by Bella Jewel
“I love Pippa, I do, but Emalie . . . fuck . . . your name is tattooed over my heart. You can’t think I’m not going to see where this goes .”
“Rainer, please. Don’t let me believe in something that’s dead.”
He steps forward, catching me in his arms. “It’s not fucking dead.”
“You were just fucking me.”
“It’s not dead, Emalie.”
“You didn’t even kiss me.”
“It’s not dead.”
He doesn’t let me respond anymore, because he drops his mouth to mine and then he’s kissing me. It’s an explosive, wild kiss. It starts off slow and desperate, then it becomes deep and frantic. I reach up, tangling my fingers into his hair and tugging desperately, crying out his name against his swollen lips. He groans and spins me around, pressing my body against the wall.
He never stops kissing me.
“Emy,” he breathes against my lips. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“This is a dream,” I whimper against him. “It has to be.”
“If I could explain my life and how it has been, you’d understand what this means to me. Having a piece of the man I lost back makes me feel like there’s hope.”
“There’s always hope, Rai Rai. I’m here now.”
And I’ll never leave. No matter what.
~*~*~*~
“What happened to you?” I ask later that night, as I’m tucked into Rainer’s arms. “I know you were dealing with bad things, but then you just disappeared. I was heartbroken.”
Rainer squeezes my shoulders and brings me closer to his chest.
“As you know, my dad left some bad debts. I thought I could clear them easily enough by helping some people out.”
“Drugs?” I whisper.
He nods. “Yeah. I knew a few people, and I figured it would be easy enough to do a few jobs and pay back the debts, but it wasn’t that easy.”
“It never is,” I mumble.
“I got in deeper and deeper, and one night I made the fatal mistake of selling the drugs to the wrong person because they offered me more money. I took the money and figured I could pay Dad’s debt off and leave with you. I was young and fucking naive. I was dealing with a bigger drug lord than I thought and he caught up with me. He gave me a timeframe to pay it back, or he’d come after you.”
I gasp. “I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t; I wanted it that way. I knew I had to protect you, so I started pulling away. I figured if I wasn’t with you anymore, he wouldn’t come after you. When the time came and I still didn’t have the money, he told me he was going to take you out. I told him you weren’t even with me anymore and that I’d get his money back. He decided then he had bigger plans. I guess he figured he wasn’t going to get his money back.”
“So he sold you?”
He nods. “Yeah, he did. He got all his men to take me down and they drugged me. When I woke, I was in the hands of a monster.”
“That’s where you met Pippa.”
“Yeah. As you know, we were paired up. It was hell, Emy—I can’t even explain it. It changed me. When I escaped, I thought my life would be so much better, but it wasn’t. Pippa was still there, and I couldn’t find her. I sunk into depression and started drinking heavily. I ended up in rehab.”
“Oh, Rai, I’m so sorry.”
“Buying the bar grounded me; it helped me fight my demons. When she came to me that night, and I saw she was alive and free, things finally started looking better for me. Not being able to find her was hell.”
“I understand that,” I admit, because I can only imagine how hard it would have been, knowing she was left behind.
“I had memory problems after returning, and when I started drinking. I know who you are, Emy, but even now I can’t remember your face from back then. I had no photos—nothing. My father’s house was raided and cleared out when I went missing.”
“I know,” I croak. “I watched it being auctioned off.”
“I’m sorry, kid. Please know that.”
“When you look at me now, do you see it?”
He’s silent a minute. “If I try really hard, I do, but my mind is a fuzzy mess. I know certain features you had, like blond hair, but you don’t now, so it’s not sparking anything. When I look into your eyes, now I know, there’s a familiarity.”
“Then how do you know I’m not an imposter?”
He chuckles. “Because you’re the only person in the world who has ever or would ever call me Rai Rai.”
I smile and nestle into him. “Yeah, that’s true.”
We fall silent. “What do we do from here, Rainer?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“You love another woman. I don’t think I can just look past that.”
