Tainted Bodies

by Sarah Robinson

  “Oh I definitely need to get one of these.” She said with her eyes closed, enjoying the comfort of the bed. Derrick joined her and nodded in agreement.

  “Want to check out the beach before it gets too dark?” He asked her, turning his head to the side to look at her. She opened her eyes and turned to look at him.

  “Sure, but I have an idea of what we can do first!” Kate said, grinning at him.

  “What’s that?” He said with a yawn, but he didn’t need an answer because Kate had already rolled over right on top of him and was straddling his hips. She leaned down and kissed him and the two were soon lost in the tangle of blankets.

  ~~~~

  About thirty minutes later, Kate had finished putting away their things in the drawers and Derrick was getting dressed to head out on the sand for a late evening stroll.

  “Are you planning on wearing that?” Derrick asked her. Kate looked down at herself.

  “What are you talking about? I’m not wearing anything.” Kate laughed at him, puzzled.

  “And I approve!” Derrick said, teasing her. She rolled her eyes and picked up her clothes from the various places they had fallen throughout the room and in the bed.

  She was finally dressed and ready and so the two locked up the room behind them and headed downstairs and out the back door. The wrap around porch did extend all the way around the back and exited straight onto the beach about a hundred yards from the shore line. The natural light was dimming as the sun was beginning to set, but it only made the water look more beautiful as all the colors reflected and swirled around it. The two headed towards the shore at a slow pace, holding hands.

  “My dad called me today, he wants to meet you.” Derrick started, as they continued down the beach with the fingers lightly intertwined.

  “Oh boy, meet the parents time already?” Kate looked at him, smiling.

  “It’s not a big deal, you don’t have to worry about it, they like to meet all my friends.” Derrick said as Kate quietly sighed at hearing him call her just his friend, again.

  Every time he said it, it was like an arrow stabbing her right through her chest. She had not pushed the issue since they had attended the wedding together a month or two ago because she was pretty sure that he wasn’t seeing anyone else and she knew that he loved her, but for some reason he just really couldn’t seem to wrap his head around the idea of calling them a couple.

  “He is really a great guy. My mom will probably want to meet you too, at a different time though. Those two cannot be in the same room without bickering.” Derrick continued telling her about them.

  “How old were you when they got divorced?” Kate asked him.

  “Oh, I was really young, only five years old. I don’t even remember what they were like together and I can’t even imagine how they ever could of dated each other, let alone been married to one another. They are so different, my father is strong and quiet and my mother is loud and constantly whines and complains about anything and everything. She thinks that she is a perpetual victim and everyone is ruining her life, but she won’t do anything to fix it. I hate that, complaining about something but not wanting to solve it.”

  “She sounds like a gem.” Kate chuckled, trying to lighten his mood. He smiled and pulled her closer to him as they continued down the beach, his arm wrapped around her waist.

  “What about you? You don’t talk about your parents very much. In fact, I think you have only ever mentioned your father once. Annie doesn’t even mention them whenever I see her either.” Derrick said, gently quizzing her.

  “It’s not a big deal, really, not a lot of things to talk about. My mom left us when we were really young and my dad didn’t take it so well. He tried to fix things with alcohol, which slowly killed him. He passed away when I was in middle school. It’s just been Annie and I ever since.” Kate spoke about her past slowly, her voice low and her hands fidgeting awkwardly. They were silent for a few moments, then Derrick softly spoke up.

  “Wow, Kate. I can’t believe you never told me that. I’m so sorry.” Derrick frowned, pausing for a moment in their walk to turn and look at her. Kate avoided his gaze and looked down at her toes, digging them into the sandy beach nervously. She turned away from him again and continued walking down the beach.

  “Don’t be sorry, it’s not a big deal and it’s certainly not your fault. That’s just the way it happens sometimes. Not everybody gets dealt a great hand. My dad did have a childhood friend though that we call Uncle Lenny who has helped us out a lot since my father died. He actually mentioned that he wants to meet you at some point.” Kate shrugged.

  “Well that’s great that you have him, I would love to meet him.” Derrick paused to think about her story for a moment, then he asked gently, “Do you know whatever happened to your mother?”

  “Uhm, not really. She popped up a few times over the years when she needed money, but that was about it. I think she lives in Southern Virginia now, pretty sure she got remarried too.” Kate described, awkwardly, wishing she didn’t have to talk about this.

  “Do you want her to come back? Why did she leave in the first place?” Derrick wondered aloud.

  “Well she was a good mother for awhile, but our family went through some events that really messed her up, just really changed who she was. Or maybe she was always like that and life finally uncovered her real self. She just had a complete break with reality and then she was just gone. Most people who knew her have always thought she was just a few cards short of a full deck, and then she kind of threw away the rest of the deck at some point.

  It’s better this way, though. Believe me. I don’t want her to come back. The few times she has come back wasn’t even for me or for Annie, just for money or because she was lonely. It was always about her. It’s easier for her to be gone. Neither one of us miss her, we don’t really feel anything towards her.” Kate explained, trying to provide enough detail to suffice his curiosity without actually telling him the events from her past that led to her mother’s departure.

  She knew that eventually she should tell him about being sexually abused and becoming a victim at the young age of six years old, but she just couldn’t do it right now. She hated even talking about her parents, let alone about the dark secrets of her past. Plus, this was supposed to be a happy, romantic weekend vacation. She didn’t think he would still find her attractive or sexy knowing what had been done to her and her body. She shuddered for a moment at the thought of it all. Derrick turned to look at her when he felt her tremble, his arm still around her. He didn’t say anything but he couldn’t help but worry that whatever she was hiding might be more than he could take on.

  The couple continued walking down the beach, now hand in hand. Kate could tell that Derrick had more questions, but luckily he seemed to understand that this was as much as she could bear to say right now. The silence came easily and comfortably as they strolled across the sand, watching the sun approach the ocean in a splash of red and orange hues.

