Tainted Bodies

by Sarah Robinson

  “Go back to my place for tonight, Annie. You have been here for two days straight. Go get some rest. Plus you need to fix yourself up too. And shower, definitely shower, you stink.” Kate grinned at her sister.

  “Hey, hey I only stink a little. It’s the new Parisian style.” Annie joked, laughing at herself.

  “But okay, I really do need some sleep so if you are sure, I will head back to your place.”

  “Yes, please do. Oh,” Kate paused and looked embarrassed, “…is it clean? I haven’t been back since-, just uhm…is it clean?”

  “Don’t worry, Kate, I tidied everything up while you were sleeping. The police took most of the, uh, evidence? But I cleaned everything really well, you would never know what hap-,… well you would just never know.” Annie assured her, awkwardly answering Kate’s question while playing with the keys in her hands.

  “The police were there too?” Kate grimaced.

  “Kate, I really don’t understand why you don’t want to catch this guy. I think you should call the detectives and talk to them.” Annie put her things back down and sat in the chair next to her sister’s bed. Kate was quiet for a few moments, trying to find the right words.

  “Annie, look at what happened when we were kids, when I told what happened to me back then. It destroyed our lives, our family. What would come of me putting myself, or even you, through something like that again?” Kate said, looking down at her hands.

  Annie nodded understanding, not saying anything. She knew how hard it had been and how afraid she had been to tell their father what the principal at the elementary school had been doing to her. Then when she finally did, their mother hated Kate for it and left. Their father called Kate a liar and began drinking until he killed himself with alcohol. Annie understood completely why Kate didn’t want to say anything, even though she still wished she would. She sighed as she emptied her lungs and stood up.

  “Okay, Kate. I understand. That is perfectly fine and understandable, but if you do change your mind, I left the detectives card on the table. I really do hope you will consider it.” Annie kissed her sister on the forehead, then picked up all her things and left the hospital.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Kate barely had a few minutes to relax after Annie left as another knock on the door interrupted her silence. Before the knock waited for her to respond, the door swung open quickly and Derrick burst into the room in a rush.

  He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Kate, shocked as he took in her appearance. Although she looked a bit better than yesterday now that all the blood was cleaned up, she was still left with large bruises almost everywhere that had turned an assortment of different colors in the last day. The swelling in her eyes had gone down, but they were still dark with bruises and slightly puffy. Her lip was no longer swollen, but still gashed. The only tidy, normal thing about her was her thick hair braided down across her shoulder.

  “Kate.” Derrick said as he exhaled, his voice was a combination of relief and shock all wrapped together. He stayed glued in his spot, a few feet from the bed, not knowing what to do or how to take his eyes off of her. Kate blushed in embarrassment as she looked down at her hands, fidgeting. She couldn’t even imagine what he was thinking right now and the way he looked at her was like he had never met her before.

  “Hi, Derrick. I’m sorry I missed our lunch date.” She looked up trying to smile, in hopes of getting him to relax. He immediately loosened his tense posture and walked the rest of the way to her bed.

  “Are you kidding? Don’t worry about it, it’s not your fault. Kate, what happened? Are you okay?” Derrick took off his coat and sat in the chair pulled up against her bed, taking her hand in his.

  “I will be okay, the doctors say I can go home tomorrow. Just have to wait for the bruises and cuts to heal, make sure nothing gets infected, but it’s nothing serious.” Kate said, side-stepping the truth. Derrick nodded, glad that physically she was going to be fine, not noticing how little information she had actually given him.

  “What happened, Kate? Your sister said you were assaulted, were you mugged or something? When was this?” Questions seemed to fly out of his mouth in a mix of emotions. He was nervous and angry and every emotion in between.

  He wanted to know who did this so he could personally deliver the same beating back to the perpetrator. He quickly wiped those violent thoughts from his head though, as he calmed himself down. He was a lawyer, he was not a thug who resorted to violence for everything.