“I know that, and I can’t just turn off what’s there for her, but I can tell you that I want to keep doing this. For ten years my life has been a mess, up and down, high and low—I’ve been unable to do anything right. I can’t hold relationships; I have few friends. Having you back, it makes something inside me feel like there’s hope . . .”
“There is hope, Rai Rai. We just have to find it.”
“One thing is one hundred percent sure,” he says, pressing a kiss to my hand. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.”
He adjusts the blanket around me, then says, “Tell me how your life has been. I want to know.”
“I went to college,” I say. “I didn’t end up getting very far. I was heartbroken after you left and things just weren’t working out for me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to move on.”
“That’s a shame. You are so fucking smart.”
“Anyway, I travelled a bit, dated a little, but in the end I’ve been restless for ten years. Nothing ever felt right. Then I heard you were back in town, and God, I was so scared to come and see you. I never knew why you left; I didn’t know if it was me, or if something horrible had happened. There were times I thought you were dead.”
My voice hitches and he squeezes me tighter.
“When I walked into that bar, I was so sure you’d know who I was and you looked right through me . . .”
“I’m sorry, Emalie.”
“I know you are.”
“I can’t change what happened then, but can we try and see what happens now?”
“Of course,” I whisper.
I hope I’m being one hundred percent honest, because knowing he still loves Pippa is a big problem for me.
Because I’m so in love with him.
CHAPTER TWENTY
THEN – MALI
“You said it was nearly done with!” I cry, staring at Rainer’s black eye.
“Emy, you have to trust me,” he growls. “Honestly, I’m doing the best I can.”
“You’re being beaten. What’s next, Rainer? Will you get killed?”
He flinches but he doesn’t say no. That does something inside me—it rips my chest wide open. He’s in danger, more than I’d first thought. Fear creeps up my spine and I start to tremble. “Rainer?” I breathe. “You’re in that much trouble.”
His eyes flash to mine and I know, I just know, that he most certainly is.
“Is it really worth it?” I scream. “God, Rainer, is it?”
“I have to sort this mess out, or it’ll come back here and ruin my life and yours. Trust me on that, Emalie. If I could just walk away I would, but there’s no fucking way I can. I’m in too deep.”
“So it’ll all be worth it when you get killed?” I wail.
“I won’t get killed, I—”
“You can’t promise me that, can you?”
He steps forward, extending his hand. “No!” I yell, slapping it away. “Don’t touch me, Rainer. Don’t you touch me.”
“I’m sorry, kid. I’m doing everything I can.”
“What about me?” I whisper, my voice shaky. “What about what this is doing to me?”
“I know and
I’m sorry . . .”
“I’ve barely seen you; I worry myself sick constantly. Why did you do it, Rainer? Why did you enter into this with me if you didn’t want to be here?”
He steps forward, his hands in his hair. “Because I fucking love you and want to keep you safe.”
“I’m not safe without you,” I sob. “I’m nothing without you. Can’t you see that?”
“It’ll be over soon,” he whispers.
Tears run down my cheeks as I meet his eyes. “You said that three months ago.”
“Emalie . . .”
“It’s my eighteenth birthday tomorrow,” I whisper, “and you’re not even going to be there, are you?”
His eyes flash with pain. “If I could . . .”
“Don’t finish that sentence.” I hiccup. “Just don’t. Leave, Rainer.”
“Baby, listen to me . . .”
“Leave!” I scream.
He drops his head and turns, walking out and leaving me in agony.
~*~*~*~
“Happy birthday!” everyone cheers, throwing their hands up and clapping.
I smile weakly at the mass crowd, but it’s not there and it doesn’t reach my eyes. No one can see that, though. No, these are all people from school who came along for the sake of pretending to be my friends so they could see my house and relish in my parents’ money. I don’t care for it. I don’t want anything but Rainer, and part of me hoped he would be here, but he’s not.
“How are you liking your epic party?” Kenny asks, throwing his arms around my shoulders.
