the bush, huh? Just getting right to the tough questions! Okay, well I was raised by hippie parents who told me the government was the worst thing to ever happen to humanity. I thought by being an attorney, I could save innocent people from ending up as victims of the government and other evils.” Derrick said, light heartedly, “However, I have yet to meet a client who was actually fully innocent, so I think my parent’s might not have been the best examples for me to base my life on.”

  “Ain’t that the truth,” Annie grins, “Kate and I know a few things about bad examples from parents, don’t we Kate?”

  Kate shot Annie a warning look, knowing Annie was trying to force Kate to tell Derrick more about her past than she was ready to yet. Annie shrugged in defense and looked back down at her index card.

  “Okay, question number two, what’s the worst thing you have ever done in a relationship?”

  “Oh jeez, you are trying to get me in trouble here, aren’t you?” Derrick smiled nervously, glancing towards Kate.

  “You don’t have to answer her, Derrick. Seriously, Annie? Leave the poor man alone, and you wonder why I made you wait so long to meet him.” Kate scolded Annie. Just then the waiter came with their entrees and began setting them down on the table.

  “Let’s take a break from the interrogation and eat our food,” Kate suggested.

  “I second that idea,” Derrick said, eagerly taking a bite of his steak. Annie frowned for a moment, then put away her list and took a bite of her pasta.

  “Oh wow, this pasta is so good! Are you such you don’t want to try some, Derrick?” Annie asked him, offering her plate.

  “I’ll try your zucchini mess as soon as you try some of this cow,” Derrick joked, turning her down. The trio continued their dinner and light conversation late into the night. Kate was thankful that the index cards didn’t make another appearance as Annie forgot about them after her second and then third glass of wine.

  CHAPTER SIX

  The dinner with Derrick and Annie on Friday night went very well and the sisters ended Annie’s trip with a quiet weekend in Kate’s apartment. It was now Monday morning and Kate was getting dressed for work. She hung up different outfits on her dresser and debated between them. Finally, she decided on a black pencil skirt with a soft blue blouse that showed a hint of cleavage but not enough to look unprofessional.

  Her cat, Boo, was playing with a toy mouse, batting it back and forth. Kate walked towards her bathroom to go put on her makeup when she happened to notice the calendar hanging over her desk.

  Today was the anniversary of her father’s death. It had been sixteen years now since he had passed away.

  Annie had mentioned that it was coming up, but Kate hadn’t really thought about the exact day or realized how close it was. At least, she hadn’t allowed herself to think about it that deeply, she had been avoiding the topic as if it wasn’t happening if she didn’t acknowledge it.

  She paused for a moment, staring at the day marked on her calendar, trying to decide how to feel about it. She continued on to the bathroom and began brushing powder onto her cheeks. Her mind wandered to her father. He had passed away many years ago but it had been even longer than that since she had spoken to him.

  She only found out about his death through Annie, who never left his side. Ever since he started drinking when she was six, he had become so dependent on alcohol that it quickly wreaked havoc on his body. He ended up dying from cirrhosis of the liver, but he had died to her long before he had gotten sick; in fact he had kind of died to everyone except faithful, little Annie. He had secluded himself from the world and so friends and neighbors all dwindled away until there was no one else left. They didn’t have any m
ore family since he was a single child and the only kids he had were Kate and Annie. His life became all about sitting on the couch with a drink in one hand and a remote in the other. He seemed to age half a century in only a few years. Such a lifestyle will do that to you.

  As much as Kate tried never to think about it, today she couldn’t help but to remember everything that had led up to the demise of her relationship with her father. When Kate told her mother about how her elementary school principal had been molesting her for the last few months while Kate was only six years old and in first grade, her mother had spun out of control. She went into a frenzy of calling anyone and everyone in the town who would listen and help or even just pity her.

  Kate’s mother had always been very self-centered so when Kate had told her what happened, her mother was more upset about how it affected her own life then how this had affected her daughter. When Kate’s father found out what happened, he was so embarrassed and angry at her mother for saying anything. It wasn’t long before her mother became less concerned with her daughter’s well being and more concerned with arguing and defeating their father.

  Very quickly, her parent’s marriage dissolved before their young daughter’s eyes. Their mother packed her things and left about five weeks after Kate had first confessed what had been happening to her. The last thing Kate’s mother had said to her before she left was that Kate should have kept her mouth shut. She said she would never forgive Kate for ruining her life. The young sisters had not really seen their mother in the twenty years since except for a random phone call asking for money or something trivial like that. Neither of the girls ever found out what happened to her since then and frankly, neither of them really cared anymore.