  ~~~~

  After their walk on the beach, Derrick and Kate headed to the dining room in their inn and enjoyed a delicious three-course meal homemade by the middle aged couple that owned the bed-and-breakfast, then headed up to their room for a romantic evening. When they got to the room, the room had been transformed. The bed was completely covered with scattered rose petals, there was an ice bucket with champagne in it, and there was a small plate of chocolate covered strawberries on the table. Kate paused in the doorway, surprised at the beautiful setup. She looked at Derrick who smiled at her.

  “Do you like it?” he asked, hopefully.

  “You did all this? When?” Kate asked, incredulously.

  “Well, actually I convinced the innkeeper to do it for me.” Derrick told her.

  “Really? And he did all this for us? That’s so nice, a little strange, but nice.” Kate chuckled at the thought.

  “Yeah, it was definitely one of the more awkward conversations I have ever had… he kept winking at
me. I’m not even sure it was winking, it might have been a nervous twitch, or a seizure.” Derrick joked.

  Kate laughed and walked further into the room. She picked up the chilled champagne out of the ice bucket and began pulling off the foil at the top. Derrick walked over to the table and picked up the glasses and headed back to help her open the bottle. He then poured the sparkling drink into their glasses, handing her one.

  “A toast,” Derrick started, holding up his glass in the air, “to the most beautiful woman and best friend I have ever had.”

  Kate smiled at him and lifted her glass, even though his mention of just being friends again did not go by unnoticed. She was so in love with this man and he was in love with her, they had been together for several months now, and spent all their free time with each other.