“Fine,” I mumble, taking a knife and cutting the cake.
People clap and cheer again, and a Happy Eighteenth sash is thrown over my shoulders. I smile for a few cameras and then I disappear through the crowd and outside into my courtyard that thankfully, no one is in. They’re all favoring the pool. I flop down onto a bench seat and put my face in my hands.
“Hey,” Kenny says, sitting down beside me. “You okay?”
“He’s not here, Kenny,” I say and my voice cracks. “He’s into something bad and he’s not here. I never know if he’s going to come back to me, or if I’ll get the call that tells me he’s dead.”
“It’s that bad?” Kenny asks, giving me a concerned look.
I drop my head again. “Yes, I think it is. Something awful could happen to him, and I don’t know how to stop it.”
“Have you considered talking to the police?”
“No,” I whisper, rubbing my hands over my face. I’ve thought about it a million times, but when I found out about the kind of people he’s been dealing with, I realized I could put him in more danger than it’s worth. “Because that could end up being the thing that kills him.”
“Maybe you have to trust him on this one.”
My body shakes in a sob. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I love him, but how much more of this can I take of this? It’s my eighteenth, Kenny, and he’s not here.”
Kenny goes silent and just sits, rubbing my back for what seems like an age. I stop crying but keep my head hung. About fifteen minutes in, he stops rubbing and makes a gasping sound. Then he taps my shoulder. “You have a visitor.”
I lift my head and gasp when I see Rainer standing at the entrance to the courtyard. He’s wearing a pair of faded denim jeans, a black tee and boots. His hair is perfectly messy and his eyes are warm. He’s got flowers and presents in his hands. People are standing behind him, girls gasping and fanning themselves over the gesture he’s presenting to them.
Kenny stands and walks over to Rainer, patting him on the shoulder before waving his hands at the on-looking crowd. “Shoo, shoo!” he says, chasing them all away.
When they’re gone, I stand and stare over at Rainer. His eyes take in the brand new dress my mother brought me, which is black with a glitter-like sheen over it. It isn’t tight, but instead touches my feet in a long, smooth, elegant fashion. My hair is down and straight, and I’ve got a little makeup on.
“You look beautiful, Emy,” Rainer breathes, stepping forward.
“I didn’t think you were coming,” I croak.
He turns and places his armful of stuff down and then straightens, studying my face. He reaches over and strokes a tear away before it starts running down my cheek. “Baby, I’m sorry,” he murmurs, stepping even closer and wrapping his arm around my waist. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know how much more of this I can take,” I say in a shaky voice.
“Give me the night; we can talk about the rest tomorrow. Can you do that for me?”
I look into his eyes and then nod, because of course I can do that for him. I love him.
“I got you something,” he says, turning and taking a box from the pile of things he brought in.
He hands it to me and I take it with trembling hands. I open the paper slowly, tearing it apart bit by bit. When I reach the box, it’s simple and black. I gently lift the lid and gasp at the beautiful little bracelet lying in a bed of satin. I take it out and see it’s a name bracelet. The gold chain connects with a plaque-like creation that has an inscription on it. I read the top. “Rainer & Emy.” My heart aches and more tears slide down my cheeks.
“It’s beautiful, Rainer,” I croak.
“Turn it over.”
I flip it over and smile through my tears at the words on the back: “Highway to the Danger Zone”. I can’t help but laugh hoarsely. It’s our favorite song. He reaches over and takes it from my hand, gently fastening it around my wrist. “Those words are us right now. We’re on that highway and soon we’re going to reach the danger zone, but there’s light on the other side. Can you believe that, Emy?”
I look up into his eyes and nod.
He smiles.
“Good. Now dance with me, because I need you in my arms.”
As if on cue, a soft song starts to play. I look inside to see Kenny giving me the thumbs up, and I laugh. Rainer wraps his arms around my body, and I put mine up around his neck. Then we stand there, swaying to the music, creating a memory that isn’t tarnished by the horror of our lives right now. It’s a memory I’ll hold onto for the rest of my life.
