Can't Go Back

by Marie Meyer

  Then he’d done what I’d least expected…he’d pushed me away. I’d searched his face for an explanation. He, more than anyone, knew what it had taken for me to put myself out there, and he’d pushed me away. Spouting some bullshit about our timing being all wrong, how a long-distance relationship wouldn’t work, he insisted that I was nothing more than his friend. His rejection hurt worse than any of the cuts I’d inflicted upon myself in past years. But he was my best friend; I needed him far too much to have our relationship end badly and lose him forever. Regardless of his excuses, in retrospect, I was glad I wouldn’t fall victim to his usual love-’em-and-leave-’em pattern. Griffin was never with one girl for more than a couple of months; then he was on to the next. That would have killed me. So I picked up what was left of my pride, buried my feelings, and vowed not to blur the lines of our friendship again.

  Climbing the steps to the porch, I looked back at him before going into the house. Griffin had gone to work wheeling his bike onto the trailer. His biceps strained beneath the plain white T he wore. I bit my bottom lip and cursed. “Damn it, Jillian. Stop torturing yourself.” Groaning, I reached for the doorknob.

  “Hey, Jennifer, we’re leaving,” I said, grabbing my car keys from the island in the middle of the kitchen. She sat at the kitchen table poring over cookbooks that helped her sneak vegetables into the twins’ meals. Poor boys, they didn’t stand a chance. Jennifer fought dirty…she always had.

  “It’s about time.” She turned a page of her cookbook, not even bothering to lift her eyes.

  “What? No good-bye? This is it, the day you’ve been waiting for since I moved in. I thought you’d be at the door cheering.”

  Usually I was more reserved with my comments, but today I felt brave. Maybe moving to Rhode Island and going to design school was giving me the extra backbone I’d lacked for the last twelve years. Or maybe it was just the fact that I didn’t have to face her any longer. Judging from the look on Jennifer’s face, my mouthy comments surprised her as well. She stood up from the table, tucked a piece of her shoulder-length blond hair behind her ear, and took a small step in my direction. Her mannerisms and the way she carried herself sparked a memory of my mother. As Jennifer got older, that happened more often, and a pang of sadness clenched my heart. Where I’d gotten Dad’s lighter hair and pale complexion, Jennifer had Mom’s coloring: dark-blond hair, olive skin. But neither of us had gotten Mom’s gorgeous blue eyes. The twins had ended up with those.

  With the couple of features Jennifer shared with Mom, though, their similarities ended. When Mom smiled, it had been kind and inviting. Jennifer never smiled. She was rigid, harsh, and distant. Nothing like Mom.

  Jennifer curled her spray-tanned arms around my back. I braced for the impact. Jennifer wasn’t affectionate, especially with me, so I knew something hurtful was in store. I held perfectly still as she drew me close to her chest. The sweet, fruity scent of sweet pea blossoms—Jennifer’s favorite perfume—invaded my senses. For such a light, cheery fragrance, it always managed to weigh heavily, giving me a headache.

  Jennifer pressed her lips to my ear and whispered, “Such a shame Mom and Dad aren’t here to see you off. I’m sure they would have told you good-bye.” She slid her hands to my shoulders and placed a small kiss on my cheek.

  And there it was. The dagger through my heart. Mom and Dad. She knew they were my kryptonite. For the second time in less than an hour, I felt acidic drops of guilt leaking from my heart and circulating through my body. But what burned more than the guilt was the fact that she was right. It was a shame they weren’t here. And I had no one to blame but myself.

  I held my breath while my eyes welled up. Not today, Jillian. You will not cry. I refused to give her the satisfaction. I stood up taller, giving myself a good two inches on her, and swallowed the lump forming in my throat. She was not going to ruin this day. The day I’d worked so hard to achieve.

  “Ready to go?” Griffin said, coming around the corner. “The boys are waiting by the door to say good-bye.”

  Jennifer stepped away from me and gave Griffin a disgusted once-over. “And yet another reason why I’m glad Jillian decided to go away to school,” she said. “At least I get a respite from the white trash walking through my front door.” Piercing me with an icy stare, she continued, “With the endless parade of women he flaunts in front of you, the tattoos, the music”—she scowled—“I’ve never understood the hold he has on you, Jillian.” She stifled a laugh. “Pathetic, if you ask me.”