  Kate realized then that this weekend was going to have to be the time to talk to him about this, because she didn’t think she could handle it any longer. She pushed these thoughts back for the moment though so as to enjoy the toast and their romantic night together. The pair clinked glasses and sipped their drinks as Derrick pulled Kate towards him and kissed her gently, the sounds of the tide coming in surrounding them, and the smell of the ocean tickling their nose. It was the perfect setting for a romantic night in.

  ~~~~

  The next day at the beach passed much quicker than Kate had expected it to. They enjoyed breakfast at the inn, then went swimming in the salt water ocean for a short while. It became a bit too chilly in the water to stay for long so they spent a few hours sitting out on the sand just talking and cuddling. A little later on, they had lunch at a small bar right on the sand about a mile down from the inn, indulging their vacation with a few margaritas. The duo then decided to spend the rest of the afternoon exploring the town and the boardwalk nearby.

  Eventually, hunger took over again and the two went in search of a place to have dinner. It wasn’t long before they came across a quaint restaurant in the middle of town that was dim and candle-lit, another perfect place for a romantic evening together. Also the perfect place, Kate thought, to bring up the discussion with Derrick about what their relationship is again.

  It wasn’t that Kate was obsessed with labels or felt jealous or any of the other common reasons why women want to define a relationship. Kate simply wanted to know where she stood in his life and what she meant to him. If he only wanted a friendship, then where would that lead? She wanted a boyfriend, leading to a husband, then a family. As much as she loved Derrick, if he couldn’t give her those things then maybe this wasn’t a good fit for her anymore. As the waiter brought them their menus, Kate tried to push that thought out of her head because the idea that the conversation might take a negative turn was terrifying. The one thing she knew with certainty was that she loved this man, and losing him would be a pain that she definitely did not want to experience.

  “Kate? Kate? Did you hear him?” Derrick waved his hand in front of her face, trying to snap her out of her own thoughts.

  “Oh, oops, sorry. What did you say?” Kate blushed, turning to the waiter. She realized that he had been talking to her but she was so absorbed in her thoughts that she had completely ignored him.

  “I asked what can I get you to drink, miss?” The waiter said, rolling his eyes, not trying very hard to hide his annoyance.

  “Just your house chardonnay, please.” Kate replied.

  “Right away, when I come back I will take your food orders. There is a page in the center of your menus that contains our specials for today.” The waiter pointed to their menus and led them through it. “The best, in my opinion, is a stuffed salmon, filled with sautéed spinach and blue cheese, all on top of our white cheddar mashed potatoes in a lemon butter sauce.”

  “Sold!” Kate’s eyes lit up at hearing the special. Derrick glanced at her and smiled.

  “Well, I guess we are ready to order now. The special for the lady, and the rib-eye steak, medium, for me.” Derrick handed their menus to the waiter as he quickly scribbled down their orders while balancing the menus. Once he left, Derrick turned back to Kate.

  “I like a woman who is so decisive,” he teased, “you almost jumped him!”

  “I didn’t jump him!” Kate said, jokingly aghast at being accused of such behavior, “I was perfectly polite and proper about it.”

  Derrick snorted and laughed at that, causing Kate to pretend to pout and cross her arms like a child throwing a fit.

  “Oh, calm down. I’m just teasing.” Derrick smiled and reached across the table to brush a hair out of her eyes. Kate smiled and immediately perked up at his touch, leaning into his hand as if he were a part of her.

  The waiter quickly returned and placed their wine glasses in front of them, only to quickly depart again. Kate picked hers up and swirled it for a moment, smelling the glass, then taking a sip.

  “Wow, this is delicious! And this is just their house chardonnay? I’m impressed.” Kate took another sip of her wine as Derrick tried his cabernet.

  “You’re right, their house brand is pretty great. This cabernet is very distinct. Do you want to try it?” The couple switched glasses for a moment and enjoyed each other’s wines. Just then the waiter walked up to drop off two glasses of water.

  “Excuse me, sir, what is this brand of wine? Your house blend is amazing!” Kate almost cooed at the man. The waiter smiled, as if he got this question all the time.