Because it’s the last good one I’ll have.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
NOW – MALI
“Wait, let me get this straight. You’re Emy?” Belle gasps.
I place a coffee down in front of her, and nod. Then my eyes flick towards Pippa, who is staring at her hands.
“I’m sorry, Pippa,” I say. “I know I should have said something, but I was afraid.”
She looks up at me, and she looks tired. I heard her and Tyke made up, but she still appears exhausted. I can understand that. It’s been a crazy night.
“No, I’m sorry. It must have hurt so much seeing us together and hearing what I said . . .”
I shrug. “It was the truth.”
It still is.
Our eyes meet, and I know she knows it. She knows Rainer is in love with her, and I can see by the sympathetic look she’s giving me that she knows it too.
“What are you going to do from here?”
I glance away. “I honestly don’t know. Rainer wants to be in my life, but there’s a lot to overcome before we can get any further together.”
“Yeah,” Pippa agrees. “It’ll be a tough one, but I’m glad he’s got you back.”
“It’s kind of romantic,” Belle says, smiling at me. “And it totally makes sense now why you looked so hurt the night I met you.”
“He didn’t recognize me,” I tell her. “It wasn’t pleasant.”
“I’m sorry,” Pippa says again. “That would have hurt.”
I shrug. “Never mind. What’s done is done.”
“Are you coming to his fight tonight?” Belle asks, sipping her coffee and groaning with delight.
“Yeah.” I nod. “I am. He invited me.”
“You could be good for him, Emalie,” Pippa says. “I hope he realizes that. Rainer deserves someone who loves him so much.�
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“And love him I do.” I sigh. “No matter how hard it’s been. Anyway, I better get back to it. I’ll see you both tonight.”
“See you!” they both call.
I turn and get back to work. Pippa and Belle leave about an hour later, and I go on my break. I’m working all day, then I’ve got Rainer’s fight tonight. I haven’t heard from him since last night, but I’m sure that he’ll contact me. I don’t know where our relationship will go from here, but I know Rainer wants me in his life.
I just don’t know if I can be in it as only a friend.
~*~*~*~
Blow after blow is delivered to Rainer’s opponent’s face. He’s on fire tonight, looking like a god in the fighting ring. His entire body is wound up, sweating, and he’s like a panther stalking his prey. He moves around the ring with an ease so many fighters lack. He’s smooth and careful, every move precise. His opponent is smaller than him, but a lot quicker. That doesn’t stop Rainer, though. He fights as if he was born to do it.
Maybe he was.
My entire body is heating quicker and quicker the more I stand here watching him. I want to take him out back and fuck him so hard we both scream. He’s only on round two, and they have a few more left to go. It feels like it’s going to take forever, and I want him right now. I squirm in my spot amongst the screaming crowd, and I know my panties are wet.
They’re soaking for him.
For what seems like hours they fight, and then finally Rainer knocks him out cold. The crowd erupts in a cheer, and I keep my eyes on Rainer as he turns and puts a hand up. Then his eyes scan the crowd. I expect them to move straight past me, as they did last time, but instead they stop on me and the lust burning in their depths has me moving towards the locker room with speed.
I reach it and fling it open just in time to see Rainer charging in. Our eyes meet, his chest is rising and falling with pants, and I don’t wait. I run towards him, heels clicking, and hair flying. He catches me when I throw myself at him and our mouths smash together. He grunts and slams my back against the wall. His body is wound up, his muscles big and bulging, a fine sheen of sweat covering them, and I can’t get enough.
I kiss his sweaty mouth, and I don’t care. I love how he tastes. So masculine—so manly. He grips my ass and grinds my wet pussy against his belly. God, I’m so ready for him, so ready for his cock inside me. “Rainer,” I gasp, leaning down and biting his shoulder. He growls, low and deep, and jerks my dress aside so he can reach between us and put his finger inside my panties.