  Griffin took a step in her direction. “Excuse me?” he growled, his expression darkening. I knew he wouldn’t hurt her, but he was damn good at intimidating her. He wasn’t the little boy who lived next door anymore. He’d grown up. With his deep voice and considerable size, he towered over her, the muscles in his arms flexing.

  She shuffled backward. “Just go.” With a dismissive flick of her wrist, she sat back down at the table.

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought, all bark and no bite.” Griffin pulled on my arm. “Come on, Bean. You don’t have to put up with her shit anymore.”

  I glanced back at Jennifer; she’d already gone back to her broccoli-laced brownie recipe. Griffin was right; I wouldn’t have to put up with her shit while I was away. But he was wrong about her bite. When he wasn’t around to back her down, she relished the chance to sink her teeth into me. It hurt like hell when she latched on and wouldn’t let go.

  We walked down the hallway. Michael and Mitchell were waiting by the door. “I need big hugs, boys,” I said, bending down and opening my arms wide. “This hug has to last me until December, so make it a good one.” Both of them stepped into my embrace and I held on to them tightly. “You two be good for your mommy and daddy,” I said.

  “We will,” they replied.

  I let go and they smiled. “I love you both.”

  “Love you, Aunt Jillian,” they said.

  “Now go find your mom. She’s in the kitchen.” Knowing the boys’ penchant for sneaking out of the house, I wanted to be sure their mother had them corralled before Griffin and I left.

  I stood back up and looked into Griffin’s dark eyes. “I’m ready.” I tossed him the keys.

  “I’m the chauffeur, huh?” Griffin smirked, pulling his eyebrow up. He opened the door for me and I stepped out onto the porch.

  “You get the first nine hours; I’ll take the backside.” This time he gave me a full smile. What would I do without him? On the porch I froze. It finally hit me. What would I do without him? Sure, I wanted out of Jennifer’s house, but at what expense? Couldn’t I just go to the junior college like Griff and get my own apartment? Why had I made the decision to go to school eleven hundred miles away? How could I leave him—my best friend?

  The lump in my throat had come back but I forced the words out anyway. “Griff…” I sounded like a damn croaking frog.

  Griffin wrapped his arms around me. “Yeah?”

  “Why am I doing this?”

  “What do you mean? This is all you’ve talked about since you got the scholarship.”

  “I know.” I sniffled. “But I don’t know if I can do this. We’ll be so far apart.”

  “Uh-uh. Stop that right now. I am not about to let you throw away the opportunity of a lifetime just because we won’t see each other as often. You’re too talented for Glen Carbon, Illinois, and you know it. Now go, get your ass in the car.” With his hand he popped me on the backside, just to get his point across.

  I jumped, not having expected his hand on my ass. My heart skipped and my cheeks flushed. “Hey!” I swatted his hand away.

  “Get in the car, Jillian.”

  Damn, I already miss him.

  Acknowledgments

  All thanks and praise to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, through whom all things are possible.

  I finished book two. Wow! If it weren’t for the love and support of my family, I wouldn’t have gotten through the first draft of this novel. Thank you! Love and hugs, Boo and Re
eShee!! And a special thank you to my husband for answering all my questions about the bass and guitar, and even patiently trying to teach me how to play the bass. I suck. I know. I’ll stick to playing the piano!

  Endless thanks to my amazing agent, Louise Fury. I’m so grateful to have you in my corner, championing my stories, and helping me grow as a writer with each new book. Working with you is a dream come true!

  I’m also thankful for Team Fury, especially Lady Lioness. Once again, thank you for all your help and splendid ideas. I do a happy dance when my inbox pings with an edit letter from you! Infinite thanks!

  To my brilliant editor, Megha Parekh, at Grand Central Publishing. I love working with you. Your insightful edits push me to be a better writer. Thank you for all you do to help my books land in the hands of readers!

  My publicist, Fareeda Bullert, thank you for answering all my questions and leading readers to Across the Distance and Can’t Go Back. I’m extremely grateful.

  To my cover designer, Elizabeth Turner, for giving Jillian and Griffin their faces. Across the Distance and Can’t Go Back are beautiful, and I love them! Thank you!

  And to the rest of my publication team at Forever Yours, your tireless dedication to Can’t Go Back means so much. Thank you for helping make AtD and CGB the best they can be.