  “Actually, the owners of this restaurant have their own vineyard as a hobby. So, the house blend is taken directly from their vineyards, it has no official name or title as of yet though. If you are interested, they do tours of the vineyard and you can purchase bottles there. Ask the hostess on the way out for the address.” The waiter told them and then slipped away.

  “We have nothing else to do tomorrow before we leave, I think we should go check it out.” Derrick said.

  “I completely agree. I want to take home a bottle of this for sure. I should get one for Annie too.” Kate thought aloud.

  “Definitely get one for Annie, you know how much she likes to drink!” Derrick joked, making a gentle rib at her sister.

  At first, Kate felt defensive, but then she realized that this was true. Annie drank like a fish and it was probably a genetic gift from their father. She isn’t an alcoholic, but Kate had rarely seen Annie without a drink in her hand.

  Annie was still going through her wild child, party girl phase. Part of Kate was always jealous of this carefree attitude, but the sisterly part of Kate worried about her sister’s choices and future. She knew she was overly concerned though because Annie was so bright and full of potential, so Kate was sure that once she figured out what she wanted to do, she would excel in the world.

  Annie had dropped out of college after a year and flitted around from job to job for awhile after that. She landed on her feet many times with great paying bartending jobs or wine sales jobs, but she still doesn’t seem to have any path or purpose. Not that Kate could really judge, she certainly wasn’t following her own passion or in any career of value and she knew that.

  Kate’s thoughts were interrupted as their food arrived in front of them, still steaming from the kitchen. Kate’s stuffed salmon smelled intoxicating and she began salivating the moment the scent tickled her nose. Derrick cut into his steak to check its temperature, looking pleased, and then continued to cut up his steak. The two ate in silence for a few minutes as they allowed the food to roll over their taste buds and slip deliciously down their throats.

  Derrick paused from his food for a moment to look up at Kate. He chuckled when he saw how much she was enjoying her food.

  “Do you want me to leave you alone with the fish? I feel like the third wheel here.” Derrick laughed as Kate blushed. She put down her fork for a moment to take a sip of wine.

  “Derrick, can I ask you a question?” Kate inquired nervously, feeling anxious already at the thought of having this conversation with him, worried that she might not get the answer she wants.
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br />   “You know you can ask me anything, what are best friends for?” Derrick smiled at her, innocently. Kate cringed at the mention of “friends” again, when that was exactly what she wanted to change.

  “Well, I feel awkward even bringing this up again, but I’ve just been wondering about it for awhile. And the one time I tried to talk about it with you went kind of disastrously I think. I am just a little confused and was hoping that maybe after all this time together, we can finally talk about it.” Kate began, but then paused, fiddling with the napkin in her lap and taking another sip of wine.

  She put down the wine glass but then picked it back up and took a big gulp this time. Derrick raised his eyebrows at this, wondering what she was so nervous about asking him.

  “I don’t understand, what’s wrong?” Derrick asked, softly, seeming a bit worried.

  “No, nothing’s wrong. I just need a little clarification. Are we dating? Are we boyfriend and girlfriend? Because you keep mentioning friends, and you introduce me as “your friend”, but then you tell me you’re in love with me and we spend every waking moment together and we have been seemingly “together” for many months now.” Kate paused and sighed,

  “So, I guess I’m just trying to find some clarification. I just want to know where we are and what I mean to you.” Kate said, looking down at her plate while she talked, pushing her fish around. She let out a big exhale of air as she finished her quick and garbled speech, so eager to spill everything on her mind that she couldn’t hold back any longer.

  Derrick cleared his throat uncomfortably and took a sip of his wine, thinking about his answer before he opened his mouth. He had known that this conversation would eventually come up again, and if he was being completely honest, he was surprised it had taken this long. Most women usually push this topic onto him in the first couple weeks, but Kate had waited months. He picked up his napkin and wiped at his mouth, then replaced the napkin in his lap. He cleared his throat again and looked up at Kate, who looked even more nervous after his long pause than she did before.