  “I don’t know, Derrick, it is all kind of hazy.” Kate said, staying vague. Derrick could tell that she didn’t want to talk about it or was holding something back but he was clueless as to what it could be.

  “Well, did you call the police, did they catch the guy?” Derrick asked, then he spotted a policemen’s business card on the table next to the bed on top of a piece of paper.

  “Oh, yeah you did, here is their card. Did they find him yet? What’s this paper with the-…” Derrick paused as his eyes scanned the paper under the business card.

  “Derrick! No, give me that paper, it’s private!” Kate said frantically, reaching out to try and grab the paper from his hand. But it was too late, Derrick had already read the words rape kit on the consent form and felt like his stomach had fallen to the bottom of his feet.

  “Kate, I am sorry-…I didn’t mean to read…” he stumbled awkwardly over his words as his thoughts seemed to become a jumbled mess. He stood up, still looking at her, unable to say anything. Kate nervously fiddled with her hair, unable to look him in the eyes.

  “Kate, I….I don’t know what to say.” Derrick put his hands in his pockets uncomfortably. Kate continued to look down.

  “There’s nothing to say, it is what it is.” An uncomfortable silence came between them for a few moments.

  “I am glad you came to see me.” She finally looked up at him but couldn’t figure out the expression on his clouded face.

  She reached out a hand towards his and grasped his hand gently, he pulled back hesitantly and patted her shoulder instead.

  “You know, I could only stop by for a few minutes, I have a really early meeting at work tomorrow. Is that okay? I will check in tomorrow, okay? I am really sorry, I just need to get some sleep, you know, it’s a lot to process, and I have that meeting, so I just am going to….” Derrick rambled rapidly as he grabbed his jacket, then leaned down to kiss Kate’s head but ended up kissing the air instead as he couldn’t quite seem to bring himself to make contact with her.

  He patted her shoulder again and then awkwardly backed out of the room waving, closing the door behind him. He stood in the hallway outside her door, leaning against the wall just trying to breathe and think straight.

  Kate sat there, her mouth open in surprise at how quickly Derrick had fled when he had found out the truth about what had happened to her. She dropped her face into the palm of her hands and began to cry. First it was silent tears, like how she had been crying on and off for days. But as she let go of herself more, her tears began to flood and she sobbed loudly and carelessly, emptying her soul into the puddles that dripped down her cheeks.

  She had been hurting but she had been holding herself together in hopes of seeing Derrick. Somehow she thought seeing the man that she loved would make everything better, that he would fix everything. That couldn’t have been further from the truth.

  Still standing outside, Derrick could hear Kate crying. He looked down at the floor, feeling so ashamed. He didn’t know what to do. This isn’t what he had signed up for, he had no idea how to handle situations like this. He had already been so hesitant at finally agreeing to a commitment with her for fear that she would do something to hurt him.

  And then she goes and does something like this? He thought with a flare of anger.