  NAC: Marnee Blake, Diana Gardin, Ara Grigorian, Amanda Heger, Sophia Henry, Jamie Howard, Kate L. Mary, Laura Salters, Annika Sharma, Jessica Ruddick, and Meredith Tate, you are all phenomenal! From Facebook parties to endless comment threads, I love hanging out with you ladies and Yoda. My dear friends, thank you for everything you do to support me! I love our group!!

  SS Crew: Heather Brewer, Cole Gibsen, Emily Hall, Sarah Jude, Jamie Krakover, Shawntelle Madison, L.S. Murphy, and Heather Reid, thank you for helping this newbie out! I love you all dearly!

  And a huge THANK YOU to the readers and bloggers who read, promoted, reviewed, and loved Jillian and Griffin!! Thank you for dedicating your time to reading my stories and telling others about my books. I can’t wait to share more stories with you!!

  Also by Marie Meyer

  Across the Distance

  About the Author

  Marie Meyer was a language arts teacher for fourteen years. She spends her days in the classroom and her nights writing heartfelt new adult romances that leave readers clamoring for more. She is a member of RWA and the St. Louis Writers Guild. Marie’s short fiction won honorable mentions from the St. Louis Writers Guild in 2010 and 2011. She is a proud mommy and enjoys helping her oldest daughter train for the Special Olympics, making up silly stories with her youngest daughter, and bingeing on weeks of DVR’d television shows with her husband.

  Learn more at:

  MarieMeyer.com

  Twitter, @MarieMwrites

  Facebook.com/MarieMeyerBooks

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  There’s a drawer I never open. It holds a picture I never look at. It reminds me of a day I hate to remember, but I’ll never forget.

  I’d give anything to be like the other girls on campus. Going to parties, flirting with boys, planning for a future. But that’s not me. And hasn’t been since the day my parents died. The only thing that got me through was Griffin. Even though I didn’t have my family, I always had him. Only now I’m not so sure I do.

  It’s not just the eleven hundred miles separating us now that I’m at college. Or his band finally taking off, and all the gigs and girls suddenly demanding his time. It’s as if everything is different—the way we talk, the way we text…the way he looks at me and the way those looks make me feel.

  * * *

  Their passion burned hotter than the stars…

  For Josephine “Jo” Kramer, nothing has ever been easy. When she earns a summer internship in Puerto Rico, working at one of the world’s preeminent scientific facilities, she’ll let nothing distract her. Not her own insecurities, not the arrogant scientists, and definitely not her tall, chiseled research partner, Adam.

  For Adam McCay, physics is simple—it’s women who are complicated. Especially brilliant, beautiful ones like Jo. From the moment they meet, he can feel the heat smoldering deep beneath her icy exterior. And Adam knows just what it will take to make Jo melt…

  Under the endless stars of a tropical sky, Jo and Adam indulge their every desire. But as their internship comes to an end, their perfect island paradise is threatened. Was their time together a summer fling? Or is their passion hot enough to last the long winter nights?

  * * *

  You can follow the rules or you can follow your heart…

  THE MOMENT OF LETTING GO

  Sienna Murphy never does anything without a plan. And so far her plans have been working. Right after college she got a prestigious job and gained the stability she’d always craved—until work takes her to the sun-drenched shores of Oahu and places her in the path of sexy surfer Luke Everett. For the first time, she lets her heart take control. Drawn to his carefree charm, she makes a spontaneous and very un-Sienna-like decision to drop everything and stay in Hawaii for two more weeks.

  Luke lives fast and wild. When he meets Sienna, he’s convinced that some no-strings-attached fun is just what she needs. As their nights quickly turn from playful to passionate, Luke can’t deny the deep connection he feels. But there’s a reason Luke doesn’t do long-term. He can’t promise Sienna forever, when the enormity of his past has shown him just how fragile the future can be…

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  Contents

  Title Page

  Welcome

  Dedication

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Epilogue

  An Excerpt from ACROSS THE DISTANCE

  Acknowledgments

  Also by Marie Meyer

  About the Author

  You Might Also Like…

  Newsletters

  Copyright

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  Copyright © 2015 by Marie Meyer

  Excerpt from Across the Distance copyright © 2015 by Marie Meyer

  Cover design by Elizabeth Turner

  Cover copyright © 2015 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.

  All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part
of this book without the permission of the publisher constitutes unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

  Forever Yours

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  First ebook and print on demand edition: August 2015

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  ISBN 978-1-4555-9018-6 (ebook edition)

  ISBN 978-1-4555-9097-1 (print on demand edition)

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