  Quickly, he tried to push those thoughts out of his head, knowing that this wasn’t her fault and this was just a horrible situation. He took a deep breath and started walking down the hallways until he couldn’t
hear her crying anymore.

  ~~~~

  Nurse Cindy Marie had been watching the tall, handsome gentleman when he entered Kate’s room, so when he left a few minutes later and she heard crying coming from Kate’s room, she quickly rushed in to see if everything was okay. Kate had her knees tucked up against her chest with her arms crossed on top of them and her face buried, even though her sobs could still be easily heard.

  “Honey, you okay?” She asked, grabbing some tissues for her. “That wasn’t the man who- you know…”

  “No, no, that was my boyfriend.” Kate cried uncontrollably, really letting herself experience everything she had pushed away for the last day.

  “Oh honey, shh shh…” the nurse cooed as she rubbed Kate’s arm gently and handed her more tissues, “Don’t you let any boys get to you now, honey.

  It’s not time to worry about other people, you just worry about yourself and getting better, okay? Now, you have had enough visitors for one day, you need some sleep. I am going to watch the door like a hawk and make sure no one comes in here and disturbs you, okay sweetie?” The kind nurse said, looking at her with a mixture of pity and care.

  Kate nodded as she pulled the blankets further around her and allowed the nurse to mother her for a moment. She tucked Kate in and turned off the lights, pulling the drapes to darken the room, and leaving Kate to sleep.

  “Wait!” Kate called to the nurse. Nurse Cindy Marie poked her head back into the room and flipped on the lights. She didn’t say anything, but just waited for Kate to say what she needed. Kate picked up the consent form still sitting on her side table and the pen near it. She quickly signed the form and held it out to the nurse. Nurse Cindy Marie walked into the room and over to Kate’s bed, taking the form from her.

  “I am really glad that you changed your mind.” She said simply, looking over the piece of paper, then smiling at Kate. Kate attempted a small smile in return and breathed in relief. She knew she was doing the right thing, but she just didn’t want to have to keep dealing with what happened. It was unfair that she would be responsible for helping others not be attacked by this man. She never asked for that job. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to live with herself though if another woman had to experience this because she didn’t say anything.

  Kate laid back down in her bed and quietly let her tears help her drift off to sleep as her body realized that it was overcome with exhaustion. The last thought she had before drifting off was that she hoped Derrick would really come back tomorrow.

  He had to, didn’t he? He loved her, he wouldn’t leave her because of this, would he? Her brow furrowed in worry as she drifted off. Everything was different now.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  The following morning Kate was discharged from the hospital. Annie was there to help her pack up her small bag of clothes to take back home. They loaded up her car and headed back to Kate’s apartment.

  “Thanks for picking me up, Annie. You have been really great the last few days.” Kate said, looking over at her sister in the driver’s seat.

  “Don’t worry about it, you would do the same for me. Although I hope you never have to,” Annie added as an afterthought realizing how that sounded. Kate nodded and looked out the window at the passing scenery.

  “When do you need to head home? I don’t want you to get in trouble with your work just because of me.” Kate said.

  “I told them I would be gone a week so you could have a few more days with me if needed. I’m not that easy to get rid of.” Annie chuckled and winked at her sister. Kate sighed in relief that she wouldn’t have to be alone just yet.

  “Thanks, Annie. I don’t know what to say.” Kate was so appreciative of the sacrifice her sister was making for her. The duo was silent for a little while as they continued the drive.

  “So have you heard anything else from Derrick?” Annie interrupted the quiet, wondering how the relationship was going between the couple.

  “Nothing.” Kate said firmly. She had hoped to hear from him that morning, but he didn’t call or text or show up. She had no idea what to think about that whole situation. If she was being honest, there was a part of her that was glad he was away from her right now. She had thought that seeing him would fix everything but it had done the exact opposite. She thought he could handle it, but he had only shown her otherwise.

  She didn’t want him to see her this way again, so broken and bruised. She didn’t want to be so vulnerable in his eyes and she was just so tired. Living in her own head right now took up so much energy that she didn’t think she also had time to date and be a girlfriend on top of it. She was a little happy for a few days of space, but she hoped that that was all it would be. Just a few days.

  “He will call. He seems like a good guy, I don’t think it’s going to be bad. He loves you, you know?” Annie chatted, hoping that if she said it then it would be true but she knew that Kate wasn’t as confident.

  “Yeah. I’m sure he will.” Kate said in monotone, she didn’t even believe her own words.

  “Well, the apartment is clean and I filled up the fridge. I defrosted some yummy lasagna for us that one of your coworkers dropped off. It’s vegetarian thankfully. It has cheese though so it’s not like something gross that you wouldn’t eat.” Annie realized that she was rambling at this point but she really didn’t want to drop back into any awkward silence. Kate let her talk, happy to have the distraction for the short ride back to her apartment. She had no idea how she would feel when she first walked through her front doors. She knew her sister had cleaned everything but could it ever be clean enough to erase what happened?

  It was only a few more minutes before they were circling her block looking for a parking space on the curb. Kate was hoping they wouldn’t be able to find one and they would just have to go somewhere else. Just leave and never come back.

  “Finally, that car is pulling out. Great spot too, right next to your building.” Annie said, talking about a parking spot that was opening up. Kate sighed, her dreams of running away were going to have to stay dreams.

  Annie hopped out of the car and walked around to the trunk, pulling out a few bags from the hospital. Kate pushed open her door and looked up at her apartment building. She couldn’t believe it had only been a few days and yet this place seemed like a stranger to her now. What once was home and the end of every journey, was tainted. There was no security behind the locks on her door and no comfort in the familiarity of her halls.

  “Kate? Are you coming?” Annie was holding the door open, balancing bags on her arms while looking back towards Kate still sitting in the car. Kate nodded and stood up.

  “Yeah, yeah, I am, sorry.” Kate responded, taking a deep breath and closing the car door behind her as she followed Annie into the apartment lobby and then up the stairs. A few moments later, they were standing at her front door. Annie placed the bags on the ground as she rummaged around in her purse for the key. Kate just stood behind her waiting quietly as Annie finally opened the door and walked in. Kate’s feet felt like lead and she wasn’t sure she would ever be able to pick up her feet again.

  She looked in the open doorway and down at the ground she stood on and pictured that this is where Derrick had stood for a brief few moments. And then he left. Instantly replaced by a masked man whose feet were right where she was now standing. She wondered what he was thinking when he stood here and waited for her to open the door. How brazen and confidant he must have been to knock on her door. Knock on her door and then barge his way into her life, ripping it apart in just a few horrible minutes.

  “Kate?” Annie walked back into the doorway, looking at her. Kate looked back up at her and opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out. Annie’s shoulders dropped as a sad expression crossed her face. She walked out to Kate and took both of her hands in hers.

  “Let’s do it together? Okay?” Annie whispered to her older sister. Kate just nodded and took a deep breath. She slowly allowed her sister to lead her into the apartme
nt that had plagued her dreams for several nights.

  Everything looked just like it was supposed to, as if nothing had ever happened. In fact, the place actually looked cleaner than she had ever had it before. She walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water, smiling as she felt her cat rub up against her legs while purring. She reached down and picked up the cat, pressing her tightly against her chest and burying her face in the warm fur. The purring sensation against her skin was rhythmic and comforting and Kate allowed one lone tear to slip into her cat’s fur.

  “Kate, I am going to head downstairs and get the laundry out of the dryer. Are you going to be okay for a few minutes? I will bring the key with me and lock the door behind me.” Annie asked her as she grabbed a roll of quarters out of the kitchen drawer and the keys off the counter.

  “Yeah, of course. Don’t worry about me.” Kate gestured to her that she would be fine, even though she didn’t really mean it. She wasn’t going to tell Annie that though. Annie had been bending over backwards to help her and she didn’t want to burden her more than she already was.

  Kate leaned down and placed her cat on the ground, wincing at the pain she felt, as Annie locked the door behind her and headed downstairs to the laundry room. Kate walked out of the kitchen and traveled through the rest of the apartment, starting with the living room. She walked over to the window over the fire escape where her attacker had left. She checked the lock on the window, reassuring herself that everything was completely safe. Once she had done that, she walked over to the bedroom door and leaned her right hand on the door frame.

  She didn’t know what she expected to see when she finally stepped into the bedroom. Her mind had been demonizing the room for days and when she pictured it, all she saw was the crime scene that she had left behind.

  But when she stepped into the room, all she saw was a bedroom. Her clothes were stacked where they always were. Her books were lined up on the shelf as they had been since she moved in. Even her bed was made up with clean sheets and blankets and looked like a hotel bed. If she didn’t know better, she could have thought that nothing ever had happened in this room. That no one had ever even lived in it.